It was better this way.
It really was.
Danny hoped that with each swallow of vodka, he could convince himself of that.
So far, it wasn't working.
The flight attendants left him alone, for the most part. They didn't object to his frequent requests for alcohol and in general seemed to treat him like he was a wounded animal : wary, fearful of getting to close, but sympathetic all at the same time.
Damn all of them.
He wished the vodka would go to his head. He wished for the sweet oblivion that heavy drinking could bring.
But, if anything, he felt himself getting more and more sober. Michelle still wasn't out of his thoughts, his heart. Every time he closed his eyes, her visage swam before him, beautiful and smiling, love for him so bright in her eyes.
He'd almost had it. He'd almost had the life that had been denied to him simply because he was a Santos.
Danny closed his eyes and and leaned his head back against the seat. He'd thought it would somehow be easier than this. He'd had her, hadn't he? For a few days, he'd had her love and they had been truly happy. He could remember that for the rest of his life and maybe then next 50 or 60 years he had on this planet wouldn't be so empty.
God, he'd been so wrong.
It was a thousand times worse to have what you've always wanted for so short a time and then lose it. Whoever said it was better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all had never loved like this, Danny decided.
He'd left her.
Left Michelle in the middle of the night as she'd lain sleeping, a smile on her lips, totally trusting that he'd be there when she woke up.
He had to. He had lied to Michelle when he said he was talking on the phone about "business". He was talking about her. To his mother.
Danny's lips quirked in a bitter smile. Mother. What a joke.
Carmen didn't know that he was at the cabin, but she knew who he was with. Danny had told he was out. Out of the family, out of the business, all of it. Carmen had been livid."You can't do this to me, Daniel!" she had all but screeched.
"The hell I can't, Mother." he had replied. "Michelle and I are starting a life together. I don't want any part of yours. I'll even give you back that damn ledger. Just leave us alone."
Carmen had gone very silent then said in a slithering voice, "No, Daniel, I still have the upper hand here. Now it is I who will make a deal with you."
His blood had gone cold."And what's that?" he asked with more bravado then he felt.
"You can start a new life with Michelle if that's what you want. But think very hard about it. You can't watch her all the time. I can. And so help me God, Daniel, you leave this family, Michelle will die. I promise you that."
"You can't do that." he'd ground out,knowing full well that she could. And would.
"But, if you come back to me, now, I swear on your brother's grave, nothing will happen to her. And you can keep the ledger to hold over my head."
"I'm holding it over your head now, Mama." he said, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice.
"Yes, I know. Yes, if I kill Michelle, I'll go to jail. I know that and I can accept that. But it won't really matter, now will it? Your precious wife will still be dead. Think about it, Daniel. Michelle. Dead in an alley somewhere all because you were selfish. You'd rather keep her to yourself for a little while than let her live a long life. Her blood will be on your hands, Daniel."
Danny had felt sick. She was right. By staying with Michelle, he was putting her life in danger.
"Alright."
"What?"
"I said alright! I'll come back. I'll leave M...Michelle, Mother."
He had stayed outside watching Michelle through the window a long time after he'd hung up the phone. She was singing as she cooked them dinner. He had debated on whether or not to tell her about his mother's threat. Then he'd decided to do what was best, not for him, but for her. He'd been selfish when he'd married her. He was already half in love with her when he struck upon his plan at the docks. He had wanted her and was almost driven by this need to possess her. For he, one of the wealthy but still lowly Santos' to possess an almighty Bauer. Now wouldn't that be something?
So he'd married her, supposedly to save her life, but also to have her. Selfish.
Well, now was his chance to pay her back. Yes, she loved him now. Or thought she did.
But she'd forget him.
If he told her the truth, she'd stick by her promise and never leave his side, not even when he wanted her to.
But, if he just left, with no explanation, no word, her heart would be broken. Slowly, over time, she'd begin to hate him. And it was better if she hated him. She'd be safe then. It would be easier for her to move on if she despised him.
So, he'd gone back into the cabin, knowing what he had to do. He had kissed her like he had in the kitchen because he knew it was the beginning of their last night together. He had tried to avoid that argument with her because he didn't want to waste any of that night fighting. And he had made love to her knowing that memory would have to last him through the following cold, lonely years.
And then, when she was sleeping, he had left.
Danny's finger's tightened around the little bottle of vodka in his hands as he remembered the last thing he had done.
After silently getting dressed and kissing her sleep-warmed cheek one last time, he had taken out a piece of paper and a pen and written her a note.
A note that would ensure she wouldn't try to look for him.
Pain swept through Danny's chest. He'd had to write that note. He had to make sure she'd hate him.
"Michelle-" it had read. "Sorry to leave you like this, but I think my work here is finished. You once told me that you'd never sleep with me, not even if I was the last man on earth. Too damn bad I didn't put any money on that bet. I could have made a fortune. I knew once you got lonely enough, you'd come around. Guess Mick was right about you.-D"
Writing that note had been the most painful thing he'd ever done. Danny took another swig of vodka. It didn't even burn going down anymore.
As soon as he'd driven away from the cabin, he'd called his mother.
"I'm on my way." he'd told her. "Give me an assignment, any assignment, so long as it's out of Springfield."
So his mother had had him go check on some of their "holdings" in Spain.
Ah, yes, back to the homeland, Danny thought, raising his drink in a mock toast.
Now as he sat, drinking but not drunk in his first class seat on the way to Madrid, he thought of Michelle again.
She'd be awake by now.
She'd have found his note.
She was probably hardening her heart to him at that very moment,hating him, cursing him.
Good.
That's what he wanted.
It was better this way.
It really was.