Sailor Nature

A Sailor Moon MSTing

Original fic by: ???????(cowboys@wwd.net)

MSTing by: M. H. Torringjan

	As usual, I don't own MST3K.  Best Brains does.  I don't own Pokemon.  
Nintendo does.  I also don't own Sailor Moon.  Naoko Takeuchi does.  I made up 
Michelle.  These fics are extremely short.  I like it, I like it!

	Everyone re-enters the theatre and takes a seat.  Michelle is with them this time.

>Once an Evil Villian, Always An Evil Villian.

Michelle: Yeah, it's so hard to change them.

>Last time, Sailor Nature was killed a fierce battle. So was Malachite, who
>basically made a short cameo appearance.

Misty: (Malachite) Yeah, well, I'd better get paid for that!

>Zoisite was seriously wounded. She
>retreated back to the Negaverse, where she is recooperating. All of the
>Sailor Scouts were wounded, and this story picks up after they went under
>treatment.

Brock: So, in other words, everything is all hunky-dory again.  Right...
Ash: So, we're back at square one sans Raye.
Michelle: Scratch one annoying bitch, two more to go!
Misty: Calm down!  You're starting to sound like this fic!

>They are all at their homes now, with only one small problem.
>You'll find out what it is if you read on.............
>  ------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ash: What is with the dotted line, anyway?  Is it a highway marker gone horribly wrong?  
Is it a "tear along the dotted line" thing?  Is it-
Michelle: It's okay, honey, just calm down...
Brock: Maybe I should start to panic...

>Serena and Lita are at Serena's house...
>
>"Lita," Serena said, "I don't think Amy is quite with it."

Misty: (Serena) You know, she's going around wearing bell-bottoms, saying stuff like, 
"Make love, not war," and "Peace, man," and she insists that Sonny and Cher are the best 
singers...

>"And who are you to judge? You're hardly ever---"
>
>"Don't start! Why can't anyone ever take me seriously?!"

Brock: Well, maybe it's because of those "Kick me" signs that keep "magically" appearing 
on your back...

>"Hey, sorry! So, what makes you think that Amy is out of it?"
>
>"Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that she doesn't know my name. Or
>maybe it's the fact that the doctor said she could have amnesia."

Ash: (Serena) Oh, wait, it's not amnesia she has!  It's ambrosia!  (starts singing)

>"COULD have. Not DOES have."
>
>"All I'm saying is that we should look after her." Just at that time, Amy
>came up.

Michelle: (Amy) Why do you two keep on stalking me?!?!"

>"Hi, Amy," Lita said.
>
>"How do you know my name? I've never seen you before."

Misty: Just wondering, but did she say "might have amnesia"?

>Meanwhile, in the Negaverse......
>
>Zoisite sat in her throne, slumped over. She was in a great deal of pain.

Brock: Diarrheah is like a storm raging inside you...

>The last time she remembered feeling pain this great was the last moments of
>her previous life. She did not know how she had survived the blast from the
>crystal.

Michelle: It's called a "plot contrivance."  Heard of 'em?
Ash: Are we kidding?  It's Sailor Moon!  Just read all of their other fics!

>"Queen Zoisite," said a familiar sounding voice.
>
>"Yes," Zoisite said, still unsure of who this was. A dark figure appeared
>before her. She recognized the figure.

Brock: (Zoisite) Fabio in a thong and all greased up?  My wish came true!!!

>It was the figure of Neflite!
>
>"You!"

All: US!!!

>"Ah, Zoisite. You do remember me. I believe the last time we met, you had a
>youma kill me."

Misty: Man, that's gotta be awkward!
Ash: (Zoisite) I swear, it wasn't my fault!

>"How can this be?"
>
>"When Sailor Nature brought Malachite back to life, she did me as well.

Michelle: Guys, I think that I'm going to lose it here in a minute if this gets any worse...
Misty: Here, I know how to help!  A decoy! (Takes out Pokeball) Psyduck, GO!!!  
(Psyduck pops out of the pokeball)  Psyduck, can you watch this for us for a bit while we 
go out for a bit of fresh air?
Ash: Misty, that's crue-!
Misty: SHUT UP!!!
(All walk out except for Psyduck)

>I
>advised her not to tell you, for you might get mad, and do something stupid,
>like kill me."

Psyduck: Psy duck psy duck...

>"And why would that be stupid?"

Psyduck: Psy-yi-yi!  Duck duck psy duck!

>"If I die, you die." Zoisite had a puzzled look on her face. "You see,
>Sailor Nature arranged it so that there would be a one-way tie between us.

Psyduck: Psyduck! (grabs his head, his headache is getting worse...)

>Whatever happens to me, affects you accordingly. If I am hurt, you will feel
>the pain. If I die, you will die. But, if something were to happen to you,
>and we wouldn't want that," Neflite said this last part sarcastically, "it
>would affect me none what-so-ever." Neflite grinned wickedly.

Psyduck: PSY!! DUCK!! PSY-YI-YI!!! (headache reaches maximum pain, he uses 
Disable.  The fic makes no more sound.)

Later...

(The others return, drinking drinks and snacking down on Little Debbies)
Michelle: Thanks, Psyduck!
Misty: Psyduck, return! (Psyduck gets returned to the pokeball)
Brock: Hey, check it!  The fic must have given him a headache!
Ash: He used Disable!  Cool!

>really need to recooperate."

Michelle: Darn!  It wore off!

>"Don't worry," said an unfamiliar, coarse voice. "She won't bother you." The
>two girls turned around.
>
>"Who the hell do you think you are?!??!" Mina shouted.

Brock: (Neph) Well, I think that I'm Dr. Livingstone, but I may not be...
Ash: Being dead really affects one's brain in weird ways...

>"I'm just...a friend. Let's leave it at that." The man had a wicked smile.
>"If you really must call me by a name, then call me Maxfield Stanton."

Michelle: (Neph) Or perhaps Flingdinindin, the happy sorcerer!
Ash: See previous comment...

>"Well, Maxfield," said Lita. "How do you know about Zoisite?"
>
>"I know all about the Sailor Scouts and the Negaverse. I used to fight for
>the Negaverse, but now the spell on me has been broken. I feel I can tell
>you, Sailor Jupiter, that we were once lovers.

Michelle: (Does a double-take and faints in her chair)
Misty: Michelle?  Are you okay?  Michelle?!
Michelle: I don't wanna go to school today, Mommy!
Misty: Uh-oh, I think that she's gone over the edge...
Michelle: You shan't have the guts to mess with the all-mighty and powerful Ithica!
Ash: Ummm, guys, I'm worried about her...
Michelle: (Gets fed up with it and uses a ki blast to blow a hole in the wall that she can 
walk through)
Brock: I'm just here...
(The other two sit down again)
Misty: We'll check on her later...

>And now that I am free again,
>we can be lovers once more."

Ash: That's the same line that Oscar used on Artemis, and now look where they are!
Misty: Who used on who?
Ash: I've been studying up...
Brock: (Nephlite) Molly who?

>"W-w-w-what?!"
>
>"Meet me at the old bridge. I will tell you everything there. Come at
>sundown." Neflite turned around. "Oh, and come as Sailor Scouts."

All: Oh, boy!  Camping trip!  Camping trip!

>Neflite
>walked out of the store.
>
>'Soon Sailor Nature's plan will begin it's final phase, and all of Tokyo
>will be under the Negaverse's rule,' Neflite thought. 'Soon my main enemies
>will be called the heroes formerly known as the Sailor Scouts.'

Brock: Then, they'll be known as the Artists formerly known as The Sailor Scouts, and 
then as plain old symbols...

>To be continued...

Misty: Come on y'all!  We've got to go help Michelle!
Borck: I wonder if we take this much crap on every fic...

Reverse Door Sequence 

	Outside, Michelle is sitting in a chair in front of the computer, eating chocolate chip 
cookie dough ice cream and reading a Gargoyles comic book.  She's completely enamored 
of it, so she doesn't notice the others approaching.
	"Ummm, Michelle, is something wrong?" Brock asks.
	"Who is this 'Michelle' who you are asking for?" Michelle says.
	"Michelle, you're scaring us..." Ash says.
	"Look, guys, if you don't stop this, I'll be turing into Super Ithie!  And you don't 
want to mess with Super Ithie!"  Michelle exclaims threateningly.
	"Michelle, I want you to stop this right now, come back to sanity," Misty exclaims.  
As she glances back at Michelle, she is completely naked except for a cape.  "And put on 
some clothes!"  Brock is completely gone into some sort of trance.
	"I am getting steadily tired of this!" Michelle exclaims.  The walls of the satellite 
suddenly begin to melt.
	"Hey, Michelle, is there anything else that you'd like to show us?" Ash asks 
cockily.  He is suddenly changed into a newt.
	"Michelle, I'm really sick and tired of this!" Misty exclaims.  "I seem to be the only 
one who can do anything about this, so I'll have to stop you myself!"  She rushes over to 
Michelle and slaps her as hard as she is able to.
	The dazed look in Michelle's eyes goes away, and the walls are no longer melting.  
Her clothes are replaced, and Ash changes back into a human being.  Brock instantly snaps 
out of his trance and groans at the reversion.
	"Whoah, thanks!" Michelle exclaims.  "Sorry 'bout that.  The fic really is starting to 
wig me out.  I hope that the Mads aren't watching in on us right now..."
	"Where did that come from anyway?" Ash asks.
	"Ummm, you know, I'm not really sure..." Michelle says thoughtfully as fanfic 
sign goes off.  The typical bedlam ensues.

Door 6: It's a Snorlax.  You play your Pokeflute and he moves without much objection (as 
if).

Door 5: It's a wall of weeds.  You get Psyduck to Cut it down.

Door 4: It's a castle gate.  It falls and misses your feet by inches.

Door 3: It's the head of a Gyarados.  It opens and you walk through.

Door 2: It's a wall of fire.  You grab a nearby bucket of water and throw it on, wishing that 
you had a Squirtle, or a Wartortle, or even a Blastoise.

Door 1: It's a vault door.  You turn the handle and it swings open easily.

	Everyone takes their seats for what will be the final part of the fanfic.  Michelle 
heaves a sigh of relief.  The others join her in partaking of one.

>Tough Love
>
>Neflite and Zoisite are having an arguement over who gets to kill the
>Remaining Sailor Scouts.

Ash: (Nephlite) Oh, come on, please!
Misty: (Zoycite) No!
Ash: (Neph) Pretty please?
Misty: (Zoy) Uh-uh!
Ash: (Neph) I'll be your friend!
Misty: (Zoy) Nope!

>Neflite is the one sitting in the throne...
>
>"Zoisite, since I am the ruler of the Negaverse, I will kill the remaining
>Scouts."
>
>"But you haven't fought them lately! You may know who they are, but you
>don't know how to fight them!"

Michelle: I'm guessing that it has something to do with whipped cream and a donkey...

>"And I suppose you do. That would certainly explain your last effort."
>
>"That was a lucky hit.

Brock: (Zoicite) And so were the other five hundred times that she killed my youma!
Michelle: Details, details, details...

>But that sailor brat is going to run out of luck very
>soon."

Misty: (Zoycite) Just wait 'till I get ahold of her Lucky Charms!

>"Tell ya what. Why don't we both fight them. You just make sure that Sailor
>Moon does not die until we have that crystal."
>
>"Why?! It would be easier to take it after she's dead."

Ash: (Zoy) Because I want to flaunt!
Michelle: I think that that should have been Nephlite, Ash...
Ash: Oh, sorry.  (Neph) Because-
Misty: We know!

>"But I want to finish her off with her own weapon. It will be so much fun.
>And once we succeed in our mission, I'll consider sparing your life.
>
>"Thank you, Neflite."
>
>"What did you say?" Neflite said in a quick manner.

Brock: (Zoicite) I said, thank you, your all high-and-mighty dickweed!

>"I mean, Lord Neflite," Zoisite said as she grimmaced inwardly. She turned
>around and disappeared in a whirlwind of pink flower petals.

Michelle: Go to the Kodachi Kuno School of Entrances and Exits!  Be the envy of all your 
friends!  Leave petals wherever you go!

>"If only she knew that I have been granted the power to read minds," Neflite
>said to himself. "It is almost a shame I am going to have to kill her."
>Neflite thought it best to wait until after the remaining Sailor Scouts had
>been vanquished.
>
>In our own universe......

Brock: Elliot Ness and his men speed to the scene of the crime!

>"It's almost sundown, Lita. Be on your guard."
>
>"Hey, you don't hafta tell me. I'm just wondering why Serena got so jumpy
>when we said we were going to meet Maxfield."

Michelle: (Lita) It was probably just PMS.  She says that she gets bad vibes about everyone 
then...

>"Maybe she knows him, or something. He did say that he used to work for the
>Negaverse."
>
>"I think he still does," Lita said.

All: DING-DING-DING!!!
Michelle: What do we have for her, Johnny?!?!

>"Sailor Jupiter is right," Neflite said as he appeared in a cloud of smoke.
>"And this time around, I'm gonna kill all of ya!" Neflite sent forth energy
>blasts, which hit Sailor Venus, and knocked her into the river. Zoisite the
>appeared,

Misty: "Zoycite the" what?
Brock: Bets that the next word begins with a B...

>and created an energy field above the river, so Sailor Venus could
>not surface.
>
>"No!" Sailor Jupiter shouted. "You're gonna pay for that!"

Ash: (mocking voice) Will that be cash or check?
Misty: Ash, that was lame.
Ash: Just like the fic...
Michelle: Score: Sailor Senshi: 10,000.  Negaverse: 2!
Brock: What about all those other Anti-Fics?
Michelle: What about 'em?

>"Oh, really? I am? Do you have the courage to kill your one true love?"
>Neflite asked mockingly.

Misty: (Jupiter) Damn!  He's got me there...

>"What are you talking about?! There is no way I could ever love you!"
>
>"Yes there is.

Brock: A bottle of wine, candlelight, three or so pints of vodka...
Misty: He got her drunk twice?
Brock: He'd have to...

>A thousand years ago, in the time of the Moon Kingdom, we
>were the best of lovers. Even better than Princess Serena and Prince Darien
>of Earth. You refused to join the winning side, and were killed. Now, you
>have a second chance. What do you say? Will you join me?"

Michelle: (announcer) Or, will you go for what's behind the door?!

>"Never!" Sailor Jupiter said as she fought back the tears.
>
>"Such a pity. If you want to die, then so be it!" Neflite thrust out his
>hand and sent forth a purple wave of negative energy. It met Jupiter's
>Thunderclap Zap Attack, and both were disintegrated. "Zoisite, why don't you
>take a crack at it."

Ash: (Zoycite) Because I don't have an axe... oh, you mean attack her!

>"With pleasure!" Zoisite held out both hands and sent balls of fire toward
>Sailor Jupiter. She dodged them, and sent another Thunderclap towards
>Neflite.

Michelle: (Zoycite) Darn boomerang shots!  Keep going that way!
Brock: What?

>He was unsuccessful in dodging, and was hit in the head, and
>knocked down. Zoisite was also knocked down in the same manner. Both of them
>had blood coming out of their mouths. Sailor Jupiter saw this, and concluded
>that they must have some tie between them.

Ash: Because it's just such an obvious conclusion...

>She sent forth another
>Thunderclap, and knocked Neflite into the side of the bridge.
>
>"Neflite," Zoisite said, "teleport out of here."

Misty: Oh, come on!  Let them die already!

>"I think I will." Neflite stole some energy from Zoisite so that he could
>teleport to the Negaverse.
>
>"Neflite! What are you doing?!"

Michelle: (Nephlite) Being my usual bastard of a self.  Do you mind?

>"What do you think I'm doing?"
>
>"You're not getting outta here without me!"

Ash: So, his choices are stay there and die, take her with him and die later, or just leave her 
there and die later.  I think I know what my choice would be...

>"Wanna bet?" Zoisite sent a fireball toward Neflite, and hit him, killing
>both him and her. Sailor Jupiter turned around to see Sailor Moon. The
>person with her was Sailor Mercury!

All: FINALLY!
Ash: Can we say, "It's about time?"
Michelle: That's about as annoying as Cape-Boy!
Misty: (Sailor Moon) Well, you se, we ran out of gas and...
Brock: That's what they all say...

>"Are we too late?" Sailor Mercury asked.
>
>"Amy! How did you get your memory back?"
>
>"All I had to do was get hit on the head by Serena. Hey, Where's Mina at."

Ash: (Jupiter) Well, if you're going to be so pushy, I won't tell you.

>The look on Lita's face said all there was to say.
>
>"There is some good news, though. The threat from the Negaverse has been
>vanquished. Zoisite and Maxfield killed each other in a rage."
>
>"Actually, Maxfield is really Neflite," Serena said.

Brock: And exactly what does that have to do with anything now?

>All three smiled,

Michelle: Comedy relief, apparently...

>and
>walked away, and they knew Raye and Mina would be proud.
>
>Email: cowboys@wwd.net

Michelle: You know, guys, I think that it's over!
All: (rush for the door)

Reverse door sequence

	Everyone walks out onto the bridge, where a black board is set up with two 
columns labeled and ready to be written in.  Michelle takes the front and tells the rest to sit 
in front of the board.
	"All right, you guys, it's time for your history lesson," Michelle says.  "This will 
help you to become better at riffing and will hopefully give you a better perspective of what 
we're up against.  Today, we'll take the experiment that we just witnessed, and we'll 
compare it to two other authors which have already been witnessed.  Their names are 
James Harrington and Adam Sheehan.
	"James Harrington and Adam Sheehan are alike in many ways.  First of all, they 
write self-insertion fics.  Both of them.  James has stuck to Sailor Moon so far, and God 
help us if he branches out.  Adam, however branched out and wrote a story that crossed 
over three or four different series and then stuck himself into it.  Now, one is bad enough, 
but to add to the badness, his spelling and grammar was appalling.  James's was 
moderately better.
	"Now, we can compare these stories to today's experiment not by the fact that they 
are self-inserts, but by their attitudes towards Sailor Jupiter.  In James's stories, he goes 
ahead and forges a romantic attitude towards her.  He somehow seduces her into his way 
of thinking, as well.  This may be something that would never happen in the first place.
	"In Adam's story, he at least didn't get serious and hasn't yet.  Let's hope that he 
stays there.  He does, however, make it clear that he has some sort of crush on her.  He 
also makes it clear that he has one on other characters, like A-ko and Akane.  In the story, 
he was extremely generous in applying life-threatening situations in which he could save 
Jupiter's life.  How, we're not sure yet.
	"This story may be related to the two by some long-shot.  If you noticed, Nephlite 
claimed to be Jupiter's lover from the past.  It also put her in life-threatening situations 
from which she miraculously worked her way.  She was perhaps the only one who 
emerged from it unscathed.  The generosity from the author and the romantic relationship 
may be connected.  As a matter of fact, for all we know, the author could have been one of 
them.
	"All that I'm saying," Michelle says, "Is that one has to watch oneself, or they may 
find themself in the grips of another self-insert king!"  As Michelle finishes talking, the 
threee stand up, clapping and cheering.  The red Mad's light begins to flash and Michelle 
pushes it.

Deep 150
	"That's an interesting point, everyone," James says thoughtfully.  "I'll have to do 
some research after I've found the next fic for you."
	"James, I know that it's neither of them," Jesse says.  "I know who it is, even...."
	"Okay, then who is it?" James asks.
	"It's-"

*Blip!*
*FWOOSH!*

	Thus ends my first Pokemon MSTing.  I suppose that I'll do more like this.  That'll 
keep the other SoL free to go about its merry little plot line, and I can play with this one the 
way that I want!  Anyway, thanks to the author for writing this fic.  Thanks to Valerie 
Howson for use of her character, Ithica.  Thanks to everyone reading this for reading it.  
I've had fun writing it.  Hope you've enjoyed it!

MST3K created by:
Joel Hodgeson

MST3K produced by:
Best Brains Inc.

MSTing by:
M. H. Torringjan

Keep circulating the fanfics!

>"How can this be?"
>
>"When Sailor Nature brought Malachite back to life, she did me as well. I
>advised her not to tell you, for you might get mad, and do something stupid,
>like kill me."