Living Without
Part Four
Drew leaned back in her seat and was surveying Michelle, who was deep in thought. Drew's wandering eyes paused when it came to Michelle's hand and then retraced their way back up to her face.
"Do you miss him?" Drew asked, breaking the momentary silence that was between them.
"Who?"
"You know who."
"My father?"
"Don't play stupid," Drew replied. "I'm talking about Danny."
"Why would I miss him??" Michelle asked as if the thought was utterly ridiculous.
"I don't know," Drew shrugged a shoulder. "Maybe you can tell me. You're the one still toting that big, giant ring of his on your finger," she remarked and Michelle immediately retracted her hand from the top of the table.
"I don't miss Danny," Michelle told her. "The ring...it's just a habit...I guess."
"A habit," Drew repeated. "Uh huh. Okay."
"I don't! And it is!"
"Okay!" she said back. "I just hope that you aren't looking for some kind of reconcilliation."
"With Danny??? Heeelll no!" Michelle replied. "No," she added after a thought. "Not a chance."
"Good. He's not worth it. He didn't deserve you anyway."
Michelle sighed as she pushed out her chair and stood up. Not another Danny bashing session please.
"Just don't remind me of how stupid I was to allow myself to fall for him, alright?" she said while walking over to the sink with her plate and glass. "I get enough of it from Rick already as it is. It would be a lot better if everyone just said 'I told you so' and left it at that. I don't want to hear anymore about Danny and of how horrible he was to me. It doesn't make me feel any better and it certainly is not going to give me back my kids. So...just don't talk about him, okay?"
"Okay," Drew quietly agreed.
"Michelle?" Rick called as he came into the kitchen.
"Yes," she answered, turning around to see where he was.
"I'll be out back, so when you're done-"
"I'll be there in a minute," Michelle said before he could finish. Rick nodded and exited the kitchen and Michelle immediately resumed her dishwashing. The room then went quiet.
Drew took that as her cue, standing from the table and going over to be by Michelle. Now beside her, Drew took a deep breath before she spoke. "You do miss him, don't you?" she asked as she closely watched Michelle who just kept with what she was doing.
Drew awaited the predicatable Michelle Bauer denial, but none came. She decided within herself that she'd wait for her words to set in, but still there was nothing.
Michelle simply glanced over at her and then returned her attention to the sink. Not a single word escaped from her mouth.
"I am in no way as strong as you are, Michelle," Drew went on. "I've been through shit of my own, but nothing like this. If I were in your situation, I know I would've gone CRAZY by now. It must hurt like hell. I mean, especially now that he's getting married again....ooo!" she caught herself, making a face at her slip up.
Michelle dropped the dish she was scrubbing back into the sink, turned off the faucet, and grabbed a towel with which she used to dry her hands.
"Am I not just the bearer of bad news?? Jesus, Michelle! I'm SO sorry!" Drew was saying as Michelle started away from her. "Hold on!" she grabbed a hold of her arm. "I'm...I didn't mean to let it out that way."
Michelle refused to look at her as she tried to keep herself calm and unaffected. A poker face was just what she needed, but she couldn't even get herself to make one. She could feel her blood already begin to slow its flow through her veins, despite the rate at which her heart was pumping. Her face was soon consumed by an uncontrolable red flush of disbelief, anger, and pain.
"Married," she murmured.
"Yeah," Drew exhaled. "They had this big announcement about it a month ago in the papers."
"Papers?"
"Everyone knows about it," Drew continued. "If anyone doesn't, they must've been living under an enormous rock! Carmen just broadcasts the shit everywhere she goes. You'd swear she was the one getting married," she droned on and then decided to shut her trap. "I'm sorry, Michelle."
Michelle nodded, not in acceptance of Drew's apology, but in shock of all that she just got from her friend.
"Married. Wow," she remarked as she let out a hurt laugh. "When is this supposed to happen?"
"Um, I think in one, two weeks?"
"We're not even divorced yet," Michelle said, confused.
"Knowing Carmen Santos, she's found a way to make it happen."
Michelle brought up her hand to look at the ring that she has been faithfully wearing for the past seven years. What was had she been thinking?
"I'm happy for him," she spoke a moment later, suddenly perking up. "No, really, Drew. I am. I wish him and whoever he's marrying the best," she added as she threw down the towel she had been holding and headed out of the kitchen, violently pushing the door open.
"Yep. She's happy for him alright," Drew sighed as she stood in the middle of the room with her hands on her hips. "Happy enough to stab him in the eye. Why doesn't someone just stamp 'Beware: BIG MOUTH' across my forehead?"
***
"Hey," Michelle greeted as she closed the back door behind her, and Rick looked up from what he was reading and returned her salutation. He slid over to make space for her on the lounge and then motioned for her to come sit down next to him.
"Where are the boys?" Michelle asked him as she sat. "Are they asleep yet?"
"They won't be sleeping any time soon," Rick replied. "They just left with the Marlers."
"Oh."
"They'll be up for a while driving someone else wild for a change."
"They're not sleeping over, are they?"
"No, they'll be back later," Rick said as he gave his sister a comforting smile. "So how are you feeling?"
"Hmm. I don't know. Considering that I just found out that my estranged husband, unbeknowest to me, is now my ex and is remarrying in the near future, I'd say that I feel...pretty good."
"I take it that Drew told you?"
"Among other things, yes," Michelle replied and she glanced at Rick to find him staring ahead. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"About the wedding? I didn't think it mattered," Rick told her.
"It doesn't, but you still could've told me. Danny is free to marry whoever the hell he wants, but doesn't our vows have to be dissolved first?"
"I'm sure they do, Michelle, but since Danny is engaged, I would assume that they already are."
"Right. Just like that. Poof! HELL, just forget that we were even together for three years and had two children within that time frame..."
"No one is asking you to forget your children, Michelle."
"God forbid that I ever do," she said. "And I know that I'm no expert at divorce proceedings, but isn't there supposed to be something in there about the custody of kids? Wasn't I even supposed to be informed about a divorce?"
"Sweetie, please don't try to pursue this. You've already been through enough, and trying to start up something with that family now is definitely not the best idea. You are better off forgetting Santos, how the divorce happened, and anything else concerning it."
"Umm hmm," she murmured, clearing her throat and shifting some in her place. She looked at her brother to find that he still wasn't looking at her. "So in other words, you're asking me to forget about my children-"
"I'm not asking you to do that, Michelle," Rick replied, feeling an argument ensuing.
"Then what the hell do you think you're asking me to do, Rick?!" Michelle snapped. "You're telling me to forget about asking questions and to forget my involvement with that family, but Rick, I can't do that. Everything that you're asking me to let go of includes Danielle and Michael, and I am NOT giving up on them!"
"No one is asking you to!!"
"YOU'RE asking me to!" Michelle yelled as she stood up from the lounge. "And I want to know WHY you've been keeping me from my children!"
"WHAT?? Keeping you from your children?! Where in the world did you-?!"
"Oh, don't fake it, Rick!" she cut in, overcome with anger. "You knew that the Santos family never completely left Springfield, and that Dani and Mikey have been here all along!"
"Michelle..."
"Now I want to know why the hell you kept that fact from me," Michelle went on despite her brother's interruption. "And why you continued to LIE to me about them all being in Spain!!"
"Michelle, you don't understand! You won't understand!"
"Try me."
Rick exhaled, not knowing if he should even bother trying to explain. He closed his eyes and hoped that some kind of wisdom would come to him at that moment. Unfortunately, there was nothing. He was dreading to look at his sister, but he owed her some sort of explanation. She deserved one.
This was definitely going to be hard.
***
Danny pulled open one of the twin cherubim wood carved doors with some effort and he was greeted by a warm, soft, incense-scented draft that escaped from inside the church. He stepped in and stood his ground as the door slowly and silently closed behind him. His eyes casually wandered about, taking in his surroundings. He smiled to himself when he realized that not a thing had changed since the last time he had been there. Well...ALMOST nothing.
Glancing to his right and then his left, what he expected to see were where they were supposed to be. Rows of lit and unlit candles. Danny moved to his left and, taking his time, he took up a lighting stick and placed it in the flame of an already burning candle. He lit one, two, three....four for Danielle, Michael, himself, and.... Danny sighed. Yes. Almost nothing had changed since the last time. He brought two fingers close to flame to extinguish it.
"Danny?" a uncertain voice called. "Is that you?"
Danny left the flame alone and turned around. "Father Ray," he said with a smile.
"Well, if it isn't my long lost cousin Daniel Santos," Ray remarked as he walked up to him, extending his hand when he got close enough and pulling Danny into a hug. "Long time. I haven't seen you in years!"
"Yeah, been kinda busy with...stuff."
Ray nodded, knowing what that meant. "And the kids? How are they?" "Bad as ever," Danny replied as he took a seat on a pew. "And growing up fast. You know, Danielle turns six Sunday."
"Yes! Aunt Carmen called about a service to be dedicated for her. Dani that is."
"Did she?" Danny asked, not at all surprised that his mother would pull such a stunt.
"That she did," Ray smiled and sat down in the pew in front of Danny. "How's life and the soon to be new wife? I heard you're getting married at that OTHER parish," he teased and Danny gave him a look. "Ohh. Is there already trouble in paradise?"
"There's never been a paradise," Danny said tersely.
"Uh oh. How can there be no paradise? We're talking about the woman you're getting married to, right?" Ray asked to be sure.
"Since when did anyone have to be in paradise before they got married, Ray?" Danny asked.
"You always seemed to think that love was very important." Danny laughed sarcastically as he stood from the pew and started to casually wander off past Ray.
"Oh, man! We really haven't been around each for a while. That love shit was the old me!" his voice echoed and he looked around to see if anyone else had heard him. "Sorry."
"The old you..." Ray remarked, trying to follow him.
"Yeah, I mean, I was young and naive and stupid. What did I know?? What the new me knows now is that love and marriage just don't mix. I've learned that from experience. When you're in love with the woman, it...it just hurts like hell when the marriage falls apart."
Ray exhaled as he came to his feet and went to stand with Danny, who was now leaning against a pew in the middle of the church.
"If you don't love this woman, why are you marrying her?"
"My kids need a mother. They already think she's their mom anyway. I don't know where they got that idea to begin with, but I'm guessing Mama. I sure didn't feed it to them. I just came back from a business trip one day and they were both calling her mommy."
"You didn't try to correct them?"
"Why do that? I'd have to explain how their mother left them to pursue whatever damn dreams she was having!"
"Watch it," Ray warned him.
"And I'd have to tell them that she didn't want them because they were part of our family," Danny went on. "Just imagine what a beautiful bedtime story that would make, Ray."
"I really have my doubts about Michelle just uprooting and leaving the way everyone says that she did..."
"Please, don't try to defend her to me," Danny said in an annoyed tone.
"I'm not. I just find it unbelievable. That's all."
"Yeah, well, join the club. I've had my share of doubts, too. You can't exactly trust Mama when she says she had nothing to do with it. Everyone knows she didn't like Michelle and that she'd been trying to get rid of her since day one. I had to eliminate Mama as a suspect when my "dear" wife came a few days after she left and repeated the same crap she had written to me in a note! You know, I wanted to KILL her right then and there! Just, just wrap my hands around her little neck and just slowly and mercilessly squEEze."
"Danny," Ray called as he shook his head and shuddered. "That wouldn't have solved anything."
"It would've made me feel a lot better."
"Danny!" Ray was shocked that he was speaking this way about Michelle of all people.
"You're right. It wouldn't have solved anything. I guess I figured that out when I got to her brother's place."
"You were over there today? Why?"
"She's back in town. I suppose I was thinking about doing what I couldn't do four years ago."
Ray sighed as he lazily leaned against a pew opposite Danny. He was disappointed that the thought of going over to Rick Bauer's place to possibly kill Michelle had even crossed Danny's mind.
"What stopped you?"
Danny let the question roll in his head a bit. He had been staring at the stained glass and then managed to bring himself to look at his cousin.
"I was THIS close, you know? I pulled up to the front of the house and there are a few cars outside. I figured they had guests."
"So that stopped you?"
"Seeing that there was more than just Michelle in the house? No way! I was ready to go up to the front door."
"Why didn't you? If the number of people wasn't going to prevent you from attacking Michelle, then what did?"
"A call from my daughter," Danny replied and a hush came over the both of them. Danny then gave Ray a small smile and said, "I suppose we should've used the confessional, huh?"
"Should have, yes," Ray agreed, returning the smile. "Look. I know you despise Michelle, but please don't do anything irrational. It will not be worth it. You've already lost her. Are you ready to give up your life-"
"Because of her?" Danny asked. "I believe that's what I did when I married her! When I built that house to get us away from Mama!"
"It's not worth it, Danny," Ray repeated. "It really isn't. Think about Danielle and Michael."
"You don't have to tell me twice. They are all I think about. They are what keep me going. They are all that is precious to me and their happiness is my top priority. And if that happiness means that I have to marry Alejandra, then that's what I have to do."
"You will have a miserable life, Daniel. You don't deserve that."
"I've come to accept misery as my friend," Danny replied. "Whether I deserve it or not doesn't matter."
"And Alejandra? What about her?"
"I've laid it out on the table for her and she still wants to jump in. She can't say that I didn't warn her. I told her not to expect me to fall for her or anything along those lines. I will never again love anyone."
