Have Faith In Me
Parts 9-10
By Kelly
I can't believe I just said the things I said to my father. Somehow saying them has made me feel better, and in some way, I know that Mom would approve. Now I have to find Danny, my Danny. He looked so hurt and scared when he saw me, I have to tell him there is nothing to be afraid of. I love him too, that scares the hell out of me, but somehow, I know that loving Danny is right. I just have to find a way to put my fears in the past where they belong, and I believe that Danny is the one person who can help me do that. I walk into the living room expecting to see Danny there waiting for me and he's not. I begin calling his name, and when I get no response I begin to feel a sense of panic, and the little voice inside my head is beginning it torment again. "He's gone Michelle, you silly fool! He didn't mean the things he said." My heart tells the voice to shut up, Danny had no reason to say that he loved me if he didn't mean it, he had no idea that I was outside listening to every word, but where is he? My panic continues to grow, until I look out the window and see his car still in the driveway. He couldn't have gone far, I step outside to begin my search for him and I see him. He's setting on the bench in my Mom's rose garden, looking so lost, and sad. I walk over to him, to tell him everything that is in my heart and my head.
I hope Michelle comes out of there soon, so that I can explain to her, God knows what lies Ed Bauer is feeding her. I can't lose her, not now, she has become my heart, my reason for living. "Please, God, don't let me loose Michelle. I know you sent her to me for a reason, she is my angel, you know that I will love her and protect her heart, please don't let her Father make her hate me, I'm begging you."
I hear Danny's prayer, and know in that instant he is right, we were on the curve that awful night at the same time for a reason, we are each other's heart. I offer my own silent prayer to God, that he can help me destroy the fear of my past, so that this wonderful man and I can build the life we both want.
"Danny, I could never hate you, you're my angel, too. Can we go someplace and talk?'
She's here in front of me, she heard my prayer, and in her eyes I see the answer I have been praying for. I reach for her outstretched hand and we begin to walk to my car.
The car ride is very quiet, I can sense that Danny is still worried about what I have to tell him. I'm afraid of what I will tell him, and how he will react. I know that I will tell him I love him, and the rest will come after that. Hoping to ease some of Danny's fear I shyly reach over and take his hand in mine. That simple gesture makes his body relax, and he gives a brief glance that is full of the love I know he feels for me.
We arrive at the lighthouse and walk up the stairs hand in hand.
Once inside Danny wraps his arms around me, that loving embrace gives the courage to tell him all that is in my heart.
"Michelle......"
"Danny....please, let me go first."
Danny draws a deep breath, I see the nervousness he is feeling cross his face again, as he looks to the floor, I take his face in my hands and make him look me in the eye, "It's fine, Danny, I just need to go first, before I lose my nerve, let's go sit down."
We walk over to the window seat, and I begin.
"Danny, I want you to know I heard everything Ed said to you, and I am so sorry. He was wrong, and I told him so. Since, I heard everything he said, I also heard everything you said."
"Michelle, I'm sorry.....I shouldn't have...."
I place a quieting finger to his lips, "Danny, it's fine, I'm glad I heard you, you don't know how happy I was to hear you saying those words. I knew you meant them, I could hear it in your voice, and I knew you were telling the truth. Danny, I love you too."
A huge smile crosses Danny's face as he pulls me into his arms. His lips on mine are the most wonderful thing I have ever felt, I feel more love in that kiss that I could ever imagine. It would be so easy for me to give in and just let him kiss me, but I know if Danny and I are going to build a real future together, I have to tell him all my fears and the reasons for them, so he can help me heal the parts of my heart that I thought could never be repaired.
I break our kiss, but remain in Danny's arms.
"Danny, I do love you so much, but I am very afraid to love you. I want you to understand why so that together we can make this love grow, and we can have the future, I believe we both want."
"It's OK, Baby, you can tell me anything, I want to help you but any fears you have to rest, Michelle, I will never hurt you. So, tell, what are you afraid of?"
I draw a deep breath, what I am going to tell Danny is very painful for me, but I know it's right to tell him.
"You know everything that happened between my Mom and Ed, and that is part of my fear. Mom loved him so much, he was her life, and he cheated on her more times than I can count, but she always forgave him, and they moved on until this last time. I don't want that to happen to me, and in a way it already has."
"Michelle, sweetie, what do you mean? Did someone hurt you?"
I am so touched by Danny's reaction, he is already feeling my pain, and I see the anger in his eyes at the thought of anyone hurting me.
"In a way, yes Danny. I thought I was in love once. This will sound silly, but I fell in love when I was in the 7th grade, and loved him until I was 16 years old. His name was Stephen, and we had grown up together. I thought he loved me to, at least he told me he did. I was very naive and very trusting, we went to different schools, and we didn't go out in public a lot, I always thought it was because he wanted out time together to be just us. Well, he was a year ahead of me in school, and the summer after he graduated we started seeing more of each other, he even said he wanted me to come visit him at college. Then one night I was looking at the paper and I saw his engagement announcement. I knew then why we didn't go out in public alone very often, he had another girlfriend. He had gotten her pregnant, and they were getting married. Our families were friends, so it wasn't bad enough that I knew I had been a fool, and my heart was broken, but I had to go to his wedding, and watch what I thought was the love of my life marry someone else. It was awful, I was miserable. I had loved him for 4 years, and he has been using me the entire time. After that I never got involved with another man, I dated rarely, because I was afraid that it would happen again. I mean my father was a cheater, and the only boyfriend I had ever had was a cheater, so that's what I believed, all men were like. When Mom was killed, I vowed that I would never allow myself to be hurt like that, I would be like Ed, I would use men for sex, when I wanted it and never allow anyone to break my heart again. Then I met you, and in one look you started to break through the wall."
Danny brushes tears I didn't know were falling from my checks, he wraps his arms around me, "Michelle, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I promise I will never lie to you, and I will always be with only you. I want to build a life with you, and I will take away the pain of your past if you will let me. I want to start replacing all of your bad memories with only good ones, starting now, would you dance with me?"
My heart is so full of love for this man, and I am in awe of his reaction to my story, all I can do is nod my head. He pulls me to my feet, and we walk to the middle of the room, he stops to turn on the radio, and we begin to sway to the music.
When you feel all alone And the world has turned it's back on you Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore
Let me be the one you call If you jump I'll break your fall Lift you up and fly away with you into the night If you need to fall apart I can mend your broken heart If you need to crash then crash and burn You're not alone
Danny's arms feel so right around my body, we sway to the music, and the words to the song touch my heart. It's like someone knew that we would be dancing and that song is being played for us. I know that Danny can mend my broken heart, he has already started.
When you feel all alone And a loyal friend is hard to find You're caught in a one way street With the monster in your head When hopes and dreams are far away and You feel like you can't face the day
Let me be the one you call If you jump I'll break your fall Lift you up and fly away with you into the night If you need to fall apart I can mend your broken heart If you need to crash then crash and burn You're not alone
Michelle in my arms is the best thing I have ever felt, I could live the rest of my life just dancing with her. Our bodies fit together perfectly, like we were made for each other.
Because there has always been heartache and pain And when it's over you'll breathe again You'll breath again
When you feel all alone And the world has turned it's back on you Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
Let me be the one you call If you jump I'll break your fall Lift you up and fly away with you into the night If you need to fall apart I can mend your broken heart If you need to crash then crash and burn You're not alone
Danny and I continue to sway together, after the song has finished. He brushes a soft kiss across my lips, but soon the kiss becomes more intense and full of passion. My legs grow weak under me, and I feel a warmth flowing through my body. As our bodies move to get ever closer to each other I can feel Danny's arousal pressing into my belly. Our hands are running over each other and I know that we are headed to a point of no return. I know I have to stop this because there is one more thing I must tell Danny, and I'm not sure how he will react to it.
When I pull away from our kiss Danny's eyes are dark pools full of love, desire, and arousal, mixed with confusion.
"I'm sorry Michelle, did I do something wrong?"
"No, Danny, no, it's just that there is something you need to know about me."
**Crash and Burn by Savage Garden, from the Affimation CD
____________________________________
Danny’s arms are still holding me tight, but mixed with the love and desire in his eyes is now confusion. “What is it Michelle, you can tell me, it will be all right.”
I’m so nervous, I don’t know how to say this, I don’t want Danny to think I’m weird, or worse yet laugh at me. I know in my heart, he would never do that, so I draw a deep breath, and look into his loving eyes. “Danny, I want to be with you so badly, but I’m scared.”
“Shh, Baby, don’t be scared, I love you, I understand you are afraid of being hurt.”
“No, Danny, I’m not scared of that, well, yes I am but that’s not what I mean.”
Danny leads me back to the window seat and draws me into his lap. Taking my face in his hands he looks into my heart and soul , “Just tell me.”
“I’m scared because I don’t want you to be disappointed in me. Danny, I’m not experienced.”
“Sweetie, that’s OK, I know you’ve only had one serious boyfriend, don’t worry, I’m...”
“Danny, look, I’m not just inexperienced, I have NO experience.”
I see confusion playing in Danny’s eyes, then it dawns on him, what I’m trying to tell him. He sweeps me into a hug so tight, I can’t breath. “You mean, your a virgin?”
Feeling very embarrassed and insecure, I turn away from him and nod my head in response.
Placing his finger under my chin he turns my face back to his. “Michelle, I can’t tell you what this means to me. I just assumed that you had been with that jerk, Stephen. But to know that you weren’t, that I will be your first, that is a tremendous gift.”
“You mean you don’t care, that I don’t know how to.....”
“Silly, of course I don’t care, I think it’s wonderful. Plus, this way we can learn together, and only be with each other.”
I can only imagine the shock that washes over my face, “Danny, do you mean?”
Smiling in response, he says, “Yes, Baby, me too.”
“Oh my gosh, Danny, I never would have guessed. I mean you are so wonderful, and handsome, I would have thought....”
“I know, that’s what most people think. That’s not to say that I haven’t “made out”, but I never dated anyone I wanted to be with in that way. I just wanted it to be with the woman I love more than life, the woman, I want to spend my life with. I knew that when it was right I would know it, and I was right, because I have finally found that woman.”
“Danny, that’s how it was for me too. I always thought there was something wrong with me, now I know I was right, I was waiting for you.”
Danny draws me into a deep kiss, and I know that I have found what I have been searching for for so long. This is the man I will give myself too, heart, body and soul. He is the right one, the one I am meant to be with forever.