Words with ** are from actual GL episodes, and are therefore the property of P&G. (I'm just borrowing them for a tribute...yeah, that's it...) This fic takes place right after the 4/23/99 episode (the park scene) but looks back into the past....

From the 4/23/99 episode of GL:

**Michelle- Okay...I get the message. I had this foolish romantic idea. I supposed there was something good in you. That my feelings, whatever I was starting to develop, might actually provide for what we had I guess.

Danny- What? Save me? You thought you could save me? Get over yourself. I don't want to be saved.**

*****************************

It's over.

I still can't believe he said those things to me.

That I could have been anybody.

That he doesn't want to be saved.

Actually, he's said those things to me before.

Just once.

Right after we got married for the first time.

*****************************

We never talked about what happened that night. I guess that we were both eager to forget it, and with the shock of finding out that "the boss" was his mother, and then Jesse and Drew showing up...it was easy to pretend it never happened. I suppose that I should have realized that I was in over my head right then, that night--but it was easy to lie to myself, tell myself that I was doing this to save myself, and my friends. Pure motives, an unselfish act. That what was going on was something I could handle, that I could control the situation.

I am such a liar.

It was never that simple.

*****************************

The night that Danny pretended to shoot me, he'd pushed me into the river instead. Then he'd hauled me out, gave me his coat. Stared at me for the longest time, and then asked if I was worth it. *"I wonder..I wonder if you're worth risking my neck for."*

I was freezing, scared. My teeth kept clattering every time I tried to speak. I still couldn't believe what had happened. Jesse left, Danny knew about Mick-the beach, and my god, the docks. I was totally unnerved.

So when he'd told me what his plan was, I just nodded. I figured, ok, no big deal. I marry this guy and the minute his back is turned, I run like hell, go to Rick. I should have done that in the first place, but too late to think about that now. I was sure that the marriage could be annulled or something, and that Rick would get Frank and everyone else to protect us. And that Jesse would come back, and then things would be fine-back to normal.

Danny isn't much of a talker, and he was even quieter than usual that night. Knowing him like I do now, I'm amazed that he even wanted to save me. To this day, I don't know why he did. For a while, I thought it was because he loved me, but now I'm not so sure. I don't know if he ever loved me. Maybe he just couldn't stomach the idea of killing a woman, maybe he wanted to prove something to his mother...I don't know, and I don't really want to think about it again. It's finally over.

I should be happy.

*****************************

Anyway, that night, he drove us out of town. After an hour or so, he stopped at some gas station right off the interstate and told me to stay in the car. He went inside the store. There was a phone over on the side, away from the gas pumps.

I have thought of that night a million times since it happened. Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if I'd run to that phone and called Rick. Why didn't I?

I tell myself it's because I was too scared.

See, I told you I'm a liar. I was scared, but not that scared. Not as scared as I should have been, anyway.

Danny came back after a few minutes. I didn't ask what he'd been doing.

My clothes were finally drying, but they were still horribly clammy and I was miserable. I felt terrible. Danny handed me a cup of coffee, told me to drink it. I started to tell him no, but decided that it was stupid to argue with him over something I wanted, so I drank the coffee while he pulled back onto the highway.

After another twenty minutes of silence, I finally spoke. I just couldn't bear the quiet anymore.

"Where are we going?"

He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. At the time, I thought he was mad, but now I know he was nervous. He gets twitchy when he worries about something. At night, he used to drum his fingers on his pillow while he slept, and his face would be twisted in a grimace. I always wanted to wake him up and ask him what he was dreaming about, but never got up the nerve.

"To a justice of the peace."

"They have those in Springfield."

He sighed. "A justice of the peace who doesn't know my family."

"Oh" I hadn't thought about that.

"Are you warm enough?"

I nodded. His fingers tapped on the steering wheel again.

"I don't have any rings"

"That's ok" I said quickly. Please, I thought, don't drag this out any longer. The sooner we get married, the sooner we get back to Springfield, the sooner I get away from him.

"I should have thought things all the way through" he muttered.

He'd said that before, on the docks. If he was nervous, having second thoughts...where did that leave me? I didn't want to marry him, but I didn't want to die either. I'd seen the panic in his eyes when he talked about his family, the "boss".

"Maybe if we went back, talked to Frank.." I started.

He turned and looked at me. The car went off the road a little, headed for the ditch. I thought that maybe he was tired. But then he spoke and I realized he was furious.

"Talk to the cops? I'm saving you, and you want me to go to the cops?" He paused, and then he said, his voice so flat and dead that I was terrified--so terrified that even thinking about how he spoke now still gives me the chills-"You killed my brother."

"I'm sorry" I told him, and I meant it. His gun was lying on the seat, resting between us, and I had no desire to feel it pressed against my head again.

He turned his eyes back to the road. "Don't talk to me anymore. You're gonna make me change my mind."

That shut me up and I leaned back into the seat, sitting as close to the door as possible.

We drove for another half hour or so. Danny stopped once more, by another store. It was closed, and I started to say something, but stopped. What did it matter now?

He got out of the car-didn't even say anything to me. I suppose he knew that I wouldn't run. Where would I have run to? I watched him walk over to the pay phone. He made a call. Then another. Then he came back to the car.

We drove down one twisty country road, and then another. It was so dark that night. It was a new moon, so all I could see was what was illuminated by the car's headlights. Mostly scrubby trees, an occasional house here and there.

Finally, Danny pulled onto a dirt road. We drove on it for what seemed like forever. The car, which wasn't made for dirt roads, hit every rut, Danny stopped the car. We were at a house.

The road was someone's driveway. I couldn't believe it. The house was tiny and ramshackle.

Danny turned off the car and opened the door.

"Stay here" he told me.

He walked over to the door. Knocked.

Nothing.

He knocked again.

Just when I had totally started to panic-what if no one could marry us? Then what would Danny do? It would take a long time to find a body out here...-the door opened. Danny had a conversation with whoever opened the door.

It was a brief conversation. Danny said something. Whoever opened the door said/did something. Danny backed up a few feet, spread his palms out in what I guess he thought was a supplicating gesture, and said something else. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out his wallet.

I never knew how much money he gave the guy. I never asked. It was enough, after all. I saw a hand reach out and take the money and then Danny turned, walked back to the car.

He opened the door for me. I got out of the car. My legs were shaking so badly I could hardly stand. Danny was glaring at me. "What?" I asked. I meant to sound sarcastic, but it didn't come out that way. I sounded terrified.

His face softened, just a little, and he reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind my ears. "You just look a little worse for wear" he said. He slid his leather jacket off. "Here, put this on."

I did. He grabbed my hand. I started to pull away, and then thought better of it. Danny was the only thing I was even remotely familiar with. We walked to the house. As he opened the door, he whispered in my ear "Don't do anything stupid. I don't want to hurt you."

My teeth started chattering again.

We went in the house. It was a pit. Just thinking about it makes me cringe.

**********************************************

We were married by a justice of the peace. His name was Clarence. He was maybe 35, with yellow-ish hair, and teeth to match. He smoked during the ceremony. He didn't wear shoes and he had the ugliest feet I've ever seen.

The wedding, what there was of it, took about five minutes. Clarence asked if we want a formal ceremony. Danny shook his head.

"Just marry us and give us whatever paperwork we need."

Clarence nodded and stumbled through the ceremony. I don't remember any of it. There was a clock on the wall and I just stared at it.

We were married before I realized that the clock was broken.

Danny gave Clarence another wad of bills and was given a piece of paper in return.

Then we left.

We got back in the car, drove back down that hideous driveway, and pulled back out onto the country road.

I gathered up all my courage and asked, "Are we really married?"

Danny shrugged. "I don't know. I've never been married before. All that matters is I've got a piece of paper saying we are. That should satisfy everyone."

"How did you know that there was a justice of the peace out here?"

He laughed. "I didn't. Why do you think I stopped and made some phone calls?"

"Oh" Now I felt stupid.

*****************************************************************

We drove for a while, and then Danny started tapping his fingers on the steering wheel again.

"We've got to get cleaned up" he finally said. "We'll have to see the boss when we get back to town."

I nodded, not sure of what to say.

We stopped at a truck stop. I'd never been to a truck stop before. Danny parked the car at the far end of the lot, right by the interstate. As I watched, he put his coat on, slid the gun inside. Then he got out of the car.

He started to shut the door, then looked in at me. I was still sitting in my seat, my seatbelt still on.

"Let's go" he said, a trifle impatiently.

My hands were even clumsier than usual, and I fumbled with the seatbelt. Looking back, I wonder-did part of me know what was going to happen?

I can't answer that question, even now.

I got out of the car, and we walked into the truck stop. A sign advertised cheap food, cheap gas, and rooms by the hour.

Danny told me to sit down on a chair by the door and I did. To my surprise, no one was looking at us. No one cared that I'd almost been killed, that I was now married, that my new husband was a mobster. It was just me.

Me and Danny.

Danny came back and held his hand out to me. I stared at him for a second, and then I reached out and took it.

He'd rented us a room. "For a couple of hours" he said. He told me to get cleaned up, and then he left.

As soon as he walked out of the room, I scrambled over to the phone. I might have been scared, but I wasn't stupid. I picked up the phone and started dialing. You couldn't dial directly, so I hung up, tried using my calling card. My hands were shaking so badly that I kept pressing the wrong numbers.

Finally, I managed to dial everything correctly. I could hear the phone ring. I knew Rick would be scared, but I knew he would help me. Pick up, pick up, I thought to myself. Please let Rick be home-please let him hear the phone. If tonight was his late shift at Cedars, I was in trouble. I let the phone ring a few more times, then I hung up.

I was starting to cry, and my whole body was shaking. Get a grip, I told myself. Dial the hospital. I did, dialing as fast as I could. I kept glancing over at the door. I was so terrified that Danny would come back.

The hospital answered on the second ring. I asked them to page Dr. Bauer, that it was an emergency.

"What's the emergency?"

"Uh..." Oh God, what to say? I'm Dr. Bauer's younger sister and I killed someone and his brother found out and now I'm married to him?

The door opened. Danny walked in carrying a bag. He was smiling.

Then he saw what I was doing.

I've never seen anyone move so fast. He came over to the bed, yanked the phone out of my hands. Pulled the gun out of his coat and pointed it at me while he spoke into the receiver. I couldn't hear what the nurse said, but I could hear Danny's half of the conversation.

"I'm sorry ma'am. I cut my arm, and my wife was worried."

"No, I'm fine. You know how it is. She's just a worrier."

"Thank you so much. You have a good evening too."

He hung up the phone and then pulled the cord out of the wall. He grabbed my arm and pulled me in close, so I was leaning against him. He pressed the gun into my temple. I started to cry.

"You are so damn stupid!" he shouted. "I'm saving your ass, and you...God!" he pushed me away, threw the gun down on the bed.

I started to cry harder. It was all just too much. After a minute, Danny put his face in his hands. I could hear him take a deep breath.

"Michelle, it's ok. I'm sorry. I was just worried. If my family knew what I was doing....."

That didn't make me feel better, it made me cry harder.

"Oh shit" he said. "Come on Michelle, you're gonna make yourself sick."

I knew he was right. I was crying so hard that I could hardly breathe. But I couldn't stop.

I could feel him looking at me. He stood up, walked over to where I was sitting on the floor.

"Come on" he said. "Why don't you take a shower? Then maybe you'll feel better."

I just kept crying. Finally, I heard him sigh. Then he bent down and picked me up, carried me into the bathroom. He sat me down on the edge of the tub. I was still crying, and now I was gagging. I felt like I was going to throw up or faint, something terrible. I heard him turn on the water, I felt the shower spray hit the side of my head, just a little.

He knelt down on the floor beside me, cupped my face in his hands.

"Michelle," he said, and his tone was so soft I could hardly hear him. "You're gonna get sick. Just get in the shower."

"I....... can't......... stop....... crying" I told him between sobs.

Another sigh. Then he stood up and took off his jacket. He opened the bathroom door, and threw the jacket in the direction of the bed. He turned back towards me, bending down again. "Come on" he said.

And he pulled me into the shower. The water was hot. So hot that it hurt. That made me stop crying. "Too hot!" I gasped, and he chuckled, turned the water down a little.

"Are you better now?" he asked me.

"I don't know" I told him. "I don't feel so good."

"You're just tired" he told me.

I nodded and closed my eyes. I was tired. He was practically holding me upright. The water was warm now, and my toes were starting to tingle.

"My feet hurt" I told him.

"Must have been cold"

I nodded. My muscles felt all buttery. I felt my knees buckle.

Danny caught me, catching my arms, pulling me against him.

"Michelle" he whispered.

I opened my eyes, just a little. He was staring down into my face, and his eyes were so intent. It made me remember the first time I saw him.

"What's going to happen to me?" I asked him.

"I'll take care of you" he said. Then he kissed me.

And I let him. In fact, I kissed him back.

He pushed me against the shower wall, pulled at my clothes. I pulled at his.

I should have been scared. When I think about it now, what we did that night, I'm scared. Scared of how he made me feel, scared of how I responded, scared that we both just pretended it away.

But at the time, I wasn't. I wanted him. Wanted to prove to myself that I was alive, that I'd made it through that night. I guess he felt the same way.

When it was over, he got out of the shower. I watched as he picked up his wet clothes and threw them in the trash can. I just stood there, naked, in the shower, watching him. He walked over to the door, turned back and looked in my direction. Not at me, he focused his gaze on the wall above my head. "You'd better get out of the shower" he said in a conversational tone, as if we'd been discussing the weather.

I nodded, got out of the shower, and wrapped the one towel in the bathroom around myself. I stood there for a few minutes, then I took a deep breath and walked out into the room. Danny was sitting on the bed, looking out the window. He was wearing a pair of pants.

"I got us some clothes" he said, still not looking in my direction. "Go get changed. We've got to go."

I took the clothes and went in the bathroom. No underwear, but a skirt, a sweater set, a jacket, and a scarf. I never asked him how he got the clothes. It didn't matter, and it still doesn't.

After I got dressed, I went back out into the room. He was standing there, looking impatient. "I don't like all this pink" I told him.

He shrugged. "What does it matter?" he said.

He was right, so I didn't say anything in return.

We drove back to Springfield in silence.

We drove to his house-what was my house for those few months.

We got out of the car.

I couldn't not say anything about what had happened. When we were walking up to the house, I told him...

"Danny, it doesn't have to be like this. With what happened, I know that things are weird, but my brother...he can help us, help you..."

He turned, grabbed my arm, looked me in the eyes for the first time since the whole incident in the shower. "I don't want to be saved, and it was just sex. Get over yourself and grow up. This is how things are going to be and this is what we are going to do."

I pulled away from him, horribly embarrassed and scared at the same time.

When we walked inside the house I spoke again..

**"I'm not sure that your way is much better than being shot." **

I heard him suck in a breath behind me.

**"Well, I'm sorry you feel that way...but like I said, you gotta pay for Mick's death one way or another."***

And that's how we started the marriage.

And now...it's over.

The End


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