Living Without

Part Six

By Ijeoma

Danny made his way back into the office-living room, strolling pointlessly as he headed towards Pilar. His dark eyes were on Dietz, who was carrying on in some light conversation with Carmen. Reaching his little sister, Danny placed a hand on the back of her neck and turned her around, so they would face away from the others in the room.

"Pilar," he breathed. "You'd never lie to me."

"Of course not, Danny," she replied. "We are always truthful with each other."

"Yes, we are. And I know that you'd tell me if there was anything I needed to know-"

"Certainly."

"Even if that means betraying Mama, abuela...even Dietz."

"Danny, you know that I would. Now what is this about?"

"How long have you known that Michelle was in Springfield?" he came out with it and Pilar's eyes widened at the question, her panic switch instantly flicking on.

"Oh my God, Danny! I swear to GOD I didn't know until today! She just showed up here and wanted to see the-"

"Shhh!" Danny silenced her, glancing back to see that his mother's attention had been drawn. "It's alright," he assured her.

"Is everything okay with you two over there?" Carmen asked, wondering what they were conversing about.

Both Danny and Pilar turned around, Danny looking Carmen straight in the eyes and Pilar staring at the ground.

"Yes, we are just handling a little...um..."

"Working out a few details for the party," Pilar saved him.

"Uhh...yeah," Danny agreed. "You know how these things with children can get. If you would excuse us," he concluded and managed to get them out of the room.

Dietz watched as they left and he prayed for Pilar's sake that she wouldn't allow her honest tongue to wag off at Danny concerning Michelle's earlier appearance. That's the last thing he needed. For Danny to know that Michelle was in Springfield. That knowledge could be disastrous.

***

"I'm really sorry, Danny," Pilar apologized for the sixth time since they had entered her brother's office.

"She wanted to see the kids."

"Yes," Pilar replied while making her way over to where Danny was leaning against his desk. "She refused to leave until she saw them."

"Did she?"

"No," she said and Danny exhaled in relief. "She was very determined. I told her that she would get herself killed, but she didn't care! She just wanted to see them," she told him as she rubbed his arm. "I was afraid that things would get out of hand if Mama, or Alejandra, or you saw her here. The three of you would be very upset and I didn't want that to happen. I didn't want to dampen everyone's good mood by mentioning Michelle's name, let alone by telling you that she was here. I was just going to wait and tell you about it after the wedding," Pilar paused. "I know how much Michelle means to you-"

"MEANT to me," Danny corrected.

"Yes, well, I didn't want her to ruin anything for you," Pilar continued.

"What makes you think that I would allow her to?" Danny asked and Pilar refused to respond. She knew the answer as did he, but she wasn't one to want to provoke her brother.

"What? Were you thinking that if I saw her again, I would drop all my plans to marry Alejandra and run back to her? Let's be realistic. She left me. It wasn't the other way around. Seeing her will not change anything."

"That's what you think, Danny, but-"

"That's what I know!" he banged his fist on his desk and Pilar went no further. "Now, you listen to me. This thing about Michelle? You don't know a thing about it, you never heard about it, and you never spoke to me about it. None of this was ever discussed. Michelle was never here."

"But-"

"There are no ‘buts,' Pilar."

"Dietz saw her, Danny," she was able to get out.

"It's your word against his. Are you sure you and he were the only two who saw her?"

"I...I'm not sure," Pilar replied and she sighed heavily when she looked up at him. "Oh, Danny. I am very sorry."

"Hey, it's okay," he hugged her. "It's fine. No harm done. You did nothing wrong. Just don't mention a word of this to Mama and definitely not to Alejandra. No more further conversations with Dietz either. I'll deal with him later. Right now, I have to handle a more pressing issue."

"What are you going to do?" Pilar asked, pulling away from him. "You can't still be honestly thinking about...about..."

"Eliminating her?" Danny said for his sister. "Of course, I am."

"But, Danny, that is not you!" Pilar began. "You are not a murderer," she said, making the word sound even more disgusting than it already was. "It is not who you are!"

"It was not who I was. It is what I will be," Danny told her as he got up from the desk and brushed by her. "I am a Santos after all."

"So am I!" Pilar let him know as she pointed to herself. "But, Danny, we swore not to be that way! Not to EVER be like Papa, Mama, and the rest of our familia! You can't let the past rule your future, mi hermano."

Danny just stood staring at his sister and shaking his head. All these years later and still she was holding on to that immature idea of theirs. The idea that they could be Santos, but not bear all that came along with it. That he could be Daniel and she Pilar. That they could be a part of the Santos family and yet, not be tempted to pick up a gun, threaten with it, and maybe even actually pull the trigger. He and she would then become known as the 'good ones' of the Santos clan and finally be accepted into the good ol' society of Springfield.

Danny laughed within himself at that ideology. He had believed all that mumbo jumbo for a long time. That was until he woke up from his dreaming and found reality staring him in the face. He was never going to be accepted by anyone as long as his name was Santos, so why the hell did he or Pilar have to be anything less than they were just to please some bastards? Just to be a part of a society that didn't want them? A town of people who despised his family and who judged him based on his family's reputation?

Hell, he got a ton full of shit from Rick Bauer and the rest of them Bauer wannabes, who constantly reminded him that he was no good and didn't deserve his wife. Then there was his wife. Michelle. As he thought more and more about their time together, he saw what he failed to see in the beginning. She was trying to change him to fit into her perfect little society where everyone knew when everyone went to sleep and knew what everyone's favorite color was.

How boring. What possessed him to want to be like them was beyond his comprehension. Like they say, maybe he was blinded by love. No such thing was going to deter his vision tonight. He had a mission to accomplish and getting rid of Michelle was exactly what it was. No one and nothing was going to stop him from doing it either. Not even what Pilar believed he still had for Michelle. None of that lived in him anymore.

***

Michelle slowly opened the front door and peered in to be greeted by a room of darkness. Although she hadn't seen any cars in the drive way, she had to be sure that no one was in the house; anyone who would want to coax her into conversation.

She called out for Abby, her nephews, and then Rick, but she got no answer. Concluding that the coast was clear, Michelle finally stepped in, turning on the lights as she did so. She closed the door behind herself and was about to drop her keys on a nearby lamp stand when she saw the note that Abby had left for her.

Michelle,

Went to pick up boys. Be back soon. Rick got paged, so it'll just be us girls tonight. Please don't leave before we have the chance to talk.

Abby

The night just may be perfect after all. This was exactly what she needed. A quiet house all to herself. And the fact that Rick was stuck at the hospital for what was guaranteed to be a long time, only added icing to the cake. There was no one around to clog her ears with reasons as to why she was kept from her daughter and son and why she had been lied to for four too many years.

Right now, she couldn't deal with Rick. She had other things on her mind. Well, it was actually one thing and that was the trip she had made to the Santos house that afternoon. She must've had a momentary lapse of sanity to have pulled a stunt like that. It was either insanity or desperation. She chose to go with the latter.

Michelle got to her room and strolled inside, dropping her things on top of the bed and proceeding to take off her shoes. Once undressed, she grabbed a towel and went into the bathroom. As the tub filled with water, she stared at herself in the mirror. She had been in tears from the moment she left Casa Santos up to the moment she pulled up into the drive way. Looking at herself, Michelle could now see the result of all the crying she had done. Her eyes were sore, red, and puffy, as was the rest of her face.

Being so close to her children, yet not able to have seen them frustrated her more than anything. It was as if her trip was meaningless. Worthless. It was both if she wasn't able to fulfill her purpose of going there in the first place.

Michelle now wondered why she even listened to Pilar, why she left. She wondered what would have actually happened if Carmen or Danny had seen her. Killing her wasn't the worst that could be done. The worst took place when Danielle and Michael were snatched from her.

Maybe she should've stayed. They would be doing her a favor by ending her misery anyway. But the more she thought about it, the more she was glad she just left. She wasn't about to give Carmen or Danny or anyone else the satisfaction of seeing her dead.

Michelle unplugged the tub, allowing the water to drain out and decided that she would instead take a shower. After about ten minutes under the water, she turned off the shower and stepped out of the tub. Just as she grabbed her towel to dry off, she heard some shuffling within the house. She quickly wrapped herself up with the towel and called for Abby in a loud and clear voice, but there was no response.

Michelle stood still and silent, listening for any further disturbance. When she heard nothing more, she cautiously opened the bathroom door and peered out to look down the left and then the right of the hallway.

"Hello? Abby?" Michelle called out. "Abby, is that you?" Still nothing. "Look, whoever's there, I'm armed," she said more confident than she felt.

Silence being the only thing responding to her inquires, Michelle continued into her room and closed the door. She figured that she was starting to get paranoid. Considering the fact that she had dropped by the "House of Hell" earlier, she may've been a little anxious at the thought of Carmen sending her sweet demons after her. But if Pilar hadn't changed much over the past few years, Michelle was certain she wouldn't mention the visit to Carmen.

Maybe it was just one of those creaks the house does a lot during this time of the year. The house was settling, she had always been told. "That's it. Setting house," Michelle explained to herself as she rubbed her skin with lotion.

Once done with that task, she put down the bottle and got her shirt. She slipped it over her head and roughly pulled it down when she heard something else. Something much louder than the first, and it now seemed like it was on the same level with her and not below. This was definitely no house settling.

Michelle got her jeans and hurriedly pulled them on. She then grabbed a hold of a baseball bat that had been left in her room by one of her nephews, and she was ready to swing with it. Only an arms length away from the door knob, she was about to reach for it when the door burst open. She swung the bat with all her might at the sight of the stranger, but the burly man caught it in mid swing.

"Has anyone ever told you that you swing like...a girl?" the man asked as he firmly gripped the bat.

It now being his turn to use it, he flung Michelle across the room and her body slammed against the adjacent wall with such force that it caused paint crumbs to snow on top of her.

She appeared to be unconscious immediately following the violent throw to the wall. Her body lay still, not a muscle twitching in her small frame, and this delighted the stranger, who was heading over to Michelle with bat in hand. One could tell from the expression on his face that he was ready to do some serious damage with it.

A minute after her near fatal crash into her bedroom wall, Michelle's head moved side to side. Her mind was trying to comprehend what had happened as it was also trying to figure out the sound of people struggling. When she finally opened her eyes, she glanced up to find three men in a shuffle.

It didn't look good. If you ever have three strange men fighting in your room, it's never good. This definitely smelled bad. Michelle couldn't see any of the men's faces, but she knew none of them were Rick. She hadn't the faintest idea as to who they were, but her guess as to who their boss was would be fairly accurate. Carmen Santos.

It now looked like Michelle wasn't being paranoid after all. There was someone in the house. More like three someones. Maybe she really doesn't know Pilar as well as she thought she did.

As punches and kicks got more violent by the second, Michelle decided to get out of there and fast. A little sore and still confused about the situation, she managed to get herself out of her room and down the staircase. Once she got downstairs, she was met the darkness. She felt for the light switch and when she found it, she flicked it on and off, but nothing came. She turned to look behind her and the lights upstairs had gone out as well. The rumbling had ceased and the entire house went silent.

"Perfect," Michelle whispered to herself. "A Hollywood cliche. Just what I need," she said, staying close to the wall and trying to find the front door.

She was sure to be as quiet as the house had become, not wanting any of her uninvited guests to find her. For all she knew there could be more than three. There could be more waiting for her outside, but then again, that wasn't Carmen's style. If there was anything Michelle learned from that woman, it was that you had one person do the job and one person to eliminate in case they decide to talk.

Finally making it to the door, Michelle grabbed onto the knob and she froze when she felt a hand slam down on hers.

"Going somewhere?"

Before she could react, she felt a large hand cover her nose and mouth. Whoever was holding her from behind pulled her away from the door as she struggled for breath, as well as release from his bone crushing hold around her. She soon began to suffocate from lack of air and she could feel herself starting to lose consciousness.

Suddenly there was a loud crash and the person holding her dropped her to the floor and was yelling in pain. Another brawl followed and more things could be heard being cracked, bashed, smashed.

Michelle backed away on her behind to get away from them, inhaling and exhaling rapidly. She was able to get to her feet and back to the door, and she felt on the table where Abby's note had been, searching for her keys. Not finding them, she fell to her knees and frantically felt all over the floor, praying that the hit men had not taken them or that she hadn't left them upstairs.

Upstairs.

Shit.

She couldn't go back up there. If she did, they'd surely get her. While the faceless monsters kept themselves occupied by beating themselves up, Michelle found her way to the kitchen. She felt everywhere, the walls, table, counter top, drawers. She was in a hurry as she tried to find where Abby had left the spare keys to the car. Found them.

The door to the kitchen violently swung open and Michelle ducked and hid behind the island counter. Her heart was racing a million miles a second and it felt as if it were going to pop out of her mouth. She held her keys tight as to prevent them from making any noise, and had her hands to her chest in an effort to keep the invaders from hearing her thumping heart.

"Are you sure she came in here?" a voice asked.

"Yeah, man! I saw her slip by," another replied. "Goddamn it! My head!"

"Let's check out there again," the first said and they both exited. "We need a flashlight."

Trying to make out the difference between a lamp stand and a human being, both men searched for the person they came for. They looked up towards the window when lights shone into the house from outside and they shielded their eyes from its brightness.

"Damn it! She's in the car!" the first shouted and they both ran outside to catch her, but Michelle had already zoomed off.

***

Michelle's heart hadn't slowed down it's pace at all since she left Rick's place and her eyes continuously darted up at her mirror to see if anyone was following her. Not a single car in sight. She then looked back out in front of her and noted a sign board she was nearing.

"You are now leaving Springfield, home of Spaulding Enterprises. Do visit us again."

"Not in this lifetime," Michelle said as her car sped past the board.

She glanced up at her mirror again and still saw nothing. She couldn't be too careful. She nervously ran her fingers through her damp hair and looked at the mirror again. She sat up in her seat and put the pedal to the metal.

Carmen knew she was back in Springfield and there was no way that she was going to stay there now. The mobstress was obviously carrying out the threat she had imposed upon Michelle years ago. If she hadn't listened to her liar of a brother, she wouldn't be running for her life right now. If only he had been straight with her. If only she hadn't gone to Casa Santos...

Michelle had to go to that house. She needed to know that there was a reason why she was still on this earth. She was willing to die earlier that afternoon only if it meant she could get a momentary glance of her children, but now, she wasn't ready to make that same sacrifice. No matter how she felt about living, she couldn't allow herself to be murdered. Not by Carmen, Danny, or anyone else.

After hearing her children's voices today, Michelle came to the realization that she still had a lot to fight for. Danielle and Michael were worth struggling for, and if running away from Carmen again was what she had to do right now, then she was just going to have to do it.

Minutes outside of Springfield, Michelle continued to drive along the interstate, still being sure to glance up at her mirror every now and again. Along the road, there were no houses, buildings or anything. Not a sign of a single soul. Just acres and acres of dark field. The countryside. In the daytime, she was sure to see some of the barns out in the distance with horses and cows grazing in the fields. The serenity and peacefulness of the scene was a contrast to the atmosphere she got of Springfield. She could no longer feel safe there. Not with Carmen Santos still living.

Hearing a police siren go off, Michelle looked up and saw that the car was close behind her and flashing red and blue lights. The officer ordered her to pull over to the side of the road, and slowing down, Michelle obliged.

"Where did he come from?" Michelle asked herself as she tried to remain calm and watched the officer in her mirror. She saw him step out of his car and found that he was out of uniform.

"Do you have any idea why I pulled you over, ma'am?" he asked once he got to her window.

"I was driving too fast?"

"You ran three red lights, six stop signs, and you were doing 85 in a 55 zone," he spoke sternly with his light flashing in her face. "May I see your license and registration, please?"

Michelle reached for her bag in the back seat to get the requested for the officer. "I am really sorry about that..."

"Are you under the influence?" he asked, cutting her off.

"No, sir," Michelle replied as she anxiously fumbled in her bag to find her license.

"Where are you in such a rush to reach at this time of the night, Mrs. Santos?" he asked her and Michelle slowly lifted her head at the reference.

"How did you-!"

She didn't finish her sentence as the 'officer' covered her mouth with a cloth.

Part Seven

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