"Andrew?" I ask numbly and Ray nods. My blood literally runs cold and my knees feel watery as I say, "What happened?" My voice is loud, panicked.
"Kathleen's has him in our...her room."
I push past Ray, ignoring what he just said about his and Kathleen's living arrangements.
There will be time to worry about that later.
Kathleen ( and now, I suppose, Ray) is staying in the room across the hall and I shove open the door, calling out, "Andrew?"
To my immense, almost dizzying relief, Andrew is sitting safely in Kathleen's lap, his precious face stained with tears, but unhurt.
"Mama!" he cries and lifts his chubby little arms to me, big tears beginning to drip from his eyes again.
My arms are shaking as I scoop him up and hold him close.
The image of him floating lifeless in the bay is still too clear in my mind.
"Shhh....shhh, baby....Mama's here now. It's alright. Mama's here."
I look over his head to Kathleen. "What happened?"
Kathleen gestures to his leg and I look down.
There, on his slightly tan skin, is a large red whelp, swollen and practically throbbing.
"Jellyfish," Kathleen says. "He was just swimming along right with Ray and I and all the sudden, he started screaming. Ray lifted him out of the water and saw what had happened. Luckily, only one tentacle seems to have found him, but it must have hurt like hell."
I hold Andrew closer. He's stopped crying, but he still sniffles against my bare shoulder.
"What did you do?" I ask, feeling that unreasonable, but still powerful, guilt of a mother who wasn't there when her child was hurt.
Kathleen smiles and runs a hand over Andrew's wet hair. "Ray must have been quite the boy scout. He's always prepared. He brought a bottle of vinegar down to the beach in the coolers with the soda."
"Vinegar?" I ask, finally recognizing the smell that clings to Andrew under the scent of saltwater.
"It was actually a lucky coincidence," Ray says then, coming into the room.
"I had just watched this thing on the Discovery Channel about jellyfish and they said that when someone gets stung by one, your supposed to pour vinegar on the wound. So I just happened to bring some along just in case."
I smile, grateful, and say, "I knew bringing a priest on this trip would prove lucky."
A brief look passes between Kathleen and Ray and I make up my mind to talk to the both of them later.
Just then, Danny comes in the room, his hair still wet from his shower, but wearing dry clothes.
"Is he OK?" he asks worriedly as he lifts Andrew out of my arms and holds him tight.
"He's fine, thanks to Ray's quick thinking," I say softly, suddenly unable to meet my husband's eyes.
Danny looks distractedly at Ray as he examines Andrew's leg. "Thanks, Ray. How you feelin', buddy?"
Andrew looks up into his father's face and gives him that adoring smile. "I OK, Daddy. I didn't cwy or nuffin'."
Danny looks at Andrew's face, still red and damp and gives me a wry smile that both melts my heart and makes every nerve ending in my body throb.
"You're such a grown-up," Danny tells our son, who beams at the both of us and says," Can I fwin some more now?"
Danny and I both laugh, and so do Ray and Kathleen.
"So much for being traumatized," Ray chuckles.
"No, buddy," I tell Andrew gently. "No more swimming today. It's getting late and you need to take a nap before dinner."
Andrew makes a face,but when Danny promises to take him swimming in the pool after dark, he brightens considerably and scampers off ahead of us to our room.
As Danny and I follow after him, I look back at Kathleen and give her a meaningful look. "We need to talk."
She looks chagrined and glances over her shoulder at Ray who is pretending not to watch our conversation. "I know, Miss B... er, Mrs. S."
I smile at that and soften my tone when I ask, "After dinner?"
She nods and I close the door behind me, trailing after my family.
Andrew is already snuggled in the middle of our bed, dressed in a huge t-shirt of Danny's that practically smothers him.
"Take a good nap for Mama and Daddy, OK?" I say as I lean over and give him a quick kiss.
"'Kay," he replies on a yawn and I watch him until his eyes flutter in sleep.
Danny is sitting out on the balcony, reading, and I go out an sit next to him.
"It's beautiful here," I tell him as I watch the late afternoon sun sparkle on the water.
Danny looks up and nods. "I know. I've always loved it here."
I lean back in my chair and shade my eyes from the sun, studying my husband.
"When Ray came in and said something had happened to Andrew, I thought the absolute worst."
Danny sighs and puts down his book. "I know. As soon as I got out of the shower, Ray told me exactly what had happened and I was still terrified that he'd drowned or something."
"It scares me sometimes to think of how much I love that little boy," I say softly, surprising myself. I hadn't meant to say that out loud, and certainly not to Danny.
He doesn't look surprised that I've made such a personal confession. "Same here. I guess that's part of being a parent."
"I guess so."
We sit in silence then, until, caught up in this comfortable, open mood, I say, "Did you ever think you'd have a child?"
Danny looks surprised then, but he shrugs as he says, "I never really thought about it, I guess. I mean, I just assumed I'd have children some day, seeing as how that's so important in my family, but I guess...I guess I never really thought what it would be like to love that child the way I love Andrew. I couldn't have fathomed how it would feel to look at that child and think, 'I did that'.To know that that's a piece of me and a piece of you and a wonderful little person in his own right, too."
Indescribably moved, I feel tears prick my eyes and I ask a question that's been bothering me for a long time.
"Danny, when you look at Andrew, do you...do you see..." I blush, but I force myself to keep going. "Do you see not only his conception but...but what else happened that night?"
Danny looks at me and chill bumps break out all over my skin. "Do I look at him and remember that the night we created him was also the night I killed a man?"
Unable to look at him, I simply nod.
Danny reaches across the small glass table between us and takes my hand, squeezing it slightly, his gaze somewhere on the horizon.
"Never," he says softly. "I think about it sometimes, but when I look at Andrew, I only see the good of that night."
I let out the breath I'd been holding and give him a wavering smile. "I like talking to you like this."
He releases my hand. "We're talking like parents."
"Like husband and wife," I correct pointedly.
Danny gives that nonchalant shrug that I've grown to hate and I know that if I want to keep talking to him, I need to change the subject.
"I'm worried about Kathleen and Ray."
Danny smirks and opens his book again. "I know. You should be."
I raise my eyebrows. "I should? Why?"
"Because," he says on a sigh, "they've been sleeping together since we got here."
I may have had my suspicions, but I'm still shocked to have them confirmed.
"How do you know?"
Danny looks at me, his dark eyes smug. "I asked him."
I sputter with outrage. "I don't believe this! She's so young and he's... he's a priest, for God's sake!"
Danny shrugs again. "Not for very much longer, I would guess."
I turn on him. "Why didn't you tell me about this?"
Danny carefully marks his page and sets down his book again. "Because I knew how you'd react and I knew you'd want to somehow make them stop and I just thought someone should be having sex on this trip."
That renders me speechless.
Danny goes back to reading.
"Are you..." I stammer. "Are you saying,ahem, that you...um...you want to have sex on this trip? With...um...with me?"
Danny smirks again. "I thought I made that pretty clear in the bathroom a few minutes ago."
My whole body flames. "That was just...we just got caught up in the heat of the moment."
He shrugs and doesn't lift his eyes from his book, which completely infuriates me.
"I don't think it's any secret that we're attracted to each other," I tell him as if we're discussing the weather. "I mean, we have pretty concrete proof of that," I say, gesturing to the bed where our sleeping son lies. "However, we both agreed that this wouldn't be a real marriage in the sense that we slept together."
"Did I agree to that?" Danny asks, still not looking up.
"Yes!" I hiss. "And you told me that night Andrew had the nightmare, when we kissed out in the hallway, that you didn't see me as anything else than Andrew's mother."
Danny smiles that dangerous smile. "I remember. And, as it turns out, Andrew's mother is a lady I would really like to have sex with tonight"
"Tonight?" I squeak and he finally lays down his book.
"Yes,tonight. What do you say, Mrs. Santos?"
He takes my hand again and brings it to his lips, his breath caressing my knuckles.
I can do this, I think.
The only reason he wants me is to prove that he has a hold over me.
Well, we'll see who controls who.
"Fine," I say icily. "Tonight it is. I'm sure Kathleen and Ray will watch Andrew. They probably need a break."
Danny laughs. "So it's settled. Let's see, there's dinner and then I promised to take Andrew swimming...so that puts us at about...hmm...9 o'clock. Does that work for you?"
I give him a deadly look as I rise from my chair. "I'll pencil you in," I say loftily and I hear him laugh again as I step in the darkened room and slide the balcony door closed.
I make it to the bathroom before I truly start to shake.
9 o'clock.
That's less than five hours away.
I can do this.
The bathroom is still slightly warm and there are still a few steamy smudges on the mirror. In here, he was in control. On the morning of our wedding, he was in control.
Well, tonight, it's my turn.