Living Without

Part Two

By Ijeoma

Rick finally made his way back out to the yard and was immediately embraced by his wife, Abby. She looked up into his eyes and gave him a loving smile as he put his arm around her shoulders.

"How is she?" Abby asked. "Feeling any better?"

"No," Rick replied after exhaling a chestful of air. "Not in the least."

"Where is Michelle?" Jesse asked as he approached the couple with Drew. "Isn't she coming down?"

"Yeah! She's missing all the fun!" Drew chimed in.

"Ah, well, I'm afraid she won't be joining us," Rick replied. "She's not really up to it at the moment."

"Is everything okay?" Drew asked out of concern.

"She'll be fine. She's just going through the motions right now," Rick said.

"I guess being here has brought back a lot for her," Jesse spoke.

"She must feel awful," Drew added, suddenly having the need to cry. "I wish there was something we could do to help."

"Just coming and showing your support is help in itself," Abby told her. "She's lucky to have friends like you."

"We're lucky to have her," Jesse said as he took Drew's hand in his. "Can you let her know that we were here? We have to go over to Selena's to help her out with a couple of-"

"Sure. No problem," Rick responded.

"Tell her that we love her," Drew said.

"I'm sure she already knows, but we'll pass on the message," Abby assured them.

***

Michelle laid on her back in the middle of her bed examining the ring she had around her finger, twisting it absentmindedly. Several thoughts ran through her mind as she did this, each and every thought making her more somber by the passing second. Sure enough her eyes were filled with tears that instantly fell once she blinked.

Pulling herself into an upright position, she slid to the edge of the bed as she wiped at her face. She reached into a nearby night stand and dug under piles of paper until she got what she was searching for. She pulled the item from the drawer and brought it closer to her face. Slowly she ran her fingers across its glass pane. It was a portrait of she and Danny, taken the day after they had found out she was pregnant with their first child.

Michelle was sitting in between Danny's legs, his arms wrapped protectively around her and his chin buried in her shoulder. They were both all smiles and were undescribably happy at the idea that they would soon be parents.

Michelle could remember exactly how that entire day was and how her husband was making the biggest deal out of the tiniest things, all because she was carrying his child. Danny was a complete mess. He opened all the doors she had to walk in; made sure there was nothing on the ground for her to trip on; refused to have her wear high heels; helped her up the stairs; made sure her pillows weren't too hard or soft. He had her eating the right foods and even tried to get her to wear less confining clothes (all in vain).

When she thought about it later, Michelle always found it funny that he was over pampering her, though it was annoying at times. However, Michelle couldn't find it within herself to laugh right now. All she could do was cry. Her tears seemed to be never-ending, and her heart throbbed with the need to rid itself of the pain it was feeling.

Then suddenly, Michelle broke down into loud, uncontrollable wails. Something Danny had said to her before the picture was taken echoed vividly within her mind and it was as if he were saying it again at that very moment:

"I will never allow anyone to hurt you, Michelle. I sacrificed a lot for you not because I had to and not because I wanted to or needed to, but....because I loved, still, and will always love you. Always remember that, Michelle. I will always love you."

"The HELL with you, Danny!!" she yelled through her crying and she grabbed her hair with both hands in frustration. "God knows you should pay for this..." she was saying when she heard a knock. Her head whipped in the direction of door and before saying anything, she frantically tried to get her wet face dry and fix herself up.

"Michelle?" Rick's voice came from behind the door. "Michelle, are you okay in there?"

"Uhh...yeah, Rick. I'm okay," she replied, keeping her voice as steady as she possibly could.

"I thought I heard glass."

"It was just an old cup or something that fell over. It's nothing really," Michelle told him. "I'll...I'll clean it up."

"Are you sure? May I come in?"

"No!" she was quick to say. "No, I'm...I'm not dressed."

"Okay, um, Jesse and Drew were looking for you," Rick continued from the door. "They send their love. They said they'd come by later."

"Alright."

"Michelle?"

"I'm okay, Rick. Really."

"Then why is it that I don't believe you?"

"I'll be out in a few minutes."

Rick sighed and gave up trying to get her to talk to him. He knew she wasn't okay. He had heard her outburst and her heartfelt sobs when he was on his way downstairs. He thought about entering her room and consoling her, but after deliberating within himself, he voted against it. He would get to talk to her later.

What had surprised Rick from what he overheard was that his sister was still very much hung up on that bastard by the name of Danny Santos. Four years and devastating events later, Michelle still couldn't get him out of her system and she was even still wearing his wedding ring of all things.

"Alright, but you better hurry up," Rick finally replied. "You don't want your nephews to eat up everything. You know how they can get," he said and he smiled sorrowfully when he heard her laugh a little. "I'll keep you something."

Rick then waited a little before he moved away from the door and continued downstairs. He was not at all happy that Michelle was still crying over that ass. Or maybe she was crying about what he had taken from her, but Rick was certain that a part of her also mourned the loss of Danny. That more than anything infuriated him, considering all that Danny and his family did to Michelle.

Maybe his little sister was right. Maybe she should have stayed away from Springfield and never looked back. Maybe he should have agreed to visit her instead of her coming here.

No. Michelle has every right to be here and like she said, nothing should chase her away. However, Rick was extremely worried about her and has been ever since the very night she came to him, crying that goons sent by Danny burst into her home and took the most precious aspects of her.

Persistently fighting to get back what had been robbed from her, Michelle was hit with several threats, almost all coming from Carmen Santos. Michelle refused to give up until one day Danny backed up his mother and told her to stay away from him and his family. The next thing anyone knew, the entire Santos clan had flown to Spain and remained there for years. No one knew when they came back or if they came back at all.

With several investigators hired time after time, Michelle couldn't track down the family or Danny alone. She knew that Carmen was the mistress of disguise and was quite the magician at covering tracks, but Michelle had to try her luck anyway. It was a hopeless mission, but she couldn't give up.

Three years and thousands of dollars later, Michelle threw in the towel. She couldn't take any of it anymore. She had to move on with her life, but how was she supposed to do that? After several months of counseling and anti-depressant drugs, Michelle seemed to have been back to her "usual" self. So everyone thought.

Rick now saw that that wasn't the case. With a certain non-mentionable date coming up, he could understand exactly why she was being emotional all of a sudden. A birthday. Who knew what she went through for the past three.

"Rick. Rick..."

He snapped out of his thoughts and glanced to his side to find Abby. He gave her a little smile and allowed her to slip her arm around his waist and he nestled her close.

"You were light years away, sweetie. Is Michelle really okay?" she asked and Rick didn't respond. He simply pulled his wife into a tight embrace and buried his chin within the top of her head.

***

Carmen went through the stacks of mail that was sitting on top of her desk when she heard footsteps and turned around to see who it was.

"Alejandra!" she exclaimed happily as she extended her arms and embraced her long-awaited soon to be daughter-in-law.

"Bienvenido, Mama," she greeted, pulling away from her and they both kissed each other's cheeks.

"Gracias, mi niña," Carmen replied. "It feels good to be home!"

"Likewise," Ben added nonchalantly as he walked over to a side table and poured himself some scotch.

"How was your flight?" Alejandra asked.

"It could've been better," Ben replied, turning to look at Alejandra, to whom he gave one of his crooked smiles.

"The flight was fine, sweetheart," Carmen said. "Don't pay him any mind. And how are you? How is Danny and the children? Where IS Danny and the children? I've missed everyone!"

"We're all okay," Alejandra replied. "The children are with Grandmama, and Danny? Well, he's been somewhere."

"He's not home?" Carmen asked as she returned her pile of envelopes to the table.

"He's here. Probably in that sanctuary he calls an office."

"Hmm," Carmen murmured as she took Alejandra's hands. "Well, he'll be out soon enough. I'm just happy that everything is the way it's supposed to be. In less than two weeks, you will officially be my daughter-in-law! I know you're counting the days..."

"Of course, Mama!" Alejandra exclaimed jubilantly. "I cannot WAIT to become your son's wife."

"And a wonderful wife you will be! A wonderful wife you've already been," Carmen told her, holding her face with a hand. "You are the mother of my grandchildren and there isn't anything that could make me more proud, more happy than to see you and Danny finally married! You've made me happy by making him happy. Thank you, Alejandra. This is indeed one of the moments in my life I have waited a long time for. Nothing can ruin this for our families," she added with a wide smile and Alejandra returned a forced nervous grin.

Carmen finally let go of Alejandra and circled the desk in the room desk to check for messages. "You still have a few things to get done for the wedding, correct?"

"Yes. Yes, I do."

"Great! I'll call your mother in a little to tell her to meet us at Estaban's and we'll be on our way."

"Sure. Um, I'll go tell Danny that we'll be leaving."

"Alright," Carmen said as she held the receiver to her ear. "And let him know that I want to see him."

***

Alone in a room lit by only the burning of wood in the fireplace, Danny sat with photo albums in his lap. Albums that had become more than just frozen memories in pictures. They were life. His life. The only sense of life he had had. The only sense of life he desperately wanted back.

He had been sitting in that big leather chair for hours on end, flipping through the album pages and reminiscing about what was and what could have been. As he had been ritualistically doing every year since Michelle left him, Danny picked up the same four photo albums and went through them. The two albums he usually lingered on the most were the ones appropriately labeled "Danny & Michelle."

In recent weeks, Danny had been looking through those two more frequently, especially the huge one that was filled with wedding photos and other associated items. Rummaging through them, he wondered what had happened between he and she, where he went wrong. He wanted to know why she left him. Why she left and took his heart with her. The one that was beating anyway. If he had only spent more time with her, left the business, left the family...maybe she would still be there with him.

"It couldn't have been just Mama," he thought every time he came to a picture of she and him staring lovingly into each other's eyes.

There was definitely more to it than met the eye, and whenever he had tried to find out what it was or even tried to contact Michelle, there had always been something to distract him, things keeping him busy. Michelle never called, so it wasn't like she was thinking much about him or their children. For all he knew, she could be married to some rich, snobby doctor and living in a nice, cozy home with children of their own.

Danny shook off that hideous thought. He didn't want to think about that. He couldn't think about that. Either way, he didn't care anymore. Well, that's what he tried to convince himself anyway.

Michelle didn't give a shit about him and she could care less about the children they had together. After all, she was the one who sent the kids to him, stating that she no longer wanted to be connected to him or his family in any possible way.

Seeing that on paper, Danny doubted that they were indeed Michelle's words. His skepticism went out the window when she had repeated similar words to his face. Those words stung and hurt Danny more than anything he could ever imagine! It may have been equivalent to her sticking a knife in his chest and turning it a complete 360; that was if such would generate pain just as great.

A hatred for Michelle had slowly built up within him, but it had not totally consumed him. Not yet. It was probably impossible that it ever would.

"Daddy?" a small voice called and Danny quickly dropped the albums to the floor before he swung his chair around to find his daughter standing near the partially closed door. He gave her a genuine smile and motioned for her to come over to him. Once she was near enough, he grabbed her and pulled her into his lap, kissing the side of her head as he did so.

"What can I do for my favorite princess?"

"I'm your only princess, Daddy."

Danny's smile widened and he adjusted his daughter in his lap. "Yes, you are. Where's your brother?"

"He was with Grandmama, but now he's with Mama."

"Mama's home?"

"Yes!"

"You seem happy," Danny remarked as his daughter looked at him with those adorable light brown eyes of hers that just screamed Michelle.

"She got me some presents from the home country! And she got Michael some things, too!"

"Well, Mama must have come back with a very large sack of goodies for the two of you and it isn't even Christmas yet," Danny teased.

"It's birthday presents, Daddy!"

"Birthday??" Danny asked incredulously. "Who's birthday?"

"Mine!!" the girl literally shrieked.

"Yours?? No way."

"Uh huh!" she insisted. "It is mine!"

"Is that so? And how old will you be, Dani? Two? Three?"

"I'll be this much," she said, holding up six fingers so he could see.

"Hmm," Danny murmured as he narrowed his eyes at her mini fingers. "I think I see three. No! Wait a minute! It's four!" he said and at that, his little angel was pouting and giving him puppy eyes. "Five?" he asked hopefully, but her face only became worse. "Seven?"

"No, Daddy," she said sadly.

Danny then laughed and turned the young one around so she could face him. "What's the matter with you? Don't you think I know how old you're going to be on Sunday, Danielle? I'm not senile yet, baby."

"What does sinnil mean?"

"Senile, princess," Danny laughed again. "And it's when people forget things. Their memory goes bad due to old age."

"Oh. I'm not sinnil then."

"No, you're not," Danny said, his smile slowly fading as he brushed away some of Danielle's dark hair from her face. "You're just beautiful," he nearly whispered. "If only your mother could see you."

"Mommy saw me a few minutes ago," Danielle said.

Danny smiled at his innocent girl and lovingly stroked her face. "She did, huh?" he asked just as he heard the door creek open and his head shot up to find Alejandra standing there.

He stared at her a moment and then returned his attention to his daughter. "Have you had dinner?" he asked and she exaggeratedly shook her head in response, her ponytail swinging left to right.

"Stop," Danny ordered and she obeyed. "Go on and get out of here. Go get something to eat," he said to her and she immediately started off of him. "Give daddy a kiss," he told her just as she was about to run off.

Danielle returned to where he was sitting, and tiptoeing to reach her daddy's face, she placed a kiss as small as her puckered lips on his.

"You gonna be a big girl and finish ALL your food for me?"

"I always finish my food-"

"Dani..."

"I'll finish it, Daddy."

"That's my girl," he smiled. "Now get outta here."

Once Danielle was out of the room, Danny met Alejandra's gaze and the smile that only a second ago lit up his face, was far from gone.

"What do you want?" he asked, lowering his eyes and focusing his attention on the cluttered mess on his desk. When she didn't say anything, he looked up at her and asked, "What is it?"

"I just came to let you know that I'll be stepping out for a few hours with Mama," Alejandra finally spoke.

"Okay," Danny replied in a nonchalant tone. "Are you taking Danielle and Michael?"

"Is it okay if they stayed here with you?"

Danny drew in a chestful of air and then let it out before he responded. "Sure. Whatever. That's fine with me. I haven't spent much time with them recently anyway."

"Okay," Alejandra said and then began her way out of the room. "Where are you and Mama going?" Danny asked as she was about to close the door.

"Shopping," she replied and Danny knew exactly what she meant. She needed not to say more than that and he was grateful that she didn't. When he didn't say anything else, Alejandra closed the door and left him to return to his loneliness.

Danny returned his chair to the position it was in before Danielle had walked in, once again facing the fireplace. Making himself more comfortable, his foot hit against the stack of albums by the seat and he looked down at them. He thought about picking them up and looking through them again, but then he decided not to.

Sighing his exhaustion, Danny sat back in his seat and thought about what he was about to do in less than two weeks. He was about to make Alejandra his wife. Whether he loved her or not didn't matter. What did matter were his children and he would do anything to keep them happy, even if it meant sacrificing his own happiness.

Pulling the gold chain he had around his neck from under his shirt, Danny revealed his wedding band that was dangling from it. As he stared at it, a million thoughts ran through his mind and his eyes started to get misty. Rather than let the tears build up, Danny kicked violently at the stack of albums that was next to him; the most significant one ending up dangerously near the burning wood. He ran his hand furiously through his wavy hair and sat with his elbows resting on his laps, one hand holding up his head.

"This is not going to work," he said and he popped out of the chair, suddenly feeling restless. "This is NOT GOING TO WORK!!" he yelled angrily as he pushed off whatever he could from the atop his desk.

"What is not going to work, Daniel?"

At that, Danny turned around to find his mother in the doorway.

Part Three

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