Living Without
Part Fifteen
Monday night:
Danny sat slouched on the sofa in his bedroom, the dark space illuminated only by the bright light which shone from the television. His eyes danced with each image as his mind reeled of the many words Pilar had laid on his ears. She wasn't pulling one of her usual tactics to try to convince him that Michelle wasn't the enemy either. She was very serious and gave it to him point blank. It didn't matter to her if his feelings were hurt by the things that she had to say. Pilar had to let him know what really was happening between Diego and Michelle. She didn't bother glossing over anything. When it came to Diego, you had a lot of glossing to do if you wanted him to look anywhere near decent.
"Danny, I never knew that no one told you. Anyone would think that Michelle couldn't wait to let you know. After all, it did happen to her. If I knew that you didn't know, there was no way I was going to keep quiet! What he did was wrong! He should've been punished for what he did! Maybe his death was his punishment from God for all the wrong he had done to your wife. If Michelle did kill him, I wouldn't blame her. I'd do the same thing if I were in her shoes." *
His dull and somber TV viewing soon changed when the video got to one of his long forgotten favorite parts. His mouth curved into a half smile and he raised the volume a bit to hear what was being said, even though he knew each word by heart.
In the scene, he and Michelle were trying to feed each other their wedding cake with blindfolds on, both claiming to know every detail of themselves that they'd be able to spot each others mouths in the dark. How right were they? Well, let's just say that Michelle believed that her Danny's nose deserved a taste, and Danny felt Michelle's blindfold might as well join in on the fun. They both laughed hysterically at the mess they made, and upon having their blinders removed, they were able to get the cake in their mouths this time. Michelle took some icing from her husband's face and sucked it off her finger, and Danny in turn kissed off every hint of icing from her lips. By the time he pulled away, Michelle's nose had joined the rest of her face in eating cake and they laughed even harder.
Danny found himself laughing so hard that tears escaped from his eyes. He remembered that day so vividly. It seemed like only yesterday. That had to be THE funniest moment of their wedding reception, or maybe it was later when Michelle was trying to seduce him during their first dance and tripped over the train of her dress.
His laughter gradually subsided, but the tears remained. They now flowed for another reason. Was he that bad of a husband for her to have left him? Maybe he was. Now knowledgeable of the actual Diego controversy, he felt guilty for just about everything. He did close to nothing to help Michelle when she needed him then and here he was trying to kill her now. And all of this was because of Diego, the man he had always given the benefit of the doubt.
To further add to his guilt, he couldn't believe how easily his mother had managed to manipulate the situation; how he had allowed her to manipulate him. Carmen was the very person who implanted that notion of Michelle's infidelity into his head, but in all fairness, it was ultimately up to him to either believe or dismiss it.
Today something within told him that Pilar was telling the truth. All that she said that afternoon was confirmed by Ray. According to the two of them, Carmen was present during the showdown between Michelle and Diego, as were their abuela Maria and the maid Mirabel. This revelation made Danny wonder what else there might be that he didn't know about this whole nasty episode with Michelle. Things that his mother were deliberately keeping from him.
His head was spinning at this point. He was not only misled, but a lot had also been concealed from him. This all directly influenced his actions following the ugly fiasco. He lied not only to himself, but to his children. This mass confusion of lies, deceit, and all else ruthless affected his Danielle and Michael more than anyone else. The fact that they think Alejandra is their real mother is enough to send any sane person into an asylum.
"Daddy, who's the pretty lady?"
Danny broke out of his thoughts and sat up with a start. He turned around to find his daughter standing behind the sofa with her chin resting on the cushioning. The light from the television caused her little eyes to sparkle, her attention completely on what was going on in the scene. Danny quickly turned off the video, cleaned his face, and then switched on the lights.
"Dani, what are you doing up?" he asked her as he glanced down at his watch.
"I came to say good night," she replied as she circled the sofa. "Who was the lady you were with on TV?"
"What lady?"
"The one wearing the Cinderella dress. The one you were dancing with," Danielle told him.
"Oh. Her. She's just an old friend," he answered as he stood up with his daughter in his arms. "Let's put you to bed."
"What's her name?" Danielle inquired, her daddy carrying her out of the room.
"Ms. Bauer."
"Is she a teacher?"
"No, Dani. She's not a teacher."
"Then how come her name is Ms. Bauer?" Danielle asked on as she played with the lapel of Danny's shirt. "All teachers names are Ms. something."
Danny smiled at his daughter's innocence. "She's not a teacher, princess. She's an old friend," he repeated.
"Like Uncle Juan Carlos?"
"Something like that," Danny replied while twisting on the door knob to her bedroom and entering. His son was already fast asleep, so they proceeded in with caution. "Don't you even wake him up."
Danielle motioned across her mouth with her small hand to indicate that her lips were zipped. Danny smiled as he put her down in her bed and pulled the covers up over her body.
"Remember to say your prayers," he whispered to her. "No nightmares today, okay?" he added and his little girl nodded in agreement. "And no playing with Teresa the Barbie doll tonight. You're going to school in the morning."
"Do I have to go? Can't I wait to go after tomorrow?" Danielle asked in her most pitiful voice she could muster.
"Yes, you have to go and no, you cannot wait to go until after tomorrow," Danny imitated.
"Can you finish the story about the bad man and the fairy princess then? Please?" she begged. "You said you'd tell it today!"
"Maybe tomorrow," Danny replied and his daughter made a defiant face. "Come on, baby. I'm too tired to tell the story tonight. Besides, your brother is asleep."
"No, me not," Michael spoke faintly and Danny glanced over at the boy's bed to see that his eyes were open. Danny sighed, seeing that he didn't have much of a choice now but to tell the story.
"Come over here," he said to his son and Michael slipped from his bed and staggered over to his daddy, yawning and rubbing on his sleepy eyes.
Danielle couldn't hold in her excitement, for she got up from under her covers, chanting "princess, bad man, princess, bad man" while jumping on her bed.
"Dani, sit down," Danny ordered as he grabbed a hold of her wrist and pulled her back to earth. "Sit still," he then added, she rattling as if she had been pumped full of speed.
Danny adjusted himself on the bed and pulled Michael into his lap. The boy looked like he was about to collapse of exhaustion, nodding off now and again, and Danny laid him against his body for support. He asked him if he wanted to go back to bed and the child shook his head no as he forced his eyes open.
Stubborn child. Stubborn children. While Michael was drifting in and out of consciousness, Danielle was in hyper drive. She always was when it came to the story and her favorite character, the 'fairy princess.' Naturally, Michael wasn't going to share the same character with his sister. His favorite was the 'bad man.' If only they knew what or who the story was really about.
"Alright," Danny sighed. "Now where did we leave off?"
**
Tuesday, Sept 5th - The Church
"Thank you," Michelle said quietly to Elisabeth when her last pill was given to her. She popped in into her mouth and sipped of her glass of water.
"You look better," Elisabeth said as she took the glass from her hand. "I feel like shit," Michelle remarked matter-of-factly.
"The fever's gone," Elisabeth spoke while sitting Michelle's glass and half eaten plate of food in the sink. "And you're not vomiting anymore. That's definitely a good thing." "If you say so," Michelle was nonchalant.
All went quiet between them and Michelle watched Elisabeth as she dumped their food scraps into the trash before turning on the faucet to wash numerous dirty plates in addition to theirs. Michelle sat in her place for a moment, debating on whether she should get up or not.
Elisabeth glanced to her left to find Michelle standing next to her a minute later, and she gave a small smile as she handed her a rag. Michelle smiled back and took the cloth from her and proceeded to rinse and dry whatever Elisabeth washed.
"Why have you been so nice to me?" Michelle asked, glancing up at the woman beside her. "You haven't once shown me an ounce of hostility over past three days."
"I have no reason to. It's not my place to pass judgement."
"No one else seems to have a problem with it."
"I'm not them," Elisabeth informed her. "Besides, Juan does enough judging and jumping to conclusions for the both of us."
"An ideal friend for Danny. They are no different."
"Actually, Danny is much worse."
"I'll have to agree with you on that!" Michelle said as she placed another plate down on the stack she had created.
"I'm sorry I couldn't stop him from coming into the room. I tried, but he got past me-"
"You have nothing to apologize for! You did nothing wrong. It's not your fault. What happened yesterday was bound to occur anyway. You've been nothing but great to me and I will always appreciate that. I don't blame you for anything, so please don't blame yourself," Michelle told her.
"I'm still sorry," Elisabeth said. "Nobody deserves what you got, whether there was any truth to the accusations or not."
"Lis, Ray's asking of you," Juan came into the room.
"It's okay," Michelle said when Elisabeth looked at her. "Go ahead. I'll be fine."
Elisabeth left the dishes to follow her brother. Michelle watched them until they were out of her sight and the door had stopped swinging. She then turned her head to look at the phone that was in the kitchen. She looked around as she dried her hands with the dish rag and dumped it by the side of the sink before rushing over to the phone. She listened for a dial tone and then quickly punched at the numbers.
"You are certain no one caught sight of you," Juan spoke into his cell. "Perfecto. Um, what? You're joking. How the hell did they get all that? Carlito?!" he was shocked. "Shit."
"Don't worry about me. I'm just fine, Abby," Michelle spoke lowly as she kept a constant eye on the door. "I'm already risking a lot by calling you. I will never forgive myself if anything were to happen to any of you."
"Nothing will, Michelle," Abby assured her. "I just hope you're being careful with whatever you're doing."
"Please don't tell Rick about this. I know he'll only try to stop me. This is the only way I know how to get my kids back. I need to sit this out."
"I wouldn't tell Rick if my life depended on it. There have been a lot of things going on around here that I'm not sure about anymore, and to say that I don't trust my husband would be an understatement. He's involved with Ben somehow..."
"What?!"
"And if he's dealing with that guy, I just know it has something to do with you," Abby said.
"What's that clicking sound?" Michelle asked, plugging up her other ear with her finger to hear better. "Abby? Abby, can you hear me?" she was asking just as the phone was snatched from her. She whipped around to see that it was Juan.
"What do you think you were doing?!" he barked as he slammed the phone down on its base. "You shouldn't have done that!" he pointed at her. "You may have just put your family in a lot of trouble. BIG trouble!" Michelle just stared at him. "Your brother's phone is tapped. That's the clicking sound you were hearing."
"What??" her alert flag went up.
"They were probably trying to trace us," Juan ran a hand through his thick dark hair as he moved away from Michelle.
"They??" she asked, following behind him. "They who?"
"It doesn't matter," he replied. "I have to get you out of here."
**
Rick walked in a slow and languid manner down the hall with a Styrofoam cup of black coffee in his hand. He was exhausted and he needed a cup or three of the bitter liquid to keep his eyes open. He was just starting his third shift and all he wanted to do was go home. Of course, he couldn't do that, for if he did, he'd have to face his wife. That was one thing he wasn't ready to deal with just yet. He needed more time to formulate a reasonable answer if any such answer existed. Why was he even bothering? He has to tell her the truth.
"Hey there, Dr. Uncle Bauer," Harley Cooper-Spaulding greeted with a big smile as she approached him. "Is the poor Dr. working himself too hard?"
"You could say that," Rick murmured and sipped from his cup. "How's it going?" "Good. I just got back from dropping my Susie off at school."
"Oh, that's right! She starts at Penn State this year."
"Yeah. I miss her already," Harley remarked. "How quickly children grow," she added and then looked up at Rick to see that his attention was elsewhere. "So, what are you doing here anyway?" she asked. "Didn't you pull a double last night? Don't tell me you're going for a triple. They aren't paying you any more than they already are, Rick!" she said in jest and when his troubled expression remained, she got serious. "You've heard."
Rick looked at her, obviously lost to what she was talking about. "Heard what?"
"About Michelle," Harley replied.
"What about Michelle?" Rick asked. "Oh my God, what happened to my sister?! Oh, please don't tell me she's dead."
"Rick, calm down," she told him and she pulled him into an empty lounge with her. "No, she's not dead. At least, I hope not! I dropped by the station before I came over and Frank told me that last night he got evidence that implicates Michelle as the person who killed Diego Santiago."
Rick fell back in one of the chairs. "I can't believe this," he was dazed.
"Of course, Frank doesn't believe it and neither do I, but everything points to her and...I'm sorry, Rick," she said, crouching down in front of him.
"It's all my fault," he whispered as he slowly shook his head. "I can't believe this," he repeated. "They said they'd do it and they have."
"What are you talking about?" Harley asked. "This isn't your fault! You have nothing to do with this-"
"I have everything to do with it," Rick stood up and Harley followed suit. "My sister didn't kill that man," he said before lifting his eyes to look at Harley. "She was set up."
"Rick..."
"I helped them," he cut in. "I helped those bastards frame my sister for a murder she didn't commit."
"Oh my God," Harley breathed.
"You have to understand why I did it, Harley! I had to get her out and away from that gun toting family! She wasn't safe there. I was not going to sit and watch as my sister walk right into her grave because of Danny Santos!! I had only good intentions..."
"I believe you."
"And Ben Warren wanted her out for his own reasons and-"
"Wait a sec! Ben Warren??" Harley stopped him to allow the mention of that name to somehow make it down her throat. "Ben is involved?" she asked and Rick was mute. "Oh my God," Harley covered her face with both her hands. "Tell me this has nothing to do with blackmail. Please tell me it has nothing to do with us."
"I-I can't do that," he replied after a long pause and Harley forcefully exhaled.
"You went along with this set up not only to get Michelle away from Danny, but to keep Warren quiet about us?! You sacrificed your sister's life to cover our hides?! I can't believe this. I'm not hearing this."
"Hey! You should be thanking me! If I hadn't done it, both our marriages would've been blown to hell! I got my sister away from that family and that's the reason she's still alive today! They would've killed her had she stayed. I would do everything all over again if I had to! I would rather die than to see my sister suffer with those mobsters!"
"But she has been suffering without them! For FOUR years, Rick!" Harley yelled. "You can't just separate a woman from her children and a man that she loves because you think it's what's best for her! This has got to be a nightmare."
"It's all true, Harley."
"No!" she snapped. "No, it can't be. You're too good of a man to have done this," she said as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Blackmail doesn't stop with one thing, Rick! What makes you think that Ben wouldn't still tell the world about our affair if he wanted to?"
Rick stared over Harley's shoulder as the door to the lounge quietly closed. Noticing that he was looking at something, Harley too turned.
"You and Uncle Rick?!"
"Lizzie, listen to me!" Harley grabbed a hold of her arm before she could exit and tried to quiet the teenager.
"I can't believe this!" she yelled at the top of her lungs. "Uncle Rick, how could you?" she asked as Harley continued in her effort to try to mellow her. "No! No, don't touch me!" she snatched her arm from her step-mother. "How could YOU do this to my Dad?" Lizzie asked Harley. "Oh, he's going to hear about this!"
"I don't think so!" Harley held a hand on the door and shut it just as Lizzie was pulling it open. "Now you listen to me Elizabeth June Spaulding," she said close to her face. "You are not going to breathe a word of this to Philip. Do you know why? Don't care to guess? Well, if you even do as much as hint what you just heard in this room to ANYone, especially your Dad, both he and my Susan will hear all about that little abortion you had. I believe the child belonged to Max?"
Lizzie stared at Harley with eyes of death, her mouth kept shut for a million different reasons now. Her eyes moved to her uncle Rick and her eyes instantly welled up with tears. She turned away from them both and left the lounge.
"Lizzie!" Rick called after her, but she was gone.
"Let her go," Harley held him back.
"I can't believe she just heard that," Rick said and then exhaled. "I can't believe I just heard THAT," he added, referring to Lizzie's situation.
"There is a lot both of us aren't believing at this point."
"She had an abortion?" Rick was still dwelling on that disclosure.
"We have to open our eyes, Rick. We have to clean this up. I can't lose my Philip," she said with a hand to her chest. "I can lose my job and my family over this and I don't want that to happen."
"We both have a lot at stake here, Harley. Hopefully we won't lose anything..."
"I can't depend on hope!! We have to do something!" Harley was desperate. "I don't want Michelle to go down for this, so we have to come up with another option."
**
As she came further in, the clacking of her heels grew louder and Ray and Pilar looked up from their hushed conversation to see who it was.
"Mama? W-what are you doing here?" Pilar asked, shocked to see her mother there. "Hello, Pilar," Carmen greeted with a smile. "I came to pray just like you do, baby," she told her and then her attention went to Ray. "Raymond."
"Tía," he said in response and they kissed each other's cheeks. "Everyone is welcome in the house of God," he remarked while staring at his cousin and silently asking the same question Pilar had out loud.
"Thank you, Ray," Carmen said and then proceeded to a pew. She knelt down and made the sign of the cross.
"She knows," Pilar was quick to say once Ray had returned to his spot on the pew.
"Calm down," he whispered as he glanced over at Carmen. "She probably is here to pray."
Pilar gave Ray a doubtful look. "I don't think so! I know my mother. She's here because of Michelle. She must know about her being here!"
"Pilar," Ray called in warning. "Keep it together!" he scolded.
"What's the matter?" Carmen startled them, causing both to jump. "I'm sorry. Didn't mean to sneak up that way."
"Finished with your prayer so soon, Tía?" Ray asked.
"Yes. I just came to thank God for keeping mis nietos safe as they went to school," she said with a forced grin. "You know Danielle Cristina started kindergarten today. You should've seen her. She was absolutely adorable in her little uniform."
"Actually, I did see her," Ray remarked. "I went by the school earlier for an errand. She was adorable," he said and there was a brief pause. "How is Danny?" he knowingly asked.
"Danny hasn't been himself lately," Carmen replied. "I know it has something to do with that Michelle," she threw out there to observe their reaction, but she got no visible change in their demeanor.
"Michelle? Why would you say that?" Ray asked her.
"I'm only assuming. His wedding is fast approaching, so I figured that girl must be on his mind. Danny says he doesn't want anything more than to see that witch dead, but I know better. A small part of him still cares about her."
"That must be it, Mama," Pilar spoke up. "The wedding must be stirring up old memories."
"Well, I'm glad to see him on the right track again."
"You call marrying a Ramírez being on the right track?" Ray blurted out, not meaning for that thought to come out. "He doesn't love her. How is a marriage like that going to be good for him? For anyone?"
"He'll come to love her soon," Carmen replied, stressing the last word. "Besides, since when did the Church marry people based on love? All you have to do is pass the pre-Cana and you're good to go! And Danny and his bride-to-be are just about done with that waste of time."
"You have much nerve disrespecting the Church in one of its parishes, Mama," Pilar remarked and Carmen paid her no mind as she continued.
"I know my daughter and even you may not agree with me on this, but marriage to Ally will be better than that caricature he had with Michelle."
"Mama, they tried to make it work!"
"Michelle didn't TRY hard enough!" Carmen said back. "Any woman who tries to change who you are is no good, Pilar! That girl did nothing but turn Danny against his family, against his obligations! She filled his head with senseless, impossible fantasies!"
"You enjoy blaming all your problems on others, don't you?" Ray asked. "If you're not blaming Michelle, you're blaming Bill Lewis."
"That boy ruined my Pilar's chances of marrying Juan Alvarez!"
"Mama, PLEASE don't start this now," Pilar pleaded.
"It's the truth, baby," Carmen stroked her long hair. "He blinded you just as Michelle did your brother...."
"They fell for people you didn't approve of," Ray spoke. "That's what happened. That's what has made you so hell bent on revenge. Why don't you just let it go?"
"Easier said than done, Raymond," Carmen remarked. "But I will try to release myself of all this anger."
"Yes, Mama. You should do that," Pilar told her. "Anger only eats you from the inside out."
"I know that, precious. I guess old habits die hard," Carmen said, lowering her head for a moment and then lifting it up again. "Well, I better get going. Will you need a ride back home, baby?"
"No, Mama. I'll be here a while. Thank you anyway."
"Okay. Well, I'll see you later. Adiós, Raymond."
"Buenos noche, Tía."
Once Carmen had left, Ray got up from his seat and went up to one of the windows. He looked out to find Carmen standing by her vehicle with three men.
"You are very sly, Carmen," Ray mumbled.
"What is it?" Pilar came up to him. "What are you seeing?"
"Your mother with her men. While she was keeping us occupied in here, they must've been looking around."
"So? Did you see her?" Carmen asked impatiently. "Did you find Michelle?"
"She was no where around, Boss," Dietz croaked. "The place was clean."
"That's impossible!" Carmen cried in disbelief. "She has to be here!"
"Maybe she was, but she isn't now," Dietz said. "I told you not to trust Mario. He sometimes has a hearing problem."
"He had the Bauer phone tapped. Michelle had called there to let them know that she was still breathing, and that she was planning on getting her children back. I don't know how she plans on doing that! Mario had traced the call back to here," Carmen sighed. "That Juan Carlos must have found out somehow."
"She was looking for Michelle," Ray told Pilar as he stepped away from the window.
"Thank God she's gone," Pilar said, following him. "I don't know how Juan knew she was coming."
"I don't think he did," Ray remarked as he settled into a pew close to the door. "He knew someone would come, yes, but I don't think he knew it would be Carmen."
"I wonder about that Juan sometimes. How does he figure out this stuff? How did he know anyone would be coming?"
"He didn't say, but he was in a hurry to get out of here," Ray replied. "I pray that God will continue his watch over Michelle. I have faith that she'll make it through this. By His grace, Danny will come to his senses. Let's hope that he does so before his mother finds Michelle."
**
That night: Tuesday, Sept 5th
A drained and incomprehensible Danny dragged himself into the house and into his mother's sanctuary, roughly loosening his tie as he came down the stairs. He dropped his bag on one of the leather seats and started for Carmen's wine table to pour himself a share of Chardonnay. He took a swallow of the liquid and figured he needed something stronger. After the day he's had, a nice kick to the face would be soothing.
Scotch, whiskey, brandy. Hmm. Which one to take. He combined the three and took a huge gulp of the mixture. Gatdamn! Danny blinked hard and shuddered at the potency and horrific taste of his cocktail. He momentarily put his glass down in an effort to regain himself. His combo had blacked him out for a moment there. He was going for another sip when his phone rang.
"What?" he answered tiredly, stepping away from the table some. "I told you not to worry, alright? I know my sister, Juan. She won't say a damned thing. Yes! Was that it?" he asked in annoyance. "Uh huh. I stayed away, didn't I? You still have to explain why I had....hello? Bastard," Danny mumbled as flipped the phone closed.
He eagerly returned to his cocktail and sipped a generous amount. Whoa! Now that was a little *too* strong. He felt dizzy. Was he drunk already? He looked down into the drink and then examined it sideways. Had it been this vomit inducing and intoxicating when he drank of it before? Danny shrugged as he went to the seat, grabbed his bag and headed out with his drink.
Once he was definitely gone, Alejandra stepped out from where she had been hiding, kissed the now half empty bottle of powder, and followed her fiancée. Everything was going according to plan. All was going to change tonight. Her future with Danny will most certainly be. Michelle couldn't stop the inevitable. No one could.