A few months ago, Amy and I, decided that something needed to be done to let GL, JL, PAS, and everyone else know just how much we appreciated them and their outstanding performances. After the Emmy snubs and SOD awards, this feeling became stronger...and so The Beacon Awards were born. Asking my GL Fic list and the Mannyac board for their assistance in nominations, Amy took those nominations and gave each a title. Now these same nominations that you see below are on their way to Paul Rauch, Joie Lenz, and Paul Anthony Stewart, our reward to them for their amazing work this past year and a half. Thanks to all of you who contributed, especially Amy, for all her hard work and postage stamps :)

The 1st Annual Beacon Awards!

The “I Am a Man” Speech
– OUTSTANDING USE OF SEXUAL TENSION & OUTSTANDING TURNING POINT
“I Am a Man” (Submitted by Heather)

At first her countenance radiated annoyance. Her dark brown eyes smoldered with impatience and frustration. Here he was-this enigmatic, yet frightening man who was her husband only by circumstance-here he was, yet again pressuring her into sleeping with him, into becoming his wife in more ways than just a name on a piece of paper. She didn’t want that. She was looking for her way out and she didn’t want him. She wanted Jesse.

But this time, this time, it would be different.

This time he was different. Michelle was pushing Danny to wait to have sex, because she was looking for her way out. She wanted more time. Her plans were coming together, she thought, and she believed that this marriage would be over- soon.

But Danny, he wanted to feel married to her. He believed her when she said, “Being close…being intimate…is something that's going to take a lot of time. I thought we had decided that we were going to take this slow.” He needed to feel married to her. In his mind, marriage was important, vows were sacred. To him, this marriage was for the long run. In his effort to explain his feelings and desires, he confused her. She thought he was going to give her “no choice,” but to sleep with him.

Rushing to reassure her, he got down on his knees beside her. He began, “Look you think I don't understand how difficult this is for you…I do…you're wrong…I do. I know that you didn't sign up for me. That…I know I'm not the man of your dreams…I know that…but…I am a…uhhhh…I'm a man.”

Michelle had been watching him intently, but as he said those now famous words, “I am a man,” she looked away. She turned her eyes away, unable to look at him any more. I believe it was at the time that Michelle really began to feel something for Danny, something more than the revulsion that she had felt before. I really think this is the scene where Danny really began to get through to her.

At the break in contact they had established through their eyes, Danny’s voice took on a new, different edge-it was almost a hint of desperation. “Look you think I don't understand how difficult this is for you…I do…you're wrong…I do,” he continued. “I know that you didn't sign up for me. That…I know I'm not the man of your dreams…I know that…but…I am a…uhhhh…I'm a man. And uhhh…when we…when you and I…go into our room at night…you know I just can't turn myself into some sort of automaton with no…feelings…and no…no desires. I just…I just can't do that.”

As he said the words feelings and desires, Michelle sighed, her frustration and impatience briefly returning to her eyes. Sensing that he was loosing her, Danny moved around slightly, to kneel behind her, his face close to hers.

His voice dropping to a lower level, he began to seduce her with words. “You know you…you take a shower…and you uhhhh…comb your hair. You rub lotion into your arms…your shoulders…and you slip into a nightgown.” His hands circle her shoulders, but he doesn’t touch her, not with his hands. He continues, “And I'm…I'm sitting in bed pretending…to read or listen to music or whatever…but that's not what I'm doing…I…ummmm…am watching you. I'm trying not to…but…I am. I do. I AM a man.”

Here, it becomes obvious that Danny is having an effect. Her eyes grow darker, dreamier, her breathing heavier, and his spell begins weaving its way around her…and us. Moving even closer, his lips barely grazing her skin, his breath brushing her cheek, he continued his seduction.

“And when you climb into bed with me…beside me…never touching…never touching…I lie there…awake…staring into the dark…aware of everything that you're doing…Of how you breath…of the rustle of the sheets…and it takes every ounce of my being to…NOT…want to reach out to you. I care about you…I DESIRE you…I want to reach out to you…”

The need and desire in his voice was overwhelming. But Michelle’s response, that was amazing. Here, all along, she had me believing that she felt nothing for this man, nothing but loathing. But as he whispered his words of desire, I saw something amazing happen, something that gave me hope for this couple like no other scene before. Her lips parted. Her breathing got deeper. Her eyes darkened even more. I could tell, as he breathed out those words… never touching…never touching… that she wanted to be touched…by more than his breath on her cheek…but by him, if only for that one, brief moment.

And Danny, he finally showed me how he really felt for her. Before this scene, I could never really tell if he liked her or just wanted her in his bed. And a small part of me, even now, believes that this whole attempt at seduction was to get her into bed. That small part of me doesn’t think it was because he loved her, but that it was because she had so consumed him that he naively believed that by bedding her he would rid his mind of her. But, the bigger part of me, the hopeless romantic part of me, believes that he did feel something for her, something strong, and he was determined to win her over. And I was hooked. I wanted him to win, I wanted them together, I wanted the pretending to end.

The Kitchen Farewell”
-OUTSTANDING TEAR-JERKER & OUTSTANDING USE OF “HOOK-‘EM” TECHNIQUE
“Goodbye” in the Bauer Kitchen (Submitted by Amy)

The first “Manny” scene that I’d like to recognize, is the “goodbye” in the Bauer kitchen. It is one of my many favorites, but it is special to me and stands out in my mind because it was the first time I realized that I REALLY wanted Michelle and Danny to be together, and be happy. Before that scene I had waffled back and forth. I didn’t really care for Michelle with Jesse all that much, especially once Joie Lenz was cast, but I wasn’t sure about Danny. Sometimes I found him endearing and sexy, other times frightening and bordering on repulsive (not because of his looks, of course). I even went through a period of time when I thought Michelle should be with neither Jesse or Danny, but rather Bill, who, like Michelle, was the pivotal “next generation” character for another long-standing Springfield family. But the scene in the Bauer kitchen changed all that for me.

The scene takes place after Michelle’s call to the FBI, the faked blindness, and the sweet way Danny cared for her. On the heels of the absolutely beautiful “Angel of Mine”, Michelle looked radiant in the dark red dress. By the time she confessed her involvement with the FBI to him and he sent her back to the Bauer house, my heart was beginning to beat faster!

Michelle’s dream sent chills up my spine, because, as most of you probably remember, we weren’t aware that she was dreaming at first. As Danny pulled the gun on her, I said out loud to myself, “You can’t shoot her! You love her!” Before that moment, I wasn’t really sure that Danny was capable of real love. When I finally realized that Michelle was dreaming, I breathed a sigh of relief. But not for long, because what really happened turned out to be worse than the dream. When Michelle pulled the knife on Danny, out of fear and uncertainty, my heart sank. I could tell she felt something intense for him, and that she hated the fact that she was afraid of him. I was already in tears, but when Danny said something to the effect of “Look what I’ve done to you”, I totally broke. It was then that I knew the two of them loved each other, though neither wanted to admit it, especially to the other. When they said goodbye, and Danny walked out the door, I knew… this couple had something very, very special. I had fallen in love with them before I was even aware of it.

For me, the “goodbye” scene in the Bauer kitchen marks the beginning of my exciting journey into the world of “Manny”. It is the scene that proved to me, beyond my own doubts, that I really cared about this couple! I was a full-fledged “Mannyac” from that moment on!

“After the Psych Ward”
– OUTSTANDING LOVE AND ROMANCE PORTRAYED WITH MINIMAL DIALOGUE
“After the Psych Ward” (Submitted by: Amy)

It is quiet in the Santos house. Rick and Abby have just left, after trying to make peace with Michelle. The sedative given to her in the psychiatric ward has made her sick and she is resting. Carmen's appearance was cut short by Danny, as he asked her, not so politely, to leave the two of them alone.

DANNY: “Are you o.k.?”

MICHELLE: “Hmmm, yes and no. I mean, I feel like I just lost my family. It’s really strange, but I feel like… I feel like it almost doesn’t even matter, as long as I have you.

DANNY: (Big Sigh) “I’m so sorry this is happening. But you know, Rick is wrong. You are safe with me, and I’ll protect you with my life.”

MICHELLE: “I know, and I believe you. And… I love you”

DANNY: (With a beautiful smile) “I love you.”

At this point, he lifts her from the sofa where she’s resting and pulls her into his embrace. Her face is hidden in the bend of his shoulder and neck. He holds her close to him.

DANNY: “I do. More than my own life.”

He continues to embrace her, and buries his face in her hair, as if he’s trying to absorb every last ounce of this woman he treasures.

This is my all-time favorite Manny scene, because, not only is it breathtakingly beautiful, but because it encompasses so many of the issues that make up their relationship. True, there really isn’t much dialogue in this scene, but here, Michelle declares, that if all the rest of the world was gone, she’d be fine, because she has Danny. This is a point that both of them have had to come to, because both their families were less than thrilled with their relationship. Had their love not been so strong, it would’ve been easy for them to give up because of all the opposition that they faced, but they didn’t. They were determined to hang on, no matter what. I also love the two instances when Danny mentioned his own life as a measure of his love for Michelle. “I’ll protect you with my life” and “More than my own life”, are poignant examples of what he feels for this woman. It’s here that we get the real gist of the responsibility Danny feels for his wife. He doesn’t just love her; he wants to make sure she’s protected, at any cost, even to his own life. I think this really explains Danny’s actions during Michelle’s trial. Sure, he’s made some stupid mistakes, and at times, made things worse. But this is his wife, and he absolutely cannot trust her life and her future to anyone besides himself, especially the justice system. But the most amazing thing about this scene, to me, is the way Danny holds her at the end. He cannot get close enough to her; he cannot hold her tight enough; he is consumed by her. All this was conveyed to me with no words - just the magnificent expressions and emotions brought to life on Danny’s face.

To me, this scene is about learning what Danny really wants in his life. The last shot of him, with his face in Michelle’s hair, inhaling as if she is his breath of life, which really, she is, shows me that she’s all Danny really wants. Forget the family, forget the business. It’s all about Michelle. And it always will be.

The “Park Bench” Scenes
– OUTSTANDING WRITTEN DIALOGUE & OUTSTANDING DELIVERY OF DIALOGUE
“The Park Bench Scenes”.. (Submitted by LizM)

Though I have numerous choices for Favorite Manny scenes (so many scenes, so little time...), the episode centering around the Park Bench is the one that -- for me -- stands out from all the rest. I remember so clearly being absolutely stunned by what I was watching, by the perfection of the writing, the acting, the direction. Here were scenes that captured the essence of Danny and Michelle's story -- who they were and the worlds they lived in. Rare, rare moments, made all the more effective by the way the scenes were underplayed. No screaming, no yelling. Just cold, hard words to rip your heart out!

I didn't know what to expect when Danny brought Michelle to the bench in the Park ... didn't know that he was bringing her to the place where his life had changed. All I knew was she had just told him she wanted to try to make a life with him and, though you could tell he wanted it as well, he had made it plain that he wouldn't/couldn't change who he was. In that first incredible scene -- the longest Manny scene ever (somewhere close to 7 minutes, I believe) -- Danny tells Michelle about being told the facts of his Family's life when he was 14 years old and how his entire life was laid out before him by his mother on that day. Michelle is aghast and begins to tell him she's sorry, but he stops her, telling her there's no need to be sorry, that's just the way it is. He accepted it ... she needs to, also.

He's brutal in the way he confronts Michelle with the facts of his life. What if they were to be together .. how long before people would be saying "Great marriage .. she saves lives; he takes them." And what if they were to have children, how would she like it if he brought THEIR son to that park bench when he was 14 and explained the facts of Family life to him. Finally, in one of those lines that the viewer just knows is going to come true, Danny tells Michelle they wouldn't end up living in her world ... that she would get sucked into his.

She gropes for words as she tries to tell him that she thought she could make a difference in his life and that's when he begins to mock her. "You think you could change me," he asks incredulously? He tells her he knows that's what she likes to do .. that he took one look at that "grease-monkey-turned-Romeo, Jesse Blue" and knew what that relationship was all about. And he tells her he does NOT want to change. Michelle tries to defend herself and says that wasn't what they (she and Danny) were about.

But Danny doesn't stop ... he coldly tells her she only knows what HE wanted her to know. He's harsh: "you're a pretty girl .. I'm a guy. It's called lust." We know he's lying and she knows it, too, but he's relentless. Michelle looks heartbroken and tells him he's chicken -- afraid to take a chance on a life with her -- but she does agree he could be right, that "she could have been anyone." She tells him to have a great life and walks away. Danny watches her, trying to look in control, but then he shuts his eyes tightly and a look of pain crosses his face and we know his heart is breaking as well.

Was there a dry eye in the house?

“The Park Bench Scenes” (Submitted by Meliss[a])

Aahh, why am I not surprised at LizM's nomination? I add my resounding AMEN to it, along with my own write-up on it. I have many favorites from the Santos/Manny story, but I echo LizM's sentiment: to me, the park scenes stand way above all the others. The dialogue at the park is one of the FINEST pieces of written work I have ever encountered (and that includes prime time). It also showcases the magnificent acting of Paul Anthony Stewart, whose *quiet* passion drove those scenes, in my opinion.

My heart and mind still stagger thinking of Danny dying inside as he coldly and brutally insists that he had only manipulated Michelle ... while my heart cries for Michelle finally accepting defeat as Danny paints a picture of their SON on that bench, learning the dark facts of his heritage. And to this day, I see all those words uttered at the park (both Danny's and Michelle's, but especially Danny's) forming the single most honest and defining dialogue in the Danny-Michelle story.

What follows below is actually a small portion of my Manny symphony babbles from last April. This is how I saw the park scenes unfold, and why I was so completely blown away by their depth:

==========

No amount of analysis could ever give justice to the depth of the park bench scenes. They are a microcosm of the Manny canvas --- displaying present events, giving a view from the distant past (the SANTOS heritage) and warning of the far-off future (Danny and Michelle).

The episode opened with the two of them at Millennium, where we saw Daniel "Mr. Cool and In-Control" Santos, with Michelle "Feisty Princess" Bauer trying very hard to chip at his steely armor. Danny almost loses it when Michelle challenges "You tell me you don't want to kiss me right now," and he has to fight for his control by forcefully grabbing her hand to make her sign. This is a delicious continuation of a particular exchange between the two of them at the Towers annulment scene, when Michelle literally pushed "Cool Danny" to the edge. Both times, though Danny comes close to snapping, he remains steely. But this time, both warriors are better armed: the newly gassed up Michelle fights for the MAN, and does not just stand in anguished desperation; but Danny counters with an extra step, showing his calculated determination.

So we arrive at the park, where their scenes drip with many layers.

Yes, at the surface we see a very cold and hard Danny "lying" and pushing Michelle away. We want him to stop being an a$$, and almost want to throw some bricks at him, and comfort Michelle. After all, she is finally here, after so many weeks of living in the galaxy of denials, really pouring out her feelings and hopes to the MAN, who, she is convinced, loves her... only to be told she was nothing but an object of unfulfilled lust.

Then we peel a layer and we, like Michelle, can truly see a Danny who is in pain, almost afraid to open up again, and very much in love with his wife. He is doing the "hardest thing [he's] ever done," and sacrificing his own happiness to protect her, and perhaps even himself. Michelle's words "You are such a coward" partially voice out these fears.

Now peel another layer, and we (and Michelle eventually) grasp the cold truths in Danny's words. He is not merely pushing her away to protect her (or himself) from the dark realities of his world. Danny is truly being honest. Danny is both right and wrong when he says "You don't know me!" Michelle does see Danny's complexities, but for now, she is unable to deal with all his facets, especially given her BAUER "Martha Stewart" code of living. Michelle needs to hear everything Danny is saying, and so does Danny himself. And both of them need Michelle to open her eyes and really absorb what Danny is saying about his world. Danny might be a coward and lying to some extent, but Michelle is still very naive in her romantic illusions of living happily with Danny in suburbia. Danny has always been many steps ahead of Michelle in their relationship, and his harsh words serve to forcefully jerk her forward and make her catch up with him.

How easily Danny has been able and continues to understand Michelle and all of her facets. So many of his comments about her were laced with sarcasm and blunt honesty. His "knives around the house" quip may be an epilogue to Michelle's personal fear of Danny (as in that wild kitchen scene), but it is also a vivid reminder of Michelle's inherent concerns and discomfort of Danny's ways. I don't know how "she saves lives, he takes them" will play out exactly, but it definitely echoes the "light vs. dark" theme in their relationship. I was both laughing and seriously nodding in agreement when Danny talked of Jesse's transformation from a grease monkey to a Romeo as Michelle's crowning achievement in her mission to "save" lost puppies and nurture them in her world. Danny knows he cannot easily leave his world for hers, and he knows what being pulled into his orbit would do to Michelle. He is trying to make her see that.

Those scenes at the park are very neatly a direct continuation of Michelle's talk with Aunt Meta in the Bauer kitchen, so long ago. This time, Danny stands in for Meta, and the cold bench of truth replaces the Bauer warm kitchen of safety. It is incredible for us and much more compelling for Michelle to hear Meta's words coming from Danny's mouth: a) Danny is neither a lost puppy who wants to be saved nor one that Michelle can easily bring into and nurture in her world; b) asking point-blank what life, her future, would be like with Danny. So in this dialogue, so much is revealed about the complex issues in their relationship -- very real and imposing barriers stemming from personal, family, social and cultural differences.

And so at the park, we see a number of major themes from their relationship start to play in full force. In the past, we were given only the beginning strains of these themes, and we knew they would come back again and again, like the musical leitmotif, to drive the story. These themes are far from being over. They are not exactly pleasant; they are the story's grim reality, as underscored by the music playing in the background. Listen carefully; those somber strains are a dark variation of the Manny musical theme.

==========

LizM is right. The park scenes work the tear ducts. At the same time, they also stir the brain cells into unbelievable frenzy. And how I embrace and treasure such rare examples of an intense work-out of ALL the senses!

Meliss(a)

“The Park” Submitted by: Carla

She's gone. I finally persuaded her to give up on me. I told her I didn't care about her and I never did. I told her all I wanted was her body and that she wasn't what I needed in a wife. Plainly speaking, I was cruel.

I wasn't prepared for her pleading to give her a chance and it almost did me in but I stuck to my guns and I did the right thing. Didn't I?

She comes from a life full of sunshine and lollipops where everyone cares about each other but that is the furthest thing from my mind. I am not capable of that kind of life. I don't want that kind of life. Do I? Do I dare?

My life is full of extortion and blackmail and treachery. How could this angel possibly bring any sunshine into my dark and dismal world? I don't want her to anyway, I tell myself. Being a Santos isn't something you can change. You cant change who you are no matter how much you might want to.

She doesn't understand that and never can. Her world is full of hope and promise while mine is full of pain and most assuredly my death before I am 40. That is the way it works in this life, and she could never possibly understand that. So for the first time in my life, I did something completely unselfish, I let her walk away.

She will become Dr. Bauer and she will change lives. She will heal the sick while I will be a part of the world that sends people to see her at the hospital or who end up there themselves.

Still, she looked so hurt when I told her we could never be. Did she really mean it when she said she cared for me? After all that I have done to her, could she possibly care even a little?

Could our brief marriage really have blossomed into something meaningful? We will never know. I finally persuaded her to sign those annulment papers. No more Michelle Santos. Gone, Poof, as if it never happened.

Thankfully, I was able to let her walk away before I broke down on the bench that I had used earlier in my speech. The bench where it was made clear to me who I was and where my destiny lie. That same bench is sat on by dozens of people every day. A mother stopping to pull her toddler onto her lap for a hug. A dad tying a lose shoelace or lacing up a roller-skate. Anything except what Carmen Santos used that bench for all those years ago.

One day, Michelle will come to this park with her own children and may even sit on that very bench that changed his life forever. They wont be his children however for he let her go.

She's gone. I don't know where she went but she finally got the message that we can never be. Now, all I have to do, is try to find a way to believe it myself and I get up from the bench and I begin to walk home to a life without his one shot at love and happiness. Suddenly, dying an early death didn't seem to bad.

The “First Lighthouse” Scenes
– OUTSTANDING SYMBOLISM OF CLOSURE & NEW BEGINNINGS
“The First Lighthouse Scene” (Submitted by Oliveria)

They are setting up Jesse at the lighthouse. Danny come down the stairs of the lighthouse. Michelle is setting up candles. That is the scene when we know it is over for Jesse and Michelle, and now Danny and Michelle are on their way to becoming a couple. I love when Danny says "it's one thing to say you will go through with it and another to actually do it". Michelle gives him a look and walks over to him and kisses him - that was so cool. Then Drew calls and they start to take off their clothes. Michelle is not looking at Danny, but when he takes off his shirt, she is finally aware of him as a man. Then Danny laughs nervously and says "do you know how beautiful you are?”. Michelle chickens out and tries to stop Jesse from coming in. That’s the scene that I could watch over and over.

Addendum by: Amy

I'd like to add my thoughts to the first Lighthouse scenes. These beautifully written and acted scenes marked the beginning of my realization that the Michelle/Jesse relationship was over (no big disappointment there!) and that we were moving toward a Michelle/Danny relationship. But it wasn’t until January of 2000 that I realized just how significant those scenes really were. When Michelle was finally released on bail, where did they go to be alone... to celebrate her freedom and to ring in “their” new year together? The lighthouse. I’m so very glad that the writers gave us these first scenes in the lighthouse, as well as all the ones that followed, because they took us from feeling that the lighthouse was “Messe’s Place” to knowing, without a doubt, that it was “Manny’s Place”. I love the lighthouse… It’s importance to the Bauer’s… the history of it… and the significance of it to the entire show. And I think it’s completely appropriate that the lighthouse is now Manny’s place… their haven… their beacon.

“A Day That Matters” Pre-Verdict
– OUTSTANDING EMOTIONS & ROMANCE
“A Day That Matters” (Submitted by: Amy)

The episode that preceded the verdict was both breathtaking and heart-wrenching all at once. Though she tried to be hopeful, Michelle’s heart was heavy from the fear that she would be convicted. Danny, his ability to see into her soul ever-present, diverted her attention from the hard road she was facing to the grace and compassion that had comprised her life to that point. When remembering Mick’s death and the fact that he would’ve murdered Mick’s killer, had it not been Michelle, he said, “You saved us both.” Recognizing that that one event had single-handedly metamorphosized his life, he said, “All my anger and all my hatred just disappeared when I saw you.” Giving her credit for the incredible difference she’d made in his life, he said, “You changed me.”

He went into the closet and removed a box of old letters, hoping to find something to life her spirits. He found a letter from a woman whose son had died of AIDS, thanking Michelle for creating the Memorial Garden. The neighbor who was recently widowed, wrote to thank Michelle for inviting her to celebrate Christmas with the Bauer's. And then, Michelle found the card from her mother. “As long as you live, have hope,” Michelle read, and with a pained expression, remembered the mother she so desperately needed.

Her exhaustion clearly evident, Danny tried to convince her to take a sedative. As they laid down in the bed together, Michelle wondered out loud, if when a people are born, the days of their life are already mapped out for them.

MICHELLE: “… I think the only thing we can count on is today, you know? So I don’t want this…” (handing Danny the sedative)

DANNY: “O.K., all right.”

MICHELLE: “I don’t want to be sleeping. I want… I want to have a day that matters.”

DANNY: “Well, can I at least talking you into taking a nap? Just a little nap?”

(Michelle’s face is on his chest and she is shaking her head, “No”.)

MICHELLE: “I want to cherish every moment of today. Every touch, every sound, every color, texture.”

(She is unbuttoning his shirt as she talks.)

MICHELLE: “I just want a day that I can remember for the rest of my life. (And now, looking directly into his eyes…) I want it to begin and end with you.”

(She is lovingly touching his bare chest.)

MICHELLE: “Just don’t talk about it anymore, O.K.?”

(She is now resting her head on his chest.)

Danny begins rubbing her arm gently, kissing her nose, then her forehead, then her eye. She reaches up to put her hand in his, and he sweetly kisses her fingertips. He caresses her nose, kisses her forehead, her ear, and finally her neck. This is the kind of romance and honesty that I would’ve like to have seen between Michelle and Danny, the first time they made love. There were no special effects, exotic locations, or any music, other that the Manny theme. It was simply the two of them, completely and absolutely overwhelmed by the magnitude of their love for one another, totally absorbed by the emotion of the moment, the sheer enormity of it leading into their love making.

What I love most about this scene, besides the obvious romance, was the expression on Danny’s face as it became obvious to him why Michelle did not want the sedative, and what she wanted to do with him. As she unbuttoned his shirt, saying, “… every touch, every sound, every color, texture…” Danny seemed so completely astounded by her love for him. It was his look of disbelief that she actually loved him – that look that we all used to swoon over in the early days of their romance. A big, big part of Danny’s charm is that sometimes when he looks at his wife, and it dawns on him just how much she does love him, he momentarily cannot believe it. (This, by the way, is one of my very favorite “Danny-isms” - along with the fact that he absolutely CANNOT keep his hands out of Michelle’s hair - even surpassing the famous “Santos Salute”.) And he was more than willing to oblige Michelle once he realized what she wanted, and his tender, sweet kisses on her face, fingertips, and neck, proved to us all over again the depth of his love for her.

Knowing that most likely Michelle would be convicted made the scene that much more heart-breaking, but, then again, my favorite scenes are the ones that make me smile and cry, all at the same time. I think this scene does a superb job of portraying how far Michelle and Danny have come in their relationship. Not only do they love each other and want to be together, but they are there to support one another. No matter what one of them is going through, the other is right there with them. Her pain is his pain; his fears are her fears. It is the hallmark of their marriage. It is the hallmark of their love. They “begin and end” with each other.

“I Do Love You”
– OUTSTANDING RIP-YOUR-HEART-OUT SCENE
“I Do Love You” Subimtted by: Meghan

My all-time favorite Manny day is March 29, 1999. It’s the day that Jesse found out about the DD (Danny and Drew’s tryst). Okay, the DD (thank god) really has nothing to do with this, I promise. (By the way, sorry about the language. It has a tendency to pop out when I write emotionally-charged stuff. Hope it doesn’t offend anyone.)

Jesse stared hard at Drew, jaw working. “You know, I was trying to place the guy upstairs in your room last night. I just couldn’t figure it out.”

“Jesse…please…please…just drop it” Drew begged, nervously glancing between him and Danny. DAMN him! She swore internally, how the hell could he just stand there and pop peanuts into his mouth like nothing mattered when she could barely stand up, she was shaking so hard. “It’s no big deal…really”.

“Relax, drew” Danny drawled, popping another peanut into his mouth. Hell, with the amount of time he spent at this place, he was actually starting to like the damn things. “I’d like to see where Jesse is going with this” he stared at Jesse, wondering if this greased-up walking vegetable had actually managed to figure it out, or if he was just bluffing wildly. He knew that he made Jesse nervous, and that Jesse would say anything to keep him away from Michelle. Not that that mattered anyway- she’d made it abundantly clear last night that he had never really mattered anyway- that he was some pawn in her weird game to take down his family. He’d wanted to hate her…but couldn’t. Instead, he’d decided to numb everything with tequila…and of course, that hadn’t worked, either. It had only made everything hurt worse… sharpened the pain into knives digging straight into his heart. And for a few minutes, he HAD hated her- hated her for making him feel, for turning him into that sorry wretch of a guy at the end of the bar, drowning his sorrows in a shot glass. He’d hated her for making him love her, and hated her for not giving a damn about him. And so he’d done the only thing he’d known how to do to hurt her back. He’d slept with drew. But here, in the hard light of day, when he’d been able to see her face, see the way she still looked at him- like she could see right into him…with that look on her face that drove him nuts from it’s ambiguity…he hadn’t been able to tell her. Was he scared? Oh, hell yeah. If Jesse knew anything, he was going to run his little grease-monkey ass right over to Michelle and babble everything at her feet. So he couldn’t give anything away by acting nervous- not now. On went the poker face- the impenetrable mask. Nothing was wrong, and Jesse was a joke. Damn, but Drew was a whiny bitch. Iif she’d only shut up and quit her sniveling, he’d be able to handle this.

“You and Drew, huh?” Jesse glared at him violently.

“Jesse, Jesse…it’s…it’s not what you think…” oh, Goddammit, drew, SHUT UP! You’re not helping anything. He wanted to grab her and shove her somewhere out of the way so that she would just shut the hell up until he could talk his way out of this.

“It’s not what I think, huh?” Jesse yelled, switching his glare over to Drew. “My, my, my” Danny thought “acting a bit like the jealous boyfriend, aren’t we? Don’t we want to have our cake and eat it, too?”

Jesse turned, and whispered fiercely to him- “You were the guy in Drew’s bed last night, weren’t you?”

Danny opened his mouth to answer, and then glanced over Jesse’s shoulder. Shit! She was coming. He wasn’t going to let her find out like this- that would hurt her too much. And with everything that had happened with her mother, he couldn’t risk it. He had to shut Jesse up…he had to hope this would work. Shooting Jesse a glare, he muttered flatly “Hi, Michelle.”

Michelle peered at them closely. Something was going on. And she didn’t like it one bit. She was sick and tired of everyone protecting their little helpless china doll of a Michelle. Something was going on, and she wanted to know what it was- especially if it involved Danny. “What are you guys talking about?”

Drew started again, glancing around nervously. “Nothing.” She laughed falsely. “We were just wondering what was taking you so long, actually.”

Jesse returned Danny’s glare, then turned to face Michelle. “Yeah, Drew was just getting worried about you. Everything’s just dandy, isn’t it?” He glared pointedly at Drew. Now wasn’t the time, he’d gotten Danny’s message about that one clear enough.

Michelle felt like she was ready to explode. Yeah, right. Like Danny, Jesse and Drew were just standing around having a lovely little conversation about the weather. Bullshit. Something was going on, and one of them was going to tell her, if she had to beat it out of them. “Alright, you guys were talking about something before I got here.”

Drew clamed down long enough to say half-clearly- “No, we weren’t…Jesse was just telling us a story.” She glanced at Danny, hoping that excuse would meet his approval. He didn’t seem like he had even heard her…he was staring at Michelle. His poker mask had slipped for a second, and for just a brief moment, she’d seen the pain working under that mask. Goddamn, Michelle, you’d have to be blind not to see that.

Michelle didn’t believe a word of it. She pressed on. “And what was it about?” She was staring at Danny now, too. Her face was looking at Jesse, but her eyes…her eyes kept straying over to Danny. She knew she was doing it…and she couldn’t help it. She hadn’t been able to sleep last night…it felt kind of strange to be in that bed by herself. And she was worried about him…after last night, she hadn’t known what to think. She couldn’t help wanting to be near him, to talk to him, to find out if he was okay, if he needed anything from her, if he had been able to sleep, if he hated her…anything.

“It was about how people can’t see things that are right in front of their faces.” Jesse said. He wasn’t sure if he meant that Michelle couldn’t see that Danny and Drew were lying and worthless, or whether he meant that he couldn’t see that there was still something going on with Michelle and Danny. He wasn’t sure which he wanted to believe, either. Everything was all screwed up, and he didn’t know how to deal with it.

“And what does that mean?” Michelle pressed, finally looking straight at Jesse. Oh, God, had he guessed? How had he known what he was thinking?

“It means…It’s just that we’re all…we’re hanging out having drinks. There’s no reason we can’t all get along.” He had seen her momentary confusion- what the hell was she thinking? Obviously, it had been something she wanted to hide from Jesse- could it be- no. He refused to think that. That wouldn’t help anything. She wanted Jesse, not him, end of story.

“That’s right, Danny” Drew replied, smiling her best hostess smile. Then she realized what Danny had just said. “What are you doing, Danny?” she whispered to him.

“Burying the hatchet, Drew.” He answered sardonically. He had to make sure she knew he didn’t give a damn about her. If he could go on gaily about his life, she’d never know- right?

“Look!” Michelle exploded. “You guys were talking about something, and I want to know what it is RIGHT NOW.” She felt like she was on the verge of a temper tantrum, and she knew that that would amuse Danny to no end. She had to try to control herself.

(Somehow in here, the guys disappeared. I’m not sure where that they went, other than that they went. What ensued was Drew starting to tell Michelle about the DD, and Jesse stopping her, etc. etc, etc. I don’t care about that- it’s not important. And so we continue.)

Michelle turned, and realized that she was alone with Danny. A million things raced through her mind- you left your blue shirt with me, there’s a James Cagney marathon on TV tonight, I forgot how to make that chicken dinner you showed me, I’m sorry I called the FBI, I’m sorry I killed your brother, I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER…She couldn’t get her mouth to work. “How are you?” she began lamely, and then groaned inside. How ARE you? Jesus, she sounded stupid. And why was she so damn worried about talking to Danny Santos, anyway?

Danny stared back at her, the same war going through his head. He wanted to tell her that he was miserable, that he saw her everywhere, that all he wanted was to be near her, to know that she was there to come home to at the end of the day, to hope that tonight he would get that kiss goodnight that he was hoping for, that he loved her, and his bed was too big without her…but he couldn’t say that, now could he? Of course not. “I’m fine.” He answered curtly. “You and Drew have a nice talk?” Please, God, I know you don’t like me much, but please, please, don’t let her know. Please.

“Yeah, she…uh, told me she was adopted. And she told me something else…about something she’d done…but she didn’t get to finish her story. Jesse came and took her away.”

Danny breathed a sigh of relief. At least that idiot was good for something. “He did? Why would he do that?”

GODDAMMIT!!!!!!! Now he was doing it, too. “I don’t know, Danny” she half-yelled, exasperated. “Why don’t you tell me what Drew was going to say?”

“I don’t know” he answered blandly. “All I know is…well, it’s a good thing we aren’t together anymore. You obviously belong with Jesse.” Damn, but that hurt. He almost had to force the words out of his mouth. But she couldn’t know how much he still wanted her, how much he wanted to just lean over there and kiss her and tell her that everything would be okay, that they would work on everything and fix it all.

Michelle stared at him, unbelieving. What the hell was he doing? She had heard him tell his grandmother that he loved her- was he lying? “So you think I belong with Jesse now?”

“Oh, come on, Michelle, you guys were together long before I came on the scene, weren’t you?” He HAD to do this, he kept reminding himself. And he couldn’t fool himself…no matter how easy it might be.

“And?” Michelle continued, aghast.

“And, well…he’s not such a bad guy…” Danny finished. Yeah. I only want to rip his face off every time I see him, want to strangle him because I couldn’t take you from him, beat him to a bloody pulp because HE HAS YOU.

“I don’t believe this from you for a second.” Michelle muttered. “Where is this coming from?” “No where. I can be objective now.” He continued, willing his hands to stay on the table, willing himself to ignore his own swirling thoughts. “Funny.” Michelle paused, disbelieving. “I seem to remember you hating him.” Was it that she didn’t believe a word he was saying? Or did she just not WANT to believe him? And if she didn’t want to believe im…what the hell did THAT mean?

“Hate?” Danny paused. Yeah, I hate him, he thought. I hate the son of a bitch- I hate him because you love him, because he’s never been out of your mind, or your heart. HE’S the one you want to make love to, to grow old with. “Hate’s a strong word. Besides, I seem to remember that the person you hated, wanted out of your life was me.” He bit the inside of his cheek to keep the pain from showing on his face, to keep his own emotions in check. It was hard, this cavalier attitude. She couldn’t see what he was thinking…he couldn’t be any weaker before her…if he was, he’d lose the only thing he had left, his pride.

Michelle stared at him, silent, speechless. What could she possibly say to that? Before, had anyone else said those same words to her, she would have agreed, loudly and wholeheartedly. But now, hearing them come from his mouth, she couldn’t say anything. She wanted to cry- and she couldn’t understand why. She wanted to say something, anything, to wipe that blank look of his face, to see the Danny that she knew…but no words would come. And that was probably a good thing- she knew that as soon as she opened her mouth, the floodgates would open and she’d be unable to control herself…thank god, there was Jesse. She’d never been so happy, or so miserable, to see him in her life. “Is…is drew okay?” she managed, swallowing hard.

“Yeah.” Jesse answered, looking back and forth between them. What had been going on here? “Are you ready to leave?” he asked pointedly, continuing to glare at Danny. He’d been doing it all day, and he saw no reason to stop now.

“Yeah” she whispered, swallowing hard. “Yeah, I’m ready. Let’s go.”

“Okay, I’m going to grab our coats.” Jesse turned, throwing another glare over his shoulder at Danny as he left.

As Jesse left, she turned to stare at Danny. Her throat worked…she knew she wanted, needed to say something…but no words were forming. She opened her mouth, stopped, and closed it.

“Have a…have a great life Michelle” Danny supplied, grinning. He took another swig of his drink, praying that the bite from the whiskey would take away the sting of the words in his own mouth. He felt the tears begin to prickle behind his eyelids, and took a larger sip of the drink. Better to let her think the liquor made his eyes water than to let her think he cared.

“What…” she began, helpless. Why was she feeling this way? Why was she feeling as if her whole life was ending, and that she’d be doomed to miserable adequacy forever, and that she was powerless to stop it. “I don’t understand this…” she continued, searching for words. “Why are you pushing me at Jesse?”

“True love warms my heart” he answered sarcastically. Oh, god…she had to leave, he couldn’t take much more of this. He loved her, and here he was forcing her into someone else’s arms. But- it wasn’t really forcing her into arms if she wanted to be there in the first place, now was it? He glanced down at his drink. If she kept this up, he was going to need another drink-and soon.

“No!” Michelle exclaimed, surprising even herself with her vehemence. “I know how you feel about me. I know.” Why was this so important to her, to hear him say that he loved her? What the hell was going on here, and why couldn’t she stop herself?

Danny started, visibly shaken. “What? What are you talking about?” Oh, dear lord, was he that transparent? He couldn’t lie to her straight out, could he? And if she knew, maybe she…NO. NO. He couldn’t think like that. Thinking like that led down a road he couldn’t afford to take.

“Danny, I HEARD you tell your grandmother. Don’t you remember that at all?” She searched his face, looking for some sign of recognition. Oh, good, Michelle. What do you want? For him to jump up, embrace you, and declare his undying love? And what would you do then? that tiny voice whispered in the back of her mind. She decided to ignore it. Again.

Danny thought quickly, panicking. Oh, Jesus. Not now. Please, God, don’t do this to me- please don’t make me lie to her, and please don’t let me tell her…please don’t let my mouth get ahead of my head. “Michelle…” he began…”She’s old…she’s…”

She cut him off in disbelief. "Are you telling me that you lied to your grandmother?” She couldn’t believe it. She didn’t WANT to believe it, wasn’t that it? She wanted to hear him say it…say it again, to her face. And what would you do then? that voice spoke up again. Then? Well, she didn’t know. But right now, those pesky tears were bubbling entirely to close to the surface. He was saying something, but she couldn’t hear him through the blood rushing through her head. “So you’re telling me…” she swallowed, barely able to speak “that you never loved me? Ever?” She looked at him with hurt eyes.

Oh, god. He could take anything, he thought, except the way she was looking at him right now. She looked like he had killed something, deep inside her. If he tried to talk right now, he couldn’t. Not looking at her, looking at him the way she was now. So he stared at some remote corner above her head. “Just like you never loved me.” He managed, surprising himself with the evenness of his tone. He should be proud- anyone walking by would think he was just fine…when he was really dying inside. He needed a tequila, right now. Anything to get the taste of those awful words out of his mouth. Just… like… you… never…loved… me… they echoed in his head, resounding over and over like some sick, masochistic symphony.

God…she couldn’t help it…she had to touch him. She reached over and began caressing his neck, slowly…to wipe away, if she could, the hurt she was SURE she could see hidden deep inside those eyes. “Part of the act…” she repeated automatically…feeling like a weird parrot…she knew she had shut everything down…she was numb…whose hand was that on her shoulder? Slowly, she turned around, feeling like she was turning through water. Damn, Jesse. Would she always feel that flicker of disappointment every time she saw him?

“Ready to go?” he asked.

She nodded, still numb. “Yeah.” She whispered. She shot a look back at Danny, who seemed completely oblivious that she was even there any more, and certainly didn’t feel her hand on his neck.

She had to go. She had to stop. He couldn’t feel her hands on him any more. Another second, and he was going to snap, reach out, grab her, hold her close, kiss her, touch her, hold her, and never let her go. Suddenly, she stopped. He saw that she was leaving from the corner of his eye. He managed a half-hearted wave. He heard the door close, and knew she was gone. The mask slipped, fell. He felt himself crumple, draw in on himself. The pain, the agony, of letting her walk away from him, of not touching her, of knowing that he faced a long, empty life without her was too much. He couldn’t lie any more…"I do love you…" he whispered in agony, praying that somehow, some way, she would hear. But she didn’t…and she was gone.

So that’s that. My favorite Manny moment. I borrowed liberally from Holly Jo’s transcript page, so I have to give her lots of credit for that.

I think this is my favorite moment, not just ‘cause I’m a sucker for people beating their heads against love, but because it showed me just what Danny was willing to go through for Michelle. More even than the Bauer “goodbye” scene, in my mind, because it would have been so easy for him to have admitted his love for Michelle. And then what would she do? was the question running through my mind the entire time I was watching that scene.

And for me, it also cemented the power of Manny. What should have been a scene about Michelle finding out about the DD became a scene about Manny- everything else was peripheral. You know that old saying “and the world stood still, and everyone else disappeared”? In this scene, I truly felt that it did, and that they had. This scene could have been anywhere- the Bauer kitchen, Casa Santos, a church, Company, the hospital, anywhere, and it wouldn’t have mattered. What mattered was the two focal points of the scene, and watching the two of them fight against things that I think both of them knew were there, even then. And I think this was the first time that Michelle let the idea flicker through her mind that she might really have feelings for this guy. And man- let me tell you- re-watching that scene, it has just as much gut-wrenching emotional impact as it did the first time. I want to cry like a baby even re-writing it.

“Casa Santos Wedding Night”
– OUTSTANDING DISPLAY OF TENDERNESS AMID CONFUSION & NERVOUSNESS
The Casa Santos "Wedding Night"

Michelle and Danny have left their reception and returned to their room. They are both very nervous, but for very different reasons. Danny wants Michelle so badly, he can't stand it, but he wants everything to be right for her, he doesn't want to pressure or rush her. After I heard him say his vows I knew he was a goner, he was totally and completely in love with this woman whether she loved him or not.

Michelle is nervous. I think that she was trying to convince herself that it was because she was going to make love to this man, even though she didn't want him. In my opinion she was nervous because she was starting to fall in love with the man, and she didn't know how to deal with it and she thought it was wrong.

She dropped her dress to the floor and was trying to be so mature and seductive, but she looks so young and conflicted. She kisses Danny and starts to undo his shirt, Danny pulls away slightly and so softly you almost don't hear him whisper "are you sure?" Michelle is so nervous all she can do is smile a shaky smile and nod her head, but as Danny kisses her again, her head and heart start that same war, her head telling her it's wrong, her heart telling her it's right. She pulls away. Danny is so tender with her, he understands it's a big deal to her. He doesn't want to rush her. He wants everything to be perfect, and Michelle is so surprised, and I think touched by the depth of love this man has for her, when she has done nothing but be mean to him.

He leads her to the bed and starts to give her the back rub. He is opening his heart to her, and Michelle is really listening, if she would just ignore that stupid voice in her head, that I feel is fading, she would have admitted right then that she was falling for him. She is trying so hard to not enjoy the back rub but she is failing. When Danny kisses her shoulder and neck, her eyes close, she is so close to slipping into the pleasure of the moment, I think at that point she wanted him as much as he wanted her. When Danny turned her over it broke the spell, but not because Danny repulsed her, which is what he thought, but because she was so overwhelmed with her feelings for this man, and because she felt so totally guilty for her plan. It was in that moment she realized that Danny was never a part of her plan, she only wanted to destroy Carmen. It was that guilt that wouldn't allow her to love him. When he left her he looked totally devastated, she tried to stop him, but he was crushed and couldn't let her see that. Michelle's "Oh, God, What have I done?" said it all. She never wanted to hurt this man who had fallen so deeply in love with her and made her feel things she had never felt before.

“Thanksgiving At the Beach”
– OUTSTANDING DISPLAY OF CONFLICTING EMOTIONS
"Thanksgiving Day At The Beach" Submitted by: Kelly

It is so very intense. I was afraid of Danny for Michelle at the beginning of that scene. When he followed her to the beach, and started asking her if she thought his brother suffered. She was so scared and nervous. Then Danny started pushing her about Jesse being so jealous, and how Mick had told Danny about her, and Mick had said that there was "something" between he and Michelle and Michelle denied it, saying there was NOTHING between them. He grabbed Michelle and was really grilling her, and she broke saying "Jesse didn't know what Mick did to me!"

The look on Danny's face was amazing. He was in total shock and I think if Mick had been standing in front of him Danny would have killed him himself. He looked like he had just been punched in the stomach. He looked hurt and angry all at the same time, and it was from the thought of Mick having hurt Michelle. It was in that moment I knew for certain, that Danny had real feelings for Michelle, he wasn't just using her to find Mick's killer. Then of course Jesse had to arrive on the scene and ruin the whole moment. But I loved how Michelle jumped to Danny's defense when Jesse started to fight with him, and how she kept looking back at Danny when Jesse was dragging her off. I don't think she did that because she was afraid that Danny would think Jesse was the killer. She may have said that and thought that, but in her heart, I think it was because she was feeling something that she didn't understand for this man she was supposed to fear.

Home