Full Circle
Part 1
By Erin
I don't know why I'm so nervous.
There's absolutely nothing to be scared of.
And yet my knees are knocking.
I can't sit still either. I keep pacing the small sitting room outside Ben Warren's office. I check my watch for the millionth time and see that it's 20 past 5.
Good. I'm right on time.
I look nervously to the frosted glass door of Ben's office and can see the three shadowy figures inside. My heart begins yet another journey up to my mouth.
"Calm down." I admonish myself. It doesn't work.
I take a deep breath and glance in the gilded mirror hanging above a fake-flower festooned end table. The face in the mirror seems older than me. Her skin is paler than I thought mine to be and her eyes are overly wide.
Other than that, I think I look the part I've been asked to play.
Concerned wife.
Society lady.
For this meeting, I wore an apricot-colored suit that my father bought me and I'd never worn. My hair is twisted into an elegant topknot, but tendrils are starting to liberate themselves and curl around my face and shoulders.
My cream colored heels match my blouse and tiny pearls shine in my ears.
I don't look like myself.
I don't feel like myself.
I sigh and sit down on the green silk loveseat.
I haven't felt like myself since Daniel Santos came into my life. I was so sure of everything before him, so confident. My life stretched out safely before me. I clutch my hands in front of me in an attempt to make them stop shaking as I think of the man that is my husband.
Do I love him?
I don't know.
Can I trust him?
I don't know.
Do I want him?
Yes.
Oh, hell yes.
I jump, startled, when the door to Ben's office opens and he steps out, smiling a reptilian smile at me. "You can come in now." he says. Something about the way he says just those simple words makes my skin crawl and I am reminded again that, were it not for Danny, I would never come near Ben Warren.
But I am here. And Danny needs me.
So, giving a shaky breath, I hold my head high and walk into the office.