| Chapter 7 All day long, Paula seemed distraught. She loomed around the house as the storm clouds loomed out. I was worried for her. Yet she did not tell me but her portrait project she did was of me. I was so pleased I didn�t know what to say. She was extremely talented. She�d changed a lot sense she�d arrived. Although I have too. My once dark and deceptive emotions for the world have been tamed and what I thought I would never find again, I have I don�t know what to do. I love Paula, but I feel as if Satine is waiting for me up there somewhere and when I do reach her, if ever, what will I do then? I can�t very well love both of them. I needed to let myself relax. As I sat on the balcony and let the wind blow, I took a drag on my cigarette and watched the clouds approach with a thunderous roar. �Everybody�s got something, they had to leave behind, One regret from yesterday, that just seems to grow with time, There�s no use looking back, oh wondering, How it could be now, oh might have been, Oh this I know, but still I can�t find ways to let you go, I never had a dream come true Till the day that I found you Even though I pretend that I�ve moved on You�ll always be my baby, I never found the words to say You�re the one I think about each day And I know no matter where life takes me to A part of me will always be with you. Somewhere in my memory I�ve lost all sense of time, And tomorrow can never be cos yesterday is all that fills my mind, There�s no use looking back, oh wondering How it should be now, oh might have been Oh this I know but still I can�t find ways to let you go, I never had a dream come true Till the day that I found you Even though I pretend that I�ve moved on You�ll always be my baby, I never found the words to say You�re the one I think about each day And I know no matter where life takes me to A part of me will always be You�ll always be the dream that fills my head Yes you will, say you will, you know you will oh baby, You�ll always be the one I know I�ll never forget, There�s no use looking back oh wondering, Because love is a strange and funny thing, No matter how I try, I try I just can�t say goodbye, no no no no, I never had a dream come true Till the day that I found you Even though I pretend that I�ve moved on You�ll always be my baby, I never found the words to say, You�re the one I think about each day, And I know no matter where life takes me to A part of me will always be with you. A part of me will always be with you, oooohhh.� I sang, I guess that was the way I felt. I�d always have Satine and yesterday, but I can�t pretend to move on, I either stay or I go. I have to make up my mind. �Christian?� I heard suddenly and I knew. I needed to move on. Paula was now, and I�d never forget Satine and she�ll always be my once in a life time but Paula was now. �Out here!� I called throwing my cigarette and jumping from the wall. �I�m going to go for a walk, do you want to come?� �No, I�ll stay.� I smiled and she left. A few minutes later the winds grew harder and the rain came down in waves. When Paula did not return I grew very worried, I had to go after her. *I was soaking wet and I couldn�t see anything through these sheets of rain. I tried my best to stay on the sidewalk but I couldn�t even tell if I was going in the right direction. Cars were zooming past me and winds were pushing me; I didn�t know what to do. �PAULA! PAULA ARE YOU THERE?� I heard someone call. �Christian is that you?� I called back. �YES! SWEET FOLLOW MY VOICE! WHERE ARE YOU?� �I DON�T KNOW!� *I couldn�t find her through the mess. I searched as hard as I could and could not see her. There she was. Just a few feet more than 10 yards. I ran to her as quickly as I could but I saw something she did not. As the rain slowed me down it did not the cars. �PAULA MOVE! PAULA MOVE!� I screamed as I tried to reach her faster. But she could not hear me. The car was heading for her head on and it wasn�t slowing down. �PAULA!� I screamed as I grabbed her arms and pushed her out of the way. With her in just as much shock as I was I couldn�t believe what just happened. However I was not as lucky. As I pushed her the car hit me. But what I could not understand is why I felt it. Why did I go flying across the street as I rolled off the hood? Suddenly I was cold so cold. I tried to stand but couldn�t. I could hear Paula crying and running toward me, but it was no use. I felt weaker and weaker. With a huge smile she came to my side and held my hands touched my face as I tried to calm her. �Christian, how did you save me? How? Are you hurt? Please get up!� She cried. �Paula.� I whispered. It was time I could feel it. �Paula, that was it.� I said. �What are you talking about?� �Love, I needed to find love again and make myself admit that life could have gone on if I had just let it. It�s time for me to go now.� I whispered. �But what are you talking about. I can feel you you�re alive. You can stay now! Please.� She cried. �After I say goodbye I�ll be gone.� I told her. �Then don�t say goodbye please?� �Thank you for letting me love you. I hope you know that. I would have not made it through another decade if I hadn�t met you. Paula carry on ok? I love you so much, we will see each other again. I promise.� �You also promised you�d never leave me!� she shouted in a sob. �I�ll always be in your heart.� I placed my hand on her chest where I could feel her heart beating. Paula inhaled deeply. �No, call me selfish or what ever you want but please I want you to stay. Christian please?� �It�s not up to me. Please don�t you understand?� Leaning my forehead against hers I closed my eyes and pulled her mouth to mine. It was warm and welcoming and a taste I had never experienced. Softly pulling away I kissed the tip of her nose and slowly stood. I could feel myself getting lighter. �Christian!� She whispered loudly taking her lips to mine once more. �Goodbye.� I mumbled as I walked toward the light behind me. �CHRISTIAN!� She cried I turned back as she ran toward me and wrapped her arms around me. �I love you.� She whispered. Just hearing those words made me cry as well. Now I too regretted leaving. One last time I took her chin and looked into her eyes. Remembering every detail of her I closed my lips around hers and passionately said, �Forever in your heart, my heart is there. I love you.� Turning finally I walked into the light as it engulfed my being completely. |