Paintin' the Town Red part 2 Original fic by: James Harrington MSTing by: M. H. Torringjan Door 6: It's a curtain of peace beads. You push them out of the way and get a whiff of marijuana smoke as you pass through. Door 5: It opens from the center, spiralling outward. Door 4: It's a castle moat. The gate falls and misses your feet by inches. Door 3: It's a wall of bone. You break it down, only to have it rebuilt by an invisible force. You decide to go around it instead. Door 2: It's in the shape of a heart. You board a small ship and ride it through the door. Door 1: It's a vault door. The center ring swirls and the door opens easily. Everyone takes their seats again, as the fic starts. > The next day, the paintball arena opened at the usual time. The owner, M. Lakite, >sat at his desk thumbing through the pile of papers on his desk. There was a knock at the >front door. The door opened, and he turned to see who it was. It was a brown-headed >girl in a skirt. Not the usual attire for paintball. > "Hello, yes?" Lakite asked. "Have you been helped?" Mike: He's doing it again! We'll sue! > "Well, um, I'd like to get some target practice in with a gun," the girl answered. Crow: (Lakite) How about I show you my big guns instead? > "Of course. That would be why one would come here, to use a gun. Come this >way," he gestured towards a small hallway in the back of the room. The girl followed >him down the hallway to a room with stalls. Mike: (girl) What are we doing in the bathroom? >In the stalls were paintball guns. The girl went into one stall and picked up the gun. She >paid for a hundred shots, and she started shooting. Tom: SURGE!!!! >Within a few seconds, the wall around the target was covered with paint, but there wasn't >a single spot on the target itself. Crow: Ummm... Extreme? > M. Lakite, a.k.a. Malachite, cursed under his breath.. they had to hit the target for >the energy to be taken. He walked up to her and tapped her shoulder. "Miss," he started. All: HIT! Michelle: You sunk my battleship! > "Lita," she finished. > "Miss Lita, it looks like you need some help there. Is it your first time?" > "Yeah, sorta. I just need a little practice, that's all. Just let me figure it out." She >took some more shots. One hit the outer rim of the target. Lita staggered a little bit. Mike: Man, the acid is finally kicking in! >The magic was taking effect, and she was contributing her energy to the Negaverse. >Malachite was wondering why her name sounded so familiar. Tom: (Lakite) Of course! I saw her on Springer last night! Crow: Mom, I've got thousands of boyfriends, on the next Jerry Springer! > Lita wound up her target practice with a perfect score of her last fifty. Mike: Man, she got real good real fast! >She put down the gun and walked over to one of the benches on the wall. She flopped >onto it and rested there for a couple of moments. She didn't know why she felt so tired. Crow: Running a marathon does that to you. Michelle: What marathon? Crow: I have no idea. >It wasn't as if she had just run a marathon, even though she felt like it. She wanted to go >home and sleep for the rest of the day. > A couple of minutes later, she got up the energy to get up and walk out of the room, >back to the front of the building. She again sat down to talk to the owner. Michelle: (Lita) How do you guys stay open while earning so little money? > "How popular is this sport, anyway?" she asked. > "It's got maybe thousands of people playing it world-wide. It has made about >millions in equipment sales alone." Crow: Excuse me?! I think that it's probably made more than that. It's not Baseketball, you know! > "When do you open tomorrow?" > "Same time. You can come back tomorrow, and maybe get some practice with a >gun on real people." Tom: And, the third question, where shall we have lunch? > "Thank you," Lita said as she got up to walk out. > Malachite got up to go back to the back. He picked up the gun that Lita had used, Tom: ...and shot himself! Michelle: (Malachite) 'Tis a far better thing I do... >and opened the energy compartment, where the gun stored the harvested energy. He >decided to send the energy then, instead of waiting for the plan to work to send the whole >energy. Mike: Wait! This is the Nega-verse! they'd never do something sensible! >He went to a storage room, and he opened a small compartment in the wall. It was an >energy transfer beam. He turned it on and put the energy into it. In a moment, the energy >was gone. He heard a sound on his communicator that connected with Queen Beryl. Tom: Hello, this is AT&T Long Distance! Would you like to hear about our new deal? > "Malachite! Get over here!" she called. > "Yes, my Queen?" Crow: (Malachite) Would you like me to lick your boots, Queen? Or maybe I could kiss your a- Mike: Crow! > "You have already done a good job on this mission. This may be the most energy >that you've collected yet! I would just like to congratulate you on that, now, DON'T >SCREW UP!!!" Michelle: Uh-oh! She said it now! Now the whoel thing is jinxed! >The transmission ended, and Malachite went smugly back to his seat in the front office. >He wondered what he would do with the energy that he had kept for himself. Tom: Well, use it in conjunction with Viagra, and you've got a fun time on Friday nights! > Lita awoke the next day, and she got on some clothes to go and get breakfast out. Crow: *INTENSE* *MORNING ROUTINE* *ACTION*!!! >She was out of the door with intentions of going to the paintball arena with Raye after >school. She couldn't wait until the end of the school day. At lunch, she couldn't even eat >her food fast enough. She wanted to get through everything with incredible speed. Michelle: Anyone know who pressed the fast-forward button? Mike: I think that the author did. >Serena stopped her on the way out of the school. > "Hey, Lita! What's up? You've been in a hurry all day long," Serena asked. Crow: (Lita) I'm trying to finish this fic faster! Tom: (Serena) Cool! I'm with you! > "Today, I'm going to take Raye and James to play paintball. If you want, you can >come." > "I already told you! No! I don't like that sort of thing!" Serena turned around with >her back facing Lita. Crow: Why is Serena being such a b**ch in this fic? Mke: She's having a rough self-insert. >She noticed James walking out of the school, looking downtrodden. He was wearing an >unusual shirt with the face of something weird on it, instead of the usual uniform. In his >hands, he carried a pile of books, most of which weren't school-related. Tom: Playboys , Penthouses, and Swank comprised the majority. >"Hey, Lita! There's your man!" > "Great! I can ask him if he can come with me to the paintball arena!" She snuck up >behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. He gave a small start and turned to see who >had summoned him. Michelle: (James) I've had it up to *here* with you wizards, popping me back and forth, back and forth! > "Have you been he... All: WE DEMAND BLOOD!!!(Michelle attacks the screen, only to be bounced back into her seat) >Oh, hi, Lita. You wouldn't believe the day I've had. First, I get scolded for not having a >usual uniform, which really sucks compared to my cool alien shirts. Tom: Shameless self-promotion number forty-two. >Then, I get scolded again for reading during class, and it was in science class. Crow: Of course, it kinda' makes sense, since he was reading Stephen King. >I was reading Arthur C. Clarke. I just want to go to the arcade and play some Sailor V." > "How about we do something more fun?" > "Who? You and me?" Michelle: (Lita) Actually, my old boyfriends and me. > "And Raye, one of my other friends." > "Ooh," Serena said. "If she's going, then I want to watch her get hit with paint! >It'll be fun!" Mike: I'm calling a big no way here. Serena doesn't have a mind to change, let alone the intelligence to change it! >Luna walked up from their left. > "Hello!" James exclaimed when he caught sight of Luna. "You're a cute little cat! >Come here. I wanna pet you." > "It's all right, Luna. He won't hurt you," Serena coaxed. Finally, she went to >James's outstretched arms for a good back rubbing. Tom: She finally decided that she wasn't getting enough from Darien, so Serena went to the otaku. > "I used to have a cat like this a long time ago. He went the way that many cats >before him went. Crow: Away from James! >A car tire and his head had an appointment." Michelle: Was that an attempt at morbid humor? If so, it wasn't funny. >Luna could barely suppress a shudder at the thought of that. Darien had saved her from >following that path, but just barely. Mike: ...and gave her the chance to be in this fic! All: What fun... >"Oh, well. That's enough of that tear-jerker stuff. Let's go find this Raye person." Tom: Hopefully, she had enough sense to get off the set before her cue. Mike: What have I told you guys about the fourth wall? Tom: Fourth wall? Fourth wall?! WE DON'T NEED NO STEENKING FOURTH WALL! > They walked over to Raye's school, about a mile away, and they picked up Raye. >"Nice to meet you, James. Lita's told me so much about you. What's with the hair?" Crow: A chance meeting with Principle Kuno and a razorblade... > "First of all, I could ask Serena the same question. Second, I just haven't gotten up >the time to get it cut. I just like it like this. Oh, well. Let's go. Michelle: Disjointed sentences. What a drag. >I've always wanted to play paintball." Serena took little, if any, offense at the comment >about her hairdo. Their first stops were each's house so that they could change into >casual clothes. Crow: (Lita) So that's why James's nickname is Nature Boy! > They got to the paintball arena just in time to take part in the next round. They were >suited up in protective gear, helmet, Tom: Condoms.. Mike: Tom! >vestguard, and gloves, and given guns. Serena sat in the stands watching the game play >out. Luna stayed with her to make sure that she would be okay. Michelle: It's like shye'd be able to do anything if something happened. > They had a five minute wait to gather their bearings. They were all wearing jeans >under their protective gear. James was getting anxious. Mike: (James, sarcastic) Oh, what's going to happen next? > "This is my first time playing paintball, but I've watched it on TV. I have a good >idea of strategy that we can use. Tom: Let's see here, they've got inexperience working against them. Crow: But they've got otaku-ship working for them. >We get behind one barrier, then we guard the other three sides. After a while, we can go >and capture their flag." > "I'm just wondering," Lita asked, "But how many games are we going to play?" Mike: Enough times for James to sufficiently boost his ego. > "Four," Raye answered. "Let's try a different strategy each game, even if we win >with one." > "Yeah," James said. He was clearly getting excited about the game. "Maybe for >future games, we can get others to play with us." Mike: ...and draw them into your terrifying world of self-insertion. > "I hope so, because then, we'll be able to start a team. These three-on-three >matches can't be as fun as team play. Let's just try for a better kill rate," Lita said. Tom: Man, I knew that she was violent, but I didn't know that it went this far. > "Let's go, it's almost our turn." The trio went to the entrance, and awaited their >turn on the field. When the door opened, they rushed to the barriers. They got to the >closest one to the border, and they stooped down in position. Tom: SURGE!!! >The first one that came around the side of the barrier got all three of them at once, but not >before he got hit by Lita. The three players were feeling out of energy when they came >off the field. Crow: Uuumm... Extreme? Mike: Okay, guys, that's enough of that. > "Man, they're the players from Hell," James said, frustrated. Mike: Yeah, *from Hell*! Michelle: What? "The Players from Hell from Hell?" Mike: Yeah, makes them sound more menacing my way. Don't you think? > "No, it's just our first time playing," Raye said. "Let's try a different plan, shall >we? How about we fan across the front line and get a better chance of hitting anyone who >comes across." Crow: That would work IF THE IDIOTS ON THE OTHER TEAM ACTUALLY WERE DUMB ENOUGH TO USE THE SAME PLAN TWICE!!! > Being at a loss for a better plan, they decided to go with that one. They went up to >the bleachers first, though, to talk to Serena. Michelle: What? You guys think that she's going to be able to give any sensible help? She's friggin' been brain-washed! Mike: What brain? > "Serena, did you notice anything strange about that game?" Raye asked. "Like how >we were out of energy when we came off of that field?" > "So?" Serena asked. "I'm not surprised with all that running you did for nothing." Mike: Nothing? It lengthened the story for at least another page! Michelle: And that's a good thing? Mike: Whoever said that it was good? I just said that it happened. > "We didn't do it for nothing, but then again, what would you know about this sort >of thing? You're just little miss priss all the timeÉ" Tom: Hey! Don't insult Priss like that! Crow: Who wants to write an anti-fic with the Knight Sabers? We'll help! Mike: Just send the finished product to... > "It's better than being a pyro!" > "Not when you eat everything in sight!" > "Stop fighting, you two," Lita said. Michelle: Yeah! This fic already has enough cliches in it! >"We weren't at all tired after the run, and the same thing happened yesterday when I came >here to get some shooting practice. I think something strange is going on here." Crow: Well, duh! Otherwise, there wouldn't be a plot! Tom: There was a plot in this fic? > "Yes," Luna said. "I've been sensing something strange ever since we got here. >Maybe we should check it out." Just then, James walked up from his bathroom break. > "Well, anyone ready to get their butts kicked again?" James asked, affecting >enthusiasm. Mike: You'd better be ready to, because we've already gotten twenty calls about taking up the anti-fic! > "Real confident, James," Lita said. "We can do this. Let's go!" They went back >and got re-suited. They donned their guns again, and waited to go out again into the >slaughter. Michelle: Really? Tom: Figuratively speaking, Michelle... Michelle: DAMN!!! >This time, they went straight for different barriers. > Raye popped off a shot at the nearest opponent, and hit him. James kept on >shooting, but hitting only the barrier in front of the opponent. Lita tried for a barrier on >the other side of the line and was shot as she crossed the line. Mike: Man, they got real good real fast again! >James finally hit his target, and he got hit trying the same stunt as Lita. Raye hit the third >opponent as he tried getting to their flag. They had won. Michelle: Surprised? You shouldn't be! > Raye rushed off the field to her waiting comrades, and she met their outstretched >arms. As they grabbed onto her, they dragged her to the ground as they fell, bereft of >energy. All: (suspenseful music) Duh-duh-DUUUUHHHH!!! >She was able to get them off the field with the help of some medics on staff. The medics >said that the two should get some rest, and they would be fine. Crow: (Lita) What's that you're giving them? Prozac? > Meanwhile, Serena and Luna were exploring the building for any sign of the >Negaverse. They were about to give up when they heard an interesting conversation >between the owner and supposed thin air. Tom: No, it's just his pretend friend, Earl! > "Yes, my queen. We have gotten all the energy here that we'll need for a long time. >I'll send it to you as soon as the girls and that boy leave." Michelle: (Malachite) ...and I'm sure that no one is spying on me as I say this! Nope, no one at all! > "Thank you, Malachite. Remember, don't screw up." Silence issued from the >room. Then, the door opened, and Malachite came into the hallway. > "So, a nosy little brat! I guess we'll just have to change your ways. He grabbed >Serena's shirt sleeve, but she struggled away from him. She ran down the hallway, >trying to get away quick enough for her own liking. Tom: (Malachite) She looks familiar....Nah, it couldn't be the same girl that showed up at all of my other failed schemes... Mike: Unfortunately, her razor-sharp apathy kicked in, and she stood still in her tracks! > She ducked into the nearest room, and hid. The door opened a moment later, and >Malachite searched the room. He passed right past Serena without noticing her. After he >had left, Serena came out of hiding. She was going to transform. > "Moon Prism Power!" Tom and Crow: Wonder Twin Powers, ACTIVATE!! Mike: Maximize! Michelle: Guys, that's really stupid. > Back at the arena, Raye was waiting for Lita and James to awaken. The two had >feverishly tossed and turned while asleep, especially Lita, whose arm was now draped >over James. James started to come out of it first. > "Raye, what is Lita's arm doing draped over me?" James asked. Crow: (Raye) She's dreaming that you're one of her old boyfriends. Don't worry ifshe starts getting a bit funky with you. Michelle and Mike: ... > "She's asleep. Just get up. She'll hopefully wake up soon," Raye calmly replied. >James sat up, and Lita was roused by the sudden movement. She sat up and rubbed her >eyes. > "Lita, why was your arm draped over me?" James inquired again. > "It was?" she asked as she started to blush slightly. > "Oh, well. It doesn't matter. Tom: Tell me, everyone, is James just plain stupid or completely blind? Michelle: I'll vote for just plain stupid! >We've got two games left. Let's get ready for them." They went back to the gate to await >their next match. "What do we want to do this time?" > "How about we sit Raye at the back and let her guard the flag, while we get to the >front," Lita suggested. Mike: (James) And don't forget to turn on your invincibility shields... >The door opened, and Raye rushed to the barrier at the back of the battlezone while James >and Lita rushed for opposite barriers. James was hit on the way, but not before shooting >down two opponents. Lita made a rush for the opposite side of the line. She made it to >the first barrier when she spotted the last player, and she shot him in the facemask. Tom: (Dark Helmet) I can't breathe through this thing! >Two games in a row had been won by the trio of beginners. > James rushed onto the field, and he took a look around the field. From one door on >the side, the owner came onto the field. > "Hello, my friends. You have proven yourselves worthy, and I would like to offer >you a cut on the profits. You have just beaten three of my best players. Michelle: ...and it's completely normal for two newbies to beat some youma-enhanced critters from the Nega-verse, spawned from Galaxia herself. >I am here to offer you a spot on the winning team, Team Beryl. We work with a group >known as the Negaverse, and we want you to work with us on our glorious mission." Crow: (Malachite) Why do those people look so familiar? I swear that I've seen them somewhere, but that's absurd! > "I knew it!" Raye said. Without thinking, she transformed. "Mars Power!" > "Raye! What are you thinking?!" Lita called. Mike: (Raye) Just accomidating the Self-insert! > "Oh, crap!" Raye exclaimed when she realized what she had done. > "Raye is Sailor Mars?" James said, amazed. "Kickin'! I know a Sailor Scout!" > "No, you know three," Lita said. > "What are YOU thinking?" Mars asked. Mike: (Lita) I thought that we had agreed that we were accomodating the self-insert! > "We may as well tell him everything," she replied. "James, I'm Sailor Jupiter. >Serena is Sailor Moon." > "Well, what are you waiting for?" James asked. "Transform and take care of this >Nega-scum!" Tom: (Moon) We don't have to do what you say! Michelle: (Lita) Actually, we kinda' do... > "Jupiter Power!" > "Drat!" Malachite exclaimed. "What are the odds? It's just like Jadeite said! They >follow me anywhere! Crow: Most of the time, though, it's not by their own accord. Tom: (Malachite) On the upside, now we know who they are. Thanks, James! >Nega-painters, attack!" The players from the other team turned into a group of deranged >painters with big inferiority complexes. The bleachers had cleared of spectators when >Malachite had entered, but now, Sailor Moon stood alone in them, along with Luna. > "Hey, Sailor Girls!" the painters said in unison. "You want to be in the painting >business? We could make you into such beautiful portraits." Michelle: What originality! What imagination! Mike: This story? Michelle: No, this packet of chips that I'm eating. > "That's what you think! I am Sailor Moon, Champion of Justice! In the name of >the moon, I will right wrongs and triumph over evil, and that means your kind of art >won't get anywhere near the people of Earth!" She jumped down to the ground, where >Mars, Jupiter, and James awaited the attack. > Then, it came. The first painter shot a ball of paint towards James, but he avoided >it. Tom: Ole! > "I've got an idea!" James said when he had rejoined the group. "I'll draw their >attention by shooting them up, then, Sailor Jupiter, you can use some lightning on them. >Moon can take care of them after that." > "James, that's insane!" Jupiter complained. Michelle: Yeah, it is! All: Do it! Do it! > "Hey, a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do." And with that, he rushed off to the >right, shooting his gun in the direction of the creatures. He kept running around the >arena, paint balls splatting where his feet had been a moment before. "I love playing >dodge-paintball!" James taunted. Mike: My, but those insults are going to hurt, though, won't they? Tom: What's next? "You guys are poopie-heads!" > "Jupiter Lightningbolt, Crash!" came the attack cry from Jupiter. The three villains >were struck to the ground by a giant lightning bolt. One had his aim knocked slightly off, >and he shot James as he was sinking to the ground. All: Woo-Hoo! > "Moon Healing, Activation!" Moon called, and the Crescent Moon Wand went into >action. In a moment, the three were turned back into humans. The Scouts rushed to >James and reverted. He was unconscious. Crow: Fortunately, the shot had caused irreparable brain damage... Michelle: What brain? > He began to wake up, and they helped him sit up. "Sailor Moon, Mercury, Mars. >Where are we?" he asked when he was awake. > "What are you talking about, James?" Lita asked, feigning innocence. > "I must have had a dream. Oh, well. What about our other games?" Tom: Oh, the originality of the excuse is just striking! Mike: It's not like you didn't know that it was coming... > "The place has closed down. Let's go." > They left that day, and no one ever remembered the paintball arena ever existing. >No one, that is, except Malachite, whose wounds from the retribution of Queen Beryl >never healed. Tom: Does anyone else here see that fic by Hentai man, "Dark Kingdom: Disciplinary Actions"? Michelle: Never read it, from the sound of it, never want to... >The End Mike: Come on, let's get out of here. (reverse door sequence) When everyone exits the theatre, the red light is flashing. Mike presses the button, and the view screen shows Dr. Forrester standing by a very-stoned looking Usagi. Deep 13 "Well, is everyone sufficiently dead to the world around you?" Forrester asks. Usagi raises her hand. "I didn't ask you, Usagi!" "my name is no longer usagi," Usagi says. "i will be called true one, after my job description. it symbolizes my struggle to be the best person at telling and showing the truth." "Well, Miss True One, it seems that you are in for some DEEP HURTING!!! DEEP HURTING!!! Now, go press the button," Forrester says. Usagi, er, the True One walks over and presses the button. Lights and sirens are heard on the Satellite. "Wrong button again!" Forrester says as he walks over to pres the button for himself. *BLIP!* *FWOOSH!* Well, that about covers the MSTing of this fic. I'm not really sure why I went out of order for this fic and the other ones that I'm doing at the same time. Anyway, I'd like to thank the following friends of mine for their continuing support of my MSTings. Valerie Howson, thanks for being such a cool gal about my MSTing your fics and reading other ones. Brian Jackson, it's been a while since you read my other MSTings. Remind me to show you my Chibi-Usa Loses Her Virginity MSTing that you said you wanted to read. Phillip Coltrane, thanks for being such a cool guy in general. Billy Roe, thanks for reading some of my stuff. Sarah Schaeffer(sp?), I love you, man! (sentimental sob). Last (but definately not least), thanks to Kelly Keegan for being such a good sport and a good friend. Sorry that I had to subject you to such horrors as Artemis's Lover and Lita's Adventure as your first exposures to MSTings. I hope that doesn't scare you away from MSTings! I love all my friends, especially the last two. Thanks to James Harrington, for writing this fic. Without you, it wouldn't have been possible! Thanks for MSTers like Megane 6.7 and Jamie Jeans, for giving me the inspoiration to MST things. They're the reason that I got into it! Thanks to Shinji for posting my MSTings continually, and putting up with my anal- retentive self. Thanks to Geocities for giving me my own free web-page! (shameless product plug!) Thanks to everyone on the planet named Bob! And one final big thanks to Sarah Schaeffer(sp?) and Kelly Keegan again! They're such good friends, you'd all like them if you met them socially. MST3K created by: Joel Hodgeson MST3K produced by: Best Brains, Inc. Original story written by: James Harrington MSTing by: M. H. Torringjan Contact the MSTer at: jehdjh@worldnet.att.net Keep circulating the fanfics! > "Hello, yes?" Lakite asked. "Have you been helped?"