Wuthering Lights
Part Seventeen
By Holden
For two months, the fugitives remained absent. In those two months, Michelle experienced what the doctors called a major depression. In my day, we called it a nervous breakdown. Bill, shunning a hospital, decided it was best for her to recover at home, and nobody could have been a more attentive nurse. Day and night, he endured her insane rantings and lamentations. He grew painfully thin, and when I looked at his gaunt face, I worried that he was sacrificing himself only to preserve a mere ruin of humanity.
Michelle began to come around a little the day she woke to a pile of yellow crocus Bill had placed on the pillow beside her. She snatched up the bouquet and smiled broadly. "These flowers grow by the door of the lighthouse! It must be spring. Has the snow melted?"
"There are only a few patches left on the lawn. It is a beautiful day, the sky is blue and the birds are singing. Why don't you come sit in the garden with me?" Bill replied, barely able to contain his elation at seeing her smile.
"I will never be able to see them bloom at the lighthouse again," Michelle cried and dropped the flowers onto her lap.
Bill gently caressed her cheek, trying to soothe her. "I think you need to get out of this depressing bedroom. Get up and we will go outside." Bill helped Michelle down the steps, and took her to the garden. He sat with her there all morning, and I was relieved to see that she seemed to be recovering.
Marah sent Bill a short note six weeks after her departure. The body of the letter was somewhat dry and cold, a synopsis of their honeymoon travels, but penciled in at the bottom was a vague apology and attempt at reconciliation.
Bill crumpled the note and threw it in the
fireplace. Two weeks later I received a long letter from her. It was a strange
letter, not what one would expect coming from a new bride. I kept the letter and
I will read it to you.
_____________________________
Dear Maria,
When I arrived at the lighthouse, I heard about Michelle's illness. I suppose it is best that I don't write her now. Bill was too angry to answer my previous letter, but I had to write to somebody and that only leaves you.
Tell Bill and Michelle that I love them, and I was missing home twenty-four hours after I left. However, I can't follow my heart. They should not expect me to visit and they can draw any conclusions they like from that.
The rest of this letter is for you alone. I have a question for you. Is Danny a man? If so, is he mad? And if not, is he a devil? I won't tell you my reasons for asking you this, but I beg you to tell me, if you can, what I have married---that is when you come to visit me. Please don't write, but come in person and bring me something from Bill.
Now I will tell you about my first night here. The sun was just setting when we arrived, and Danny just dropped me off with my suitcase, making some excuse about a business meeting. When I went inside Dietz informed me that Pilar had taken baby Mick when we left, and she moved to the boarding house.
I asked Dietz if there was anything to eat, and he told me to go look for myself. The kitchen cupboards were nearly bare, but I found a package of instant oatmeal. I was so tired and the thought of eating in Dietz's presence gave me the chills. So, I asked him where Danny's bedroom was, and he just stood there leering at me. Finally, he pointed to the stairs and told me it was up there, but Danny kept it locked.
I decided to go up anyway and sit on the stairs. By this time, the oatmeal was cold and I had lost my appetite. So, I set it on the stairs beside me. Suddenly, Dietz came creeping up the stairs and he gave me an evil smile. He told me to be sure and lock my door when I went to bed, and I asked him why, because I didn't relish the idea of locking myself in with Danny.
"Look here," he said, as he pulled out strange gun with a double-edge spring knife that attached to the barrel. "That's a great temptation to a desperate man, isn't it?" he said. "I can't resist going up with this every night and trying his door. If I ever find it open, he's done for! I do it invariably, even though the minute before I have been recalling a hundred reasons that should make me refrain. It is some devil that urges me to thwart my own schemes by killing him. You fight against that devil for love as long as you may; when the time comes, not all the angels in heaven shall save him!"
I stared at the gun curiously, and then a hideous thought struck me. How powerful I would be, possessing such a weapon! I took it from his hand and touched the blade. He looked astonished at the expression on my face; it was not horror---it was covetousness. He snatched the pistol back jealously, shut the knife, and returned it to his pocket.
"I don't care if you tell him," he said. "Put him on his guard, and watch for him. You know the terms we are on, and I see his being in danger does not shock you."
I asked him what Danny had done to him to warrant such hatred, and wouldn't it be better to quit if he felt that way. "No!" he cried, "and if he ever fires me, he's a dead man. If you persuade him to do so, you would be a murderess. I will take his life as he has taken mine, and the devil can have his soul. Hell would be ten times blacker with that guest than it ever was before!" And then he slithered back down the stairs.
After about an hour of waiting for Danny, I became so angry, I threw the bowl of oatmeal against the wall. It made a terrible mess, and I felt childish for losing my temper. I got some towels and wiped up the oatmeal, and then resumed my seat on the stairs.
I don't know what time it was when Danny came home, because I had fallen asleep. He woke me and demanded, in his "loving manner", to know what I was doing there. I told him I couldn't get into our room because he had the key. "It is not our room, and it will never be our room!" he screamed. I cannot repeat the rest of what he said to me, nor can I explain the fear he arouses in me. He told me about Michelle's illness, accused Bill of causing it, and promised to get his revenge on my cousin.
I really hate him. I have been a fool to marry him. Don't tell anyone what I told you. I will be expecting your visit every day. Don't disappoint me.
Marah