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Dear Mick,
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If you are reading this letter, I am thankfully gone from this earth. Do not cry for me, because I don't deserve your tears. I looked in the mirror this morning, and for the first time, I saw my true reflection. I did not see the familiar face that greeted me my entire life, but the face of a monster.
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That is what I am, a monster, but I was once like you. When I see you and Michelle, it is like gazing through a window to the past. It has been painful to see your love for her blossom. I had the same love for Michelle's mother. She was my soul, and she carried that part of me with her to her grave.
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Fate dealt me a second chance with my Michelle, but my chance skipped a generation, and was given to you. Sometimes I laugh at the irony; it is like some cruel cosmic joke. I raised you in my image; it was only a game to me. Little did I know that my game would turn into an alternate reality. That you would become me, and Michelle would become her mother.
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Maria told me once that you cannot cheat fate; at the time I believed her, but I now realize it is possible to do just that. I will challenge fate to a duel of wits, and I plan to have the last laugh. Life means nothing to me; I have been dead for twenty years. My Michelle is waiting for me on the other side. I have to believe that. If I am wrong, and there is nothing waiting there but darkness, at least it would not be the pain I face in this world. Nothingness would be a blissful alternative.
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I tried replacing the hole in my heart with bitterness and rage, and sought vengeance on those whom I felt were responsible for taking Michelle from me. I hated Bill Lewis for giving her a child, and I hated that child for taking her life. My victories against them were hollow at best, for I placed blame on the wrong heads. Michelle and I are the only ones at fault. Our love was so strong we had nothing left for anyone else, including ourselves. We were too selfish to be together, and too selfish to be apart. It destroyed us, and everyone else we touched; like a hungry fire, consuming all in its path.
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I married Marah Lewis after I found out Michelle was pregnant. I asked Michelle to leave with me, but she refused. That was the day I knew she was lost to me forever, and the day my plans for revenge took shape. Marah loved me, but I had no love for her; she was just a girl, a naive child. She knew nothing of hatred and cruelty, but she quickly learned.
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Marah expected me to make love to her on our wedding night, but what I gave her was not love. It was not even sex, just an angry assault on everything she represented. She cried afterward, and begged me to take her home. I laughed, telling her I would never let her go as long as she served my purpose. She was nothing but a pawn in my game, the first of many.
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Poor Lewis did not stand a chance; he was conceived out of pure resentment. That is one of my biggest regrets. I tried to love him....I wanted so desperately to love him, but my heart had turned to stone. I took advantage of his affection for Michelle's daughter, thinking the end would justify the means. Lewis foolishly trusted me, but he realized my deception the day he died. His last words were, "Why Papa?" I shrugged indifferently, and replied, "Because you exist." The pain in his eyes will haunt me forever.
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Then there was you, my mirror image. After your mother died, I took you as my son. Maria begged me to allow Bill to raise you, but I would not allow him that satisfaction. He loved your mother, and he would have given you the same love. I was wrong to deny you that. A child needs love, and I had none to give; but to my amazement, you thrived. It is a testament to your character. You are the man I should have been.
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You are now standing at the same crossroads I once faced. I pray you won't follow in my footsteps. It is time for you to make your own way. The only thing I have for you to take on your journey is the gift of hindsight. Use it wisely.
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Danny
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