Surfacing
Part 11
By Lauren
A sudden flash of bright light broke into Drew’s silent darkness. It grew brighter and brighter until she realized that she was at the hospital. Okay, this is a little confusing, Drew thought. Am I in the hospital with Ray or am I…
Her question was answered when she turned to see Marah huddled in a waiting room chair, her hair still wet from falling in the pool. Reaching a hand up, Drew realized that her hair was wet, too. What the hell is going on here? she wondered.
Then a memory within a memory crashed down upon her, and she saw Marah and herself attempting to fish Jesse out of the water. Jesse had been flailing around and panicking, and neither Drew nor Marah could get a tight enough grip on his arms to pull him out. To Drew’s horror, his hands and wrists slid through her fingers over and over again.
Luckily, Ben had heard Drew’s screams and had come running, instructing a wide-eyed Dahlia to call an ambulance. Somehow the three of them had managed to drag Jesse onto the pool deck, and Ben had attempted CPR.
The paramedics had arrived in a hurry and had brought Jesse to Cedars. Now Drew and Marah were stuck in the waiting room, having heard nothing about Jesse’s condition.
“I brought you a cup of coffee,” Ben said softly, gently sitting next to Marah and wrapping an arm around her.
Marah sniffled. “I don’t want any,” she quietly refused.
Ben nodded and rested his chin on the top of her head. Tears streamed freely down Marah’s flushed cheeks.
Drew, however, stood stoically at the wire-laced window that looked out on the hallway. She resented Marah for crying. She resented Marah for falling into that damned pool.
But most of all, and most horrible of all, she resented herself, and blamed herself for what had happened.
Incredible guilt descended on Drew, and she leaned heavily on the wall, pressing her cheek against the cold glass. Nurses in animal-print scrubs and pristine rubber-soled shoes scurried back and forth down the corridor, sometimes alone, sometimes followed by doctors in white coats.
“Drew!” Michelle’s voice called out from the direction of the door. Drew turned to see Michelle standing in the doorway with Danny looming behind her. She crossed the room as fast as her cumbersome condition would allow and embraced Drew fiercely.
“Dahlia told us what happened,” Michelle explained, pulling away. One of her hands automatically rested on the swell of her stomach. “How is he?”
Drew’s eyes were glassy. “I don’t know…the doctors won’t tell us anything.”
Michelle nodded, turning to Marah and Ben. She walked over to offer comfort to Marah, who was still teary-eyed.
To Drew’s surprise, Danny walked toward her, his eyes unusually soft. Like when he looks at Michelle, Drew decided, remembering that as the only time Danny’s eyes hadn’t looked dark and sinister. “Drew, Michelle told me he was sick. Is there anything…I mean, if you need help with the bills or anything…”
Drew glared. “You’re forgetting, Danny, that my father left me quite a bit of money when he died.” Died, she thought mournfully, trying to conjure up an image of her father’s face and failing.
“I know that you’re wealthy, Drew,” Danny said condescendingly. “All I’m saying is, my family’s got some connections with insurance companies and things, and I know they can be unreasonable sometimes…”
Drew snorted. “I will not accept handouts from the mob, Santos,” she spat. “And why the hell do you care anyway? You hate Jesse. You’ve always hated Jesse.”
Danny’s eyes lost their softness and burned into Drew. “I don’t give a damn about Jesse Blue,” he hissed, “but I love my wife, and, God knows why, she still cares about him. The last thing Michelle needs right now is to lose someone she loved. We’re both under enough stress as it is, and neither of us want to risk another episode like we had a few weeks ago.”
Drew’s jaw tightened. “No, I don’t want your help,” she seethed, moving back to the window. Behind her she heard Michelle and Danny’s hushed voices, and then she felt a soft hand come down on her shoulder. “Do you want me to see what I can find out?” Michelle’s voice soothed.
Turning to her, Drew nodded. “Thank you, Michelle,” she said softly.
“You’re welcome,” Michelle whispered back. “I’ll try to track down Rick.”
“Don’t wear yourself out,” Drew warned.
Michelle rolled her eyes. “Here we go again,” she mumbled as she waddled out the door.
Danny sat heavily in one of the sparsely padded chairs and picked up a financial magazine, flipping through it absently. Ben stood and walked toward the door, motioning for Drew to follow him.
She walked out into the hall behind him. “What’s going on, Reade?” she asked.
“This might not be the most opportune time to bring this up, but I found that three more bottles of bourbon were gone last night,” he revealed.
Drew stared at him sharply, then exhaled with puffed cheeks. “I can’t believe you’re telling me this now,” she said, shaking her head.
“Well, I figured you needed to know, and I knew that you wouldn’t be in at the club for a few days with Jesse in the hospital…” he trailed off. “I just thought that I should tell you before you came back to work.”
Drew closed her eyes. “This is insane,” she breathed. “Okay, so you noticed this morning that they were gone?”
Ben nodded.
“From where? From under the counter? From the cabinet behind the bar? From the stockroom?” she pressed.
“From the cabinet,” he clarified. “I was restocking the supply under the bar, and I went to get a bottle out of the cabinet, and there weren’t any in there. I specifically remembered putting three bottles in there yesterday.”
Drew shook her head. “I can’t handle this now. You’re going to have to deal with this on your own. If you have any questions, you can call Buzz. I’m taking the week off.”
“I totally understand,” Ben comforted. “And if there’s anything else that either Marah or I can do, then just—“
“You’ve done enough,” Drew replied sharply. “Please, just leave me alone. Both of you, go home. I’ll have Michelle call you about Jesse later.”
“But…Marah wants…” Ben protested.
“I don’t care what Marah wants,” Drew snapped. “Just get out of here.”
Ben nodded humbly and disappeared into the waiting room. Moments later, he and Marah emerged. “I’m sorry, Drew,” Marah began, placing a hand on Drew’s shoulder.
Drew brushed it away. “I’m sorry, too,” she replied bitterly.
Minutes passed, and Drew stood out in the hall, staring into space, just standing there. She nearly jumped out of her soggy tennis shoes when Michelle tapped her on the shoulder.
“I thought I told you…” she started angrily, whirling around and nearly colliding with Michelle’s stomach.
“Hey, watch it,” Michelle said defensively, wrapping a hand around her abdomen possessively.
“Sorry, sorry, I thought it was someone else,” Drew said quietly, closing her eyes and running a hand through her hair, which she had had cut to shoulder length only the day before.
“You’ve got to calm down,” Michelle admonished, taking hold of Drew’s upper arm and steering her into the waiting room.
Danny was asleep in one of the chairs, his neck hunched into an unnatural position. “Listen, I think you ought to sit down,” Michelle advised. “Rick wouldn’t tell me anything, but he’s coming up here to talk to you in a few minutes. The last thing you need to do is snap at my brother.”
Drew nodded numbly. “You’re probably right.”
“And hey, what did you do to Marah?” Michelle asked. “She and Ben were leaving when I was getting on the elevator, and she was bawling her eyes out.”
“Nothing,” Drew replied pointedly. “I told her to leave.”
Michelle sat down next to her sleeping husband and leaned forward. “So, listen, do you want to tell me what happened at the pool this afternoon or not?”
Drew laughed humorlessly. “Why do I have the feeling that you’ll find out whether I tell you or not?”
“Because you’ve known me for years,” Michelle responded with a half-smile.
“So you want to know what happened…” Drew began. “Not that it’s any of your business, because it’s not.”
“I never said it was,” Michelle agreed. “You know me and my curious nature.”
“All too well,” Drew replied. “So Marah and I got into it about something…”
“About what?” Michelle asked.
Panic momentarily coursed through Drew’s veins. “Nothing important…” she started.
“Drew?” Rick said from the door. He was dressed in his ubiquitous green scrubs, and his curly hair was a wild mess.
“Hi, Rick,” Drew greeted him sadly. “I hope you have good news for me.”
“Ah…” Rick began, sitting down next to Danny and slapping his leg forcefully.
“Hey, what the hell…” Danny began, his eyes bleary with sleep. “Oh, Dr. Rick, I should have known.”
“Nice to see that you’ve taken an interest in your friend’s health,” Rick said with a smile. Michelle shot him a warning glare.
Danny smiled lazily. “Well, you know, if your sister would let me get a good night’s sleep for once…”
“Okay, okay, that’s completely too much about our personal life,” Michelle interjected, her cheeks coloring. “How’s Jesse?”
“Well, he’s awake, and he’s breathing on his own for the moment…” Rick said.
Drew’s heart dropped into her stomach, and she felt as if she were going to throw up. “For the moment?” she croaked, unable to stop her eyes from tearing up.
Rick looked at her solemnly. “Drew, I know you don’t want me to sugarcoat this, and I’m not going to. Jesse’s heart was already in bad condition, and the fact that he swallowed a lot of water in that pool didn’t help matters any.”
“What are you saying?” Drew asked anxiously. “That he’s going to die?”
“All the tests we’ve run indicate that his heart isn’t going to hold up much longer. He’s in immediate heart failure, Drew, and I don’t know how long he’s got left. It could be a matter of days, it could be a matter of hours,” Rick stated calmly.
Michelle’s hand flew to her mouth, and a tear escaped from one of her eyes. “Oh, God,” she breathed, and Danny grasped her other hand, rubbing her back in slow, comforting circles.
“Calm down, baby, don’t get worked up,” he requested, his eyes dark.
You hate Jesse, Drew thought venomously in Danny’s direction. You’ve hated him since you met him, because he had Michelle. Why don’t you leave? I don’t want you here.
“I…what should I do?” Drew asked Rick, her voice strangely level.
“He’s been admitted,” Rick explained. “He’s in a private room. I would just suggest that you go to him and stay with him.”
“I…um…thank you, Rick, thank you for telling me,” Drew answered, accepting Rick’s hug.
“Just let me know if you need anything,” Rick assured her, before leaving the room. “Here’s his room number.” He pressed a piece of paper into her palm, then left.
“Oh…oh, my God,” Michelle breathed, her face pale and her hands shaking.
Oh, shut up, Michelle! Drew wanted to scream. Instead, she shakily took a deep breath and exhaled, unfolding the crumpled piece of paper in her hand. “Room 123,” she said with a sarcastic smile. “How strange is that?”
She turned to Michelle and Danny, who were both watching her. Michelle’s eyes were wide and frightened, while Danny’s eyelids were half closed, his cheek resting against Michelle’s wild curls. “Do you…do you want us to go up there with you?” Michelle asked slowly.
“If you want to be there, Michelle, just tell me,” Drew snapped, her nerves tightening. Her face and hands were warm with jealousy.
“Fine,” Michelle stated plainly. “I want to be there. Is that a problem? I just want to talk to him.”
Drew sighed shakily and shook her head. “No. No, it’s not a problem. You can talk to him. I’m not his keeper. You come up, and you can go to him while I call Max.”
Max, Drew thought sadly. What the hell am I going to tell Max? I’m not even sure he knows that anything is wrong, and now I have to tell him that Jesse is dying?
“Drew?” Michelle asked tentatively.
“What?” she replied sharply.
“I just…I’m sorry, Drew, I’m sorry,” Michelle said, clumsily standing and hugging Drew. “I’m so sorry.”
Drew numbly hugged her back, feeling an odd tingling run down her spine when she felt Michelle’s swollen belly squirm against her own flat stomach. She pulled away, begging tears to come and break the painful lump that was forming in her throat.
She didn’t even remember the elevator ride up to Jesse’s floor. She realized halfway down the corridor to the room that Danny was pulling her along by the arm. Her feet didn’t want to move. To her surprise, she didn’t want to see him yet. Didn’t want to talk to him.
“I won’t be too long,” Michelle said quietly, tearfully as the three of them stopped at Jesse’s door. Drew could hear the insistent beeping of monitors through the wooden door.
“Take all the time you two need,” Drew said generously. She didn’t want to see him like this.
“Really, Drew, I don’t want to get in between the two of you,” Michelle argued, her voice low and thick.
“No, no, Michelle, I told you to stay in there as long as you wanted. I’m not the doorkeeper. Jesse has the right to see whomever he wants to. I’m not the one who’s…” she began, then trailed off.
“Okay, fine, I’ll stay until he kicks me out,” Michelle said, attempting a smile and ending up with a grimace.
“I’ll wait for you out here,” Danny said comfortingly, kissing Michelle’s cheek and gently brushing a hand over their baby before she went into the room.
Drew tore her eyes away from them, embarrassed. She always felt like an intruder when she was around the two of them, no matter where they were or what they were doing.
The pay phones were at the other end of the sterile white hallway, and Drew dragged her feet over to them as Danny eased himself into a stiff, fabric-covered chair near Jesse’s door. She blinked twice, her breath becoming more labored as she moved. Her purse was an obstacle course: she couldn’t get the zipper open, and when she did, all her change was at the very bottom of the bag. She dug until she found a quarter and tried to shove it into the coin slot. It slipped from her fingers, and she had to stoop down on the floor and struggle to pick it up before she could finally feed the telephone. It beeped twice, and Drew automatically tapped out the phone number to the loft.
The part of Drew’s brain that was still functioning logically reasoned that Max probably wasn’t home; after all, it was Valentine’s Day, and Max had a girlfriend. Drew knew that he and Susan had gone out to dinner at Towers with Susan’s friend Tori and her boyfriend.
Lost in thought, Drew almost missed Max’s tinny “hello?” on the other end of the line.
The connection was fuzzy. Lousy waste of twenty-five cents, Drew thought sourly. “Max?” she asked, her voice coming out strange and cracked. “Max, it’s Drew.”
“Is he dead?” Max asked plainly on the other end of the phone.
“What?” Drew asked, shocked by Max’s question. She’d suspected he’d known, but they had never talked about Jesse’s condition.
“I asked if Jesse was dead,” Max clarified.
“No,” Drew answered, deciding to save her questions for later. “But you need to come to Cedars now. Ask for Michelle’s brother when you get to the desk. And call Selena before you go. Is Susan there?”
“No, Tori and Greg had a fight, and Susan went to Tori’s for moral support or something. Girl stuff. Hey, sis?”
“What?”
“It’s going to be okay, you know. You and I, we’re going to get through this.”
A sad smile spread across Drew’s face and her throat clogged as if she was going to cry. “Hurry up and get here, Max.”
“I’m on my way,” he replied, hanging up the phone with a neat click.
Drew hung up the telephone, grasping the receiver as if it would hold her up. She turned slowly to see that Danny had gotten up and was pacing the hallway slowly, back and forth in front of Jesse’s door. His face had settled into a familiar dark mask, the expression he used with everyone except Michelle, Pilar, and the priest. He looked up when he saw her approaching, and his eyes were black.
“Did you get a hold of Max?” he asked simply in his low, smooth voice.
“Yeah,” Drew said awkwardly, hugging her arms around her upper body. “He’s coming, and he’s calling my mom.”
“Good,” Danny said shortly, crossing his arms over his chest. “That’s good.”
“Yes, it is,” Drew agreed softly, leaning against the wall. She stayed for a few seconds, watching Danny pace.
“You’re not looking through the window in the door,” she noted.
Danny looked up at her, raising an eyebrow. “Should I be looking through the window in the door?”
Drew shifted her weight back on to her feet. “Well, I just thought you’d be curious as to what your wife is saying to her ex-boyfriend.”
Danny smirked. “Drew, I know this is hard for you, and I know that you’re probably just displacing anger or something like that on me—“
“Learned a hell of a lot more in that psych class that any of us thought, eh?” Drew interjected.
“—but that doesn’t give you a right to insinuate that I don’t trust my wife or that I am jealous of Jesse Blue,” Danny finished, his eyes even harder.
“Oh, well, I just thought that it might bother you a little,” Drew said lightly, sitting down in the chair.
Danny shook his head, then rubbed the back of his neck. “Seen Michelle lately, Drew? Noticed that big bulge on her stomach? Well, Drew, that’s my baby. You don’t seriously think that I would distrust the woman who is going to give birth to my child, do you? The woman that I married? You’re just deflecting all this on me.”
“Yeah, well, I suppose that you wouldn’t do the same if you were in my position, would you,” Drew replied snidely.
Danny’s face softened slightly. “I would be pulling a Reva Lewis right now and driving my car off the nearest bridge if I were in your position,” he said simply, giving her a hard stare and turning off down one of the corridors in the hallway.
Drew’s newfound conscience chewed at her nerves and her stomach. She checked her wristwatch every five seconds. She watched the hall to see if Max would come. She watched the door, waiting to see Michelle waddle out. But a mere five minutes after Danny left, she gave into temptation and rose from the chair, nearly pressing her nose against the glass of the wire-laced window.
“I’m sorry, Michelle,” Jesse was saying softly.
Michelle grasped the hand that was free of tubes and needles and pressed it between her puffy fingers. “Why in the world do you have anything to be sorry about?” she asked lightly.
“Maureen,” Jesse said simply, his eyes focusing on the ceiling for a second. “Your mom’s heart. I’m sorry I didn’t take better care of it.”
“Oh, God, Jesse,” Michelle breathed, a tear slipping from her right eye. “No, you took perfect care of my mother’s heart. She would have been so proud of you.”
“I hate to think that I took a part of your mother and killed it,” Jesse replied.
Michelle’s eyes seemed far away as she gently massaged his hand. “My mother would have loved you. She’s in heaven, right now, loving you. And you know why? Because you made me happy Jesse, for a long time.”
Jesse smiled softly, his gaze focusing on Michelle’s swollen stomach. “Is it a boy or a girl? You never told me.”
“We don’t know,” Michelle said. “I don’t want to know.”
“You’re worried about Carmen,” Jesse deduced.
Michelle nodded. “It has to be a girl, it just has to be. Girls don’t grow up to be Mafia princesses as often.”
“The baby isn’t going to grow up to be a Mafia employee,” Jesse said certainly. “This baby is a Bauer.”
“This baby is a Santos, too,” Michelle reminded him.
“Yeah, but not all Santos babies have you for their mother,” Jesse said serenely, his face calm.
“You’ll tell my mom, if you see her,” Michelle began, tears coming so fast down her face now that she could hardly see. “You’ll tell her that I miss her. You’ll tell her that she’s going to be a grandma.”
“Oh, come on, Michelle, she knows. You know that she knows,” Jesse disagreed.
Michelle sniffled, nodded. “Oh, Lord, I didn’t expect to be this emotional…I’m sorry, I just don’t know how to believe that this is really happening…”
“You don’t depend on me, Michelle,” Jesse reminded. “You’ve got a husband and a family who will take care of you. But, Michelle, you have to watch out for Drew. She’s all I’ve got. She’s been everything for months, and I know she’s going to be just as dead as me.”
This brought on a fresh wave of tears. “Don’t worry. Drew’s got tons of people who love her. She’ll be fine. We’ll help her.”
“I know you will. Thank you, Michelle, thank you for everything that has ever happened with us. Thank you,” Jesse said softly.
Michelle looked up and, to Drew’s embarrassment, saw her at the window. She drew in a deep breath, her shoulders shaking, and kissed Jesse’s cheek. He closed his eyes and ran a hand through her hair softly, a gesture that struck Drew. Jesse had always loved Michelle’s hair.
“Goodbye, Jesse,” Michelle whispered.
“Goodbye,” Jesse murmured in reply.
Michelle carefully got up from her seat by Jesse’s bed and trudged to the door, bawling, a hand wrapped protectively around her huge abdomen. With his usual perfect timing, Danny reappeared from his walk and was there to hold Michelle up when she stumbled out the door. “Oh, baby,” he murmured soothingly, holding her close to him and rubbing her back.
Drew stared at the open entrance to the room and hesitated. Michelle looked up and sensed Drew’s reluctance. “We’ll send Max in when he gets here,” Michelle explained.
Drew nodded, steeling her nerves and swallowing hard. She had to go in.
But when she finally went in the door, he was asleep.
She didn’t cry; the tears just wouldn’t come. Instead, she simply went into the room and sat down beside him, clutching his hand and staring at his placid face.
He died an hour later, peacefully, in his sleep. Max had arrived, and had chosen to stay outside with Selena and Buzz. The second the monitor flattened, Drew had an incredible sensation, one that she had never felt before. Words began to fall from her lips, and she vaguely recognized them as one of the Hebrew prayers that the rabbi had recited at her father’s funeral.
The words were calming, and in her deep trance, her dark sleep, Drew’s lips moved in time with her memory, the gentle prayer soothing her and pulling her from her memory gently and softly, immersing her in cool, calm darkness.