Living Without
Part Eighteen
Friday, Sept 8th: morning
Alejandra stood in the doorway of the children's room as Danny pulled clothes from drawers and packed them into travel bags. He had six pairs of shoes and other articles scattered across the bed, he trying to figure out how he was to put everything together. He stepped into the closet to get another travel bag, but instead came out with an infant picture of his baby girl.
He stared at it for the longest time, his mind taking him back to the very day that she was brought into the world. The day Michelle had given him one of the greatest gifts anyone would give another. The day she made him a father. He couldn't recollect a more happier day.
He was with Michelle and she was with him and they were with their baby girl and nothing else mattered. Nothing. Not Carmen. Not the business. Nothing. He was where he wanted to be.
"Taking the children with you?" Alejandra startled him and Danny casually turned back into the closet.
He came out with the bag and proceeded to pack his kids shoes, not once looking up at Alejandra. His eyes had gotten misty and he didn't need her asking anymore questions than she already was.
"How long are you going to be gone?" she continued her inquiry.
"I don't know," Danny replied as he zipped up the bags and sat them down on the floor.
"What do you mean, you don't know? The kids have to back in school on Monday!"
"I'm aware of that, Ally."
"I'm coming with you," she said and that indeed drew Danny's attention.
"No, you're not," he told her as he went back to the drawers to check for anything he forgot.
"Why not?! I'd like to meet your aunt and uncle..."
"No. No!"
"And while you're handling things, you need someone to watch the kids!" she completed.
"I've got my Aunt Gracie and this is definitely not the right time to meet any of my extended family."
"Why is that?! Will there ever be a right time, Danny? I need to know who they are! We are going to be family soon."
"This is not the right time. You'll have plenty of other occasions to meet them later," Danny told her. "This trip is for business, not a family reunion."
"Then why are the kids going? You never take them on any business trip! Even if the trip is next door!" Alejandra argued.
"I don't need to explain this to you!" Danny yelled back. "I'm going with my children and that's that! You are not going anywhere and if you are thinking about running to daddy about this one, be my guest! My uncle and mother will tell you both what this trip is about," he said. "And what's your problem anyway? I leave all the time!"
"Not with your children!" Alejandra said and Danny ran a hand through his curly locks.
"What's the big deal now, Ally? What are you so worried about?"
"Michelle Bauer! That's what I'm worried about!"
"Michelle? What does she have to do with anything?" Danny was confused.
"I don't trust you when it comes to her!" Alejandra let it out.
"Now we're being honest!"
"You can't see her. You know that! You are with me, Danny!"
"As if I needed the reminder."
"You have to remain loyal to me!"
"You have to remain loyal to me," Danny imitated. "Shut up."
"You know what will happen if you-"
"MUST I really go through this shit again?!" he snapped her shut. "Don't you dare repeat the threats your father made on my children," he warned, eyes flashing. "You want to marry me?? FINE! Just stay the hell out of my face and out of my way!" he said to her and he took up the bags and stormed out of the room.
Alejandra followed him down the hallway, the staircase and to the front door. He proceeded to his car and unlocked the trunk.
"I'll be going home for a few days. Mi abuelito isn't well," she spoke and Danny stopped what he was doing to listen to her.
"What's wrong with him?" he asked.
"He's dying," Alejandra replied before breaking down.
Danny went over to her and wrapped his arms around her. She held onto him tightly, her head buried in his shoulder.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know it was that serious," Danny said honestly. "I'm really sorry."
"I didn't know either. Not until yesterday when my mamá decided to let me know. And don't act like you care!" Alejandra pushed him away.
"I'm not acting. I do mean it. I have nothing against Don Ramírez. It's your father I can't stand," Danny told her and there was a brief silence. "Look, I've gotta go. I would come with you, but..."
"Company emergency," she completed. "Now that I think about it, it wouldn't make any sense for me to go to Florida."
"No, it wouldn't."
"Tell the kids, I'll miss them, okay?"
"Will you be alright?" Danny asked.
"Yes, I'll be fine," she replied. "You just go help your uncle."
"Extend my greeting to your grandfather. I wish him well."
"I will. And be careful," she said, placing a kiss on his lips and when she pulled away, she and Danny stared at each other for the longest 5 seconds they had ever experienced. "I'll miss you," she broke the trance and moved away from him.
"Yeah. You too," Danny said in a near whisper, not sure what just happened there. He smiled for lack of anything else to do in the awkward moment and then turned to enter his car.
**
That afternoon:
Juan sat in front of his laptop at the table and stared at the pass code prompt that he probably had etched into the back of his head by now. He had been staring at the prompt for over 16 hours and the mere blinking of that cursor in the line was enough to make him want to assault the damned notebook.
Michelle was pacing back and forth in front of him, her mind awry with thoughts of other ways they could crack the code that guarded the contents of the disks so well. She had been at it 14 of the 16 hours trying to help, but they didn't seem to be getting anywhere.
They tried everything. Names of people, mob families, towns, colors, foods, cars, clothes, days, months, years! You name it, they tried it. Still nothing.
Michelle held her cup of coffee in one hand and her temples with the other. She could feel a headache coming on, but she couldn't sleep. Not yet. Not until she found out what were on those disks. She knew that Juan was just as anxious and frustrated as she with trying to find out what these mini drives held. He drank and took nothing to keep himself awake, and she was pretty amazed that he hadn't started to doze off yet. She was on her fourth cup of coffee and her eyes were still ready to give up on her.
"You're quite resourceful," Michelle spoke. "Don't you have one of those thingamajigs that try out all the possible combinations of numerical and alphabetical characters until something clicks?"
"I tried that already! You're not the only one who's head hurts from trying to figure out this enigma!" Juan said, wishing she would just sit still and stop pacing.
"What about phrases?" she asked. "Have we tried that?"
"Twice," he replied weakly.
"There must be something we aren't thinking of!" Michelle shouted. "Ben probably used the name of some extinct, indigenous tree of Illinois or the name of some third world city no one has ever heard of!"
"Michelle, you're stressing..."
"Or the names of his past girlfriends! Maybe this has nothing to do with Ben at all!"
"Michelle..."
"What if we've been going about this the wrong way? What if it has to do with Dietz? Or someone else?" she went on. "Oh, God. I think I'm going to lose my MIND!!" she yelled. "This is impossible!"
"Michelle!" Juan shouted, stopping her in place and he exhaled. "You're not helping me."
Michelle took in a couple of breaths before rustling her thick blonde mane with both her hands.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry!" she apologized. "It's just that my fate could be resting entirely on this."
"Maybe you should get some sleep," Juan suggested.
"I don't want to sleep. I won't sleep. Not until we figure this thing out."
"It could take days!"
"Look, I don't care!" Michelle exclaimed. "Just keep working on it. I...I need to get some fresh air."
*
"Uncle Gustavo!" the children exclaimed once they caught sight of him and they ran from their chauffeured vehicle straight into his waiting arms. "Mis sorbinos! I'm so happy to see you!" he hugged them tight and kissed the side of their heads. "Cómo está?"
"Está muy bien," Danielle replied.
"Muy bien, muy bien!" he exclaimed happily. "Ah! ¿Es tu mejorar español, mi querido?" he asked and when his great niece gave him a funny look, he burst into laughter. "Did you understand what I asked, mi hijo?" he questioned her brother and Michael shook his head. "I guess your Spanish hasn't improved after all."
"Stop teasing my kids," Danny said as he came towards them with their bags.
"Daniel Santos," Gustavo said with a smile and the two embraced. "Long time."
"It's been a while," Danny agreed and gave his uncle a smile once they broke from their embrace.
"How was the flight?" Gustavo asked as he took some of the bags from him.
"Crazy. Just like my...Hey! Slow down!" Danny shouted after his children, who were running ahead of them into the house. "Crazy like my children," he got to say. "Where's Aunt Gracie?"
"Down at the bodega. She should be back soon," Gustavo replied as he took the bags from Danny and went to put them away.
He returned to find his nephew looking around the place, admiring every article his eyes passed over. Danny appeared to be deep in thought; his mind taking him some place far away.
"You know, it's okay to admit that you miss her," Gustavo interrupted him.
"What? Who?"
"You know who," his uncle replied. "The person who's been on your mind as of late."
"And that would be..."
"Uncle Gustavo, could we go out back to play on the swings?" Danielle asked, coming into the room with her brother.
"Of course, you can!" he replied. "Whatever you want! Go ahead. Be careful out there!" he was saying, but the kids were already gone. "They love this place."
"Yeah, they do," Danny said. "You're going to spoil them."
"As if you haven't done enough of that already," Gustavo remarked. "Come. Sit with me," he directed and they both went to the sofa. "Tell me. How's everything? The family? The fiancée? Wedding arrangements?"
"Fine," Danny replied after clearing his throat.
"And the love of your life?"
"Who would be my fiancée and I already said she was fine. Um, look. Don't take this the wrong way, Tió, but didn't you ask me down here to take care of some emergency with the business? Why has it turned into a personal interrogation?"
"I haven't seen you in three years! Is it a crime for a concerned uncle to want to know how is nephew is doing?"
"No, not at all. I'm fine. I just want to fix whatever your problem is and head back home," Danny told him.
"Okay, but before I tell you about the-"
"Gustavo, I was wondering if I could use your PC for...Danny!"
"Juan?!" Danny jumped out of his seat.
"Uh, I didn't know you were here...already."
"Apparently not!" he shouted. "What do you mean, already?! What the hell is going on?! What are you doing here?! I thought I left you back in Springfield!"
"That you did-"
"You've been here for a while, haven't you?!" Danny cut him off. "When you called me last night, you called from here!! I can't believe this," he held his head. "Juan," he started up again with his hands clasped at his mouth. "Please, please answer me this. Where is Michelle?"
Juan looked over at Gustavo and then elsewhere and Danny turned around to face his uncle. "Please, don't you both speak at the same time!"
**
Michelle sat staring out at nothing in particular as she barely swung back and forth, the cool autumn breeze lightly blowing by and causing her hair to whip about her face. The place had such a great view of all that surrounded them. She was amazed as to how the place could still remain as lovely as it had always been. The entire scenery was beautiful, peaceful, surreal.
She had been there a few times before and every detail of every visit was as vivid as the moments she was experiencing them. The swing she was on; the sand in which her toes were buried; the walkway leading to the guest house.
Michelle blinked and then wiped at her eyes, surprised that she felt tears. The visits were nothing more than distant memories; ones she cared not to remember, but being at that house brought it all back. Her emotions expectedly overwhelmed her and she broke down into uncontrollable sobs.
"Lady, why you so sad?"
Michelle raised her head to see a boy standing by her side, and she quickly wiped away her tears, now feeling ridiculous for having lost it the way that she had.
"It's nothing, sweetie," she replied, smiling through her tears.
"Everyone cries for a reason," another voice came and Michelle turned to the other side of her to find a girl.
"Yes, everyone does cry for a reason."
"So why you cwy?" Michael asked. "You miss your mommy?"
Michelle laughed at the boy's innocence and was warmed by the his concern. "I do miss my mom, but that's not why I'm crying. It's hard to explain," she said, still wiping away at her face.
She slipped out of the swing and into the sand to stand on her knees in front of the two. She examined them both, studying every intricate detail of their faces.
"Oh my God," she breathed, tears instantly filling her eyes again. "Oh my God," she repeated when it dawned on her who these two were.
"What's the matter?" Danielle panicked. "Why are you crying again? Did we do something wrong?"
"No!" Michelle quickly answered. "No, sweetheart. You did nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing!" she said as she stroked Danielle's hair. "Look at you. And you! I never thought I'd see either one of you ever again," she held their faces.
"You've seen us before?" Danielle asked.
"Yes, I have. A long time ago," Michelle replied. "You were two and your brother was only three months."
"That was a very long time ago!" Danielle remarked. "I'm six now."
"Me four!" Michael exclaimed, wanting some attention.
"No, you're not! You're only three!" Danielle told him. "You're still a baby!"
"Nah uh! No me not! Me four!!" Michael argued and was about to hit his sister when Michelle started to sob again and the kids instantly stopped their bickering.
"Why do you keep crying, Ms. Lady?" Danielle asked.
"You no like my uncle house?" Michael asked, leaning over to speak in her face. "Pweese, don't cwy," he pleaded as he wrapped his little arm around Michelle's neck and laid his head on her shoulder. His own tears weren't that far and were bound to spring up at any moment.
"Are you sick? My daddy can call a doctor," Danielle told her, but nothing they did seemed to be helping.
The girl ran back into the house and to the bathroom where she found some toilet paper. She rolled some around her little hand and then zipped back out, an unbroken train of tissue following her right up to Michelle.
"Here you go," she handed her the tissue, but her brother took it instead and attempted to wipe their mother's face.
Michelle looked up at them both and smiled despite her tears, and she took the tissue from Michael.
"Thank you," she said.
"What is this?" Graciela emerged from the door, having been following the trail of tissue out to the back. "Who did this?" she asked and Michael did not hesitate to implicate his sister. "Both of you come over here," she told them and they obeyed.
"But the lady needed it," Danielle was quick to argue.
"She vewy sad," Michael added. "She keep cwying."
"And so you started to cry too?" Graciela asked as she wiped his face while he nodded in response. "Well, I'll speak with her and see what's wrong. And then I'm going to help her stop, okay? Now you two go in because there is a really huge cake waiting for you," she said and they wasted no time getting inside.
Graciela closed the patio doors behind them and then continued with her rolling up of the toilet paper until she got to Michelle, who was still sobbing. Graciela knelt down in front of her and felt her own tears sting the back of her eyes.
"Michelle," she called while touching her shoulder and Michelle immediately embraced her, weeping more now that she had someone who probably understood more than anyone else what she was going through.
**
"You two set this up," Danny was sitting and staring at neither one of them.
"It was the only way I could get you out of Springfield without anyone being suspicious," Juan explained. "Ramírez had eyes everywhere! I had to get you out of the line of fire long enough for us to try to make sense of this mess!"
"So we came up with the emergency bit," Gustavo added. "Please, son. Don't be angry. We just want to see this whole thing resolved."
The room went quiet and the three just sat there in silence for the longest time, no one wanting to speak up first.
"So Michelle is here," Danny finally broke the silence. "She went outside to get some air," Juan replied.
"Outside?" Danny stood up. "My kids just went out there!" "Sit down!" Gustavo ordered. "You sit down!"
"You have no right doing this, Alvarez," Danny said to Juan. "No right!"
"To do what?" his uncle asked. "Push you in the right direction? If you want to fight, turn to me. It was all my idea. That woman deserves to know her children and they deserve to know her!"
"I need to know what happened first before my children know anything!" Danny said. "And right now, I know nothing!"
"You know that Michelle was set up," Gustavo spoke. "And you found out that tu primo Diego was not as good as you thought! Why are you making this so hard?!"
"That's not what I'm doing. I still don't know-"
"What?" Gustavo cut him off. "If she's telling the truth? Can you not tell by just looking at her? You two used to be so in sync. You had this connection-"
"The only connection we have are the kids. Anything other than that is lost now. A lot of things do change over the years, Uncle."
"I can see that," Gustavo remarked. "Because of the pain you still harbor and your STUPID pride, you're willing to throw your life out the window and marry some woman you don't even love!!"
"I do love her!" Danny fired back.
"You don't! I know about the arrangement," Gustavo spoke and Danny gave Juan a harsh look. "Why didn't you tell me about it? I could have helped you out of it!"
"I don't need any help."
"You insist on making yourself miserable. Why? The one thing that makes you completely happy is right outside."
"Michelle and I are over," Danny stood from his seat, his voice wavering slightly. "Understand that, Uncle. Please!"
"I don't understand this whole damn situation, let alone you! What's with you settling? Ramírez has got you shitting in your pants and you're taking it like a man laying on his back!" Gustavo was appalled. "If you want to throw your life away, go ahead! But before you do it, clear up the confusion that you have with Michelle. After that, if you still want to kill yourself, be my guest! Just don't expect me to be there when you do it."
**
"Those two are amazing. You know, they are very worried about you," Graciela spoke as she and Michelle sat on the lawn of the enormous backyard.
"They don't need to be," Michelle said while absent-mindedly picking the pedals off a flower. "They were just unexpected. I still feel like I dreamt the whole thing."
"You didn't," Graciela assured her. "They are here and they're real," she was saying when the patio doors opened and they both looked over to see who had come out. "Danny," Graciela greeted with a huge smile as she went over to him. They shared an embrace and spoke for some time before Graciela headed for the house.
When Michelle heard the doors close, she glanced over her shoulder to see that she was now alone with Danny. Great. She quickly came to her feet and straightened out her spring dress. A long period of awkward silence enveloped them, they staring at each other from a distance.
"You've seen the kids," Danny started first.
"Yes, I have. I know that you wouldn't have brought them if you knew I was here," Michelle said and his silence was enough of a confirmation.
"We have to talk," he spoke up after his brief silence. "And I mean like mature, civilized adults."
"That's really funny coming from you," Michelle remarked. "But you know something? I think I'll pass. I'm not in the mood for any of your 'friendly' conversation. Right now, I need to go back to the house and help Juan," she said as she attempted to walk past him, but Danny grabbed a hold of her arm and turned her to him.
"Don't play with me, Michelle," he spoke sternly. "We're going to talk and we're doing it now! If you ever want to see the kids again-"
"Are you threatening me?" she cut in, her eyes narrowing.
"There's only one way to find out," Danny remarked and Michelle forcefully snatched her arm away from his grip.
"I shouldn't even be surprised, Carmen Santos, Jr!" she spat. "Well, what are you waiting for? Let's get to talking, Daniel," she added vindictively and she started for the main house when Danny stopped her again.
"Wrong way, darling. We're going to the guest house."
"No way! I don't trust being alone with you!" Michelle exclaimed. "It's either the main house or nowhere at all! I'm not going anywhere!" she said defiantly and that prompted Danny to tighten his hold around her arm.
He attempted to drag her along, but she struggled with him as he tried to take her down the path leading to the place. Her continued resistance caused Danny to loosen his grip and Michelle abruptly fell to the grass with a hard thump.
"Look, Michelle! You can either come peacefully or you're going to be dragged there on your rear!" Danny crouched down to whisper harshly in her ear. "Either way, we're talking in the guest house!"