Sailor moon Alternate Universe

An SM MSTing

Original story by: Donna Ann Lee

MSTing by: M. H. Torringjan

	I don't own MST3K.  Best Brains does.  I don't own Sailor Moon.  Naoko 
Takeuchi does.  I made up Michelle.  I donm't own any of the products mentioned during 
the course of this MSTing, except for the ones that I do (none).  Their respective creators 
do.  now, on with the story!

Roll season X credits

	The scene opens to the bridge, where the lights are dimmed.  Mike comes on-
camera wearing a tux-jumper.  "Welcome to the Satellite of Love, everyone," he says.  
"You're just in time to hear our poetry readings!"  Tom comes on-screen, holding a piece 
of paper.
	"This poem is entitled, 'Musing in Words'..."

"Poetry
Is only a way
For one to say things
That one doesn't want to say in plain words.
So we use
Flowery language.
Metaphors and similes
And all sorts of literary devices, in the hope we will be heard.
Why can't we just say
I love you
I hate you
I'm sad
I'm happy
I'm angry
I'm scared
Without a poet's exccess?  After all-
Underneath those shadowy, huge
Things that the poets describe
Are just plain feelings.
We hide ourselves in language.
Are we so afraid to use words?"

As Tom finishes, the others clap and snap their fingers.  Next up is Crow.
	"My poem is entitled, 'What shall I do?'..."

"What shall I do?"

	As Crow takes his seat, Mike, Michelle and Tom facefault.
	"It took you five hours to write that?" Michelle asks.
	"One needs perfection in these sorts of things," Crow says.  Just then, the red 
Mad's Light begins flashing.  The lights turn up and Mike preses the button.

Deep 13
	"Well, everyone, Frank STILL hasn't been found," Forrester says.  "So, I've got 
the replacement here, Miss Aeris!"

	"Didn't she die?" Tom asks.

	"Well, let's just put it this way," Forrester says, "If I can cheat death as many times 
as I have with bringing Frank back to life, I think that I can get him to give up one little 
Cetra.  Anyway, we decided that a cool thing for us to do would be to form a band!  Then, 
we couldsend our messages all across the world!  Finally, recognition for my beliefs!  
Let's give them a sample!  One, two, one, two, three..."
	The two start playing, Forrester on guitar and Aeris on drums.  It sounds like a 
rendition of the 1812 Overture on electric guitar and drums.  Then, Forrester starts singing 
out-of key (we think, we hope).

"It sounds like our world isn't coming to much
with the leaders of today
How about bowing down to me?
It would all work out..."

	Five minutes later, Forrester and Aeris stop playing and Forrester looks at the 
camera.  "So, what did you think?"  Various sounds of wretching erupt from the other side 
of the channel.   " Well, if that's your opinion, then I'll just put you guys in the theatre with 
an incoherant little piece called, 'Sailor Moon Alternate Universe'.  It's not quite Dr. 
Thinker incoherant, but it's pretty damn bad."

SoL
	"Well, that doesn't sound too bad," Michelle says.  "By the way, who's Dr. 
Thinker?"
	"Four words," Mike says, "'Out pooped Sailor Mercury.'"  Then, Fanfic Sign 
went off, sending them jogging into the theatre.

Door 6: It's a curtain of peace beads.  You push them out of the way and get a whiff of 
marijuana smoke as you pass through.

Door 5: It opens from the center, spiralling outward.

Door 4: It's a castle moat.  The gate falls and misses your feet by inches.

Door 3: It's a wall of bone.  You break it down, only to have it rebuilt by an invisible 
force.  You decide to go around it instead.

Door 2: It's in the shape of a heart.  You board a small ship and ride it through the door.

Door 1: It's a vault door.  The center ring swirls and the door opens easily.

	Everyone takes their seats and wait for the fic to begin.

>Sailor Moon Alternate Universe Fan Fiction Story Part 1
>One warm summer day 2 year old Kaila Worthington's parents died in an accident.  She 
>is put in an orphanage since they can't find any known relatives.

Tom: My, but this story does sound familiar!

>    Six years later 8 year old Kaila is still in an orphanage with no memory of  her parents 
>or the first 2 years of her life.  She doesn't even remember where she came from.
>    Darrien does visit the kids in the orphanage everyday.

Crow: Really?  Does he?
Mike: Lame, Crow...
Tom: Okay, the votes are in!  The author has set a new world record for losing the 
audience's interest!

>Kaila enjoys spending time with him since he understands what it's like to not know 
>where he came from.
>    Darrien also enjoys spending time with Kaila.

Crow: *Really* enjoys it!
Michelle: Oh, God!  Chibi-Usa Loses her Virginity flashbacks!

>    Sarena knows all about Darrien's visits to the orphanage.

Michelle: The problem is, at this point in the story, she doesn't care!

>    After the 4 Sailor Scouts Sailor Moon, Sailor Mercury, Sailor Mars, and Sailor Jupiter 
>are rescued by the 5th Sailor Scout Sailor Venus Zoisite challenges Darrien to a duel in his 
>apartment on the T.V. Screen,

Tom: (lady) Darien who is that on the screen?  It's a peeping Tom!
Michelle: Uuuh, Tom?
Tom: I didn't mean it that way!

>and tells him to bring the rainbow crystals to the Starlight Tower at 5:00.
>    When he does start walking down the street Sarena, and Kaila see him going down the 
>street.  They go up to him, and see the blood coming out of his shoulder.

Michelle: That's what'll happen when you play around with your razor blade!

>They notice his injury, and become concerned about him.  They tell him that he should go 
>see a doctor.  He tells them that he will be okay, and walks on toward the tower.  They 
>follow him since they are worried about him.

Mike: To recap, this is exactly the same as episode 30 (american dub).
Tom: I'm wondering who's going to sue this person for plagiarism...

>When he gets closer to the tower they all got caught in some strange force field, and 
>carried into the tower where Zoisite was waiting.  Sarena fainted, and was laying down 
>on the ground.  Kaila just stood there, and watched what was going on.

Crow: ...and was pretty much a load in any other way that she thought she could be.

>Darrien asked Zoisite to return Serena, and Kaila to a safe place.  Zoisite told him to put 
>his 2 rainbow crystals down.  He did that after she put her 5 rainbow crystals sown. 

Mike: What ever happened to dialogue?

>    Right after they both got away from it, Malachite appeared, and took all of them.  
>Darrien had been tricked.  He threw a rose at Malachite, but he vanished.

Tom: (Darrien) No, Malachite!  It was just to say, "I love you!"

>The rose hit Zoisite's cheek, and cut it.  She got very upset.  Sarena recovered and saw 
>Zoisite.  Kaila told her what she had seen so far, and that she didn't understand what was 
>going on since Sarena didn't know what was going on.  Zoisite vanished, and told 
>Darrien to come meet her on the top floor.

Michelle: Not in those exact words, though...

>    At that moment the ceiling started to collapse.  Darrien, Sarena, and Kaila tried to run 
>away.  They all made it to the elevator, just before the floor caved in.

Crow: Damn!  We almost killed the most annoying character on the show!

>But the elevator was also a trap.  it slowly carried them up towards the top floor.
>    Meanwhile at Raye's temple Raye, Amy, Lita, and Luna were waiting for Sarena.

Mike: Last time on, "Sailor Moon Alternate Universe"...

>They found out that Sarena wasn't at school or home.  Luna couldn't reach her with the 
>communicator either.  Then a junior high school girl with blond hair came by.  They 
>didn't recognize her.  But it was Sailor Venus in her normal identity as Mina.  Mina told 
>them that she felt bad vibes when she passed the Starlight Tower, and that they should 
>check it out.

Tom: Spidey Senses, never leave home without them!

>    When the Sailor Scouts arrived at the tower Sailor Mercury used her computer [face 
>mask] and spotted Sarena, Kaila, and Darrien inside in the elevator.

Crow: (Mercury) There they are... What are they doing?!?!

>She also noticed that all of the entrances were locked up.  Then Sailor Jupiter blasted a 
>hole in the door.

Mike: How conveeeenient!

>    Inside the elevator, Sarena, and Kaila ask Darrien why he needed the silver crystal.  

Crow: It has to do with ransom for a certain pink-haired little girl.

>Darrien said that his parents died in a car accident when he was six years old.  Darrien 
>was hurt and lost his memory.  He still didn't know who he really was.  But had a 
>reoccurring dream.

Michelle: A dream in which he was falling...
Tom: (Darien) Please hit the ground, please hit the ground, please hit the ground...

>a princess with long hair asked him for the silver crystal,  which would solve all of his 
>problems.  Sarena said that she had hated Darrien more than anyone else in the world.  

Michelle: She hates him more than the Nega-verse?
Crow: Man, that's a real blow to a guy's sex-drive!

>she said that she would put him second now.

Mike: Second to what? Teletubbies?
Tom: Barney?
Michelle: Ed Wood films?
Crow: Oscar?

>Darrien said thanks.  Sarena noticed that Darrien looked a lot like Tuxedo Mask.  But she 
>quickly thought that could never be true. 

Michelle: Well, obviously not!  How could a guy as dorky as that...  Wait a minute...

>    Malachite turned out all of the lights in Tokyo.  The Tower turned into the dark 
>kingdoms hideout.
>    Zoisite was above the elevator.

Tom: (Zoicite) Hey, Mal!  I bet that I can snicker snag on their heads from up here!

>She created a fireball and sent it down toward Darrien, Sarena, and Kaila.  Darrien, 
>Sarena, and Kaila see the fireball coming at them Sarena thought," If I turn into Sailor 
>moon they will know my identity.  But if I don't we will die."

All: Commercial break!

>    Sarena transformed into Sailor Moon.  Darrien, and Kaila see the transformation, and 
>can't believe it.
>    When the fire reached the elevator and created an explosion, Zoisite thought that 
>Darrien had died.

Mike: We could only wish...

>She said, "I will have to tell Queen Beryl that Darrien died in an accident."

Crow: No, he was created in an accident.  He died in a victory for mankind everywhere...

>    But Sailor Moon appeared and said that he didn't.  When Zoisite mentioned Tuxedo 
>Mask, Sailor moon said that Tuxedo Mask wasn't anywhere around.  Then Darrien said 
>that he was.  To Sailor Moon's, and Kaila's shock Darrien turned himself into Tuxedo 
>Mask.  Then Sailor Moon remembered about some of her past encounters with Darrien.

Michelle: Any deviations from the actual episode's plot yet?
Tom: Not really.  Just the addition of that annoying little girl.

>    Tuxedo Mask said, "Sailor moon leave it to me.  This is my fight.  I will protect you 
>and Kaila."

Mike: He's actually going to do something besides be a load that throws roses?

>    Tuxedo Mask went to face Zoisite.  Zoisite said, "Let's settle it.
>    Tuxedo Mask said," Ok but leave Sailor Moon, and Kaila alone."
>    Zoisite agreed, and laughed.

Crow: It was a laugh of pure insanity...

>Zoisite released a crystal spear at Sailor Moon from behind her.  She thought that she had 
>finally killed Sailor Moon.  But since Kaila was already in front of her she saw it coming 
>and put herself between the spear, and Sailor Moon behind her right away.

Tom: All right, that's one annoying character out of the way!

>    Before Tuxedo Mask had a chance to put himself between Kaila, and the spear it hit 
>her, and she fell to the ground right before him, and Sailor Moon.
>    Then the Sailor Scouts arrived at the scene.

Crow: All right, guys!  You seem to be a couple of DAYS late for the whole fic!

>    Zoisite tries again but Tuxedo Mask takes Sailor Moon, and jumps out of the way of 
>the spear.
>    Tuxedo Mask, and Sailor Moon  go over to Kaila.  Kaila looks at them, and said," I 
>would have never guessed your identities."

Mike: That's everybody's reaction.  What makes you so special?

>    Tuxedo Mask takes Kaila  by the hand, and tells her that it will be okay after seeing the 
>tears in her eyes.
>    Kaila closes her eyes, and goes unconscious.  Sailor Moon sees Zoisite come after her 
>with a crystal spear, and moves out of the way.  Tuxedo Mask sees the spear and uses his  
>rose on it, and it scatters all over the place.  He passes out.

Crow: And, there's a crosover with episode 45!

>    Sailor Moon began to cry because she didn't know if Kaila, and Tuxedo Mask were 
>going to be okay.  When her tear came out the rainbow crystals that Malachite was 
>looking at floated off toward Sailor Moon.

All: Incoming!

>The rainbow crystals gathered at Sailor Moon's tear.  It finally formed the silver crystal.  
>The silver crystal took its place in the moon stick.

Mike: Amazingly enough, the Moon Wand is out-acting everyone else!

>The Sailor Scouts just watched.  They didn't know what was going on.  Then Sailor 
>Moon turns into the princess.
>    All of the Sailor Scouts were shocked.  Zoisite tried to kill the princess but Princess 
>Sarena blasted her, and she died instantly.

Tom: Not if DiC has anything to say about it!

>    The injured Tuxedo Mask, and the injured Kaila were on Princess Sarena's lap.

Crow: Okay, Darien's got an easy shot at making this story interesting somehow, turn the 
head over and start licking!
Mike and Michelle: (Duct tape Crow's mouth shut)

>Tuxedo Mask, and Kaila had just come around, and just opened there eyes.
>    Princess Sarena started remembering about her past as the moon princess, and how 
>Darrien was the prince of the Earth, and that they were engaged to get married, and told 
>everyone what she is remembering.

Tom: Then, she went on to explain, in detail, the wedding plans, their honeymoon suite, 
the activities that they had that night, and their lifetime plans.

>    Tuxedo Mask reached out, and took Princess Sarena's hand as well as Kaila's hand 
>with his other hand. 

Mike: (announcer) The new heavyweight champion of the world!

>    Princess Sarena transforms back into Sailor Moon.
>    Luna, and Artemis the guardian cats. remember now to.
>    Darrien, and Kaila also remember their past.  Kaila doesn't remember all of her past but 
>she does remember most of it.

Michelle: And this matters *because*... SHE'S A FRICKIN' EARTH HUMAN, 
OTHERWISE WE WOULD HAVE HEARD SOMETHING FROM LUNA AND 
ARTEMIS EARLIER ON!!!(tries to catch breath)
Mike: Good rant.  I'll give it an 8.9
Tom: 9.0
Crow: 10!

>    Sailor Moon explains that Kaila was an orphan that Darrien had been taking care of 
>since she had no family.

Tom: Well, that would tend to be the definition of orphan.
Crow: Does the author mean "orphan" as in someone who has lost their parents, or 
"orphan" frequently?

>    Luna, and Artemis tell them that they are just remembering now to, and that they used 
>to live on the moon in the real peaceful kingdom called the Silver Millennium, that 
>Princess Sarena played in the garden, and then the Earth was taken over by evil forces, 
>that the evil forces tried to steal the silver crystal from the Silver millennium that there was 
>a fierce battle, and that the silver crystal sealed the evil power, and that the four that 
>fought were the Sailor Scouts, and that the 4 Sailor Scouts were real humans who lived 
>on Earth.  But someone released the evil force again.  So the Sailor Scouts had to fight.

Mike: Heck, we learned that much from the first episode of the series (american).
Michelle: Do you always have to make sure that they understand that it's the american dub?
Mike: You've gotta cover all the bases.
Tom: Just wondering, but is this author related to Sailor Mercury?  That exposition was 
really un-needed.

>    The Sailor Scouts tried to look for a way out.  Sailor Mercury used her computer.  She 
>said that the place they were in was not connected to their real world by 3 dimensions.  
>She said that only 2 dimensions were connected.  It was going to be very difficult to find 
>a way to return.  Sailor Mercury found the exit shortly.

Tom: Hey!  You can't fool us wth all that techno-babble!  We watch Star-Trek!

>    Malachite appeared.  Sailor Venus, and Sailor Jupiter went to fight him.  Sailor Jupiter, 
>and Sailor Venus attacked Malachite with their attacks.

Tom: No!  We thought that they attacked him with their HERRINGS!!

>But the energy got absorbed.  Malachite blasted Sailor Jupiter, and Sailor Venus.  They 
>both fell to the ground unconscious.
>    Sailor Mars went next.  "I'll leave the rest to you Mercury.  Sarena be strong.  You can 
>do it.

(Crow chews duct tape off)
Crow: (Raye) ...and don't forget, you'll always be a brat!

>    Sailor Mars used her fire soul.  But Malachite blocked it.  He blasted her, and she also 
>fell. 
>    Sailor Mercury got in front of Sailor Moon in order to protect her.  Malachite blasted 
>both of them.  She also fell down.

Michelle: (deadpan) Oh, my gosh.  The suspense is killing me...
Mike: Which suspense?
Michelle: The suspense of wether or not the author will actually add her own action to the 
fic...

>    Sailor Moon was by herself but she heard the voices of everyone.  Tuxedo Mask said 
>to her "Fight Sailor Moon.  You have to use the Silver crystal."
>    Then Sailor Moon used her moon stick with the silver crystal protected Sailor Moon.  
>The energy reflected back at Malachite.

Tom: Big surprise...

>There was a big explosion and the tower got destroyed.
>    The explosion sent all of the Sailor Scouts, Tuxedo Mask, and Kaila back to the Earth, 
>and they were all right.

Mike: ...and the first original touch, Tux-boy doesn't change sides!

>    After they all transformed back they saw to it that Darrien, and Kaila were both taken to 
>the hospital.
>    Darrien, and Kaila both were out of the hospital a few days later.

Tom: Okay, the only result of Kaila's impaling was a couple of scratches and a bruise or 
two.

>To Be Continued  The End Of Part 1 Written by Donna Ann Lee
>Kaila is my made up character.  The other characters or owned by the people who made 
>Sailor Moon.  If you use my character please let me know.

Michelle: Someone use that?  Right about now, I'd be wishing for Rini in my fic!
Mike: Now, now, Michelle.  Let's get out of here.

Reverse door sequence

	Outside, the red Mad's light is flashing.  Mike presses the button to open the 
transmission.

Deep 13
	"Well, it seems that for now, I'll have to put my dreams of stardom on hold," 
Forrester says.  He is alone in the lab.

	"Where's Aeris?" Michelle asks.

	"We had some 'creative differences'," Forrester says.  "So I sent her up to the other 
Satellite.  I think that Usagi and Ranma will enjoy her company!  Well, I guess that I'll 
press the button again."

*Blip!*
*Fwoosh!*

	This was a bit of a rush job, so the riffs might not be as good as they should.  The 
hosts got pushed out, and I think that I'll spend more time on this one later, re-vamping the 
whole thing.  I'd like to thank Kelly Keegan for the use of her poem in the first host 
segment ("Musing in Words", obviously).  Hopefully, you won't mind.

MST3K created by:
Joel Hodgeson

MST3K produced by:
Best Brains, Inc.

Original story by:
Donna Ann Lee

MSTing by:
M. H. Torringjan

Contact the MSTer at:
jehdjh@worldnet.att.net

Keep circulating the fanfics!

>    Six years later 8 year old Kaila is still in an orphanage with no memory of  her parents >or the first 2 years of her life.  She doesn't even remember where she came from.