The TV Show Challenge

THE SPRINGFIELD KENTUCKY SNOBS
PARODY OF BEVERLY HILLBILLIES IN REVERSE

Parts 1 & 2

By Carla

Prelude. As we embark on this adventure, it is important that the reader understand what would send Springfield's original supercouple running for the hills. The hills of Kentucky that is.

Now, we are all familiar with The Beverly Hillbillies. Good ole boy strikes it rich while shooting at a possum for supper and moves to the where the rich and elite live. I thought it would be interesting to see what would happen if the situation was reversed. Say, a local rich boy loses his riches and has to tone down his standard of living just a bit.

So, here we go...........

Ben Warren has been installed as the new president of SanCorp by Carmen Santos herself, and has made some very unpopular decisions as far as the citizens of Springfield are concerned. He has accomplished two hostile takeovers but nothing was as despicable as what he did to the Lewis family, most particularly, Josh Lewis, and even more particular than that, Lewis Oil.

The papers had had a field day with it, but it was nice and legal and Josh Lewis could rant and rave and threaten him until the cows came home but there wasn't one damn thing he could do about it.

He had found a weak link and exploited it. The main oil well was actually located on land that had been leased to H.B. Lewis by none other than Michael Santos himself. Ben had found the paperwork and since the lease was renewable every four years, he had decided not to renew it this time and to take advantage of the situation while Josh and Reva were honeymooning, (for the sixth time?) in San Cristobel.

He had had that oil well pumped dry before they could say sweet Oklahoma crude and they had come home to a dry well and frozen bank accounts. Being president of SanCorp had its quirks and being able to sit on the board at Springfield Federal Bank was one of them. It looked like Mr. Lewis was going to have to entertain the thought of bankruptcy.

Josh and Reva decide that Springfield just has too many bad memories and decide to go to a part of the country where the air is clean and the living is cleaner. Springfield, Kentucky.

Join us as we watch the Lewis journey to a foreign environment. Let us set the stage to see what life would be like for the Lewis clan as they enter the world of the unrich and shameless.

But.....before we do, you know the routine, you must sing the theme song along with us. (Aw c'mon, you knew this was coming didn't you? ) However, we plead artistic liscense and have changed the words some to fit the occassion.

Let us begin with the theme song to the original Beverly Hillbillies.

Come and listen to my story bout a man named Jed
Poor mountaineer barely kept his fam-lee fed
Then one day he was shootin at some food
And up from the ground, come a bubbling crude

Oil, that is,...... black gold, .......texas tea

Well the next thing you know ole Jed's a millionaire
Kinfolk said, "Jed, move away from there"
They said "California's the place you oughta be"
So they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly

Hills that is,...... swimming pools,.......... movie stars.

Catchy huh? While we did not write the theme song, we would like you to stay in the theme song mode and sing along with us using these words with the above tune. You ready, here we go.

And a one, and a two. ..............

Come and listen to our story bout a man named Josh
Lived kind of nice-you could even call it posh
Then one day he was drilling up some oil
And up from the ground came a bunch of worthless soil

Dry, that is......., as the perverbial bone, ........oil all gone

Well the next thing you know, ole Reve and Josh are broke
Sancorp sucked them dry, time to live like simple folk
They thought Springfield was bad, had too many memories
So they loaded up the jag and they moved to Kentucky,

Springfield that is, ........blue grass, ......moonshine

Now our couple is on it's way to Kentucky. What adventures await them you might ask??? Will our couple remember to bring their kids this time? Will they get a hounddog and name him ole blue? Will they send for Cassie Mae and Billthro?

The answer to these questions and any more you might have including why oh why did she even start this fic, will be answered in part two of our continuing saga.

Well now it's time to say goodbye to Josh and all his kin
They would like to thank you folks for kindly dropping in.
You're all invited back again to this locality
To have a heapin helpin of their hospitality

Hillbilly that is....... set a spell....... take your shoes off

Ya'll come back now, Ya hear.........................................

________________________________________________________________________________________

We begin our tale with our favorite super couple driving the jaguar to Kentucky. As you may recall, from our earlier episode, Josh and Reva had fallen victims to the dreaded Sancorp and it's evil president Ben Warren and while they were honeymooning away from their children, the predator attacked and left their oil wells dry. Deciding that Springfield is just too cutthroat and knowing that Josh doesn't have what it takes to go up against the Ben Warrens and Carmen Santoses of the world anymore, they take off to the uncharted waters in a strange new land. The land called Kentucky.

Reva had done her research. They had some mighty fine horses in Kentucky and she had decided that that was what they would do from now on. Raise horses. They would settle into a cute little farm and raise horses. They were such magnificant creatures and potential money makers too. Maybe they could recuop some of their lost fortune by raising the next Secretariet, or Seattle Slew, or Affirmed or even the ever popular Carla Ray.

They had decided to leave the children in the care of Cassie since the jag only had the two seats and taking your kids on an adventure is so out these days. They would send for them all once they got settled into their own little corner of paradise in Springfield Kentucky.

They had chosen Springfield because it was so easy to remember and they wouldn't have to get new checks printed. She would simply cross out the state and add KY in it's place since they weren't really sure which state Springfield was in anyway. At least this way they would know.

They would have to start living a little more frugil now. She had already started buying the one ply toilet paper and using Josh's deoderant so that was helping some. She had switched her magazine subscriptions from Cosmopolitan and Modern Bride to Woman's Day and Better Home than yours or something like that. They had everything in them from making your man happy in bed to making jello shooters from both lemon and lime flavors.

She would cut down on the bottled hair color and just let the sun naturally bleach her hair and Josh had agreed to stop buying her so much unnecesarry jewelry. Speaking of jewelry, what had happened to the lovely bracelet Marah had given her, it seemed to have disappeared. Oh well.

They had noticed the scenery changing the further west they travel. The tall majestic mountains of the Ozarks were coming into view leaving them breathless. Suddenly, the jag's engine lurched forward and screeched and then stalled.

Josh got out and with Reva steering the car, managed to get it to the side of the road. He popped the hood to check the engine. Everything looked in order. This was a fine tuned machine. He got the oil checked regularly and had it tuned up every other month. He couldn't figure out what had happened.

Josh shut his eyes and tried to recall what town there were in now. The last sign had said Bug Tussle 10 miles. They had already passed Paducah and Slivey so the nearest town had to be Bug Tussle.

Reva got out of the car and came to stand next to Josh on the side of the road. "Well, Reva" he said. "Looks like we are going to have to hitch a ride to Bug Tussle. Let's start walking until someone picks us up".

They could see a pick up truck coming down the road. It was coming closer, closer, closer........whoosh, right past them.

"Aw your mother kisses gorillas" Reva shouted at the driver who promtly gave her some sign language that would have made Abigail Bauer blush.

"Roll up your jeans and show some ankle" Josh said. "That always works in the movies."

"I'm wearing white athletic socks and running shoes, Bud, the effect wouldn't be terribly sexy" Reva said.

"Well this is Kentucky" Josh said."I'm sure they aren't as picky about their women as they are in the west" he said with a wicked smile. "I could always stick out my leg" he offered.

"No thanks, Josh honey, we don't want to attract any female bears" she said.

"If I had my shotgun I could do a Rambo impression. We'd get a ride for sure" he said. Note to self: stop by Sarahs and borrow a shotgun.

The van that had been approaching them whizzed by. "Son of a ......., that makes five times" Josh growled. "So much for southern hospitality"

Reva patted his shoulder and laughed. "Come on Rambo, let's get walking"

They walked the two lane country raod for what seemed like hours and miles but in actuality was only an hour and two miles. They came upon Zeke's filling station and used cars. Perfect. They would get a car from ole Zeke here and be on their way. They needed to call triple A to come and tow the jag also.

A big burly man with a long hair and a longer beard wearing overalls and a John Deere cap came out of the garage knawing on a chicken leg. He had a greasy looking dog with him who sat down when the man had come to a stop.

"Help ya'll folks" he said. It didn't sound like a question. Josh noted the sign on the dirty window that bore a confederate soldier waving a confederate flag. The caption read "Forget, Hell No".

"Yes, thanks. Our car broke down about a couple of miles down the road and we were wondering if we could use your phone to call for help. See Reva here, didnt charge the phone batteries and I said, Reva honey, make sure to charge the phone up, but you know women and" he stopped when he noticed the man's expression hadn't changed.

Suddenly he got a bad feeling. He had seen the movie Deliverance. Was that banjo music he heard in his ears? He changed his mind and decided the best thing to do would be to just get on out of here and try their luck in the next town.

"You folks need a car" he said and again it wasn't in question form.

"Uh yes, we do. Can you help?" Josh asked.

"Yup, sure can" the man Josh assumed was Zeke said. "Follow me" he said and led them in the back.

"Got a little beauty back here in the garage I can let you have real cheap. Ole blue here" he said and pointed to the dog who had gotten up and laid down at Reva's feet, he had taken a shine to Reva already, "needs an operation see and I can let you have it real cheap sos I can pay his doctor" he said.

Reva looked at the pitiful looking dog. He wasn't a bad looking creature just needed some love. His coat was all greasy and he was whinning. He didnt look to be too smart but he looked like he was loyal. Good traits in both men and dogs, Reva thought to herself. Her heart was breaking for this dog and she suddenly knew that she had to have him. He was looking at her so pleadingly that she knew it must be fate that brought them here to this filling station/used car lot. They were supposed to get ole blue.

"Mister" she said. "We'll take the truck and we would like to buy the dog too" she said and Josh whipped his head around in amazement.

"What" they both said in unison.

"I said, I want to buy the truck and the dog too" she said."Look at him Josh, doesnt his sad look remind you of Michelle Santos's old boyfreind Jesse? You remember him don't you? He was the one who used to work on your motorcycle until you fired him for putting those moth balls in your gas tank to try to work out the kinks?"

"Yes, I do remember him and you're right. He does look like Jesse and is probably about as smart as him too' he laughed. "Okay, if you want him, let me see if I can bargain with Zeke here" he said.

"How bout it Zeke? You make a sale on the truck and you dont even have to use the money for the doggie operation. What is wrong with him anyway?" Josh asked.

"He's got a bad heart but the doctor said they could probably do a transplant" he said. "You got yourself a deal mister. One thousand dollars for the truck and ole blue here".

"Done" Josh said and bent down to give ole Blue a pat. He wiped his hands on his pants afterwards to remove the slimy residue. They would have to do something about that coat of his for sure. He gave Zeke the money and they started to the garage.

They walked back to the garage and Zeke opened the locked part and showed him the truck he had just bought. Josh and Reva's mouths both fell open. It was the exact replica of the truck on that television sitcom The Beverly Hillibillies. Reva was sure of it. It had been one of her favorite shows when she was a teenager and she had envied that young girl who had gotten to wear those short shorts and tight shirts.

It even had the rocking chair on the back. Ole Blue hopped in the back and sat down by the chair. Zeke handed the keys over to Josh and said "Looks like you got yourself a truck there mister. Take good care of ole Blue for me" he said and went to take care of a customer who had just driven up.

"Well Reva Sue" Josh smiled "I guess it's time to be on our way".

"Yes, Bubba, I guess it is" she said. She went to get in the truck with Josh when ole Blue started howling. She got out and went up to the back of the truck and sat in the rocker and patted him to calm him. He immediately stopped his howling.

She got up to join Josh and ole Blue started howling again. Great, she thought. She was going to have to ride up here in the chair while Josh drove them to Bug Tussle.

Josh was smiling and Reva gave him a warning stare. "Don't you dare laugh Josh Lewis" she said and burst out laughing herself certain that she could hear banjo music playing in her ears.

Well, well, well, it looks like our couple is on it's way to Bug Tussle with ole Blue in the Clampett's truck. Will they break down again? Will Zeke ever get a phone installed or will he choke on his chicken leg? Will they ever send for their children? Will raising the next Carla Ray solve all their financial problems???

The answer to these questions will be answered in next week's episode. But before ya'll leave, we would like to kindly ask you to clap your hands and tap your toes and sing along as we say goodbye to Josh and Reva.

Well now it's time to say goodbye to Josh and all his kin They would like to thank you folks for kindly dropping in. You're all invited back again to this locality To have a heapin helpin of their hospitality

Hillbilly that is....... set a spell....... take your shoes off

Ya'll come back now, Ya hear.........................................

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