The scream wakes me up immediately, but it takes a good five seconds before it registers.
Then, another shriek pierces the night.
Andrew.
I leap from my bed, nearly getting tangled in the covers. I don't even bother with a robe as I run down the hall. I know it's just another one of his nightmares. He's had them before, they're really nothing new, but my heart feels like it's going to beat out of my chest no matter how many times I hear those frantic cries.
Andrew has these bad dreams at least three times a week. He never tells me what their about, and truthfully, I'm not sure I want to know.
I know it sounds stupid, but there's a part of me that's always wondered if Andrew somehow sensed how I felt the night he was conceived and all throughout my pregnancy.
If somehow, my fear, my shock, permeated him in my womb.
When I reach Andrew's door, I pull up short.
Danny is already there, holding our softly crying son to him.
I long go in there myself and reassure myself that Andrew is fine, but something tells me to hold back, to let them have this moment.
"Shh..." I hear Danny murmur soothingly, just the way he did to me nearly a week ago on our wedding day. "Shh...it's alright. I'm here now."
Andrew sniffles. "I was scared, Daddy."
"I know, buddy, I know. We all get scared sometimes."
"You too?"
I can't see them, but I can imagine Andrew giving Danny that inquisitive look he has, eyes wide, head cocked to one side.
"Sure, I get scared, your Mama gets scared, Ray gets scared...everybody."
"What scares you, Daddy?"
"Lots of stuff," Danny replies.
"Lions?"
I stifle a laugh at that. Andrew is terrified of lions for reasons I can't even begin to understand. He's probably the only three year old on the planet who refuses to watch "The Lion King".
"How did you guess?" Danny says incredulously. "I'm really, really scared of lions!"
"Me too!" Andrew says happily. "So I not a baby for being scared of 'em?"
"Are you kidding?" Danny says, making me smile again. "You wouldn't be a real man if you weren't scared of lions!"
Andrew giggles. "I a weal man. Like Daddy and Way!"
"Just like Daddy and Way," Danny says and I hear a grin in his voice.
They're quiet for a while and I hear the rustle of blankets as Danny gets Andrew back into bed. "Now, I'll stay here with you until you go back to sleep, OK?"
"'Kay. I love you, Daddy."
"I love you, too, Andrew," Danny says, his voice husky.
Tears are trickling down my face as I listen to to thick silence in Andrew's room.
After only a few moments, I hear my son loudly breathing in sleep and stand very still, waiting for Danny to emerge.
But he doesn't.
Not right away.
Instead, I hear him softly say, "Lions. You'd never understand if I told you what really scares me."
I lean against the wall outside the door, holding my breath.
"What scares the hell out of me is the thought that one day, you and Michelle will leave me. What would I do without you? Both of you?"
My heart actually seems to stop beating.
"I lost you both once," Danny continues softly. "But I'll be damned if I'll let it happen again. I'll do everything in my power to keep both of you happy and safe."
I hear him kiss Andrew's forehead. "I promise."
I'm waiting for him outside the door, everything I'm feeling clearly on my face, when he closes the door behind him and turns to see me there.
His eyes.
Oh, God, his eyes are the eyes I remember now. The eyes of the man I loved.
I see the cold mask begin to fall.
"He just had a bad dream."
I don't say anything. I just continue to stare at him, tears in my eyes.
"You should have told me he has nightmares, Michelle."
Still, I don't reply.
"Dammit," Danny says, obviously flustered. "What is-"
And then I curve my hand around the nape of his neck and draw his lips down to mine.
For all the intimacy we shared that rainy afternoon we got married, none of it can compare to kissing him again.
One of his arms loops around my waist, bringing me up hard against him.
His other hand tangles in my hair, pulling my head back to get better access to my mouth. His lips are warm as they part mine and I give a small whimper as his tongue plunders my mouth.Boldly, my tongue meets his as I suck, not very gently, on his lower lip. I hear him growl deep in his throat and his hand falls from my hair to my hip, pressing me tighter against him as our bodies begin to move in an ancient yet familiar rhythm.
He pushes me backward, his lips never leaving mine, until we are against the opposite wall.
There is a desperation, a kind of raw need in the kiss and I revel in all the sensations flooding through me.
We kiss each other almost frantically and I feel like I'm drowning in a strange riptide of desire and long-suppressed love.
When the kiss ends, we are both breathing hard, every nerve ending tingling.
Danny looks into my eyes and I see the confusion I feel mirrored in that dark gaze.
"I missed that," I say at last.
He runs a thumb over my swollen lips. "So did I. Too much."
I sag back against the wall. "Oh, Danny, can we just stop dancing around this and admit how we feel?"
I can almost hear a door close and lock in his heart.
He pushes away from me. "You know how I feel, Michelle," he says tightly. "You're the mother of my son and, as such, I respect you and...care for you." He still won't look at me as he continues, "but past that, I don't feel anything for you. I once thought I did, but after I'd had you and Nino was gone...well, let's just say the novelty wore off.. I never meant to hurt you and I am sorry for that, but you can't make me feel something I don't."
I stare at him for a long while, before saying acidly, "Very nice, Danny. How long have you been rehearsing that little speech?"
He turns blazing eyes back to mine. "Excuse me?"
"No, really," I say with false sincerity, "it was very believable. You actually almost had me fooled. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to look in on our son and leave you to your delusions."
And for the first time, I leave him alone in the dark.