"Mama, Mama, Mama!"
I smile as my son leaps from his bed to greet me.
"Hey there, buddy, you sleep good?" I say as I scoop his small, warm body up against me.
"Real good, Mama," Andrew says, smiling back at me. "Today, we goin' on a car ride!"
My smile falters. "That's right," I say with false brightness. "Today we're going on the car ride."
I stroke his dark hair as he continues to chatter happily about our trip.
Mr. Dietz said the car would come for us at 8:30. According to the clock on the wall, it's just a little past seven.
I didn't shut my eyes all night.
After Mr. Dietz left last night, I had gone straight to Andrew's room where he'd been playing contentedly with blocks.
He hadn't understood my almost desperate need to hold him, but Andrew had never been one to refuse a hug.
I had told him, in as happy a voice as I could muster, that the next morning, we were going on a car trip, all the way back to Springfield, where Uncle Rick and Aunt Abby lived.
Andrew has never met his aunt and uncle. They know he's not Nino's baby, but I refused to name the father. I just couldn't bear to see the look on Rick's face if he knew.
A Rivera was one thing.
But a Santos...
Andrew has never asked about his Daddy and I've never really told him anything. I always knew that that wouldn't fly forever. In fact, I was on borrowed time as it was. I was beginning to see a strange look in Andrew's eyes whenever he watched other children with their fathers.
I could feel the question he didn't quite have the knowledge to ask.
Why don't I have one of those?
My life would be so much easier if I just pretended Nino was his father.
That was my plan when I first found out that I was pregnant.
But all I could think was that I would have to look into my son's ( I knew it would be a boy) face, which would no doubt be Danny's face and tell him that a man that raped and beat me, a man I despised, was his father.
And I just couldn't do that.
I couldn't watch him grow up idolizing Nino as his dearly departed dad.
And then there was Bernard. I would die before I let Bernard lay any claim to my baby.
So why are you taking him to Danny, Michelle? I ask myself over and over again.
I keep telling myself that, despite Danny's family's background, Danny has the influence and resources to give my son things that I, a struggling single mother and med student, never could.
But deep down, I know the real reason.
Danny is his father. I don't know how he knows, but he does. And I can't keep Andrew to myself anymore. That's the horrible price I have to pay for that one night.
But as I fasten Andrew into his car seat in the long black car Dietz has sent for us, I think that I wouldn't take back that night for anything.
*******
"Mr. Santos wants to see you alone first," Dietz says tersely as we step into the overwhelmingly opulent front hall of the Santos mansion.
I hear Kathleen, who I insisted accompany us on this trip, suck in a breath behind me. I've been to this house before, the night I caught Nino with Pilar, but I had no idea what it looked like on the inside.
Andrew doesn't notice his surroundings. He's too busy playing with the new toy car I bought him for the trip. I crouch down to his level and place a hand under his chin. "Mama'a got to go talk to someone for just a minute, ok, buddy? Kathleen's gonna play with you until I get back."
He looks at me with his big brown eyes, the only part of me he has, and says, "'Kay, Mama."
My eyes begin to tear up as I look at that precious face, but I smile and give him a quick kiss, which he manfully wipes away.
"Don't let him out of your sight," I tell Kathleen as I rise. "And don't tell him anything about why we're here." I fix Dietz with a cold look. "That goes for you too." He nods and gestures towards the double doors to his right.
I walk through them, preparing myself for the blow of seeing Danny Santos again.
But it's impossible.
The breath still aches to rush out of me when I see him sitting behind that mahogany desk.
Nearly four years have gone by since I last saw him.
Not that long, yet he looks so different.
He looks older, almost...I don't know, harder somehow.
But he's still as darkly handsome as I remember and those eyes still pierce right through me.
"Danny," I say stiffly.
"Michelle." He gestures to the chair in front of his desk. "Sit."
I do as I'm instructed, trying to take in this new Danny.
And all I can think about is that way his hands felt on my skin.
"I suppose you know why I called you here," Danny says, watching me with a guarded expression in his eyes.
"Yes, you want to see my son," I manage to say.
"Our son," he corrects coolly.
"Ours," I echo softly. "Danny?"
"What?" Those eyes are so cold, like obsidian now.
"How...how did you know? How did you know he was yours and not Nino's?"
Danny remains silent for a moment, tapping a pen against the desk. "An associate of mine lives in Chicago," he said at last. "Turns out his wife is in school with you. He mentioned you had a three year old son and...I just...I just knew."
He raises his eyes back to mine and says in a frighteningly cold voice, "I am right, aren't I, Michelle? He's my son and you kept him from me."
All I can do is nod.
Now that cold eyes heat up with anger. "You kept my child from me, Michelle. How dare you-"
"How dare I?" I interject. "How dare I? What the hell was I supposed to do? You made it very clear that you didn't give a damn about me. How was I supposed to know that you wouldn't just throw him away when you were done with him, too, huh? How am I supposed to know that's not what you're doing now?"
Danny brings his hand down with force on the desktop. "Damn you, Michelle, I would never, ever, do that to my son and you know it!"
"Do I?" Tears of rage are beginning to shimmer in my eyes. "You left, Danny, and you never even bothered to find out anything about me. You gave up all rights to your son the day you walked out of that motel room. Now I'm not here because I suddenly believe you deserve your son. You don't".
Tears are flowing now and my voice is shaking. "Your son, our son, is a wonderful little person and frankly it makes me sick to think what it will do to him if you disregard him as callously as you did me. But the fact of the matter is my son deserves a father. And you, as much as I hate it, are that man. I can't take that away from him. My father has practically abandoned me my whole life and I won't have my son grow up feeling like that. Andrew deserves more than that."
Through out my speech, Danny had remained immobile, his face blank, but his eyes almost deadly in their intensity.
Now, he actually smiles a little. "Andrew? That's his name?"
"Yes," I say sniffling and taking a handkerchief from my purse. "Andrew Joseph Bauer. I didn't want to name him after anyone because-"
"Because you wanted him to be his own person," Danny finishes quietly and I am reminded of how unerringly well he knows me. Why should I be surprised that he knew intuitively that Andrew was his?
"Yes," I say again. "I didn't want him to feel like he had anyone to live up too."
"What's he...what's he like?" Danny suddenly asks gruffly.
The question takes me by surprise. "I...I can't even describe how great he is," I say and Danny smiles, a true a genuine smile.
"Really?"
I nod and feel myself smiling through my residual tears. "Yeah, really."
"I'd like to meet him now, if that's alright."
Again, he surprises me. This time, by how hesitant, almost shy, he seems.
"Certainly. But...I think you should know, I haven't told him anything about you. Andrew isn't quite old enough to grasp why everyone else has a father and he doesn't-" Danny visibly flinches- " so I've never even brought the issue up. All Andrew knows is that he has a Mom and that's all that's mattered so far. I'm not even sure he grasps the concept of a 'father' yet."
Danny nods. "Ok, so for right now, I can just be a...a friend. And when the time comes, we'll explain it to him as best we can."
I nod. "But what then? I mean, are we going to work out a custody arrange-"
Danny holds up a hand to stop me. "One thing at a time, Michelle."
He presses a button on the phone and tells Dietz to bring Kathleen and Andrew in.
Danny and I both rise from our chairs and I smile a little as he straightens his tie, as if Andrew will care. He looks nervous and I long to place a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
But I stand still as Kathleen leads Andrew into the office.
I watch Danny's face as he looks at his son for the first time. He seems to stiffen and then soften, almost all at once.
And, finally, there's a light in those dark eyes.
Andrew's gaze rests on me first and I smile, watching a mirror image of Danny's smile light our son's tiny face.
Then, Andrew's eyes fall on Danny.
I move forward to introduce them, but before I can, Andrew lets out a jubilant cry.
"Daddy!"
I watch, my heart breaking, as Andrew flies as fast as his little legs will take him into Danny's arms.
I see the tears in Danny's eyes as he hugs Andrew close to him and my whole being aches.
"Andrew," Danny says at last, his eyes still squeezed shut.
Andrew pulls back a little and beams up into Danny's face. "Daddy," he says again and then snuggles his head back against Danny's shoulder.
"So much for not understanding the concept of 'father'," Danny says over Andrew's head.
I am absolutely dumbfounded. "I...I s-swear, he-he couldn't have known..."
"But he does," Danny says firmly. "Just like I knew he was mine, he knew I was his."
Danny's dark gaze settles on me as he says in a level voice,"I'm not letting him go, Michelle. I refuse to be his 'weekend dad'.And I can only think of one solution."
My heart skips a beat. Oh, God, he's going to try to get custody. He's going to try to take my baby away from me! The Santos family has to have crooked judges in their pockets and he can just-
"I want you to marry me, Michelle."