�
Michelle leaned up against the door that had just been slammed in her face. Danny hated her. He really hated her. What had she done? She had not received any letter from Pilar about his injuries. It had to have gotten lost in the mail.
She was more perturbed at Rick for not telling her about Danny and she was going to tell him so. He had no right to keep that information from her.She may not have been married to Danny anymore but that didnt mean she didn't still love him.
The scars had been shocking but not hideous. Danny carried those scars around like a pennance or something. She had not been able to hide her shock at his appearance but it was only because she hadnt been forewarned about how severe his injuries had been.
The burns must have hurt him so much. Michelle grimaced at the thought of her beloved Danny in such pain. Most of the patients at Portland University that had been brought in for burns had died and Michelle paused to thank God for sparing Danny's life. She recalled the many times that she had to scrape the skin off of the burn victims and the pain that that had caused but it was necessary for the new healthy skin to form. The patients were usually heavily medicated but whenver one was awake for the procedure, she could see great pain in their eyes. MIchelle remembered their pleading looks all too well.
Who had been there for Danny when they had scraped his skin?? Had he been awake? Had he been silently pleading for the nurse to let him die??
She collapsed on the bed and dissolved into a fit of tears. Oh Danny, my love. I wish I had been there for you. I would have held your hand, told you I love you. If I had known, nothing would have kept me away from you.
She didnt think it would do much good to tell him that now, not when he so obviously hated her. He thought she wished him dead. How could he even think for one second that she would think that.
She had to get to the bottom of this. The man who had replaced the Danny she loved had issued a stern warning, one that she would take if she knew what was good for her, but she couldn't let things between them stay the way they were. Danny had to know that she hadn't been told of his accident, that nothing on heaven or earth would have kept her from being by his side if only she had known.
Would he believe her was the main question running around in her head. He had looked at her with such hatred but also with, what was that look in his eyes, and she struggled to find the word to describe it.
Resignation. That was it. He had looked at her with resignation that he was to live the remainder of his years scarred both inside and out and that she hadn't cared. She couldn't do anything about the scars but she could tell him how she had been kept in the dark. That the letter Pilar had sent had never made it to her apartment.
He would believe her. He had to. They hadn't parted as enemies. They had both looked at each other in Pilar's room that day and been waiting for the other to say something that would make it work. Neither one had but that wasn't any reason to harbor such hatred for her and she certainly didn't hate him.
She would talk to Rick when she got home and then tomorrow she would pay a visit to Pilar. One way or the other, she was going to get to the bottom of this.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Pilar was tired of Danny's whining. He had finally quit a little while ago and retired to his room with his usual comapanion. A bottle of some sort of liquor. He had been in a foul mood since he had found out about Michelle coming home. She had always known Michelle would come home one day and she hadn't worried about it until now.
Michelle could ruin everything. Danny's feelings for her had always been his undoing. Even Bill had once been in love with the "golden girl".
Bill, her mind was brought back to Bill Lewis and the pain was there again. He had left town after he had called off their engagement barely one month after Michelle had left for school. She hadn't heard from him at all. He hadn't been man enough to handle her being a Santos and he had ended their relationship. She had been heartbroken and mama had simply said it was for the best. Danny had been so caught up in his own misery with Michelle leaving that noone cared what she was going through. She had lost the man she loved and it didnt matter to anyone. She heard through the grapevine that Bill had gotten married and now had a little boy. She had descended deeper into her misery and finally decided she didn't care if anyone in her family were ever happy again. She hadn't deserved Bill's desertion just as she hadn't deserved being born a Santos.
She was glad she hadn't sent that letter to MIchelle. Let them suffer. Let them all suffer the way she had suffered. Pilar had fed Danny lies about MIchelle while he was delerious and it had worked, when he woke up and found out she hadn't come to him, he had hated her. Good, Let everyone know how it feels.
Michelle had come home. If she confronted her about the letter, she would act sweet and play the innocent. Pilar had been devoted to her brother during his recuperation and Danny would have no problem believing his faithful sister over his uncaring ex wife. Pilar had been there for him in the hospital every day and it had been her shoulders he had grabbed onto the day he took his first steps again on his rebuilt hip.
She wasn't that worried about Michelle. After all, she had been abandoned by everyone she loved and she would make sure Michelle knew what that felt like.
�*********************************************************************
Danny woke up with a sour taste in his mouth. He had drunk himself into oblivion again last night. He hated what he had become but the alcohol was the only thing that dulled his mind enough that he didn't wake up screaming for Michelle.
He looked at the bottle that was laying next to him on the bed. He had completely emptied it. No wonder he felt so crappy. He got up out of the bed and was not surprised to discover that he had gone to sleep, dead drunk with his clothes on. Hell, he still had his boots on.
Seeing Michelle had destroyed any sense of control he had managed to regain once he had been released from the hospital. He had worked hard to get his life back. The injuries were severe and painful but he had overcome them. He had been living a life that was almost normal. The realty company took all of his time and he preferred it that way. HE didnt want to think about Michelle and it was so much easier when she was several thousand miles away.
He remembered so much of that time in the hospital. He remembered that everytime he woke up his remaining eye had immediatly searched for Michelle. His chest constricted with pain at the memory that she had never been there each time he had searched. He had wanted to die. He had wanted to leave the misery that his body was experiencing but more so for the agony that his soul was tormented with. Michelle hadn't come.
What could have been so important that she couldnt see him? He had been told that his heart had quit several times. He cursed the doctors who had revived it. The only way he would ever get away from this pain was to die. How he had prayed to die.
He threw the bottle in the trash and went into the bathroom. He needed a shower. He removed his clothes and looked in the mirror. He was a badly scarred excuse for a man. His hip was killing him and he examined the scar that went from hip to mid thigh barely missing his manhood. The doctors had told him he would need another operation on his hip but so far he hadnt scheduled the surgery. He never wanted to see another hospital as long as he lived. It would be a constant reminder to him of Michelle's desertion.
He carefully removed his eye patch and gently washed away the residue that he always found inside the patch when he changed bandages. He closely examined the place where his eye had been. It still held an eyeball but it was devoid of any color or sight. It was a miracle it hadnt been blown clear out of his head. To Danny it was just a mass that resided in his eye socket but he had discovered that the eye could still perform one function. Danny had found out all too much that that eye could still cry.
He stepped in the shower and proceeded to allow the eye to do just that. Michelle had come home and nothing in his world was ever going to be the same again.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Michelle went into the kitchen to find Rick. He had been called into the hospital last night before she had gotten home and she couldnt ask about him not telling her about Danny. Abby had been asleep.
Michelle had gone into the baby's room to watch her neice sleep. Robin had awakened once and Michelle picked her up and sat down in the rocker and rocked her until she fell back asleep. She had held that precious little body next to her breast and pretended just for a little while that she belonged to her and Danny.
Danny would have made a good father, Michelle thought. He had such a kind heart, she knew she was right about that. She only blamed herself for them not working out. She shouldnt have walked out of that room that day without telling him how she felt, but the fact remained that she had and there was no going back. Not now, not ever.
This new Danny was a different story. Although he looked a little different, he was still the most handsome man she had ever seen and her breath had caught when she saw him, partly out of shock but mostly out of longing.
She had thought of him often while she was away. Even though her heart was broken by the letter being returned, he still invaded her thoughts at the oddest moments. Like now, she thought. Little Robin was sleeping safely in her arms and she were entertaining the thought of what a child of Danny and she would be like.
She had put Robin back to bed and had gone to bed thinking about Danny. Her dreams were filled with him calling out for her and she not being able to find him. She was calling for him and telling him she was coming, but he didnt hear her and soon his cries became cries of agony. She tried to get to him but it was no use. He was nowhere to be found. She had awaken shaking from the dream.
She made up her mind then to go speak to Rick right away and now she was going to do just that. She was in luck, he was in the kitchen and he was alone. Abby must still be asleep.
"Morning sleepyhead" he said and playfully tussled her hair the way that he had when she had been a kid. Michelle eyed him suspiciously. Abby must not have gotten a chance to tell him what she had told Michelle last night. It didnt matter, she was going to speak with him about it regardless.
"When did you get back in?" Michelle asked.
"About an hour ago. I went in to see Robin. She was asleep with Abby when I got in. How was your first night home?" he asked.
"Okay, I guess. I went for a drive last night to clear my head. I went to the lighthouse. I had a visitor" she said.
"Who was it, Jesse?" he asked. He had known of Jesse and Michelle's encounter at the lighthouse and knew it was special to them both.
"No, actually, it wasn't Jesse, Rick, it was Danny" she said.
Rick was stunned. Michelle would have laughed at the expression on his face had she not been so angry with him.
"Listen Michelle," he began
"Why didn't you tell me??" she hollered then remembered the sleeping inhabitants of the next room and lowering her voice "He was my husband, I had a right to know"
"I didnt tell you because there was nothing, I mean nothing that you could have done and you would have been sucked back into his spell. You had your whole life ahead of you and I would be damned if I was going to let Danny Santos rob you of your potential." he said.
"But it wasn't your decision to make Rick. He was calling for me and thinks I didn't care if he died or not and now he hates me. Are you happy Rick? Danny hates me for something I had no control over and I have to find a way to get him to believe that and ask his forgiveness" she said and started to walk away.
Rick stopped her and said. "MIchelle, I did what I thought was best. Danny Santos is not the right man for you"
"Well thank you very much for your opinion Rick but it is just that, an opnion. I am the only one who has the right to decide who is right for me and who isn't" she said.
"Then why did you leave in the first place Michelle? Noone forced you to walk away to begin with. Why did you leave?" he asked.
Michelle was beaten and she knew it. The thing was, she had asked herself that question everyday for the last three years. She turned to Rick who held out his arms to her and she ran into them. For the first time since she had seen Danny last night she felt a little bit of comfort. She had the feeling it would be the last time she felt it for a long time.
Danny came down the stairs in a hurry. "I don't have time for breakfast, Pilar, I have to go to the office. Call me if you need me" he said and darted out the door.
Great, Pilar thought, She would be left to eat breakfast by herself again. Alone. It was going to become a habit, she had a feeling. She was lonely enough to be tempted to ask one of the servants if they wanted to eat with her, but she didn't.
She decided to skip breakfast altogether. The doorbell rang and she went to answer it. Oh well, at least it would be someone to talk to for a change.
Michelle stood at the door. Pilar had to resist an urge to run and hide but she held her ground. "Michelle" Pilar said.
Michelle was confused by Pilar's cold tone. "Hi Pilar, I just got back into town yesterday. Can I come in and talk to you for a little while?" she asked. She and Pilar had become friends and she been their biggest supporter and Michelle was afraid that Pilar might be mad at her for leaving Danny in her room those many years ago. She would thank Pilar for her effort but try to make her understand it just wasn't meant to be.
Michelle began to speak awkwardly, "How are you Pilar, you look beautiful as always".
"Thank you Michelle, why did you come here?" she said shortly.
Michelle was so confused. Pilar had always been so nice. None of this made any sense. "I wanted to talk to you" she said. "I've missed you" she said meaning it.
"Well, none of us has missed you Michelle, you should have stayed at that school. It would have been better for all of us if you had" she said.
Michelle didn't understand Pilar's hostility. "Well Pilar I am done at that school and now I am back to continue my education here in Springfield. Is there something I should know here?? I have the distinct feeling that you are upset with me. Do you mind telling me why??"" she said.
Pilar faced Michelle and it was then that Michelle could see the changes that had been made in Pilar as well while she had been gone. "Yea, I'll tell you why I am upset. My brother was almost killed becuase of you" she said.
"What?" Michelle said. "Pilar, I wasn't even in the state when that happened and as a matter of fact didn't even know Danny had been hurt until I got back into town yesterday. Strange thing though, Danny thinks I knew all along about his being hurt. Why is that?"
"Listen Michelle, Don't try to turn this around. Danny was caught in that explosion because of you" Pilar said.
"Pilar, how can you say that?" Michelle was totally dumbfounded.
"Danny had that accident because of you" Pilar snapped.
"Buy Abby said it was an accident, a leak in a gas tank......" she said.
"So there was" Pilar said. "But you know how careful Danny always was with regards to things like that, ordinarilly he would have spotted the leak. It was pure carelessness on his part-because he was thinking about you-and he has ended up scarred for life"
Michelle licked her dry lips. "You should have let me know about it Pilar. I had a right to know if Danny was hurt".
Pilar's eyes gleamed with extreme hatred, the kind she had seen in Danny's eyes earlier. "As far as I am concerned, you had no rights at all" she said through gritted teeth. "You caused his accident and you had no place by his side".
"But he was calling for me Pilar, he told me so, how could you deny a dying man his wish?" Michelle asked.
"You saw him?" Pilar said surprisedo "When?"
"I ran into him last night at the lighthouse. He belives you wrote me a letter and called me. You didnt do either did you Pilar. You sent my letter to Danny back to me. Why?" Michelle asked near tears.
"Everything was fine until you came into our lives. Mick was alive, Danny was happy and I was happy. Now Mick is dead, Danny is scarred for life and mama has run away. You have taken everyone I love away from me. You had no place at his side. You didn't fight for Danny when you had the chance and you won't get another one." Pilar said.
"I could just tell Danny the truth Pilar, that you never contacted me" Michelle threatened.
Pilar was undaunted. "And just who do you think he will believe Michelle? Me, his sister who was by his side, or you, the ex wife who didn't care enough to come see if he lived or died?" she said smugly.
"Pilar, you know as well as I do that nothing would have kept me away if I had known Danny was hurt. I dont know what has happened to you, but I feel very sorry for you now and one way or the other, Danny will know the truth" Michelle said and spun on her heel and walked out.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
"Damn it, Juliet, I said to hold my calls" Danny yelled into the intercom. He was a mess. Things were not going well at all today. He had been yelling at Juliet all day long. He was surprised she just didnt up and quit on him. There had been an accident at one of his construction sites that he had to go take care of and he had lost a contract with the state to build the new health center.
These things happened quite freqently in the real estate business , but Danny could'nt handle them today.His gaze kept looking at his locked desk drawer.The one that he hadn't opened in three years.
He knew what was in there. A wedding picture, one of Michelle's hair ribbons that she had worn and the annullment papers, unsigned. How would she feel to know that legally she was still Mrs. Daneil Santos?
He had never gotten around to signing them and he figured if she had met anyone else and had applied for a license, then they would discover she was still married, he would sign them then, but so far none of that had happened. He was keeping them as a reminder of his misery.
He had been tempted to open the drawer today though. He had been fighting the temptation all day and minute by minute he was getting closer to actually doing it. What it would help him to open it, he didnt know, but he knew it was inevitable.
He had asked Pilar to bring a picture of Michelle to the hospital when he was recovering from the accident, but she had said she could'nt find one. He was not about to let her know about his secret drawer. He had another one at the lighthouse too. He spent a lot of time there reliving he and Michelle's night together until he edged on the brink of insanity.
He had been so shocked to see her at the lighthouse last night. He had gone there to gather the courage to find her and confront her. He hadn't expected her to walk right in on him. The confrontation was ugly as he had known it would be and he had left angry and near tears.
He had sat in the car for fifteen minutes after that trying to find the courage to go back up there and ask her why she hadn't come to him. He had resisted that urge and had eventually driven away.
He got up and went to the safe and got the key out for his drawer. Knowing it would hurt worse than when his burns were scraped, he opened the drawer and placed the treasured items on his desk.
He picked up her hair ribbon first and stroked it. He brought it to his nose and breathed. Her hair had always made him think of sunshine when he smelled it and he was astonished to find it had not lost it's scent. He picked up the unfiled annullment papers next. He looked at the space where it had said Michelle Santos, defendant. He saw her handwriting that was distinctly Michelle. She would be the first doctor in history whose handwriting was acutally pleasant to look at. Nothing about Michelle wasn't perfect, Danny thought, except for her sense of loyalty. He wished he didn't still desire her, wished with all of his being that he could hate her as much as he said he did. There was such a thin line between love and hate sometimes and it wasn't the hate that made him wake up night after night calling for MIchelle, his love.
The wedding picture was the last item he placed in his hands. The photograph had been placed in a silver frame. It hurt to see how happy he had been back then.Back when he was a whole man. She didn't love him then, how could she love the creature he was now??
The rage that he felt when he thought about her complacency overtook him and he threw the beautiful photo against the wall and watched it shatter. He bent his hands in his hands on the desk.
Juliet ran into his office to investigate the noise. It wasn't the first time she had heard strange noises coming from the boss's office. She had caught him crying when he wasn't aware that she was there on more than one occassion. She checked to make sure he was okay and closed the door and went back to her work. She knew better than to disturb him when he was like this. Danny Santos was a fair boss and she enjoyed working for him, but when he was like that, she simply left him alone. Anyone who dared disturb him then would receive their head back to them on a platter.
He came out of his office a few minutes later and said he had a meeting and he didn't know when he would be back. Juliet smiled and said okay but she knew where he was going. He was going to Millenium to get drunk. She had been working for him long enough to know that when he got that look in his eye that he was about to get drunk. Oh well, she thought, it was almost five o'clock anyway and she began to plan what she would cook for her dinner that night.
*****************************************************************
Michelle didn't want to go home. She didn't want to go back to the lighthouse. She didn't know what she wanted to do.
The meeting with Pilar had shaken her to the core. She couldn't believe what had happened to Pilar. She had seen such hatred in her eyes. There was no mistaking it, it was real. Although she wished she could have been here for Danny during his illness, she knew that it was not her fault that he had been injured.
She drove around for awhile. She thought about going and seeing Drew but she quickly changed her mind. She wasn't ready to see Drew yet either. She decided to just drive around and see where she ended up.
She realized she hadn't eaten yet. Her stomach was reminding her of that. She decided to catch some dinner at the local drive thru rather than risk running into a lot of people again like she had last night. Abby's car was a convetible and Michelle was enjoying riding with the top down. She wouldn't have any problem parking and eating her dinner. She chose a grilled chicken sandwich. The nice young lady at the drive thru window, her badge had said AHA, Michelle was sure she hadn't misread it, had reminded her that the main road to Spingfield was being repaved and she needed to take the detour toward the west side of Springfield.
Michelle thanked her and parked and ate her sandwich. She began to drive again and remembered to take the detour. She was driving into the downtown area, or business district of Springfield. She almost got into an accident when she slammed the brakes when she saw one particular building. Santos Realty.
This was where Danny worked. She checked her watch. It was after seven o'clock. Danny wouldnt be working this late would he?? She circled the building, despite herself and saw Danny's car. A jet black Mercedes Benz. He had loved that car. He had bought it from a friend in college who had run into some financial difficulties. Danny had mentioned her once before, her name was Erin something or other. There it sat.
Danny was in the building. Could she go up and see him? She circled the building several more times before she gathered the courage to go and find his office. She parked Abby's car and went to the front door. The thought had just occured to her that the building might be locked but when she tested the door, it pulled open.
The builidng was a two story building and she had no idea where to begin looking for Danny's office. She was surprised to see a receptionis still at work. Her name plate said Sonja Ray. She had a pleasant smile and greeted her warmly. "May I help you?" she said.
Michelle walked up to the desk. "Yes, thank you, I am looking for the office of Mr. Santos" she said.
" Do you have an appointment?" she asked.
Michelle was going to answer when she heard a familiar growl "That's alright Sonja, I'll see her" Danny said.
"Come with me" he said and motioned towards the elevator. Together they entered the elevator that would take them to the second floor. It was way too confining in the elevator. Michelle was finding it very difficult to breathe.
Apparantly Danny was having the same trouble because Michelle saw Danny wipe at his brow where some drops of sweat had begun to form.
The elevator opened and Michelle followed Danny to his office. She noticed the shards of glass on the carpet and was careful not to step on any of it. What had happened???
"WOuld you like to sit down?" Danny asked nervously wringing his hands.
"Yes, thank you" Michelle said. She sat down on the comfortable looking sofa and crossed her legs.
Danny averted his eye from her legs and found his voice to speak "Is there something I can do for you Michelle" he asked sardonically.
"No, I was just riding around and saw your car. I wanted to see where you work." she said.
"You mean you wanted to check and see if I had gone legitimate, isn't that right Michelle. Weren't you really checking to see if I was still tied to the underworld??" he said.
"No Danny, I was just driving around. Why are you so ready to think the worst of me??" she asked.
"I think we both know the answer to that" he said . "what do youreally want Michelle.?"
Michelle uncrossed her legs and got up, ready to leave. "I can see this was a mistake. I just wanted to see your office once I saw your car, that's all. If you don't believe me, that's fine. I am sorry I wasted your time" she said turning to leave.
Danny gently grabbed her arm. "Listen Michelle, I'm sorry, it's been an awful day. What would you like to see?" he asked.
" I understand you are now in the real estate business, I saw one of your signs. Is business going well??" she asked
"Yes, but some days its a real bitch, like today" he said. " well" he said uncomfortably " now that youve seen the office....."
Michelle decided to just bite the bullet and say what was on her mind. He needed to know she hadn't deserted him. "Danny, I needed to tell you something" she started to speak. "About the letter Pilar sent......."
"What about it Michelle?" He couldnt do this right now. He had just picked up their wedding photo and put it back in its special place shortly before she had arrived. He still hadn't cleaned up the glass that had shattered from the frame when he had thrown it. "Have you had time to think up a good excuse why you couldn't come to see me on my death bed?" he asked.
"Danny, I didn't know about your injury. You wouldnt let me tell you that last night. I didnt know anyting about it until Abby told me last night. I swear I didn't know" she said.
"Are you trying to tell me my sister lied to me?" he asked.
"I dont know why she told you she had written me, but I never received a letter" she said. She didnt want to bring Pilar's cruel remarks into the conversation right now. " Please believe me Danny, I never got any letter".
Danny didn't know what to think. Could this be true?? Could it be as simple as Michelle didn't know. He didnt know what to do with this information. He had hated her for three years because of her indifference to him. Had she simply not known?? He needed to think.
Michelle saw the confusion on his face. She went to him and knelt before him and took his hands.She looked straight into his face and said " Danny, I would do anything to convince you that I am telling the truth. I didn't know you were hurt, I swear, What can I do to prove it??"
Danny thought long and hard. The silence was deafening until he finally said "You want to prove to me that you never knew I was hurt?" Michelle nodded her head eagerly.
He continued to stare down at her face. The annullment papers were still in his drawer unsigned. He could use those to exact his revenge. They were still married. He could tie her to him again. He wasn't sure whether to believe her tale or not. Pilar wouldn't betray him. She had been the only one who had been there for him night and day when he was delerious with pain. He didnt know what to think, but he knew what to do.
" You really want to prove it to me??" he asked again as he began to unlock the drawer for the second time in three years. Michelle continued to nod her head.
"Okay MIchelle, I will believe you if you do something for me" he said.
"What Danny,anything" she said. He smiled an ungodly smile and produced the papers. "We never were officially annulled Michelle" she said. "In order to prove that you didn't know I was hurt and for me to believe you are sincere, you have to come back and live with me as my wife" he said and Michelle's blood turned cold.
�