This was not how Michelle thought this evening would end. She got up and went into the bathroom to dry her eyes. She had spent the better part of an hour crying over what had just happened.
She had had no idea how deep Danny's emotional scars went. He had thought she was turned off by his scars. He couldn't have been further from the truth.
She decided that now was as good a time as any to unpack. Jimmy had put her bags in the closet earlier, probably when she and Danny were having their dinner.
She put up her clothes in the closet. He had made room for her stuff. All of his stuff had been moved to one side to allow her access. That simple gesture alone was so sweet that it threatened to make her cry once more.
She got her cosmetics next. She didnt have a vanity table in here so she decided to put them in the medicine cabinet. She opened it and was so shocked to see all the pill bottles. She had thought he was weaned off of most of this medication. She looked over the stock taking note as to what each one was for. There was Lauracet. Wow, that was a heavy duty pain medication.It was so strong that you had to make sure you ate a huge meal before you took it so it wouldnt eat the lining of your stomach.
There was more, some topical ointments for the burns, some solution for his eye and some for the inflammation in his joints. Probably for his hip she thought. She methodically began to put her notions in with his.
Her lotions, her perfumes, her dental floss and her birth control pills. She had been taking them for the last 2 years because of an irregularity with her period. The pills had helped to regulate her system again and they would come in handy if she and Danny ever did get to consummate their marraige.
She finished putting away all of her things. She was thirsty. She decided to go to the kitchen and get some water. She put on her robe and started out the door. She had barely gotten the door open when she heard a strange sound.
What was it?? It didnt sound human. It sounded like something wailing. She started down the hall to investigate the noise.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Danny closed his eyes tight and willed away the pain. It was worse than usual tonite. He shouldnt have lifted Michelle up and carried her to the bedroom but she barely weighed a hundred pounds and he had wanted so badly to carry her to their bedroom like any normal man would carry the woman they loved.
It had put too much strain on his hip. The bones felt like they were grinding together. It felt like red hot needles were being poked into his hip. His pain medicine was in the cabinet and he would be damned if he went back through that bedroom to get it. He would just tough this episode of pain out. If only it didnt hurt so bad....
Sweat was running down his body. He had thrown the silk pajamas in the trash. What had he been thinking?Did he think he looked suave or debonair in them? He was a freak and he knew he was, he needed to accept that and stop trying to be something he wasn't.
He thrashed about the sheets getting them wet. He tried the trick that Susan had taught him about remembering a wonderful memory in his life. He immediately brought the one to mind that he always used.
It was their wedding day. Michelle came down the aisle like a vision walking on a cloud. She was his. She was coming to him. They were going to spend their lives together. She looked up at him and smiled. They said there vows never taking their eyes off of each other. She pledged to love him forever, and he did the same. They kissed and danced, danced and kissed. She loved him.He loved her.Their future was nothing but bright.
Except that wasnt exactly how it had happened. That was Danny's dream though and it had gotten through many a painful night.
Reality set in then. The truth of the matter was that wedding was a farce, she had looked scared to death of him, had told him she loved Jesse and had turned him into the FBI. He was a broken man thrashing about naked in an empty bed resurrecting memories that had only existed in his mind. She doesnt love him, never had loved him and in fact never will love him. That painful truth hurt worse than the excruciating pain his hip was giving him. "She doesnt love me, doesnt love me" he repeated in a chant and that was when Michelle walked in.
Michelle had followed the sound to this bedroom.This must be Danny's bedroom she thought. She opened the door and saw him squirming about on the bed saying someone didnt love him. She didnt need to be a rocket scientist to figure out who he was talking about.
She went to him and felt his head. It was damp with sweat. His eye looked tortured. He slept with the bandage on even though as a doctor she knew that he should let some air get to it every now and again.
He was in pain. She ran to the back to the bathroom and got a cloth and ran it under some cold water. She grabbed his pain medicine and calculated how long ago it had been since they had eaten. He should have enough on his stomach still to be able to take this now. She grabbed two of the pills and ran back to his room. She set them down and ran back to get some water.
Danny had rolled over onto his stomach now but he was in no less agony. He had his face buried into the pillow to stifle his moans. Michelle couldnt stand seeing him this way.
"Danny, here, please sit up if you can. I brought your medicine" she said and he had a look of hope in his eye.
"Come on, help me" she said and he began to sit up. She got the pills and water and helped him swallow.
"It's okay Danny, I'm here," she said and she meant it. She couldnt leave him. He needed her whether he realized it or not. She was the source of most of his misery, she wouldnt desert him.
His arms reached around and he buried his head in her bosom. "Hurts" he said.
"I know Danny I know. Let the medicine do its work. Relax, soon it will be over" she said all the while praying that what she was telling him was true. One thing she had found out since she had been back with Danny was that sometimes she just didnt know what she told patients was true. She had felt bad for people when she was in Oregon and she would say the things she thought the patient needed to hear. Now with Danny she realized she just didnt know. She prayed what she was saying was true. It hit too close to home when the man that you loved had been in pain for three years and would be for many more. She would do anything to relieve this pain.
He had been calling for her like this when he was in the hospital and she hadn't been there. She could never make up for not being there for him then because she simply hadnt known, but she vowed she would be here for him from now on.
She held him until his breathing started to sound less tortured. "Stay with me" he pleaded and she nodded her head yes.
She slipped into the bed with him and put her arms around him. It was then she felt the scars. They were jagged and they were numerous. She caressed the scar that ran from his chest to his pelvis area.
Danny started to calm down and soon he was asleep. The pain that was etched on his face had subsided some. Michelle began to hum to him then. Amazing Grace was the only thing that came to mind and soon she heard Danny snoring gently.
He had made it through this episode with her help. So help her, she would be here for him through any more that may come.
She was lost. She couldnt leave him now for anything. Like it or not Danny Santos was stuck with her and one way or another she would find a way to make it work, or she would die trying.