Living Without
Part Ten
Carmen was about to make a phone call when there was a knock at the door and she looked up as did Dietz to witness Danielle skip her way in with her pink pjs on and furry pink slippers to match. Alejandra soon followed with Michael, who had his head resting on her shoulder.
"What's going on?" Carmen asked, standing from her seat and hanging up the phone. "Why aren't you asleep, Cristina? Michael?" she smoothed over the boy's head.
"Stomach ache," Alejandra replied.
"All that sugar, mi nieto. I did tell you that it would catch up with you," Carmen remarked and then she looked down at Danielle. "And what is wrong with you, Cristina? Sick too?" she asked and the girl shook her head no.
"She's afraid of the thunder," Alejandra said. "And they've both been asking for a bed time story. I've given them one and-"
"She doesn't know the one about the bad man who was saved by the fairy princess," Danielle cut her off.
"I don't think anyone knows of that story, baby," Carmen said to her.
"Daddy knows it. He tells it to us all the time," Danielle replied.
"Tell us how it goes and then next time we'll tell it to you," Alejandra suggested and Danielle promptly disagreed.
"Only Daddy knows the story. It's not the same all the time. And he was supposed to continue with it tonight!"
"What if I told you a story tonight instead?" Carmen asked as she carried up her granddaughter.
"Whatever bed time tale Danny tells them always puts them out like a light," Alejandra said. "I don't know where he could be, and I've tried his phone twice already. The service is out."
"What do you say, Miss Danielle Cristina? Are you going to allow Mama to tell you a fable tonight?" Carmen asked.
"Me want Daddy," Michael mumbled against Alejandra's neck.
"I don't want Mama's story. I want Daddy," Danielle echoed her brother's sentiment as she played with a can of pens that sat on Carmen's desk. "Can we wait for him to come home?"
"No," Alejandra sternly replied. "Absolutely not! You're going to bed."
"I'll try his phone again," Carmen told her, picking up the receiver with her free hand. "And you two can stay up for another 15 minutes. If I can't get a hold of your father by then, you WILL go to bed. Is that understood?"
***
Michelle remained standing by the window as she had been when Juan left her alone. Her tears were flowing down her face just as fast and frequent as the rain drops were running down the glass of the window. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shut herself off. It was always this way when she got to thinking about her children and how much of their lives she had missed. How much of her love she hadn't gotten to share with them; how many kisses and hugs; laughter and tears.
By her calculations, she had already or was about to miss her daughter's first day to school. And then there was Michael. Michelle didn't even want to begin mentally listing every single growing moment of his life that she hadn't been a part of. The boy was only 3 months old when he and Danielle were taken from her, and in a matter of thirteen days, he too was going to celebrate a birthday. His fourth. As with the first, second, and third, Michelle will be absent. Either alive or dead.
No matter how she looked at it, she still wasn't going to be there with her son. As hard as if was for her to think about, it was a very strong possibility that she would not leave the room alive. And it was all her doing.
Who did she think she was, going to the Santos house all alone and without telling a soul of her journey into the gates of Hell? Supergirl? Did she actually think that anyone there would grant her even a glimpse of her babies?
Psychotic. That's what she was. Stark raving mad. She acted without any thought, (an attribute she could easily point out to be one her kidnapper possessed), and look what she got herself into. She set herself up and was definitely fooling herself if she thought she could leave Casa Santos without any kind of retaliation from the queen of the pack. Michelle didn't do much of anything there, but knowing Carmen, her mere presence in the house was an offense in itself.
Michelle had nothing to apologize for. Damn all those who wanted nothing more than to see her crumble at their feet! It seemed that now they had finally got her. Michelle had gone to that God forsaken place and left unsuccessful in her mission. When she died tonight at the hands of her ex-love, at least she will do so knowing that her children were happy.
That thought wasn't at all very comforting. She'd die not having a single image of her children in her mind, but the ones she's had of them for the past 4 years. If Danielle and Michael were standing right in front of her at that very instant, she wouldn't have known. They'd be strangers to her as she would be to them.
Michelle snapped out of her thoughts when she heard the door click shut, and every cell in her body came to a complete stand still. She listened for some kind of movement, but there was none. If she were anywhere else, she'd probably say that someone had just opened the door to check up on her. However, under the circumstances, she knew better than that. She didn't have to turn around to know that she was no longer the only person in the room.
She closed her eyes briefly and inhaled. Her meeting with God was going to be sooner than she thought. The warm room almost instantly went cold and the more she stood immobile in the silence, the colder the room got. An eerie draft crept between her legs, through her toes, and then up around her, causing a shiver to run up and down her spine.
Whoever had come in was now closer. She did not hear his approach, but she could feel him. So close. So cold. Her skin crawled.
Michelle carefully brought her hand up to wipe dry her wet face, and she drew in another deep breath in an effort to calm herself to the point of not passing out.
"What are you waiting for?" she asked with more courage than she felt. "I know you didn't bring me here so you could stare at me. Whatever you're going to do, just do it. Shoot, stab, strangle me! Do whatever you want! I assure you, Danny, it won't be any worse than what you've already done to me."
Nothing. Still silence. There was a crack of thunder, followed by a blinding flash of lightning, and the lights of the room fluctuated for a few seconds and then remained steady.
"Beautiful night to off someone, wouldn't you say, Danny?" Michelle continued to taunt, despite the apparent danger she was already in. "Me, that is. A perfect day to off me. A day you'll never forget. Your daughter's birthday," she was saying as she ventured to turn around and she was greeted with a gun pointed directly at her forehead.
At the sight of the forbidden object, Michelle's entire being froze in terror. Her limbs stiffened, her skin lost its color, and her hair felt as if it had fallen out. The gun was a fright, but it was nothing when compared to the person behind it. Michelle hadn't felt so afraid for her life since...since that time this same man had pointed a very similar weapon at her and threatened to kill. THREATENED to kill. However, this time she did not think he was trying to make a threat by waving that deadly hunk of steel in her face. His intent was to carry out what he couldn't the first time.
Danny pressed the gun hard against her head and Michelle stood her ground, despite her fear. She stared him straight in the eyes and made no attempt to look anywhere else as his dark unreadable eyes stared back.
"Only you could sneak into a room that way," Michelle spoke in a near whisper. Her voice couldn't even make it through without letting out a quiver, for her heart was beating so hard against her chest that it felt as if it were going to pop out of her mouth.
Danny moved the gun from her forehead and slid it down the side of her face and down her cheek. His eyes followed the weapon's movement precisely as he tortured his captive with it. He traced the contours of her face and continued further down to her neck, her collar bone, and then came to a stop at her chest. He could see the effect this was having on her and a wry smile curved his lips. Still watching him, those eyes of hers had automatically welled up with tears and he could see that her lips were starting to quiver.
Good. She was afraid of him. Maybe now she won't talk so much and see that he means business.
He went on to trace the base of her neck and his journey continued back down to her chest and further. He forcibly popped the few buttons that held Michelle's blouse close and proceeded to slide it open, revealing the black laced bra that enclosed her perfectly shaped breasts. Danny's eyes traveled down to her toned abdomen and still using his gun, he slid her blouse aside to get a better look of her.
All the while he was having his 'fun,' Michelle was trying her damnedest not to scream out her frustration at whatever game he was playing. This was not fair! If only he wasn't holding that gun. If he wanted to take her life, he should just do it and stop whatever the hell he was doing!
Her breathing instantly quickened when she felt the cold nuzzle of the weapon slide across her stomach, up between her breasts, and to her shoulder. As his favorite toy had already done, Danny's eyes retraced its way up her body and to her eyes. Michelle saw something dangerous flicker in his, and although she wasn't sure of what it was, she knew that she didn't like it.
The gun went down and back up her arm before it came to a pause at the strap of her bra. Danny's eyes returned to hers to see if she still held her gaze, and indeed she was holding just fine. He then went on to use the cold object to slide the strap down.
At that point, Michelle had had it. This was insane! She smacked the semiautomatic away from her body and before she knew what was going on, Danny had it positioned under her head -- right where her trachea began. Michelle's chest heaved up and down from a combo of accelerated agitation, a racing heart, and the turns that her stomach were making. Her eyes were still focused on her captor as tears ran down her cheeks and her lips quivered more than ever.
She couldn't keep up with her act. She was mortified and she knew that Danny could see that. The satisfaction he was getting from this was all over his face. God, that face deserved a real dirty slap. Ugh! She couldn't stand the smug look that he was giving her.
"What are you waiting for!?" she asked once again, her voice deep with uncontrollable anger. "If you're going to kill me, do it already!! Pull the trigger, Daniel SANTOS! Make mommy proud. You'll truly be her son then."
Michelle knew she had gotten to him for he pressed the gun up against her even more. His brows came together at her reference to him being like his mother, and this prompted him to dig the mouth of the gun into Michelle's skin. He moved it from her throat to the side of her head, and there he twisted the deadly weapon one way, paused for a reaction, and then twisted it in the other direction.
Tears continued down her face in a steady stream, and despite all that Danny was doing to her, Michelle never removed her eyes from him. Danny couldn't stand that she was looking at him in the way that she was. He was almost starting to feel sorry for her. The key word here is 'almost.' He wasn't going to fall for that "don't hurt me, I'm innocent" act.
He watched her for what seemed like an eternity. This was the moment he had played over more than a thousand times in mind. He had routinely gone through each and every step of his plan as if it were some script he had to memorize before the end of the day. He already figured out what he was going to say and all the alternative ways in which he could say them. He also thought up a variety of ways in which he would simply come into the room, before pumping the body of his long lost bitter half full of lead.
Now that he was standing and looking into the face he hadn't seen in a long time but in his dreams and in the photos he still possessed, all his plans and schemes were nothing but a faint haze. His memorized script was washed away the moment he laid eyes on her out in the rain, and whatever else he had concocted to do was no where within mental reach.
Danny blinked and his clouded mind attempted to get some grip on any part of what he was supposed to do next. Maybe he should try saying something, but that task proved to be impossible. He just continued to stare at Michelle as she stared back at him.
Frustrated with the whole thing, Danny pushed Michelle away by the head with the gun and in a quick instant, he saw a dizzying assortment of colors and the most excruciating pain spread across the left side of his face. Michelle had hit him. Hard. VERY hard.
Danny managed to grab a hold of her arm before she had the chance to step away, and she struggled to get out of his grasp, but she couldn't. She fell to the floor in an effort to get him to release her, but that didn't work either. Danny got her back on her feet and she still tried to get free. Trying to ignore the throbbing of his face, Danny pulled Michelle to him with such force that her body slammed into his.
"What do you want from me?!" Michelle yelled in between the breaths she took and Danny remained as mute as he had since he came into the room. "Why won't you just shoot me?! What the hell are you waiting for?? Just do it!"
He searched her eyes as she uttered those words. He didn't exactly know what the answers to her questions were. He didn't even know why she was still breathing. What he did know was that her being that close to him was causing his body to react in ways he didn't think were still possible.
Danny violently pushed her away from him and she fell onto the bed. Michelle scrambled quickly backwards on the slippery sheets and her eyes widened when she saw that Danny was lifting the gun.
"Our Father, who art in heaven. Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come..." Michelle was reciting as quickly as the words could escape from her mouth. "Please watch over my children, Father...thy will be done on Earth as it is in heaven...please protect them from harm...give us this day our daily bread-"
Danny aimed at her and pulled the trigger.
At the deafening sound, the jar of mayonnaise Juan was carrying slipped from his hand and noisily crashed to the floor. He looked up at the ceiling and couldn't believe what he just heard. That was a gun. That was THE gun. It was fired. Oh, shit.
"Oh, shit," Juan uttered.
Shortly following, he heard Danny coming down the staircase and Juan stepped out from the kitchen to meet him. When Danny got to him, he slapped the gun into his friend's hand and continued out the front door, slamming it behind himself.
To say that Juan was shocked would be an understatement. The man looked down at the gun, up the staircase, and then over at the door. He didn't know what to think. He went over to the window and pushed the curtain aside to look out. He saw that Danny was in the rain and looking heavenward with his arms outstretched and yelling something up to the sky. Juan sighed, looked up at the ceiling, and offered a silent prayer.
"The deed is done," he whispered to himself. "I-I can't believe it. God, you let him do it? Why?"
Juan was confused. He glanced down at the gun again and was still in denial. He always doubted that Danny ever had it within himself to kill anyone, but it looked like Danny had just proven him wrong. Contrary to what he hoped would happen, Juan now had a body to dispose of as planned. This task was now one he wished not to have agreed to take on.
***
Later that night - Sunday Sept. 3rd:
"Danny, where in the world could you still be?" Carmen asked as she angrily slammed the receiver down after hearing an automated 'temporarily out of service' message for the umpteenth time. "It's not like you to not call and check on the children. What are you and Juan Carlos up to?" Carmen questioned and her mind reeled with possible answers.
She could only come up with one.
"Michelle," she hissed, every syllable of the name laced with undeniable hatred. "This better not have anything to do with you. There is no way Danny could have known you were here. That's not possible! Dietz said that no one else knew..." she was saying, instantly terminating her rambling when she heard Alejandra come in.
"Ally, dear," she greeted. "Why are you still up? I thought that after that whole bed time story fiasco with my grandchildren, you'd follow suit and hit the bed."
"The kids are still awake. Their in the room with Pilar. Besides I can't sleep," Alejandra said as she took a seat in the chair in front of the desk. "I'm worried about Danny."
"You're not the only one," Carmen remarked, circling her desk to come stand in front of her.
"You still weren't able to get through?" Alejandra asked and Carmen shook her head in response. "Why hasn't he called? Where is he!? What if he's in a car wreck somewhere? What if he's in trouble?"
"What if he's just fine? Sweetheart, you mustn't worry. Danny will be back to you and the children soon enough. He's okay."
"Yes, Mama. You're right-"
"I know I am," Carmen remarked. "And I also know that you love my son-"
"I love him with ALL my heart. I'd do ANYTHING for him! His happiness is very important to me."
"You are indeed very much like his mother," Carmen spoke with such pride in her voice. "We both want the best for him. I hope Danny knows how lucky he has been to have had you by his side," she said as she held Alejandra's hands. "You have been a blessing to him. To me! To my family. You do know that."
"You always tell me, but..." Alejandra paused. "But, Danny...he..."
"Listen, mi niņa," Carmen interrupted. "I don't want to hear you say that he doesn't feel anything for you. Danny...he's...he's in denial. My son just has a hard time expressing how he feels."
"He doesn't have a problem with Michael and Danielle."
"Those are his babies, Alejandra! As I would do for both he and Pilar, Danny would do anything to make and keep mi nietos happy."
"That includes marrying me," Alejandra said, her voice cracking with emotion and she turned away from Carmen to hide the tears that were forming in her eyes.
"Baby, look at me," Carmen ordered and she complied. "Remember what I asked you to do?"
"Yes."
"And how have you faired?"
"Danny's very careful," Alejandra replied, shaking her head. "He doesn't want anything to do with me," she started to cry.
"Nonsense!" Carmen exclaimed. "Don't give up!" she told her and she got Alejandra to face her. "We're just going to have to find a way to make my son a little more careless when it comes to you and him. Understand?" she asked and Alejandra nodded as she wiped away her tears. "He will love you and there is no way that he won't. Danny is not one to turn away from his responsibilities. After you've become pregnant with his child, he won't turn away from you."
***
"She knows about it now?" Ben asked as he casually puffed on a Cuban cigar.
"Yeah," Dietz replied while sitting back in the chair. "She knows. I gave her the 'news' about three hours ago. She turned red when she simply heard her ex-daughter-in-law's name."
"I'm sure she did," Ben remarked. "I'm surprised she's still got her head on, considering all the hatred she has for Michelle. I almost expected her to go on an all out rampage. So far, she has remained pretty calm."
"She's only trying to think up a mode of attack."
"Yes, well, when she finds out that her son already knows that his ex wife is in town, Carmen will surely go ballistic. She's doing everything in her power to make sure that this merger with the Ramirez family happens, and-"
"With the Bauer girl around, the merger will not pull through."
"Because like a puppy who has the choice of either a stick or a bone, Danny will go for the bone -- his so-called one true love."
Dietz smiled crookedly. "No marriage to Miss Ramirez then," he stated.
"No marriage, no merger," Ben grinned and his lips sucked on his cigar some more.
"Disastrous," Dietz croaked with glee.
"Precisely. I'm going to love this!"
"The fun has only just begun," Dietz told him.
"You know, your role in that whole Diego Santiago fiasco is probably being spilt at this very moment," Ben remarked.
"Danny wouldn't believe her. Not even if she tried to make any kind of sense out of what she THOUGHT had happened. Besides, she knows the risks. Coming back to Springfield was one in itself and talking about Santiago, isn't going to help her at all. Danny's already furious about what happened to his cousin, and if it seems that Miss Bauer had anything to do with his murder...well, we all know how Danny can get. If he didn't want to pull the trigger before, he will now."
"I see your point. Michelle will only be digging herself into a deeper grave. Amazing how everything just falls into place. I couldn't have planned this any better myself."