The plane landed in Springfield. Cassie knew that this was the last time she would see him. He had been lost in thought for the last hour. Their hands had touched during dinner and Ray acted as though his hand had caught fire. She saw a look in his eyes that she had not seen before. He looked like a frightened animal. She felt like the huntress and felt guilty all over again.
Ray had steeled himself for the talk with Father Tomas. He would simply do a thorough search of his conscience and tell him what he had found there. Yes, he was envious of the love that his cousin and new wife shared. It seemed to silly. He had seen couples in love before. He usually took great joy in seeing people happy and contented. No, it was something more. He was not altogether sure it didn't have something to do with the woman sitting next to him. Their hands had touched and it startled him that he had a physical reaction to her. Images had flashed through his mind. This was not going to be as easy as he had thought.
Cassie looked out the window as the plane landed. Blake was going to meet her with the children. Maybe this would take her mind off things. She missed her children. Tammy had wanted to go with her on this exciting trip. Now she wished she had said yes. Things might have been different.
They walked down the aisle toward the stewardess who was wishing everyone a pleasant visit in Springfield. As they approached her she said" I hope you and your wife had a pleasant trip, enjoy your stay in Springfield"
Cassie smiled and said nothing. Ray's face turned red. Now he thought even the stewardess noticed something about them.. a closeness that shouldn't have been there.
Blake waited at the gate, struggling with the twins and Cassie's children. She was obviously overjoyed to see Cassie.
Ray headed back to St. Michael's and Father Tomas.
Cassie headed home. Blake, of course, was eager to hear about her trip.
"Well, was this the adventure that Madame Zuma promised you? Who was that with you? A tall dark stranger you met on the plane?" Blake laughed
Cassie couldn't wait to get home .. alone. A hot bath and a drink that is what she needed. Privacy .. lots of it.. no more questions that she could never answer.
Cassie had her hot bath.. her drink and after telling Tammy all about St. Cristobel and the wonderful party at Michelle's house, she went to bed. Happy to be in her own bed, even if it was alone. She glanced over at the picture of Hart on her night stand. She had loved him.. there was no doubt in her mind. She was just caught up in the atmosphere of San Cristobel she told herself. Nothing more. It meant nothing. She put the light out and thought" Sure nothing.. that is why I can still see his face.. and that mouth..stop Cassie.. stop"
Ray walked into the rectory. Father Tomas was sitting in a chair reading. He looked up and smiled at Ray. "Well, the weary traveler. Good to have you back."
Ray smiled and said he was glad to be back. He explained , rather quickly, that he was in fact weary and would like to go to bed. Perhaps they could talk in the morning.
"Of course Ray, I am sure that it was a tiring trip. Plane rides always wear me out too.. See you tomorrow and sleep well"
Ray did not sleep well. He found himself lost in thought. Thinking about Cassie. The feel of her skin next to his. Her fingers stroking his chest and her lips .. no, no he thought .. I can't think about that. This was going to be a long night. A long tortured night. He dreamed of her and turned over to touch her in his sleep.
He woke up and looked out the window. It was still dark ,the moon hidden behind the clouds. The room was devoid of warmth. The only sound the ticking of the clock. He sat on the edge of his narrow bed, his head in his hands. He had to talk to Father Tomas soon, very soon. His conscience was tearing him apart.
Cassie's dreams were almost the same. She woke clutching the pillow to her breast. In her dream it was Ray. She fell into a drowsy place where her dreams almost seemed possible. Why not.. it had happened before. Why couldn't he leave for her. They had experienced something that was more than just sex. She knew he felt it too. In the back of her mind she had felt something nagging her. She struggled awake and sat up, looked at the clock, 3:00 am. What was it?? Something .. oh god.. now she remembered.. no protection.. what had they been thinking.." I guess thinking had nothing to do with it stupid" she told herself." What if.. no, no she would not think about that.. put it from your mind.. do not think about.. that" she lay back on the bed and suddenly she felt sheer panic. It had all happened so naturally, they had made love as though it had been preordained.. no that wasn't a word she should use.. she laughed to herself.. what now. She got up and got dressed. She had the insane desire to call him and tell him .. tell him what? About the birds and the bees.. Hey , Ray.. guess what.. what do you plan on doing if I am pregnant..? "
Ray tried to pray. He knelt beside his bed and asked for the strength to be honest with himself and with Father Tomas. It was going to be hard to see the disappointment in Father Tomas's eyes. He would say the rosary. The repetition would help him focus his mind on what he should say.,.. that would help. This rosary was one that Carmen had given him when he was a child. He had always cherished it. What a dichotomy Carmen was.. one side a saint the other a sinner. Interested in Ray.. she always showed him affection. He laughed at himself for calling her a saint and a sinner.. just what was he.. a sinner always and never a saint. He thought about his sixteenth year.
She was blonde and had a reputation for being a little less than chaste. He had felt sorry for her, he told himself. Even then preaching about what someone else should feel or do with their life. He had quite a serious talk with her. She cried on his shoulder .. told him she was not a "bad girl".. somehow one thing lead to another. She was more than willing to share her experience with him.
His first, but not his last. It opened a whole new world to him. One in which he was sought out by most of the girls in his class. "Ray was so thoughtful, the girls said of him, so polite.. so good looking.."
He loved it all. "Not exactly the saint are you Ray?" he told himself.
When had he decided that the priesthood was what he wanted? After another sad affair. A girl he adored. She left him for someone with fewer morals and more excitement. Someone involved with the Santos family. It broke his heart. That person had ended up in jail where he belonged., but not until he had murdered his wife.
Ray recovered from that by praying about it and then Father Tomas impressed upon him the benefits of the priesthood. Education, all his needs met by the church. All they asked in return was his keeping his vows. He had time to evaluate the strength of his calling. He sincerely thought that he had a strong vocation. Now he wondered.
The sun came up and found Ray still on his knees. He knew less now than he did hours ago. He knew he must talk to father Tomas. He would just tell him his fears as well as what he had done.
Father Tomas was sitting at the breakfast table. He waited for Ray to be seated across from him and said "What is troubling you, Ray. Your family giving you problems again? Danny and Michelle are happy and well, yes?"
"Yes, they are very happy Father and we had a wonderful time together. I do need you to hear my confession. Will you have time this morning?" Ray asked .
"Of course, we can talk right after breakfast , if that is what you wish." Father Tomas answered thoughtfully.
Cassie was busy feeding her children and the doorbell rang. She looked out the window, half hoping that it was Ray. Of course , she knew it would not be him. It was Blake. She had the twins with her and Cassie was happy for the diversion.
"Blake, you're up early." Cassie said as she opened the door.
"Ye gods, who could sleep with these two around. They wake up at the crack of dawn." Blake laughed.
"I just thought I would check on you.. seemed kinda out of sorts yesterday" Blake said as she adjusted the twins clothing. "I am taking them to Rick and Abby's today. They opened up the pool and it is supposed to be really warm today"
"Oh , that sounds great." Cassie said absent-mindedly
"Would Tammy like to go.. I mean would it be all right with you?"
"I am sure she would love it.. definitely she would love it. " Cassie thought of a day to herself and it sounded wonderful.
Blake left with the children and Cassie sat down and drank her coffee. RJ was playing happily on the floor. Then the panic hit her again. What if she were to become pregnant again.
She really needed to talk to Ray. Maybe there was no reason for her to panic. Maybe .. maybe.. "yes, maybe pigs could fly, Cassie" she sighed.
Ray started his confession with the normal ritual. The he talked to Father Tomas as his friend.
He told him of his feelings for this woman. How they seemed to be so connected to one another from the first time they spoke. He had never intended for this to happen. He felt that she had not intended for it to happen either. They had both been drinking ,yes that was true. Neither was drunk. She was not at fault , she knew nothing of his profession. He briefly discussed the rest of the trip. Describing his meeting with Cassie at the Santos summer home and the accidental meeting at the airport, the flight home. These were not intentional meetings.
He tried not to look at Father Tomas. He knew he would see disappointment in his eyes. It could not be helped. It was done.
When he was through father Tomas told him that he would give him absolution. However, there would be other things to consider. He did not know if it was wise for Ray to stay in Springfield. Perhaps another parish in another town would be the answer.
Ray said he understood.
Rick and Abby looked forward to seeing Blake. It was almost time for the barbecue and they hoped that Blake would help this year. Danny and Michelle would be back soon and probably spending most of their time looking for a house. Blake said she would be happy to help. They asked how Cassie was, did she enjoy her trip?
"Well, I thought she did. She seems kind of nervous. I asked her if she had an adventure with a tall dark stranger and I thought she would snap my head off." Blake laughed.
"Why would she be mad about that?" Abby asked. Then Abby said "Oh Madam Zula said something like that at Reva's shower didn't she? You shouldn't tease her like that."
"She got off the plane with a tall dark stranger.. what was I supposed to think." Blake laughed again..it was all just silly joking around."
Cassie picked up the phone at least ten times. Should she call him. "Why, she asked herself, what could she say to him. He had probably brushed this whole thing aside by now." She thought about the trapped look on the plane. "Yes, she was sure he would not want to hear from her.. ever again"
Father Tomas told Ray he had called the archdiocese and discussed Ray being sent to another parish. He still had 6 months left at St. Michael's but they had decided it was best if he left this month. He was really needed in Chicago at a parish in a poor district. Father Tomas assured him it was for the best. It would have come eventually , he was just transferring a little early.
Ray accepted that without question.
