Danny could barely see to drive through his tears. The rental car was one on those high performance cars and he felt like putting his foot down and pushing it to the limit. He wanted to hang his head out of the window and scream at the world.
She was going to die. She had told him herself with her eyes. He and Federico had visited with her and he knew. Federico knew also. Danny had spent a few minutes with her and then relinquished the rest of the time to his uncle. Grandmother needed to spend time with her only remaining child.
They had spoken with the doctor who had assured them that she wasn't in any pain but they shouldn't expect to find her lucid for very much longer. She would simply slip quietly into a coma and then her body would do the rest.
Danny had left then. He had turned around and walked out of the hospital. Pilar had attempted to stop him but he had waved her off. He had felt the tears then. Tears for his dear grandmother.
He didn't want to lose her but she had looked like she wanted to go. She had been separated from grandfather and papa and she looked like she was ready to be reunited with them. He felt selfish wishing her here with him on this earth, her body racked with pain, when she was ready to let go. He was glad of the fact that if indeed a decision would have to be made concerning grandmother, that he wouldnt have to be the one to make it. He was just selfish enough where she was concerned to keep her here with him even if she wanted to go.
The doctor had told him that they had hoped to at least get the tube out of her throat later today so she could say goodbye if she were coherant enough. Danny prayed for that one last opportunity. If he had to lose her and it looked like he was going to, he wanted to at least get to say goodbye first.
He drove around for awhile. He stopped at a pay phone and dialed Michelle's number. He just needed to hear her voice, he wasn't planning on talking to her. He let it ring and after three rings, the answering machine picked up. He heard Michelle's angel voice tell him to leave a message at the tone.
He didn't leave one. He just shut his eyes and leaned his head against the glass of the phone booth.
God, he missed Michelle. He wanted to be with her so bad. He couldn't stand the separation that was forced upon them.
Was she still sick?? He hadn't asked Pilar and he didnt even know that answer to that. His world had been turned over several times in the last 72 hours. He had found out Michelle had been sick, made love to Michelle, saw Dietz die, found out Carmen wasn't his real mother, found out Dietz was Micks father and now his beloved grandmother was going to die.
This was just like a plot out of one of those dime store novels. It was too unbelievable not to be true. He started thinking about his real mother then. Teressa was her name, Federico had said.
Danny wondered what happened to her. Was she still alive? Who would know? He couldn't ask his grandmother and he wouldn't ask Carmen, at least not yet. There was a day of reckoning coming for Carmen Santos, but first he had to get everything else taken care of.
Had his real mother wanted to keep him? Federico had said that she had been bought off, but Danny knew how Carmen Santos worked. He was sure there were some threats and intimidation tactics involved in her giving him up. She hadn't had a choice he was sure of that.
He was very curiuos about this woman. He didnt hate her. He knew she was a victim. Anyone who got involved with the Santos' were victims in one way or the other. Hell, he felt like a victim himself. He wanted to see if she were still alive. He would work on that later.
He had been so shocked at first to find out the truth about Carmen but in actuality the more he thought about it, the more he realized it didn't upset him. Carmen had always wanted to be in control of him and had used her status as his mother to make him do things he hadn't wanted to do, including giving up Michelle. She would no longer have any hold on him whatsover.
He didn't feel guilty about bringing her down anymore. She had turned her own children against her. He didnt feel one ounce of remorse for what he was going to do to bring her down.
Carmen had had Dietz killed, he was certain. She could add that to the list of sins that Danny would make sure that she atoned for. Pilar had also mentioned that Carmen hadnt wanted to call the ambulance when they had found their grandmother unconcious.
So help him, if his grandmother died because she didnt get help in time, Carmen would wish she had never been born.
He looked at his watch. He'd better get back to the hospital. It wouldnt be long before it would be visiting hours again. Carmen hadn't gotten to go in yet and Danny would make sure it stayed that way. She wasnt going anywhere near his grandmother. He would make sure Pilar got to go this time. He had an awful feeling it would be the last time and he prayed he had the strength to hold it together in front of his grandmother.
He made it back to the hospital and headed straight for the coffee. Pilar had noticed he'd been crying and she came to stand by him. Bill said he was going to make a phone call and would be back. Danny almost stopped BIll to ask him to Call Michelle and find out how she was doing but he didn't.
As much as he needed Michelle and wanted to be with her, he was needed here. Damn, he thought, what else was going to happen to keep them apart.
Bill returend a few minutes later and walked over to where they were standing.
"I called Michelle to tell her about your grandmother" Bill said without preamble.
Danny nodded his haed acknowledging that he haerd Bill. He didnt know what to do about that piece of information. He wanted to see her badly, and God knew how much he needed her by his side, but he couldnt risk her being around Carmen. She was dangerous and there was no telling what she was capable of.
A thought popped in his mind and he willed it away. He hoped she didnt want to come up here. Oh no. Please God tell me that isnt what she is going to do.
"What did she say?" Danny asked and he didnt care if anyone heard the longing in his voice.
"She said she is coming up here" Bill said.
"Damn it no, Bill" Danny said. "No, are you crazy? Why didnt you tell you not to come? What does she want to come up here for?"
"She said she wanted to be here for Pilar and you. Besides she said your grandmother was the only person in that house who had shown her any kindness while she had lived there. She wants to pay her respects. Why dont you want her here?" Bill asked.
Danny looked at Bill. He couldnt believe he had just asked that stupid question. Federico was the only person who knew he hadnt gone to California as planned. As far as Bill and Pilar and even Michelle were concerned, he had left to start his life over. Start over without Michelle.
"Look Danny" Bill said. "I know it would be hard for you to see her again, but you know once she gets an idea in her head...... Bill never got to finish his sentence.
Danny left and went to the nearest phone. He got out his wallet and fished out his calling card. He dialed Michelles number.
"Bauer residence, Michelle speaking" he heard her say.
"Hey Michelle" he said.
"Hi" she said breathlessly. "How are you? I was just getting ready to come up there" she laughed. "Another five minutes and you would have missed me"
"Well Michelle, you can get unready because I dont want you to come up here" he said.
Michelle couldn't believe her ears and she couldn't stop the instant stinging on the backs of her eyelids. "Why" she mananged to say.
"Look I appreaciate you wanting to be here for Pilar and....and I know you liked grandmother and she liked you...and ....well its just not a good idea" he stammered.
"Do the Santos' own that hospital?" she asked. Where in the world had that come from?
"Pardon me" Danny asked surprised.
"I said Do the Santos own that hospital?" she said.
"Well no Michelle, you know we.......he said and she cut him off.
"Well then, since it is a public hospital, then I guess you cant really stop me, now can you? she said.
"Michelle please, listen to me" he pleaded. "It really isn't a good idea. Will you please trust me on this? Anyway Pilar told me you had been sick. Are you better?" he asked all the while wondering if she remembered their night together.
"Yes, I am better. I woke up yesterday morning feeling like a new person" she said.
Yesterday morning Danny's mind registered. She had begun feeling better yesterday morning. The morning after they had made love. Oh God, what did she remember???
"Good, Im glad" he said distantly.
"Oh, Danny, did you hear about Dietz?" Michelle asked. If Danny knew then that meant he had gotten Pilar's email and if he had gotten Pilar's email then............
"Yeah,"he said "Pilar told me. It's awful" he said. Its also another reason you cant come up here he thought to himself.
Michelle nearly dropped the phone. He had gotten Pilar's email so it meant he had read hers also. He had said he didn't want her to come up there. That was Danny's way of telling her he had read her email but didn't feel the same way. She had already checked her email and there had been no response.
Well she had her answer and she had promised herself that she would accept it, no matter what it was. She just hadn't been prepared for how much it would hurt.
She would maintain her dignity though. She took a deep breath and said. "Okay Danny, if you think its for the best, I won't come. Give Pilar and your grandmother my love" and then she hung up the phone.
Danny was left staring at the pay phone wondering what the hell had happened.
* * * * * * * * * * *
I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry Michelle chanted. She had not been prepared for the flood of emotions that had descended upon her. He didn't love her. Now she knew. She had foolishly hoped that he had, but she was wrong again. She felt sick again. All the progress she had made the last two days was in jeopardy. She would not mope. She would not slink into a depression again. She was Michelle Bauer and she would survive.
Wouldnt she???
* * * * * * * * * * *
Danny was interupted from his thougts about Michelle by the intercom annoucing visiting hours were about to begin.
Danny decided to think about what happened with Michelle just now later. He was completely confused by her change of tone and eagerness to hang up. He hadn't been abrasive to her, of that he was sure.
Federico took both Danny and Pilar up with him this time. He knew is was against the rules, but hee didn't carea They each needed to say goodbye to their grandmother. Ray had called earlier and had said he was on his way. It didnt look like he was going to make it in time.
They went in together adn Danny and Federico stood back in the corner as Pilar had her time alone with grandmother. They had taken the tube out as promised so that she could speak.
"Pilar" she managed to say although it was very weak and you had to very close in order to hear.
"Yes, grandmother it's me" Pilar said between sobs. Pilar had lost the battle to squelch her tears.
Grandmother reached out to touch her face. "So beautiful? she said.
"Thank you grandmother" Pilar said. "I love you"
That made grandmother Santos smile. "Love you peanut" she said. Pilar totally dissolved into tears at thr sound of her nickname her grandmother had given her so long ago.
Federico stepped over and took Pilar into his arms. He moved away and motioned with his head for Danny to go next.
Danny had to fight hard to keep his own tears in check. "Hey gorgeous" he said. "I snuck in some chocolate. Feel up to some" and she smiled again.
"Daniel" she said "my Daniel" Her breathing was becoming very labored and Danny was getting scared.
"Danny, get Michelle" she said.
"I can't grandmother, Michelle's in Springfield. I talked to her earlier. She sends her love" he said. Michelle had sent her love to her and to Pilar, but not to him. He pushed the thought to the back of his mind.
"Daniel" she said. "You get Michelle" and Danny understood her meaning. She wanted him to go back to Michelle.
"I will grandmother, I will. Now don't talk. I want to tell you how much I love you. I am gonna miss you so much. Give papa a kiss for me when you see him" he said and brushed his cheek with the back of his hand.
"Daniel, wil......" she started to say.
"Yes, grandmother, I will" he said, "I promise"
"No, Daniel........will......" she was struggling for every word now.
"I love you grandmother" he said and bent down to kiss her. She reached and grabbed his hand and tugged.
"What grandmother" Danny asked. "Federico is here. He wants to see you, God bless, I love you"
"Daniel...will" she said and dropped her hand. Dannyhad to get out of here now. He went into the hall and collapsed against the wall and slid down to the floor. Pilar came out and sat down beside him.
"Grandmother wants you to be with Michelle" she said.
"I know" was all Danny said.
"You know Michelle asked Bill if you were coming back to Springfield when she found out about Dietz" she said.
"How did she know about that?" he asked.
"She read it in the paper. She called Bill and I was over there. She asked if I thought you were coming home. Bill told her about my email and said she told him to tell her if you answered it" she said.
"Michelle wanted to know when I answered your email?" he said. "Why would she want to know that?" he asked.
"I dont know Danny. I just know grandmotehr wants you and Michelle together and so do I" she said.
"I know peanut, but things are complicated. Sometimes love just doesnt conquer all" he said.
"Yeah but Danny, I heard you promise grandmother that you would go after Michelle. Are you going to go back to California Danny?" she asked.
"I dont know. Not right now anyway. Someone has to see about Dietz's arrangements and then there's grandmother..." his voice trailed off.
Pilar and Danny sat in the hall in silence for fifteen more minutes until Federico came out of his mothers room. He didnt have to tell them, they knew by the look on his face.
Pilar began to scream and clutched Danny and cried into his shirt. He held her tight and they shared their grief together.
He wanted Michelle. He wanted her to hold him the way that he was holding Pilar. Why had she been so insistant on Pilar calling her when he replied to her email? Everything had happened so fast and he hadnt even had time to read his mail.
Oh well, that could wait. He had lost his grandmother. He needed to go tell the rest of the family what had happened, then he would call Michelle. He would do that in private though. He would make sure Bill didn't call her first . It was something he had to do and if she asked to come up here this time, he would say yes.