ࡱ; 01  !"#$%&'()*+,-./23456789:;<=>?@ABCDEFR F[FG2CompObj\WordDocumentObjectPooljKD2jKD2  FMicrosoft Word 6.0 DocumentNB6WWord.Document.6;  Oh+'0#> D P \hp x JHard Disk:Applications:Microsoft Office:Microsoft Word 6:Templates:NormalPaintin' the Town RedJ. Eric HarringtonJ. Eric Harrington'@d52ܥhO eVSzlzllzlzlzlzlz&{&{&{&{&{&{ 0{L&{"=|{|{|{|{|{|{|{|{?~~~~~~~&_XM"lz|{01 |{|{|{|{"|{lzlz|{|{|{|{|{|{lz|{lz|{?~z>zhlzlzlzlz|{?~|{|{Paintin' the Town Red A Sailor Moon Self-insert MSTing Original story by: James Harrington MSTing by: M. H. Torringjan No insult is meant to the author of this work in any way, shape, or form. I just thank him for never writing lemons. I also thank him for letting me use another of his works. I'm surprised that he didn't draw and quarter me after what I did to his other work. The story MSTed today in many parts is the property of James Harrington, and he's welcome to it. MST3K is property of Best Brains, Inc. Michelle was created by me (she just doesn't like to admit it). Any random products mentioned in the course of this MSTing is the property of whoever makes or owns it. Now, on with the show! Roll Season X credits The scene opens to the SoL, where Michelle is doing a bit of cleaning with Gypsy. They're gossiping the whole time. "So, how do you stay sane up here after how long with them?" Michelle asks. "About seven years," Gypsy replies, sounding exhausted. "Well, I find ways to keep myself occupied. I clean, I used to run the ship, I cook, I handle squabbles, I could go on" "No, that's plenty," Michelle says. "But, don't they just get on your nerves so much some times?" "Of course," Gypsy says, "But I've found a way to deal with that little problem. Wanna see?" Michelle eagerly noded. Gypsy leads her to Gypsy's room. As soon as she opens the door, Michelle is overwhelmed by the sight that is before her. Gypsy's room is covered from wall to wall in purple, like her cute compact. The wallpaper is purple, the bedsheets are purple, the dresser is purple, and the mirror even seems to have a purple tint to it. The only thing that isn't purple is a small circle in the middle of the room, where there seem to be little dolls laying on the ground. "What's that?" Michelle asks, referring to the circle and dolls. "That's what I brought you here to see," Gypsy says. "But I don't get it," Michelle says bluntly. "What are they for?" "If you'll notice, there are some possesions of Mike and the 'bots' laying around the circle. These are used in a ritual that I use to take my stress out on them. It's called voodoo. Maybe you've heard of it?" "But, isn't that compact yours?" Michelle asks, pointing to a small, purple compact. "Yes, I use it for rituals against myself. I never know what hits me!" "Gypsy!" Mike calls from the bridge. "Why didn't you tell me that Dr. F was calling?!" "Sorry!" Gypsy exclaims, rushing back onto the bridge. When she gets back, Mike is waiting by the button, tapping his feet impatiently. "Wing-Dinger and Mole-man are calling," Gypsy says. Then, Mike presses the button after a quick thanks. Deep 13 "That's cute, Nelson," Dr. Forrester says, glaring into the camera of their viewer, Tobmac. "You know, you really don't have to wait for her to tell you to press the button. Well, anyway, down to business. We're having some problems down here, because Frank's missing. I've sent search dogs out to find him and return him, hopefully in one piece. For now, though, I'll have to find a replacement for him. The first intern will be Miss Tsukino Usagi." From the side of the screen, Usagi walks in, snacking on a small helping of bite- sized multi-colored bits. Dr. F notices this and asks, "Where did you find those, Usagi?" "They were on your desk in a jar beside a dead rat," Usagi replies. Forrester winces and exclaims, "Those are, or were, my experiment on Prozac!" "I thought that they were M&M's," Usagi says. "Of course, that would explain why I'm feeling so funky" Usagi then falls to the ground with a spaced out look on her face. "She's a perfect replacement, Dr. F!" Mike says. "D'oh!" Forrester exclaims mysteriously. "Well, anyway, your fic for today is a self-insertion fic from one of your earlier friends! It's called, Paintin' the Town Red. You remember the part where he was advertising his other fics? Well, this is the one that he was talking about. Usagi, push the button!" "Which button?" Usagi asks dreamily. "There's lots of buttons here, and they're all flashing and beeping and" "Just press that one over there!" Forrester exclaims, pointing in the general direction of the control panel. Usagi wanders over to it and presses a button. Everything goes dark. "Usagi, what did you do?" "I pressed the button." "Well, press it again!" Then, all of the lights come on again. Forrester walks over to the panel and presses the right button. SoL "You know, I think that it might be a good thing to have Usagi down there," Crow says. Then, the lights start to flash and the sirens start to sound. Door 6: Its a curtain of peace beads. You push them out of the way and get a whiff of marijuana smoke as you pass through. Door 5: It opens from the center, spiralling outward. Door 4: Its a castle moat. The gate falls and misses your feet by inches. Door 3: Its a wall of bone. You break it down, only to have it rebuilt by an invisible force. You decide to go around it instead. Door 2: Its in the shape of a heart. You board a small ship and ride it through the door. Door 1: Its a vault door. The center ring swirls and the door opens easily. > Paintin' the Town Red > by: James Harrington > > Serena awoke to a sunny Saturday morning and a noisy alarm clock. Crow: ...and Amy's sweaty body. Mike: Crow... >She didn't know if she wanted to get out of bed. There was a Sailor Scouts meeting >today. She didn't want to go, though. She never did on Saturdays. Tom: Or Mondays, or Tuesdays, or Fridays, or Sundays, or Thursdays, or Wednesdays... > Luna, her cat and spiritual guide, jumped up on the bed, hoping to awaken her >sleeping apprentice. "All right, Serena," Luna whispered, "It's no use putting that >Sleeping Beauty bit on me. Michelle: She's no beauty! >I know you're awake, I just have to know how to get you out of bed." Mike: Oh, NO!! It's a repeat of Black Day! Michelle: Huh? Mike: You don't want to know. >Just then, the scent of Serena's mother's cooking came wafting through the doorway. Mike: (Serena) This house is filled with gas! >Serena jumped out of bed, into some clothes, and out the door the instant that she caught >a whiff of the impending meal. Crow: Man, she must be feeling real aerobic this morning for all that jumping! >This morning, she had pancakes. > She left her house about an hour before the meeting would start, but it was so that >she could go to the arcade and get some playing time in. When she got there, she saw a >crowd of people gathered around the Sailor V game. On the outskirts of the crowd, she >saw the care-taker of the arcade, Andrew. > "Hey, Andrew! What's the big fuss this time?" Serena inquired. Tom: (Andrew) Oh, not much. Just another gang war. >She expected that it was another hot-shot gamer up to top her high score, but she couldn't >see past the crowd of onlookers. > "We've got another one here who's gonna try to top your score," Andrew >answered skeptically. From the center of the crowd, a gasp rose and a yell arose from the >player. Michelle: Serena's paid assassin just earned his pay... >A sweat drop appeared on Serena's head. > "Got it! Darn! Oh, well," the mystery player said as he put his initials in the top >ten list of scores. That one moment of relief had cost him his game. Mike: So, he took a dump at the arcade? Crow: (guy) What? This isn't the Marilyn Manson concert? >He rose to exit the crowd, followed by a multitude of congratulations for his >performance. Tom: Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building! >Serena stopped him as he passed her and Andrew. He had shoulder-length, brown hair, >gray eyes that penetrated her body and soul, Crow: (Guy) I see London, I see France... Michelle: He's got X-ray eyes! He's already comparing himself to Superman! >and was about a foot taller than her. "Yes?" he asked impatiently. "Have you been >helped?" Tom: Uh, oh, guys, do you remember the only author to ever have the utter gall to use that phrase outside of a MSTing? > "What's your name?" Serena asked. She didn't know why she was being so out >forward. Mike: I bet that we do! > "James. All except Michelle: NOOO!! Michelle: Guys, just calm down! What's so bad about this guy? Rest: You'll see! >Why?" Tom: (Serena) So that we'll know to get out of the story! > "How did you do that?" > "I just play video games a lot. It comes naturally." Mike: Shameless self-promotion number one! Crow: Are we keeping track this time? > "How often do you play?" > "Almost five hours." > "What type of grades do you get at school?" Michelle: Probably at the top of his class. > "All A's." Michelle: I can call it! > "How do you do that?" > "I'm just naturally intelligent. Mike: This guy is *way* too far into himself. >Not only do I do that, but I also listen to music, watch TV, and write stories." Crow: ...most of which are crappy self-inserts. > "Man, you're super student!" Tom: Stop, Serena! You're just nurturing his ego! > "Durn right. I'm even well-behaved to boot. I'm in Boy Scouts, and I'm in to >extreme sports or anything that you could throw my way." Michelle: (James) Did I mention that I've saved the world a couple of times? > "James, where do you live?" Crow: ...and the record time for getting to the lemon scene! > "That's not important yet. Just know that I'll be here every day from four to six >o'clock." Tom: ...in the back room, with Andrew. Alone. > "Where are you going now?" > "To that game over there, the 'Mortal Kombat' game." > "Cool. I've got some time to blow. Crow: (snicker) Michelle: Shut up, you little hentai... >I'll try to regain my top score." > James walked away to the game, and Andrew said to Serena, "I don't think that >you're going to regain your high score. I saw that game, and it was a once in a lifetime >game." Mike: (Andrew) You're not good enough for my game. > Serena started putting quarters in the machine, and she played her little heart out. Tom: Bargain heart surgery, by Serena! >She tried for the whole hour, but she couldn't top the score set by the mystery man. At >the end of her playing time, she disconsolately walked out of the arcade and noticed an >advertisement on the wall. It was Michelle: ...a plot contrivance. >an advertisement for a new place in town that played the sport paintball. Serena didn't see >the appeal of getting hit by balls of paint. Crow: ..as opposed to getting hit by Darien's- Mike: Stop right there, buster. > She went to the temple for the meeting. Tom: (Serena) Hi, I'm Serena, and I'm a recovering alcoholic. Michelle: As if... Mike: Wrong meeting, Tom. >The five Scouts and two cats talked about recent battles, their plans to defeat Queen Beryl, >and stories about the Silver Millennium. Crow: You know, stuff. Mike: Summary: Serena was a load, Amy used her computer, Raye and Lita did all the work, Mina was a ditz, and Tux-boy saved all of their sorry asses, sorta. >At the end of the meeting, Serena and Lita went back to the arcade to relax and so that >Serena could introduce Lita to James. Michelle: Why? It just doesn't seem that Lita would like James. Mike: I've already explained this to you. It's a self-insertion fic. > Queen Beryl sat in her plush chair and thought about her next plot to take over the >world. All: (singing) She's Beryl, she's Beryl and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain! >A whisk of air brushed the back of her neck, and she turned around to see what was >happening. She knew before she turned around the whole way that it was Malachite. > "Ah, Malachite. Come to grovel for forgiveness for your last defeat at the hands of >that brat, Sailor Moon," Queen Beryl glowered. She didn't like her minions falling, >especially to a twirp like Sailor Moon. Tom: Have a nice trip! Crow: See you next fall! Michelle: Lame, guys. > "Yes, Queen Beryl. Please give me another chance. I am prepared to offer you this >energy from my last plot. I would be honored if you would let me have Michelle: (Malachite) ...the next dance! Crow: Dance the Spears, hopefully. >the materials for a fool-proof plan. Not even Sailor Moon can foil it. Tom: (Malachite) Only a human by the name of James Harrington can do it! Crow: Considering that it's his story... >Humans output high amounts of energy into a new sport they call paintball. I could let >them play, then take their energy, and we would make a couple of bucks on the side. Tom: Yeah, they need the money to pay off Queen Beryl's elite force of prostitues! Mike: ... >If I know Sailor Moon, then she won't take any part in this sport." > Queen Beryl thought a moment about the advantages of this plot. Sailor Moon >was, after all, a teenage girl. They knew that much, if nothing else. Mike: ...and it's *so* obvious from her physical build. >For some reason, teenage girls are obsessed with their appearances to other people and to >themselves. Tom: Yet another ray of sunshine from the author! >It was worth a try, and if it didn't work, then she would take the energy spent on this >project from Malachite. Crow: Of course, she could always take the energy from a certain perky hermaphrodite! (hope, hope!) > When Serena and Lita got to the arcade, James was on the fishing game, with >Game Machine Joe waiting impatiently in line behind him. Serena wanted to know how >James got so much money to play video games for such a long time. Mike: (James) Did I mention that I've won the lotto five times in a row? >He hadn't won a single game yet, Michelle: Strange, that. I figured that he would have emptied the thing by now. >but Serena didn't know for how long he had been playing. She dragged him off the game >and introduced him to Lita. Tom: Better watch out, or he'll get his AK-47 out on you! (pauses) Sorry, that's Craig. > "Hi, Lita," James greeted. "You know how to do those fishing games? I never >win, no matter how many times I try. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have >not won for the number of times that I've played those games." Tom: Oh, so he's an otaku in the area of probability mathematics! > "Sorry, no. I usually stick to the Sailor V game," Serena said. Michelle:So that's why she keeps the super-glue in her purse! >"James, how long have you lived here in town? You seem new." > "I moved here about two days ago from America. I just want to have fun and meet >some new friends Crow: ...and then screw them... Mike: Crow! Crow: Over! Screw them over! >for now." He glanced at his digital watch. Tom: ..which he still thought was a pretty neat idea! >"Uh, oh. I've gotta go. You said that you wanted to see where I lived. Do you still want >to?" > "Sure," Serena answered. Lita went along with them to James's house. Tom: ...where he got them drunk >She slowed Serena for a moment to talk with her. > "I like this guy. He looks sort of like my old boyfriend." Mike: Who didn't see this one coming? > "He seems so nice on the outside, but it's almost as if he has some sort of rage >stored inside himself," Serena said. Michelle: A sort of Primal Rage. Tom: I love that game! > They got to his house a little while later. Michelle: (James) Welcome to to Arcum! >It was one story tall, but it was long. He took them inside to introduce the two of them to >his parents. Mike: (James to Senshi) We're married now, right? >They wanted to know where he had found them. He showed them a short tour of his >house, his cats, then his room. He had his own computer, a lot of Star Wars >merchandise, and Sailor Moon stuff. Tom: Not to mention his devices of excruciating torture. Crow: Ooh, kinky! >He showed them some of the stuff that he had written, only two of which were original. Crow: And the sad part is that those're his only good works. >He showed them the video game systems that he had, and then informed them that he was >bored with his video games. Michelle: ...which is why he should get Final Fantasy 7! Mike: Shameless promotion number 2! >That was why he went to the arcade. > Serena and Lita left after they had tried James's video games. Lita resolved to get >to know this boy better as she and Serena got on the bus to go home. Mike: It's the Sailor Moon rendition of West Side Story! > "He was pretty cool, but he's more of Amy's type," Serena said when Lita stopped >going on about how she was going back to his house sometime. Crow: ...insinuating that he'll get both of them by pulling a Tuxedo Chris. Tom: I don't know... Tuxedo James just doesn't sound right... Mike: Neither does Tuxedo Chris. > "Yeah," Lita said, downcast. "I'll take her with me when I go next time. She'll >probably be more interested in his computer than in him." She thought for a moment. Michelle: Anyone else here smell smoke? >"I've got an idea. You told me about a new paintball arena. He said that he was into any >sport that we could throw his way. How would you like to lean to play paintball?" Crow: Typical self-insert. Get the Senshi inserted into something that they wouldn't normally get caught dead doing. Michelle: On the upside, at least no one has thought to put them in a self-insert doing nude female mud wrestling. > "No," Serena said disgusted. "First of all, I don't like getting finger paint on me, >let alone balls of it. Second, it's just a little too far for me to go to help you get some >boy." Mike: You go, Serena! Resist that self-insert! Michelle: Uuh, Mike, Mister self-insert wrote her like this. There's probably a reason. Mike: Damn! I thought that the characters were getting common sense. > "Maybe I'll ask Raye, then." She got off at the stop nearest to the temple. She >went to Raye, and asked her if she would like to play paintball with her the next day. >Raye couldn't because she had temple duties, but she was interested in Monday after >school. Tom: Any minute now, Chris will barge on the scene, saying that James can't have Mars! > Lita's next stop was the library, where she knew that she would find Amy. She >wasn't going to ask Amy if she would want to play. She needed help finding info on >paintball. > "Hi, Lita! What are you doing here?" Amy asked. Lita usually didn't come to the >library. Crow: ...and what little time she did spend there, she was on the internet, in the naughty pages. > "I need some help finding some information on a new sport," Lita answered. > "You? Sports?" Amy looked amazed. "That's about as strange a combination as >Serena and Moon Princess. Mike: What an appropriate analogy! Michelle: More like the spider and the fly. >Of course, that's true, so" She walked over to the computer searcher. "What sport do >you want to find information on?" Tom: (Lita) Nude female mud wrestling! > "Paintball." > "Man, when you say new, you mean new! I don't think that there are any books >here on that one. Maybe a magazine?" They walked over to the periodical section. Amy >found an issue of "Hot Shot" Crow: a.k.a. "Porno for Pyros"! Mike: Then, of course, there's the second issue of the magazine, "Hot Shots Part Deux"! >magazine that contained an article about paintball. She gave it to Lita, and Lita sat down >to read it. Simple enough in purpose, but it'll take some practice, Lita thought to herself >as she went over the short list of rules. Just shoot and don't be shot. Michelle: Come on, guys, I want a break. (All exit theatre) Reverse door sequence Out sid of the theatre, the red light is flashing. Mike presses the button that opens the channel between the Satellite and Deep 13. Deep 13 Usagi is standing in front of the camera, seemingly alone. She has a spaced-out look on her face. The effects of the prozac are still lingering. She notices the camera on and moves her attention from whatever it was that she had been watching on the ceiling to the Satellite. "Hey, Usagi! We need help!" Tom cries out to Usagi. "Yeah, get us down!" Mike exclaims. "Why? You guys look like you're having such a good time!" Usagi says in a dreamy voice. "Maybe you don't undertand," Michelle says calmly. "This guy, Forrester has us up here, and we can't get down, and we don't want to watch these stupid fics, and I DON'T WANT TO WATCH ANY MORE LEMONS, AND..." Michelle is stopped short by Mike, who grabs her to calm her down. "Well, unless I can see any reason to help anybody, then I'm not gonna. And you don't seem to be in trouble. Besides that, Dr. F is so happy, seeing you make fun of those stories. He keeps laughing whenever you guys scream something! And... OH, MY GOD! HERE COMES THE RUSH!! AAAGHGHGHAAAGAHGAHGEUIYO%#%^$@^&!**$^#%@^^$)(*&#+)(*$)+(U(*# (*(IOJF_()E*YF)_(&#^)(*@#+)(@#*$&^!)(&%^#&!@&*#*-++@!#$$_)(E+)(R!!!!!!!!" "Whoah! What did Forrester do to that Prozac?" Mike asks. "I added a concentrated amount of acid so that the patient would be out of it and into it at the same time," Forrester said, coming on-camera. He quickly glanced down at the pile on the floor that was Usagi. "Well, that experiment is a success, eh? Now, for you people. Back in that theatre!" "Hey, Forrester! Do you think that we could have some of that? We may need it later!" Crow asks as fanfic sign goes off. 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