They are on their way now. Prince Edmund, Dietz and their compadre. Dietz figures he is one of the few people that the Prince is actually a bit uncomfortable around and he likes it that way. The helicopter is in the air.
Carla Ray is safely ensconced at the palace-even the soon to be named President Heath will leave the infamous Carla Ray alone. All Dietz has to do now is to plot out the next move. However, he is tired and hasn't had the proper amount of caffeine to kick start his day. He decides to think about something else for a while. He lets his mind wander and starts thinking about Boom Boom, his BB, and his longest lasting love. BB and the girls will be fine in San Cristobel while I am away. There is no way BB can travel in this storm with both arms still in casts and her right leg and hip in a cast as well. There is really no chance of her doing much of anything at all over the next few weeks. It will be physically impossible (Sarah2, it is physically impossible). Dietz continues his thoughts, I love you my little BB buzzing bee of love. I am like the drone bee to your queen. I will always make honey for you doll. Nevertheless, right now, my priorities have to be to save Springfield and the world itself.
Boom Boom is not the only woman he has ever loved. There have been many unrequited loves in his life but only about four or five real relationships. Recently of course, there was Holly but after that stay in the mental hospital, she never seemed right again. Even though we shared those nights of connubial bliss in that elevator at the Towers Club, she likes that wild southern talking cowboy man. What was with his stories of making those wood boxes and carvings and such? Hell, anyone could pick up that junk in Singapore, Malaysia or parts of Taiwan. Nevertheless, Holly is easily taken in by men hook line and sinker no matter what bait they use. Heck, the line he'd used down by the docks worked on her; he'd asked her if she would like to see a big pair of binoculars and she'd fallen for that old gag. For a newspaperwoman, she sometimes failed to document and recheck all her facts if you know what I mean.
Then there was Abuella. That woman was more fun than eating a couple dozen deviled eggs on a hot afternoon. They shared so many mutual interests. Like gambling, betting on anything and love of the ponies of course. He remembered riding horses with Abuella in Spain before her diabetes set in and before she had taken to locking herself in her room. Luckily, the Sanchez family who made those great 4th Street Chocolates in Springfield always made Abuella low-fat, sugarless chocolates. The two of them loved to sit down for a few hours and just eat, talk and gamble. Abuella loved to play Internet poker and with her super fast modem hookup and her innate ability to count cards; she had cleared $35,000 in the month of June alone. Abuella, sweet woman, if she was just five years younger, they could have made a go of it all. She always appreciated him and said he was a good self-made robotic dog. He always liked how that sounded. He would fetch and carry for Abuella until her last dying day or his.
Boom Boom was good to him and a darn good mother to the three girls. He liked to call the girls his little miracles because he had never been home anytime near their conception dates. Still the kids looked just like Boom Boom (well before the plastic surgery) so he knew the girls were his well and true.
Boom Boom was a special kind of woman always bent on self-improvement. She had more plastic surgery than Cher, Demi Moore, Pamela Anderson and Barbara Bush combined. Actually, she rather looked like all four women on one of her better days.
They met years before back before Disco changed the face of American music forever. Before the beat of Saturday Night Fever jump started the exotic dancing business again. BB always said those BeeGee's were the best things to ever happen to them down at the Bada Boom club. Anyway, they met at of all places a polo match. She mistook him for one of the rich guys and he hadn't corrected her until it was a little too late in the day. Oh, their communication back then was golden. He remembered so many of their talks.
BB your face reminds me of the moon and its beauty.
Dietze is that a complement or are you trying to tell me something?
What did I say?
I said how do you do!
You say how do you do?
Should we just go back to pretending like we've never met?
We are no good either of us, you and I.
Listen you would be doing me a favor if you would just go away now and leave me alone.
Dietze do you have any money?
Yeah sure, doll, how much?
Nice men do not ask.
(He hands her some money, she gets huffy)
Well nice women do not get insulted.
Now you have gone and spoiled things, Dietze.
BB whenever I am with you, you still throw yourself at men.
Do you think that you will ever see your way to clear to just love only me?
Can I think about it for a while?
BB you have not said yes to my proposal of marriage
Dietze you haven't heard me say no yet have ya?
Oh those first few exchanges were truly golden, they were the best of times. Those first few days when they were so much in love, there was no clue or indication that there would be disagreements or fights between the two of them.
They had moved in together right after Dietz got back from one of his many trips to Spain. He was in Europe for 5 months and BB was 4 months pregnant. He was so happy yet she was oddly discordant and kept telling him that she had settled. Oh his little BB. She was so beautiful to him. Still if faced with saving Carla Ray or BB he'd always choose the defenseless animal.
Dietz and BB did not marry until five years ago when BB said she thought her chances for something better were all shot to hell. They went to Reno and tied the knot. It was extra special because an Elvis impersonator had married them and sung "Blue Suede Shoes." No matter what occurred, BB and he always had their love for the king. They laughed early on in their relationship when they found that their collections of Elvis tapes combined together made up one complete set of every one of his great movie classics. Just the thought of the king and that beautiful moment BB and he shared brought tears to his eyes.
Actually, he liked to think that he should bear the full brunt of responsibility for what made their marriage take a wrong turn and cause BB to go back to exotic dancing. He thought to himself, I have some personality flaws and quite a few characteristics that make me poor husband material. I am ready to take responsibility for that now if BB will let me. I know that if she gives me the chance, I will probably die trying to make her happy. I need to dress snappier and wear wilder outfits for her. Maybe use some manners like I did when we first met. I need to be more steadfast and when she comes home with a bit too much money like $3500 for a night's work, I need to be trusting of her and not do a strip search. I have played the hurt spouse for too long in our relationship and if I make it out of this debacle, I am going to prove my love to you, BB. I need to tell her, "Babe we've both of us cheated but if the love is still there, we can make this work, we can try again for the 39th time and heck maybe even the 40th."
One thing he adored about BB was that she never ever talked about his mother while they were in the sack. Nothing worse than talking about your relatives especially your mother while in the sackarooni, the four-poster, the big old bed in the woods. Personally, he doesn't think that Michelle and Danny Santos' marriage has a chance. That speculation isn't due to outside forces or pulls on the marriage. No, the reason is that these two do not have romantic pillow talk and lately are boring! When Pilar lets him share the glass she uses to listen in on their conversations and lets him look through the keyhole, all he ever hears or sees is some real quick lovemaking and then hours of talk about friends and family.
The helicopter lands in Puerto Rico at the special VIP terminal. He loves this terminal because it is so familiar to him. Why he could have sworn he had seen this very terminal on the television not all that long ago. The monitors in the airport indicate that the storm is concentrated to the Southwest so they can depart on time from Puerto Rico to Chicago. There is plenty of time after they clear customs to stop at the coffee bar.
His buddy hit his arm, "Hey," he looked up and said, "hello, look at this threesome?" It was Pilar Santos, David Grant and Vicki Lewis nee Spaulding, nee Brandon. What a trio; the dolt leading the foolish leading the boring. Maybe with this combination, Springfield and the world did not need his help. They appeared to be waiting for a flight to San Cristobel, waiting in vain, Dietz laughed. The storm to the Southwest just went up to a level 3 meaning serious consequences for the islanders. Thank goodness Carla Ray was protected. He bowed his head, said a quick prayer for Carla Ray and all the island horses, and added a few thoughts for BB and the girls.
Yep, in a few minutes, they will be airborne again leaving the lovely locale of Puerto Rico. Strange yet pretty island used by movie and television crews to represent what they believe we think all other Caribbean Islands look like. Why don't these folks ever grasp that each of these beautiful islands has its unique character and beauty? Don't they know most travelers can tell the difference?
This would be a nice place to shoot a proper ending to a summer adventure for one of those TV daytime serials BB loved so much. What were her favorites: As the Earth Gravitates, The Old and the Staid, and his, er, her favorite the Brazen and the Gorgeous? Yep, perfect way to wrap up one of those crazy story lines BB got so involved in; have a hurricane come in, declare martial law and the principality is toppled with the civilians taking over the country. If one of those shows was stuck in a bad storyline with two main characters that most viewers couldn't stand anyway, this would be a great way to wrap it very quick. Yep, bring those princes back to the story's original locale. No, what was he thinking? Who would come up with a convoluted story line like this very real life event facing him right now? Who would believe it? Nope, back to the discussion.
Hmm, the flight attendant is handing out drinks and she obviously recognizes him. She has two pots of coffee and has pointed that one is all his! Nothing is as good in life as airline coffee. Hmm, that flight attendant has a nice full figure. Bennie Dietz doesn't like those skinny anorexic dames, what sense did a woman who looked like a guy make in this crazy world?
Hey, he thought just because a person is a mobster, a murderer, and an import/export guy does that mean others cannot learn to love him? Does that mean he does not have some endearing traits? Sure, I am not always in touch with my feelings but I do what I have to do, you know? Boy, this woman sure has his number, she just handed him the coffee pot and the latest copy of "Everything Equine." There is nothing like flying the friendly skies!
They will be in Chicago in a few hours then they have to get down to the business of saving Springfield, Illinois and the world itself. Dietz reminded himself, better get that Xanax prescription filled tomorrow just in case he has one of those panic-attacks. BB usually stole most of his, she said it helped her with those hot flashes she seemed to have only when she was around him.
He identified the last clue they needed for their next move back at the Puerto Rico airport. Little Pilar, Miss Philosophy Major herself, had thrown away some clippings in the coffee bar trash can. No doubt to make room for those smutty paperback books she had bought at the adjacent bookstore: The Dummies Guide to being a Mafia Princess, and How to Entice Catholic Priests.
She was one for the history books, this one. One of the articles she dumped had proven to be the substantive lead; it was a Business Week article in the 3/15/1999 issue, "Zapping the Salt out of Seawater."
Little Ms. Pilar just gave away the store and Mr. David Grant had practically handed her the keys. Still Pilar could not be that bad a woman, she was too skinny sure, but she did like that old caffeine habit as much as he did, although her tastes tended towards tea. Yep, that little mistake she made at the airport coffee bar might just be the stopper for this non-dynamic triad.
The last clue to this intricate puzzle had a very clear answer and that was the final link to debugging all those bombs. Yep, they just had to make their way to the Chicago branch of the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory. Yes, sir, Mr. Spaulding as of this time next week you may be paying me in thanks once you learn that without my help, you would be working the sea without a net! And wasn't it Alan Spaulding who always said, "The only action that counts is action?" Of course, he said that right before his bypass surgery and he was on heavy medication but still it made sense to Dietz.
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The last and final clue to this mystery is in this odd little story. Can you find it?
The remaining chapters provide you with topical information and amusement. They will also serve to remind you of the clues and help you review progress to date. But the clues and the answers are right here in these early chapters. The problem is of course that Dietz has not presented you with the questions. Well, he is that way you know, stay tuned.