| "These geeks will never get laid."-David Spade, VGA awards "Yow! Yippee! This game is phat!"-Some fat kid at Target "The VGA's glorified everything wrong with the video game industry, and set the industry back 10 years at least. The games that were winning were all average at best. The jokes were all in the gutter, and it seemed geared towards sex crazed 13 year old boys. All of the talk about how the industry has grown up were decimated in one pathetic show"-Anonymous "You break my record, now I break you. Like I break your friend."-Chong Li, Bloodsport |
| For those who don't know, the VGA's stand for Video Game Awards that was on Spike TV and for those who live in a different timezone and have a little time before the show starts and is considering watching...I'm here to save you. Don't bother, don't even occasionally check the channel just to see what a sad spectacle it is. This show isn't worth your morbid curiosity and even the most hardened of media masochists will have a tough time watching this. But where did all the trouble start? I would say the commercials for it running 24/7, literally non-fucking-stop, on Spike TV. And I'll be honest here, I was expecting a lot more. The idea for an awards show for video games sounded interesting to me. Sure we had award shows for movies, TV, and music, but none for video games. Perhaps it was because I had nothing better to do, maybe it was the fact that the concept sounded interesting, or maybe it's because the thought was drilled into my head after seeing so many commercials for it. In any case, I decided to watch it. The VGA's represent everything wrong with the market. Don't get me wrong, we've had our fair share of movie/comic book/TV show-based games, imitators, games with gratuitous gore and boobies, and games that have generally sucked, no one is debating this. There have always been games with cheap gimmicks that aren't worth a second glance. But why for the love of Andy Lau would you want to salute all that? Why salute everything that degrades electronic entertainment? Why enforce negative stereotypes? I don't know, maybe the people that voted for the games and sent in suggestions to Spike TV were beer-guzzling frat boys who sit around playing nothing but sports games all day with their hats backwards. I just don't know. On their site, Spike TV let you nominate and pick the winners for each category, giving us a faint sense of control over the happenings. I don't for a second believe anyone, casual or hardcore would ever vote for Enter the Matrix (a game which has been panned by more reviews than I can count and is infamous for being glitchy) as best game based on a movie, especially against the likes of Star Wars: Rogue Squadron, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic, and Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. Or having WWE: Smackdown Here Comes the Pain winning the award for best fighting game (especially considering it's a goddamn wrestling game which isn't a fighting game) against the likes of Soul Calibur II and Virtua Fighter 4: Evolution. I could understand Enter the Matrix and a few others being voted for considering some gamers are grossly misinformed, but a game that's loved by many different groups of gamers like Soul Calibur II losing against WWE Smackdown? I just don't believe it. Having the award show rigged isn't entirely out of the question and I'm sure there's going to be plenty of speculation about the subject. The results were leaked quite a while before the show actually began. I'm not quite sure who it was that leaked the winners, but the fact of the matter is many people knew the results well before the show actually began. So were they rigged? In all likelihood yes. Every game that won seemed to have an advertisement during the breaks or had a song on it done by an artist who was also on the show. But that's purely subjective. It'll go onto be one of the greatest mysteries of this century. Think what you like. So voting for the games was pretty much a lark. Of course, one can't help but notice that ALL the fucking games that won had some kind of marketing tie-in or to advertise someone's fucking song. There wasn't one second where a commercial for something wasn't crammed in my fucking face. It seemed like every minute they were taking a break to show a commercial for the games that won. As for the rest of the commercials, they're not even worth mentioning. Granted I'm writing this very sleep-deprived, but trust me, I'm an expert. And I do find it a little odd that absolutely no Gamecube games won any awards whatsoever, especially considering some damn good hits from Nintendo this year. But no matter how much ranting I do against the voting, commercials, and awarding is moot compared to how the show actually is. A parade of celebrities and music artists were in the show just to act like complete and utter whores. And by saying whores, I mean no disrespect to street-walking women turning tricks, as I have more respect for them than the people involved with this show. Where do I start? Pam Anderson, David Spade, Lil' Kim, Funkmaster Flex, DMX, POD, Jaime Pressly, Nicole Eggert, John Hensen, Kelis, Orlando Jones. Tia Carrere, Steve O and Chris Pontius, and some other fuckers I forgot. I don't know about you, but what the hell do these celebrities have any business whatsoever about awarding games? And I fucking hate Nicole Eggert, she was such an anchor for Baywatch. Good thing she was canned. And talk about a fucking plastic surgery job! Adding to the gaggle of celebrities is a bunch of artists singing (and surprise, DMX sings a song from Def Jam Vendetta), a bunch of dancers, but the two other spectacles that followed were even worse. First we have one of most horribly choreographed wrestling matches ever. At least put some effort into it. Then in an effort to give the show a "hip" and "Xtreme" edge they have a skateboard show with music and everything. I could only hang my head in shame. And what was the entire point of having Lil' Kim on the show? She didn't even sing. But I've ranted enough on the marketing aspects of the show, let's move onto the "humor." With a show hosted by David Spade, you had to expect a few jokes here and there, but I personally think they didn't quite grasp the concept of who exactly their audience was. Don't get me wrong, gaming is no longer a habit for social outcasts and people who are considered to have eccentricities. It's a habit almost everybody takes part in. I don't know how to define the "casual" gamer, which is essentially the audience this show was trying to reach, because there are many different types of people. But the creators of the VGA's have failed to take into account that there's a broad range of gamers that can range from just about anybody and not just the "casual" or "hardcore" gamer. I try to be objective and not arrogant. If anyone wants to pick up a game, that's fine with me, and I don't want to stereotype them. However, that's exactly what the VGA's do: stereotype gamers. And I don't just mean the little kids that'll bug their parents to pick up a game that happens to bear the latest license from a Nickelodeon cartoon, I'm talking about EVERY type of gamer. And what exactly are they stereotyping all gamers as, you ask? Idiots, that's what. People that love nothing but imitations of better games, games that carry a marketable license, games that only have half-naked women as their hook, and games that feature a song by a recent artist. I hesitate to call it an award show for the "mainstream." I really don't want to lump the "casual" gamers into a group of crazed sports jockeys and military sim nuts that'll go for anything as long as it's shiny and has a rap soundtrack. I want to give those people more credit. But who knows, maybe the show really does reflect the way most mainstream gamers think. I'll leave that up to. The humor jabs just weren't funny. Just what is so amusing about two jackasses that are wearing towels and showing off their wangs? And David Spade reading that "you might be addicted to video games if" sheet, ugh. I'm sure as shit not smiling. People will no doubt be saying "chill, it's just an award show." I just can't do that. The VGA's were supposed to be an opportunity to show off the growth and maturity that the industry has gone through as well as showing it as a real art form and not just some silly games. Instead it was just a pandering piece of garbage that represents all the media saturation that has plagued the industry since time out of mind. Some will say that it was entertaining and some will say that it's just a show for the average person not to be taken seriously by niche groups of people. While there are many aesthetic aspects I hate about the show, it's more the concept that bothers me. But I guess what's done is done. This is just my opinion, and some might think that I just don't "get the joke" of the show. Regardless of the deep social implications and commentaries about the gaming industry I've made, the fact that the show was childish and immature still remains. My take is that the makers of the show were trying to capture the essence of a group of people that they know nothing of and cannot truly be defined, so I guess they had to resort to some kind of stereotype. After all, how can you truly please a group of people that stretch from nation to nation, ages, and personalities? The main question here is did it fulfill its original objective: to please the average gamer. From my point of view, I would have to say no, but it largely depends on who you're asking. I'm not "casual" and I don't consider myself "hardcore." I just pick what appeals to me. Once again, it's a matter of opinion if the show accomplished what it was created for. In any case, it would be in Spike TV's best interest to not follow up on the VGA's, though, there was a fairly large audience watching the show. I believe that this rant/essay needed to be typed because I felt so strongly about the subject. I work to the best of my abilities at what I have to do and deal with whatever tomatoes life decides to throw at me for a few hours of recreation with a few games. So I feel that the least they could do was paint my hobby as something other than a bad joke. Eh, that's it for now, there might be more rants I put up in the future. In any case, it's back to movie and game reviews for me. |