The TV Show Challenge
The Mayberry Aphrodisiac
By Amy
After the renewal of their vows at Laurel Falls, and the ensuing love-making on the wooded bed, Danny and Michelle amend their honeymoon plans, and rather than flying off to San Cristobel, they decide to take a leisurely drive to Florida, where they will hop a boat, and sail the rest of the way to the island.
As the weave their way down the east coast, they begin discussing their consummation.
"Danny, you know I’m not the most experienced woman in the world, but it seemed that we might have skipped a few things during our tryst at Laurel Falls."
"I know what you mean, Michelle. One minute, we’re dancing, and I’m sliding one strap of your dress off your shoulder - which was, by the way, really really erotic - and the next thing I know, we’re laying naked in a pile of pink satin sheets, gazing into each other’s eyes."
"Exactly! Don’t get me wrong, I love gazing into your eyes, but I can’t seem to remember what happened in between. It’s like it never happened."
"You’re so right, Michelle. I’m beginning to wonder if we even did it."
"Danny, this can’t continue. There is usually so much passion and sexual tension between us, even when we are just looking at each other. We have to find a way to get that fire into our brand new sex life."
"I agree, Michelle. Do you have any idea how we can accomplish that?"
"Well, I’ve been pondering that, and I think I’ve come up with a plan."
"What is it?"
"Well, first of all, I want to say that I really loved the way you made my dream of a wedding at Laurel Falls come true. It was the sweetest, most romantic thing I’ve ever experienced. And the bed you brought out into the woods was such a gallant gesture. It really took my breath. But, when I remember the most passionate moments between us - the moments when I wanted you the most - they were always in a very non-descript place, void of specialties like flowers, wrought iron beds, and satin sheets. The times when I thought I would die from wanting and needing you, were born out of the raw emotion of the moment."
Thinking back on the past nine months, Danny replies, "You know, you’re right. The time I kissed you outside the Diner, and the night after our big, fancy wedding, and then at the lighthouse just before your brother went nutso on us, those were some really hot moments."
"So, Danny, I was thinking that maybe, before we get to Florida, we should stop in some small towns, where life is simple, and there aren’t any fancy attractions to get in the way. We could spend the night in cheap motels or quaint bed-and-breakfasts, and recapture some of those moments."
"Michelle, my beautiful wife, I think you’ve hit the nail on the head!"
With that, Danny steered the car onto the next exit ramp off the interstate. So far, North Carolina was not the most spectacular state he’d ever seen, but so what?! He and Michelle didn’t need a lot of special effects!
"We’ll stop in the next little town we come to and see what’s happening. Maybe we’ll be able to rediscover the passion we once had."
Michelle agreed whole heartedly.
The drive through the county highways in North Carolina proved very therapeutic. Michelle found herself remembering that incredibly sexy massage Danny gave her the night of their big wedding at Casa Santos. She had wanted him so badly that night, but was afraid to give into her feelings. Danny found himself thinking back to the time he and Michelle set Jesse up to find them in bed at the lighthouse. He knew she didn’t really want him then, but in her eyes, he thought he saw the first glimpses of deeper feelings. He had needed to love her, in the deepest possible way, but he would never put his desire above hers. Now she was his, and he was determined to find those feelings again.
"Danny, do you remember that day, at Rick’s house, when we were in my bedroom, and you gave me that ‘I am a Man’ speech?"
Danny, a bit embarrassed by the memory, says, "Yes, Michelle, and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pressure you that day."
"Oh, Danny, you didn’t pressure me. I could hardly breathe! I wanted you so bad while you were whispering in my ear. That’s how I want you to make love to me - like the man that you are."
Danny could stand it no longer. He veered the car onto the shoulder of the road. There was hardly any traffic, so the two of them hopped into the backseat. Danny took hold of her small frame like a man consumed and on fire. For every ounce of control Danny took of her body, Michelle took the same over his. They were like two lovers who’d been separated for months by circumstances beyond their control. Oh wait a minute, they really were two lovers who’d been separated for months by circumstances beyond their control.
Their passion took only minutes to extinguish. This quickness and primitiveness of it was just what they needed to put the umph back in their love-making. She didn’t want to be his delicate little flower. She wanted him to take what he wanted from her, and that was what she intended to do to him.
Breathless and ragged, Michelle looked at her husband and said, "That was what I’d waited months for."
Still wet with perspiration, Danny replied, "Yes, Michelle, me too."
They quickly replaced their clothing and got back on the road.
They knew they were approaching a small town, but the sight of the police car parked at the city limits gave them quite a scare. What if someone had seen them frolicking in the back seat of their car, and alerted the authorities? Danny slowed the car to a snail’s pace and approached the policemen with caution. When they stopped the car, Danny and Michelle could see the Sheriff and the Deputy were both smiling. They breathed a sigh of relief.
As the officers walked toward their car, Danny and Michelle could not believe their eyes. The Sheriff looked just like Ben Warren, and the Deputy was the spitting image of Dietz! And what’s more, they were driving a 1950’s squad car, with what looked like about a million jars of pickles stacked in the back seat.
"Welcome Mayberry!" The Sheriff said, with a smile and demeanor neither Danny or Michelle had ever witnessed on Ben Warren’s face.
They were both too puzzled to speak. Just then, the deputy approached the car.
"You folks aren’t from around here, are you?" the Deputy asked, and somehow, Dietz had lost that raspy, obnoxious voice.
"No," Danny answered. "We’re just traveling through."
"Oh," the deputy said, "You’ll have to stay long enough to enjoy our county fair that starts tomorrow."
Danny and Michelle looked at each other. A county fair, in a small, southern town, might be just the medicine they needed to ensure that their love-making continued on its passionate, fiery course. They were still a little befuddled by the amazing resemblance these two had to Ben and Dietz, but they were willing to overlook it, in the interest of their intimate relationship.
"We’d love to," Danny answered. "Is there a hotel in town where we could get a room?"
The Sheriff and the Deputy gave them directions to the hotel, and then presented them with a jar of pickles, as a token of their appreciation.
"We like to show our gratitude when nice folks like you chose to vacation in our fair little town," the Sheriff said.
Danny and Michelle took the pickles, and drove to the hotel. They checked in, and were glad to find that the room was very plain, totally lacking in special effects that might deter their sex drives.
"Let’s try these pickles, Danny," Michelle said as she opened the jar.
The aroma of the pickles nearly knocked them over.
"My Lord, Michelle," Danny exclaimed. "I think those cucumbers have been soaked in kerosene!"
"I think you’re right, Danny," Michelle said. "But let’s at least try a bite before we throw them out. Afterall, it was so nice of Ben and Dietz, uh, I mean, the Sheriff and the Deputy to give us a jar."
"OK," Danny said. "But if we die of food poisoning, it’ll be your fault."
Michelle giggled as she handed him a pickle. Simultaneously, they both took a small bite.
And simultaneously, they both spit out the pickle bites.
They laughed hysterically, and then they dug through their luggage to find the mouthwash. Danny found it first, and refused to give it to Michelle. She chased him around the room for a bit, and then stopped, fearing that the manager would reprimand them for being noisy. Danny quickly ran into the bathroom and filled his mouth with Scope, rinsing away the taste of kerosene that the pickle had left behind.
He came out of the bathroom, with a wicked look on his face. Michelle was sitting on the bed, looking at him with that pouty grin, her eyes begging for the mouthwash. He sat down, leaned in to kiss her, and she did not refuse. She opened her mouth accommodate him, and suddenly, mouthwash spilled into her mouth, and down her face. Sweet Danny had shared the mouthwash afterall. This led to yet another memorable love-making session that was filled with the passion and desire they had felt for each other all along.
The next morning, Danny and Michelle got up early, and got ready to out to the county fair. They were both excited, as nothing this quaint and normal had ever taken place in Springfield. The Bauer Barbecue usually turned into a fest of strained relationships, back-stabbing remarks, and daring deceptions. Danny didn’t even want to think about what a Santos Barbecue entailed, because it usually involved a timer and a detonator. So, they were both anxious to see what regular people did when they got together for a fun time.
When they arrived at the fairgrounds, they saw lots of interesting things. There were shooting galleries, and Danny really wanted to win Michelle a teddy bear, but they insisted that he use the pellet guns supplied by the carnival workers, instead of the Ruger nine-millimeter that he usually packed. They rode the ferris wheel, which turned out to be a really exciting ride. They got stuck at the top of the wheel for about 10 minutes, which made for a really hot make-out episode.
Then they saw the dunking booth. Michelle begged Danny for a quarter so she could throw the ball and soak the young lady sitting atop the booth, because she looked exactly like Pilar. Danny quickly gave his wife a quarter, and she proceeded to submerge the Pilar look-alike with one throw. It was almost eery - the young lady gave Michelle the same angry-bunny face that Pilar was so good at. Michelle was proud of herself, and she would remember this the next time Pilar got on her nerves.
They walked a bit further, and found the food contests. The judges were making there way around pies, loaves of bread, and finally, jars of pickles.
"I bet those kerosene cucumbers aren’t in that contest," Danny joked.
Michelle laughed, remembering the horrible taste of those pickles that Sheriff Ben and Deputy Dietz had given them the day before.
Then they saw her. It was Carmen, but it wasn’t. The woman looked exactly like Danny’s mother, but she was dressed in a very conservative print dress, complete with an apron, and she was donning white gloves on her hands. She smiled proudly as the judges approached her jar of pickles. Danny and Michelle stood watching, not believing their eyes.
Their amazement was furthered when they saw the look on the judges faces when they tasted the Carmen look-alike’s pickles. They knew that look - they’d seen it in each other’s eyes when they bit into those pickles the night before. They looked at each other, and erupted in laughter. The thought of Carmen Santos, actually working in the kitchen, much less making pickles that tasted like kerosene, brought tears to their eyes.
When the judges pinned a blue ribbon on one jar of pickels (obviously, NOT the kersoene cucumbers), a woman who was the mirror image of Blake Marler, exploded into almost violent sobs, screaming, "Thank you so much!" Again, Danny and Michelle were speechless.
"Danny, my sweet husband," Michelle said. "This has been a barrel of fun, but it’s getting just a little too odd for my taste."
Danny agreed. "First there was Sheriff Ben and Deputy Dietz. Then Pilar in the dunking booth. And now the Aunt Bea Taylor equivalent of my mother, and an aged housewife who looks like Blake Marler. I believe I’ve had enough as well."
"We’ve rekindled our passion for one another," Michelle said. "So let’s see what the next little town has in store for us."
They checked out of the hotel, but not before indulging in a
sex-quickie in the stairwell. As they drove out of Mayberry, Michelle and Danny
laughed at all that had happened, and knew that they would never forget how they
had rediscovered their desire for one another.