Unforgiven
Part 2
By Heather
Danny
I think I’ve been on the phone for the
past hour with Dietz. The poor guy,
he’s so set in his ways, and he just doesn’t like me leading the family now.
He’s taking it all pretty well I guess, he’s just used to Carmen and
Carmen’s ways. I think he’s
dreading the day when something huge comes up, he’s afraid I won’t be able
to handle it.
I worry about that too. I’m not totally sure I can handle the harder parts of leading this family. I’ve been trying to loose myself in the business end…but sooner or later I will have to call a shot that…that might mean someone’s life.
But, I have him…I have
Dietz, and Jimmy, and countless others to help when the time comes.
I’m more worried about protecting Michelle and Pilar.
Pilar…my poor sister…I don’t know how I lost touch with her so quickly and so easily. I had no idea of the things she was going through. I’m just thankful that Ray was there to help her.
I’ll never forgive myself for letting her down. Just like I did Mick.
No, I won’t think of that now. I can’t think of Mick now. I have too much work to do.
I have bills to pay, more calls to make, plus Olga just brought the mail in and I need to sort through that.
Bill, bill, catalog for some stupid store down south, bill, another catalog…
Wait. What’s this?
It’s addressed to me…but there is no return address…and a plain, brown manila envelope.
I start to put it down, but something stays my hand. Feeling slightly nauseated I take the letter opener and slice the top open. My hands are shaking slightly, something I need to stop. I set the envelope back down and rise to pour myself a scotch. I know it’s only 4, but I need it. I sit back down in my chair and take a swallow.
Eyeing the letter, I take it in my hands again. No shaking this time. I turn it upside down and out slides a necklace and a letter. Fingering the thin, finely wrought gold necklace gingerly in one hand, I open the letter with the other.
I read it.
I read it again.
And again.
Pushing a hand through my hair I pray to God that it’s not true. I pray that the letter…the author…is lying. My stomach twists violently and I feel slightly faint…something I haven’t felt since my father was killed.
My hand shakes as I place the letter and the necklace gingerly back into the envelope.
I know what I have to do now. Rising wearily from behind my mother’s huge desk, I begin to make my way up the stairs…to Michelle.
I open the door to our bedroom and struggle for the control I know I’m going to need for the confrontation to come.
What I’ve felt
What I’ve know
Never shined through in what I’ve shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub thee unforgiven*
….
Michelle
I’ve been trying to read this book for the past thirty minutes. I haven’t studied in months. I used to think of being a doctor all the time; I would daydream of glorious surgeries and patients, of being a wonderful doctor who saved lives everyday. Yet, this huge textbook on anatomy is boring me to tears. I just read the same paragraph for the millionth time and still don’t know what it means…I think I’ll give up.
I hear footsteps approaching my door. Anxiously I throw down the book and wrap my soft, pink satin robe closer to my naked body. Ever since I left jail, most things tend to make me anxious…unfamiliar or unexpected sounds the most. You would be surprised at the strange kind of noises you hear at any time in that awful place. Now is no different. I feel the dread pool in the pit of my stomach as my breathing shortens.
The door opens and Danny peeks in. Relief almost slams into me, until I see the look in his eyes. He looks angry and sad…defeat lining his face and making him look much older than his years.
He comes in, quietly, and shuts the door behind him. I sit up in the bed, anxiously watching him as he walks across the room and sits down in front of me. I start to ask him a question but the way he looks at me silences me. He leans over…so close I can smell his aftershave…and stares at me. He stares so long…never blinking…I being to feel panic. It’s like he’s searching for something and that he thinks he can find it in my eyes. His look makes me feel like he can…that he’s going to rip out my soul…
He continues to stare at me as chills sizzle their way down my spine. An inexplicable dread starts to chill my bones. I can’t find my voice…to ask what’s wrong…but I think I’m afraid to know. He leans closer and presses his forehead to mine. I lift my hand to his cheek and gently swept it down to his chest. I can feel his heart…it’s pounding. He sighs deeply and shakes his head slowly. I pull back and lift my eyes to his. Just as I begin to ask him what’s wrong, he catches my mouth in a searing kiss.
His lips coax mine open as he kisses me with a ferocious desperation that I’ve never felt from him before. As I open my mouth to allow him access, he’s already pushing me down, sweeping the covers away from my legs. Anticipation races up my body as his hands roam freely on my body. He rips away my robe as I start to pull the buttons on his shirt, my fingers almost refusing to unfasten them. I finally free him of the cumbersome shirt and sweep my hands down his chest to the band of his pants.
His mouth moves down my neck as I work to remove his belt. His tongue traces a path down my chest and he takes my already hardened nipple in his mouth, claiming it with his teeth. I suck in a breath as indescribable pleasures shoot through my body. My hands momentarily fall away from his belt…long enough for him to reach up and nimbly remove it…his mouth not leaving my body.
His hand moves back up and takes possession of my other breast, all the while moving his mouth on me until I am incapable of thought.
I finally get his pants unzipped and down his body. He kicks off both his pants and boxers in one fluid movement. I hear him mumble something against my stomach as his mouth moves further down my body. I can feel his hot breath as the words move across my skin…I can’t understand him. I hold my head up to look at him better…but the look in his eyes forces my head back down.
His hand reaches down as his head comes back up to my face. His hand moves, almost bringing me over the edge. I open my eyes and met his as he finally enters me. I cry out, as he drives into me, he becomes more tender.
He finally collapses on me, both of us spent. I reach up to touch his face and he jerks, as if I had slapped him. One look up at me and he jumps off me. Cursing and grabbing his clothes, he bolts out the door, slamming it behind him.
Confusion descends as I stare at the door, when it finally hits me.
His eyes. He had looked at me like he did when I told him I killed…I killed Mick.
Sadness…fear…confusion…
…hate….
Lay beside me
Tell me what I’ve done
The door is closed, so are your eyes
But now I see the sun
Now I see the sun
Yes, now I see it
Are you unforgiven too?**
*Unforgiven, Metallica,
the Black Album.
**Unforgiven II, Metallica, Re-Load