"Dearly beloved..."
The sense of deja vu that sweeps through me as I get married a second time is so powerful, I think I might faint.
Or burst into hysterical laughter.
The main room of the Santos mansion, half office, half living room, seems to whirl around me as I hear the priest, a cousin of Danny's, say, "Do you, Michelle Bauer take this man, Daniel Santos..."
I can't believe I'm actually doing this.
When Danny asked me to marry him, I should have laughed in his face. I should have gathered up Andrew and run away with him, as far away as I could.
Instead, I had looked at the adoring expression on my son's face and knew I had to do what was best for him.
If I married Danny, Andrew would have a real family. Maybe not the family I had hoped for, but a family nonetheless.
At least he had a father that loved him. That much was obvious.
So I had said yes.
It's to be a marriage in name only, of course. Andrew and I will live in the Santos house, but I have my own room. My own wing actually.
Danny had looked at me with those distant eyes and said, "You can pretty much lead a normal life here, Michelle. I don't expect us to play the loving couple and I don't expect fidelity. You shouldn't expect that of me, either. Just be discreet for Andrew's sake."
I wanted to slap him when he said that. "Fine," I had retorted. "But I do want to make it very clear that I have no intention of sleeping with you again, Danny. So don't expect a real wedding night."
His eyes flashed. "Fair enough. Will tomorrow work for you?"
"Tomorrow?" I had said, shocked. "You want to get married tomorrow?"
Danny had looked down at Andrew, asleep in his arms, and said, "The sooner the better."
So now, here we are, exchanging vows in front of the handsome priest, a giggling Andrew, a sniffling Kathleen, and Danny's beaming mother.
"Michelle, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and fidelity..."
I want to laugh as he slides the band on my finger. Love and fidelity. God, what a joke.
Andrew, I tell myself as I slide a matching band onto Danny's finger. You're doing this for Andrew.
"You may now kiss your bride."
Danny gives me a quick and perfunctory kiss. "Gotta make this official," he smirks as the kiss ends.
"Had you stamped me on the forehead, it couldn't be any more 'official'," I say snidely.
Carmen comes over to me as Danny and I turn away from the makeshift altar and hugs me tightly. "Oh, my beautiful hija, I couldn't be happier! A new daughter-in-law and a niento in the bargain!"
She looks at Andrew, who is babbling excitedly to a smiling Danny.
Her whole face glows when she looks at my son and I tell myself again that this was the right thing to do. Carmen is a ruthless woman, I have no doubt of that. But she loves her family and that's what Andrew and I are now.
Family.
"Mrs. Santos," I say in a soft voice. "There is something I wanted to talk to you about. One of the reasons I left Springfield was Nino's family. And I'm worried, very worried, that when Bernard hears about this...well, there's a good chance he'll simply assume Andrew is Nino's child." My voice becomes strained with unshed tears. "If Bernard thinks that Andrew is a Rivera, he'll try to take him and-"
"We won't let that happen," Carmen says firmly. Suddenly, the loving grandmother is gone and I see the woman so many fear.
But I believe her. Carmen has a lot more power than Bernard.
"Thank you," I whisper gratefully and she smiles again.
"Do not worry about a thing, mi hija. I will see that Andrew is safe here."
Andrew runs up to us then and Carmen laughs as she swings him up into her arms. "And here's my beautiful grandson now!"
"Hey, baby," I say as I affectionately stroke his hair. "You were a very good boy during the wedding."
He puffs up proudly, causing both Carmen and myself to laugh. "I a good boy!"
"Yes, you are. And I think such a good boy deserves a treat," Carmen says. "How'd you like to go raid the kitchen with your Grandma? I think Consuela just baked some cookies."
I stare, a little dazed, at this woman who can order someone's death in one second and go eat cookies with her grandson the next.
"Why don't you go lay down, Michelle," Carmen says sympathetically. "You've had a busy couple of days."
It hasn't even been a full 24 hours yet since I came back to Springfield, I realize with some shock. Andrew and I arrived at the Santos mansion around noon yesterday, and now here it is, only nine in the morning.
"I think I will go lie down," I tell Carmen and she and Andrew disappear into the hallway.
"Where's my mother taking him?"
I turn, surprised to find Danny and I alone in the big room.
"They're off in search of cookies."
Danny laughs. "They certainly have a mutual admiration society going on there."
I laugh too, but nervously. "It would seem that way."
Then silence falls.
"So..."
"So..."
Finally, I sigh and say, "Well, it was a nice wedding. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go upstairs and lie down."
Danny nods. "You look like you could use some rest. I'm going to do some work down here."
"Great."
"Yep."
"So...I guess I'll see you later."
"Yeah, I wanted to take Andrew to the park later this afternoon if you're up for it."
I nod, feeling more sleepy by the minute. "That sounds great."
Danny watches me and I think, for a moment, that he wants to say something.
But whatever it is, he changes his mind and sits down to work at the desk.
I sigh inwardly as I make my way up the stairs.
How can this work?
How can anything good come out of this ridiculous arrangement? We don't love each other. I don't see how we ever can. Sure, we both love our son, but is this what's best for him? Is it really?
Having two parents who love you but can't stand each other is no picnic for any kid, I'm sure.
My head is spinning as I open my bedroom door.
I've brought my child into a mob family.
What the hell was I thinking?
How can I expect-
"Michelle."
Pilar Santos is standing in the middle of my room