Rated NC-17
Every night that goes between
I feel a little less
As you slowly go away from me
This is only another test
Every night you do not come
Your softness fades away
Did I ever really care that much
Is there anything left to say
Every hour of fear I spend
My body tries to cry
Living through each empty night
A deadly call inside
I haven't felt this way I feel
Since many a year ago
But in those years and the lifetimes past
I did not deal with the road
And I did not deal with you I know
Tho the love has always been
So I search to find an answer there
So I can truly win
So I try to say
Goodbye my friend
I'd like to leave you with something warm
But never have I been a blue calm sea
I have always been a storm
We were frail
She said
"Everynight he will break your heart"
I should have known from the first
I'd be the broken hearted
But I loved you from the start
Save us. . .
And not all the prayers in the world--
could save us
--Storms by Fleetwood Mac
Danny doesn't even look up as I enter his office. He's filling out some sort of paper on his desk.
"What is it, Michelle?" he asks and there's frustration in his voice.
I don't say a word and I can feel a slow smile spread over my face as I go and stand before him.
He looks up then, irritation plain in his eyes. "What?"
Still not speaking, I step gingerly out of my shoes and kick them to the side. He raises an eyebrow and sits back in his chair, abandoning his work. Linking his fingers and folding his hands over his stomach, he continues to give me that bemused stare.
But bemusement succumbs to frank desire when I reach up under my long skirt and slowly peel my underwear down my legs.
I step out of them as well and toss them beside my shoes, my chin high, still smiling.
Danny sits up in his chair and takes off his glasses. The land with a muffled thump against the paper on his desk. I can feel the lust that's shimmering off of him and I go to him, straddling his lap and threading my fingers through his hair.
When our lips meet, they're ravenous.
It's been three days since we last made love, after all, and the hunger we feel for each other is a painful, keening thing.
"What brought this on?" Danny asks on a low moan as I shift my hip on his lap.
I don't reply. I just kiss him again and reach down between our bodies to unfasten his slacks.
As I work on his zipper, Danny splays a hand over my abdomen and pushes me back a little. His lips close around my nipple through the sheer fabric of my blouse and I give a husky laugh that dissolves into a sigh as he pulls the hardened peak further into his mouth.
Freeing his sex from his pants, I adjust my skirt and position myself over him. His eyes looked glazed and I lower my mouth to his again as I slowly sink down on him.
Suddenly, the power is all mine and I move as slowly as possible as he grabs my hips, the material of my skirt twisting and wrinkling in his fists.I don't focus on anything except the way he feels deep inside me and I suddenly wish I had thought of all of this sooner. it's so much easier to enjoy when you don't think about the consequences. I keep my eyes on his as my movements become faster, harder, dropping my forehead to his as the hot, spiraling sensation that signals release begins.
His hands moves up to clutch my waist and I lean back on his lap, my arms spreading wide and my hands gripping the edge of his desk.
I bite my lip to keep from crying out as I come. I can't let him know how just how good this feels to me too.
I can feel him shudder inside me and I know his release is near.
I lean back into him, grabbing his face between my hands, kissing him so hard, my lip nearly splits.
Then, just as he's about to come, I press myself close and whisper in his ear, "Tell me, Danny, how does it feel to fuck Nino Rivera's wife for the last time?"
I lean back again, just enough to see the unmistakable fury in his eyes.His eyes are so dark, I can see myself in them and there's smug smile on my face. His face is a strange cobination of pleasure and hate.
The two words that have always summed up our relationship.
His hands and digging into my waist, bruising, but it's too late now to push me away.
He gives into his climax muttering, "Goddamn you, Michelle. Goddamn you."
And I come again.
Whether it's from the feeling of his release inside me or from my own triumph, I don't know.
He doesn't even bother to catch his breath after he comes. He just lifts me off his lap and all but shoves me away.
"What the hell are you doing?" he shouts as he stands, righting his clothes.
It occurs to me that Danny has never, in all our time together, yelled at me.
But he's yelling now, his face mottled with anger. I wonder if it's directed at me or at himself.
"You heard me, Danny," I say lightly as I find my underwear and slide them back on. "You got revenge on Nino four years ago. You killed him and you fucked me. It doesn't get much better than that, does it?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," he mumbles, his eyes unreadable.
I laugh and shove my hands through my hair. "Right. Then why don't you tell me what that night was all about."
Danny takes a deep breath and I can almost see the mask that descends on him :cool Danny, collected Danny, untouchable Danny.
"It was about lust, Michelle," he says simply. "I wanted you, you wanted me and we were thrown together. It happens."
I'm not even angry anymore. How strange.
"Come on, Danny. We both know that all you wanted was to get the ultimate revenge on Nino. You two were always competing. Although, frankly, I think it's sick and perverse to compete with a dead man."
He sits back down at his desk and puts his head in his hands for a moment before lifting his head, regarding me coolly, and saying, "What do you want from me, Michelle?"
The anger I thought had died flames quickly into life. "I want you to tell me the truth, dammit! Just once. Just once in your whole miserable life, look in my eyes and tell me the truth about that night."
"Fine," he says and there's anger under that icy voice. "I kissed you in Vince Lomatti's study because I wanted to fuck you. I said all that crap in the wine cellar about you being mine in my heart because I wanted to fuck you. I arranged for you to find Nino and Pilar together because I wanted to fuck you. I took you to that motel because I wanted to fuck you and lastly, I fucked you because I wanted to fuck you. Satisfied?"
I hold his gaze for a long time, asking quietly, "And is that why you've accepted Andrew as your son?"
He looks genuinely shocked at that. "What? No, of course not. I love my son, Michelle."
"I see. So Andrew really is the only reason you brought me back into your life."
He sighs and runs a hand over his dark hair. "Yes. And no. Jesus, Michelle, I don't know, OK? That's the truth."
He stands up quickly, turning his back on me. His hand absentmindedly massages the back of his neck.
"Everything wsa so clear that night. In the motel. Then...Christ, then you said you loved me and everything got so damn...complicated."
"Complicated?"
"Yes!" he shouts and whirls around to face me. "I took you to that motel for my last revenge against Nino and because, hell, because I wanted you. But when you said you loved me, something...something clicked inside of me and everything felt wrong...and right all at the same time and..."
He sits back down and looks defeated. "That's the best I can do, Michelle."
I watch him and I think of the way he looks at our son and the way he touches me. I remember how happy I was the night we first made love. How happy I was that night on the boat.
"It's not enough, Danny," I say softly and he gives a bitter laugh looking back down at his desk.
"I'm going back to Chicago," I say with resolve and his head snaps up.
"What?"
"I want out of this, Danny. This is not a marriage and you know it. I want to file for divorce."
"You can't," he says darkly. "I told you what would happen if you tried to take Andrew away from me."
"I have no plans to take your son away from you, Danny," I say frostily, not meeting his eyes. "Andrew loves your family and he loves having a grandmother and...and he loves you. Besides, I don't want to reorder his life again. He's happy here and moving back permantly, forgetting you exist, will only confuse him.I just want to go back to Chicago and regroup and tie up a few loose ends. then, Andrew and I will come back to Springfield. I'll get a house nearby and you can see him whenever you want."
Danny watches me. He's completely still.
"What if I refuse?"
I take a deep breath and pull my trump card. "If you don't do this my way, I'll go to the police and tell them what really happened to Nino Rivera. I still have the gun, you know. And your jacket. There's still some of Nino's blood on the sleeve."
His expression doesn't change, but I can feel the tension in his body.
"You wouldn't do that. You couldn't do that to Andrew."
I raise an eyebrow. "I'm not saying I want to, Danny," I say softly mocking the words he sadi to me. "But I will."
"Andrew-"
"Andrew will miss you. For awhile. But he's young and you've only been in his life for a few months. He'll forget."
Danny winces and his eyes flicker away from mine.
"It'll be so much nicer, Danny, so much easier, if you'll let me do this the way I want to."
He nods tersely. "Fine. Go back to Chicago."
I straighten my shoulders. "I'm leaving tonight."
He turns his chair away from me. "Bring Andrew to me to say good-bye before you leave."
"I will."
"I want you back in two weeks, Michelle. No more."
"Alright."
"Do you want me to look into finding a house near here for you?"
"If you wouldn't mind."
"OK."
"Good-bye, then."
"Good-bye."
I walk out of his office quietly and go to my room to get the suitcase I've already packed. Kathleen, her eyes red with crying, in in Andrew's room. He's dressed in his little blue jeans and a strpied shirt, but he still looks so much like Danny, I feel tears well up in my eyes.
I force my voice to be bright as I say, "Ready to go, buddy?"
His lower lip sticks out and he shakes his curly head. "I don't wanna go, Mama. I wanna stay here with Daddy."
A shaky breath escapes me as I get down on my knees and stroke his hair. "I know, sweetie. But we'll be back really soon and you'll see Daddy then, OK?"
He considers this, then looks up at me hopefully and says, "Can Daddy come to Chicago too?"
Two tears spill down my cheeks, but I still smile as I shake my head and say, "No,he can't. Not this time.But you have to be a brave boy and tell Daddy good-bye now and that you'll be back in Springfield before he knows it."
"No cwying?"
I laugh a little and so does Kathleen. "That's right, buddy. No crying."
"If I cwy, Daddy might cwy too."
I nod and scoop him up into my arms, holding him tight. "Yep. Ans we don't want that, do we?"
Andrew shakes his head and snuggles against me as I carry him into Danny's office.
Danny is staring out the window, his arms crossed, but when he turns to see his son, his face lights up.
Andrew scrambles out of my arms and into Danny's.
"There's my guy," Danny says in that same false bright voice that I was using.
"I miss you, Daddy," Andrew says, burying his face in Danny's neck. Danny hugs him back and says gruffly. "I'll miss you too."
"Mama says we'll be back weally soon," Andrew says with a smile and Danny meets my eyes over our son's head.
"I know. You be good for your mom on this trip."
"I will."
Danny gives him one last hug. "I love you, Andrew."
"Love you too."
He returns Andrew to my arms and his eyes are hard as he says, "Two weeks, Michelle."
I nod and bite back another rush of tears. "Two weeks."
Danny strokes Andrew's hair once more and then turns away from us.
Kathleen, Andrew and I make our way out into the hall where Carmen is waiting. She's sniffling and hugs Andrew tightly before pulling me aside and hugging me too. "I wish it didn't have to be like this, mi hija," she says tearfully.
I try to laugh, but just make some strangled sound. "Everything will be fine, Carmen. Andrew and I will be around as much as before and-"
"That's not what I meant, Michelle," Carmen says softly. "I know I'll see my grandson, and you, but I wanted-" she sighs - "I wanted so much for you and Daniel to have a real marriage."
I nod. "I know, Carmen. But marriage is built on, if not always love, then at least trust and...and Danny and I have never had that."
She hugs me again then give Andrew another kiss before walking us to our car.
Kathleen and I put Andrew in the backseat and then settle in the front seat of the car.
As I drive away from the house, Kathleen swivels her head to catch one last glimpse as the mansion fades into the darkness.
"Don't you know you're not supposed to look back?" I say, teasing half-heartedly. "It's bad luck."
She gives me a wry look and says, "Then why did you glance in the rearview mirror as we drove away?"
"I don't know, Kathleen," I say softly. "I don't know."