David watched the elevator doors close as he and Frank began to descend to the ground level of the hospital.
Why did Frank insist on trying to pay Dietz a visit now? He was so close, so damn close to getting out of here and things just kept popping every time he turned around up to prevent him from getting out of here. Was this fate thumbing its nose at him?
He leant against the back of the elevator and crossed his arms contemplating his next move. Who would he want to go see next, David wondered? Was Frank planning on staying up all night and questioning all of Springfield over this minor little accident? When would he realize that they had bigger fish to fry than Michelle Santos and her woes?
Besides, David thought to himself, Frank didn't know where Dietz lived. Neither did David for that matter. That was his ticket out, he thought. They had no way of knowing how to find Dietz so it didn't matter how much Frank wanted to speak with him tonight. They had little chance of finding out where he lived in such a short period of time. Surely Frank would see how fruitless his efforts of finding Deitz tonight would be. Even Frank would have to admit that tonight's work was over.
He was going to finally be able to meet with Pilar. He had only to make it out of this elevator and into the car and he could finally be on his way to a better life.
David would like to have said he was surprised that the elevator stopped at each floor admitting people with each opening of the automatic doors, but that would not be entirely true, he was not surprised at all. Fate was definitely going to make him work for this.
He could see that this was not going to be easy. His flight from Springfield was going to be filled with unforeseen circumstances and obstacles. First Frank's sudden eagerness to question everybody and their grandmother about Michelle's accident and now half of Springfield was getting on and off the elevator as they were trying to make it down to the main floor one floor at a time.
He tried in vain to disguise his aggravation, but he could tell he was not succeeding. People in the elevator were beginning to stare at him with puzzled looks.
A little tow headed boy that couldn't have been more than seven or eight was watching him with great interest. He stared intensely at the child hoping to intimidate him into breaking his stare but instead, the young lad smiled revealing a mouth full of missing teeth.
"Are you a police guy?" the innocent little fellow asked with wonder on his face. How did the child know he was a cop? He looked down and saw that his jacket was agape and his holster with his gun in it was showing.
He repositioned his jacket to recover the bulge of the firearm but the little boy just continued to stare at him in amazement over having seen the gun that he was carrying.
"Well, are you?" the little boy asked.
"Yeah" David answering curtly which brought about another round of curious stares from the onlookers riding in the elevator with him.
"I like policemen" the little boy began to say and David shook his head in agreement and gave the lad a half smile hoping to pacify him. Now maybe he will be quiet, David thought but he should have known it wasn't going to be that easy.
"I want to be a policeman when I get big" the little boy announced totally unaware of the aggravation he was causing David.
"That's good kid" David said hoping that once he acknowledged him verbally that he would become uninterested and find someone else to bother. No such luck.
"Wanna know why?" the little boy persisted.
Best to play along and get this over with, David thought to himself. The elevator only had 7 more floors to pass before they reached the lobby and he somehow already knew that they were destined to stop at each and every one of them.
"Sure kid, why do you want to be a policeman?" David asked not caring what the answer would be and willing the elevator to hurry up on its journey.
"I want to be a policeman because they are the good guys. A bad man came into our house and tried to hurt my mom and a policeman came and scared him away with his gun. The man runned but the policeman caught him and took him to jail. My mommy is in the hospital now but the doctor said she can come home real soon" he announced and David felt his stomach turn over and thought he was going to be ill.
This little innocent ruffian thought the world was that simple. The good guys against bad guys. The men in the white hats trying to capture the men in the black. Didn't this kid know that the good guys weren't always defined anymore? Didn't he know that you could never tell who the good guys were anymore? Who were the good guys anyway? He had once been a good guy and it hadn't gotten him anywhere. The bad guys still won. The bad guys always seemed to win no matter how hard the good guys fought. The defined white and black had been replaced by shades of gray and even David himself couldn't tell the difference anymore.
This child believed in the good guys though. His world could have been changed irreparably by this one event but a policeman, a good guy, had intervened and now this little guy still had his mother to tuck him into bed each night. Because someone was a good guy, this boy still had his mother to watch him grow up.
Suddenly the confines of the elevator were too constricting. He couldn't breathe. He needed to get out of the elevator and away from the wide-eyed innocence of this youth. He didn't want to be reminded of why he became a policeman in the first place. He didn't want to remember his desire to make a difference and he sure as hell didn't want to recollect that David Grant was once a good guy that was revered in the eyes of little children like this one.
Without even thinking about his next move, David pushed past the child and darted out of the elevator when it stopped at the next floor and turned around and watched the door close. He caught a brief glance of Frank and saw his incredulous look just before the elevator closed and continued it's way down.
He had to get out of Springfield this instant. He had to meet with Pilar and collect his money. He had to get out before he answered the call from within himself that was beckoning him to reacquaint himself with the David who had wanted to change the world.
He never made it to the bottom floor however because try as he might, he couldn't shake the feelings of nausea that swept over him and the next thing he knew, he was perched on his knees in front of a minty smelling hospital toilet bowl, emptying the contents of his stomach.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Reluctantly, Bill gently disengaged Pilar out of his embrace and set her in front of him. It was too dangerous for him to be this close to her. Too many feelings pounced onto him at once reminding him of what they once shared and what they can never hope to have.
She had felt so damn good in his arms again. It was where she belonged although now his arms held another at night.
She stepped back from him and focused her eyes to the ground. What was she thinking? he wondered. Had she felt the same feelings that he had felt while he was holding her? Did she really understand how devastated he had been at her breaking off with him those many years ago?
It was dark and the alley was deserted so it was difficult to see her. He tried to gage her thoughts but she refused to lift her head up to meet his gaze. She continued to stare at her shoes as if she had never seen them before in her life.
"Pilar look at me" Bill said and it was the first time that she had heard his voice since the night that he told her he was going away to college and perhaps they should try to see other people while they were apart.
Pilar tentatively brought her tearstained face up to meet his. He brought his hands up to her face and tenderly brushed his thumb over the tears that were leaking out of her eyes.
He began to speak again and Pilar closed her eyes and absorbed each word that came out of his mouth. He sounded exactly the same as she remembered all those years ago. It was the same voice that she recalled calling her name as they made love and the same voice that haunted her each night in her dreams.
Usually, the pills she took helped to dull the painful memories and she was able to sleep most of the night through, but no amount of pills on this earth would ever be able to dull the pain she felt at having been allowed in his embrace for the briefest of moments and then to remember that he now belonged to another.
"Are you okay now?" Bill asked in a calm, soothing voice.
She nodded her head in answer to his question since she didn't trust her voice not to betray her by revealing the longing that she felt for him.
Bill seemed to accept that she was not going to speak but he was undeterred in that capacity and continued with his line of questioning. "Why did you slap me Pilar?" Bill asked and she merely shrugged her shoulders as his answer.
"Are you still mad at me after all this time?" he asked and again he was rewarded by the same nonchalant shrug in response to his question.
"Okay Pilar" he said. "If that is the way you feel then I have no choice but to accept it but will you at least answer one question for me before I go?" he said and Pilar's expression never changed while he made his appeal. She was still staring at him as if she were made out of stone. Beautiful, priceless stone, but stone nonetheless.
They stood in silence for several minutes before Bill let out a heartfelt sigh and then proceeded. "Pilar, I believe you owe me an answer to my question after all this time," he said and he noted that her expression changed then. It changed very much. She went from being silent and docile to down right livid.
"What do I owe you Bill?" Pilar spewed. "Huh? You are the one who went off to college and married someone else and had a family, not me. So what do I owe you? Nothing, that is what I owe you" she said answering her own question.
"You owe me an answer Pilar" Bill continued. " You have owed me an answer for the last three years" he said distantly and that seemed to make Pilar even angrier.
"I don't owe you anything Bill" she spat. "Not after the way you treated me" she said and cursed herself for allowing the hurt in her voice to show.
She wanted to be cool and aloof and pretend as though his presence here didn't matter to her but the truth was she just now realized how much she still loved him after seeing him in the diner where she was supposed to meet David Grant.
David Grant. He was coming to give her the incriminating book that held her name. The book that would guarantee she went to jail for a long time if it got into the wrong hands. The book that she had had a man killed over.
She looked up at the man that she still loved and wondered what he would think of the deplorable woman she had become. He would be very disappointed that she hadn't been able to go forward after their break up as he had. She had to keep him from finding out just how vile she had become.
She definitely had to keep her true feelings for him hidden at all costs. He had gone on with his life and she couldn't allow him to see the pitiful excuse for a human being she had become without him. The only chance she had of not totally breaking down in front of him depended upon her acting as if she didn't give a damn that he had returned.
Bill stood there for a moment and watched her defiantly straighten her back and spread her feet apart in a combative stance. The fire was back in her eyes, he noticed. The fire that he had loved to put in those eyes but not by stroking her anger.
She had the same fire in her eyes now as when they had made love, he remembered. He remembered the way he would completely lose the inability to even think straight when she looked at him with that fire in his eyes.
She had been a virgin the first time they had made love and he hadn't been much more than one himself, his one sexual experience being fleeting and uneventful and he had trouble even remembering the girl's name.
He and Pilar had introduced each other to the wonders of making love together. Each time they were together, they gained more confidence and soon they knew each other's bodies as well as they knew their own.
They had delighted in each other and it had been hard on Bill when the time had come for him to leave for college. He remembered thinking that the time apart would only help them to grow closer but she had had reservations about their separation from the day she found out that he was leaving and she had begged him to let her come with him.
He had told her that he didn't think it would be a good idea since he would have trouble concentrating on his studies if she was around but he had changed his mind and decided to come and get Pilar and ask her to come with him. She was the most important thing to him and they would find a way to make it work together. He had purchased a ring and had gone over to the Santos house with the intention of asking Pilar to marry him and come with him.
He remembered bounding up the front steps with the ring in his pocket and a proposal of marriage on his lips but that was where they would stay. He never got to see Pilar that night and instead had been whisked into Carmen's study and told that Pilar had no desire to ever see him again and he was not welcome in their house again.
He hadn't believed Carmen at first and when she had tried to buy him off, he had left disgusted with the entire Santos family and considered himself lucky to have found out what he would have married into beforehand.
He had gone to college and tried in vain to forget Pilar and the day he received that letter, was the day that he said good-bye to Pilar forever and put aside his plans to one day return to Springfield for her.
He had never truly forgotten her and he had been truthful with Karen about Pilar from day one. She didn't mind too much since he came home to her every night and provided a good life for her and Champ. He was faithful and good to her and she had no reason to complain, so she didn't.
He realized he had not yet received his answer and he would be damned if he went back home without her answering his question. He had spent the last three years asking himself that same question and it was time he got his answer.
"You owe me a lot Pilar" Bill answered. "You owe me an explanation of why I had to live the rest of my life wondering why you left me" and there was no mistaking the look of shock that overtook Pilar.
"What" was all she could manage to say.
"Don't play dumb with me Pilar" Bill said not trying to hide his agitation. She had no idea what he had gone through those first months at college without her and then he received that damn letter. How dare she play dumb about this? He could handle just about anything but that. She was not going to dismiss this with her wide-eyed innocent act. It was too damned important to him and his mental well being.
"I am not playing dumb Bill," she said and for a second he found himself believing her. She had never lied to him before.
"Then explain all of this to me please," Bill said. "Explain the letter you typed out on Santos letterhead telling me to take a hike. Explain why you didn't have the decency to tell me you didn't want to marry me in person. What's the matter Pilar, haven't you ever heard of a telephone? Wonderful invention. You should try to use it sometime. Much more effective than letterwriting for those occasions when you need to break someone's heart and not look back" he said snidely and he made no effort to disguise his hurt.
Pilar was flabbergasted. What was he talking about? What letter? She never sent any letter. Besides, she should be the one yelling at him after finding that blonde tart in his room with no top on. She had said they were studying and unless they had been studying female anatomy, Pilar didn't buy it for one second.
She was the injured party here not him and she would be damned if she would allow him to turn this around on her and blame her for everything that had happened. She had never sent him any letter breaking up with him and telling me no to his propos..............
Had he said marriage proposal? He had never actually proposed marriage to her but they had talked often about getting married one day and talked about what their children would look like. Would they have blonde hair or brown? Brown eyes or blue? Things every young couple in love talked about. But he had never officially asked her to marry him. Why was he talking like he had?
"Nice try Bill" Pilar said. "Very clever of you to try to put this all on me when you were the one who forgot about me and took up with the blonde bimbo just a couple of weeks after you went to school. Don't bother trying to deny it either, because I saw it with my own eyes" she said.
"What are you talking about Pilar" Bill asked. "I was never with any blonde girl in my room. My roommate Kyle had a blonde girlfriend and they sometimes used the room while I was at the library studying. That had to be what you saw Pilar because I never betrayed your memory until I met Karen" he said and saw Pilar's expression change from angry to pained.
"I am sorry Pilar for all that has happened to us but when you broke off with me without so much of an explanation, I just had nowhere to turn and Karen was there and well, one thing sort of led to another and then she got pregnant......."
"By herself?" Pilar snapped. "Oh come on Bill. This is a bunch of bull and you know it."
"No, Pilar it isn't" he said in a much calmer tone. "I am telling you the truth. I came after you the night before I was to leave for college with an engagement ring in my pocket and I was going to ask you to marry me, but your mother said you didn't want to see me again. I left for school with the full intentions of coming back for you but then got a letter typed on Santos letterhead telling me that you wished to have no further contact with me. I was crushed. What could I do? I know it is no excuse but I was so devastated that you could just break up with me with a letter that I thought that you never really loved me to begin with and then when I met Karen...." he said and his voice trailed off.
Pilar could not believe what she was hearing. Bill had not betrayed her. He had wanted to marry her and had come after her and she hadn't known.
She had spent these last years trying to make everyone in her path as miserable as she was. She blamed Bill's departure for her downfall but if she were to be truthful with herself, she would know that it was her own fault that she had become the monster that she was and it was too late to go back now. Much too late.
She looked at Bill for what seemed like an eternity, memorizing each feature on his handsome face that had taken on the characteristics of a man instead of the boy she had fallen in love with. She etched into her memory the look on his face at this very moment. The look of hope and of the look of resignation. He had come here for answers and she could give him none. She couldn't let him find out what had happened to the girl he had once loved enough to want to spend the rest of his life with.
She would forever feed off the memories that he hadn't left her but had loved her and she prayed that that could somehow make a difference in her life and she could somehow change the direction in which she was heading. It was too late for them since he had moved on with another woman but it might not be too late for her. It might not be too late to find the girl that Bill Lewis had fallen in love with all those years ago and it might not be too late to keep her from self destructing.
Without another word, Pilar kissed Bill on the cheek and said. "I love you" and then turned and ran into the night with the sound of Bill's voice calling her echoing in her ears.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Someone had been in his house, Dietz thought as he switched on the kitchen light. He sensed it the moment he opened the door.
He was supposed to meet Pilar today but he had gotten sidetracked by Michelle's accident. He wondered where Pilar was now. He had to tell her that he was unable to secure the book for her and that he knew she had taken a shot at Michelle.
He was going to keep a close eye on the situation with Michelle and Danny. They had gotten some bad breaks lately and it was time that things started going their way and he would do whatever he could to help make that happen.
He took the bullet that he had pilfered out of Michelle's car and examined it again. Pilar hadn't planned her little hunting excursion very well. He recognized this casing from one of the guns that had been locked up in the gun cabinet at the Santos house. He knew about all of the firearms in that house. He had personally inventoried each and every piece when he had worked there.
He needed to get this into his lockbox. This was evidence and he could get into a lot of trouble if Frank Cooper found out he had it but he felt like he needed to hold on to it for awhile. When the time came, he would confront Pilar with it and make her come clean. He was going to make her admit what she had done and own up to her part in this whole fiasco.
He walked back into his bedroom and had the same feeling that he had in the kitchen. The feeling that someone had been in here recently. He would bet his next cup of coffee that it was Pilar.
She had probably gotten tired of waiting for him and had decided to come looking for the book herself. Nothing seemed to be missing but this was not going to go unanswered. She had crossed a line by breaking into his house and he would make sure she understood that he wasn't going to allow her to take such liberties again.
He secured the bullet into his lock box and walked into the bathroom. He needed a shave before he went back to the hospital. He filled the sink half way up with water and got out his razor and shaving lotion. He pulled the bottle of pills that he took for his high blood pressure and shook out two and laid them on the sink.
He finished shaving and filled the glass he kept on the sink with water and tossed the pills into his mouth and washed them down with the water totally unaware that his blood pressure medicine had been replaced by Pilar earlier that evening when she had made her second uninvited entrance into his house.