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The elevator dinged signaling Danny's arrival on the designated floor. His stomach was in knots, something he had not counted on. He was afreid of her reaction now. It wouldnt help the situation if they got into a fight. He was still a little miffed at the way she had ducked him at the wedding and then made the journey by herself.
The truth was, even though it was the worse possible timing in the world for Michelle to interupt his wedding, he didnt want her to have to do this by herself. She had done it once before alone and if it had hurt her to file the papers nearly as much as it had hurt him to receive them, then he didnt want her to go throught it a second time alone. He would help her through this painful process and then they would both be able to move on with their lives.
What had she been doing the last year? Danny thought. She looked good. She looked like she had been moving forward. He was glad, he had been so worried about her getting better and it looked like she had.
He had watched her closely the other day when little seashell had handed her that flower after she had interupted the ceremony.
Her face had smiled as she thanked the little sweetie, but in her eyes Danny had seen the pain. He knew what she had been thinking. She had been thinking of Will. He hoped she didnt think he was trying to replace Will with anyone else. Maybe they could really talk while they were down here alone. Maybe they could put Will to rest together, without anger and without fear.
It had been a year. Would time have helped Michelle the way that he hadn't been able to? He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he had not realized the door had shut again and the elevator was making its way back down to the main floor. He would have to take it back up again once it had finished its descent. He waited patiently for the elevator to stop then he pushed the button again.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Michelle had decided against ordering room service. She saw some street vendors selling those sausages with onions that she loved so much. She would step out and get one and then take a walk on the beach. She would call Mr. Wallace when she returned to let him know she had arrived. Maybe she could talk him into moving up their appointment to tomorrow. She wanted to get his over with as soon as possible.
She had finally managed to wake up each morning and have a purpose. She had found her sanctuary in the hospital. She had changed her specialty to pediatrics. She was starting her work in the neonatal ward next month. She had been terrified of whether she was going to be able to handle the rotation or not with Will's death still being so fresh in her mind.
She had talked with Jan her supervisor about her concerns. She had been very understanding and had suggested they go fo coffee and talk. She had taken Jan up on her offer and had ended up talking with her for over three hours. She had told her all about Will and what she had done to push Danny away.
Jan had been the first person she had confided any of this in. Abby and Rick had tried on numerous occasions to get her to talk but she hadn't. She knew how worried they had been about her and she knew how deep she had delved into her misery. That misery had cost her Danny.
Danny. Her mind went back to him. He was going to be so mad at her when he found out she had come by herself against his wishes. He would thank her afterwards thougth when she presented him with his freedom for real this time. he could proceed with his plans to marry Amelia.
She chased away the sadness she felt at the thought of Danny marrying Amelia. Would Amelia be good to Danny? Would she love him? Would she massage his neck and shoulders when he had had a long day? Would she chastise him for biting his fingernails? Would she cook him his favorite meals? Would she make love to him sweetly and tenderly.........
She shook her head to rid herself of the tormenting images. She had thought of Danny and Amelia a lot since she had seen the other woman. It had been easier knowing Danny was going to remarry when she hadn't seen the person. But now she had a face to go with the name of his new bride.
A very beautiful face at that. Amelia was everything that Michelle was not. She was cool and sophisticated and Michelle felt sure that if she ever smiled, her fae would surely crack. She matched Danny in stature and color. They looked stunning together. Michelle was sure they fit together much better then she and Danny ever did. He wouldn't have to bend down to kiss her or to dance with her and they probably fit well when they made love...
She was doing it again. She was going to have to stop this before everything that she had accomplished these last few months, took a nose dive.
Michelle had caught a glimpse of Danny when he had been saying his vows to Amelia. He had really said them. Michelle could still hear his voice saying those vows ringing in her ears.
He hadn't been smiling she noticed. When he had said his vows, her heart had stopped or at least she had wished it had. He was pledging to love Amelia just as he had to love her on the day that they had been married.
Amelia had been gushing when she had pledged to love Danny forever. She was disgusted with herself for the jealousy that ate at her when she recalled the events she had witnessed in that church. She had not been strong enough to fight for Danny and the only way she knew to make up for her pushing him away was to let him pursue his life with Amelia. The one that included those darling little girls.
Michelle had never seen two sweeter looking children. The littlest one had grinned at her when she had given her the flower and Michelle had felt her heart turn over. The older one was very bright, Michelle could tell. She had heard her call him Uncle Danny. They had already claimed him into their little world.
She had wondered how he had felt about including the little darlings in his life. Seashell was only a year or so older than Will would have been now. Did he wonder what Will would be like at that age? Did he wonder about Will at all? Did hearing himself being called uncle suffice for the fact that he would never hear Will call him daddy??
Would Danny have children with Amelia or would he let the preciuos neices fill his heart? What would he and Amelia's children look like??
Why was she doing this to herself? She had made all the mistakes. It was her own fault. She had given him up willingly because she was not able to see anything but her own suffering.
Carmen must be having a field day with this, she thought. She could hear her now. "It's all that Bauer girl's fault". She had blamed Michelle for everything that had ever gone wrong while she had been married to Danny. Danny didnt know it, but she had even overheard Carmen blame her for Will's being born too early and his subsequent death.
The doctor had told Michelle everything was fine but she should slack off on some of her duties around the hospital. Michelle had done as he suggested but had signed up for an extra class so she would have that out of the way by the time Will was born. It was just a class, she had told herself. It couldnt hurt.
She had even run the idea by her doctor who had said it was fine, just to not take on too much. She had been studying one evening at the library while Danny was on a business dinner with his mother and some clients, when the labor had started. Terrified and alone, she had tried to call Danny only to get Carmen. She had told her what was happening and Carmen had informed her that Danny had gone to the lounge with one of the clients and she would see if she could find him.
She had waited twenty minutes for Danny to call her back and when it became apparant that he was not going to call her, she had tried to drive herself to the hospital. She should have called for an ambulance but she really thought she could get to the hospital quicker if she went ahead instead of having to wait for the ambulance to arrive. He water had broken during the ride to the hospital and Michelle had known that Will was in trouble.
She had had to pull off the side of the road then. The pain was too intense. If she hadnt have gotten help when she did, Will would have been born right there in the car. She had tried Danny's cell number again and there was no answer and Michelle had to push back the thought that Carmen was deliberately not giving Danny her message.
She had gotten in touch with Rick and had given him her location. Luckily she had not been very far from the hospital but it had not been enough to save Will and she had foolishly believed at the time that it was her fault and because of her careless behavior Will had been born too early. Danny hadnt gotten the message about her being in labor until Will had already been born. He had come flying into the hospital room and knelt down by her bed. He had begged her forgiveness for missing his son's birth and not being there for her. He had just been told about her being in labor, he had explained. He had taken her shaking hand and held it against his cheek and together they had waited until they could hear for word about Will.
Carmen had come to the hospital with Danny but he had told her to wait in the waiting area and he would keep her posted. They had had to wait several hours before the pediatrician on call had come in with the grim news. Will was too sick to make it. Michelle had begged them to try everything they could. She was a doctor, she knew of miracles being performed every day. Her doctor had also reminded her that her being a doctor should also make her aware of how grave the situation really was. The odds of a baby being born in its 28th week were just too high against him and he also had the added complication of her water breaking in the car. It just didn't look hopeful he had said.
The doctor side of Michelle had known what he had said was true, but the mother in her had begged for a miracle. Will was her miracle. Will was the thing to bring Danny back to her. He had been so distant while trying to legitamize the business. Will would make them a family again. When he had died, so had their chance of staying together.
She remembered the look on Danny's face when they had first brought them in to see Will. His swift intake of breath matched her own feelings. They both had stared down at the beautiful, tiny version of Danny. Will was the exact replica of this father, from his head full of brown curls to his sweet little mouth. They hadnt been prepared for how small he was and they were just adjusting to that fact when Michelle had heard Carmen's voice.
Somehow she had found her way back into this isolated part of the nursery.Danny had gone to tell her to leave. She had gotten louder and louder and said that she had a right to see her own grandson. Danny had taken her by the arm and was physically escorting her out of the area and informing her of how sick Will was and she was only making things worse. Carmen had seemed genuinely sad that Will was not going to make it and then Michelle heard it. Carmen didn't think she could hear and she doubted Danny knew she had heard, but she had. Carmen had said that it was Michelle's fault her grandson was born too early.
Danny had taken her out then. Michelle never asked what he had done with her because she had been too busy believing the lies that Carmen had said. Carmen had said the extra classes she had selfishly took to further her career was the reason Will was born early.
It had taken her several months after Will's death and the divorce from Danny for Michelle to finally realize that it wasn't her fault. Will had been born early for no other reason than it was God's will. With that acceptance came the ability to finally put Will in her heart instead of her grief.
She had even packed up Will's baby things and given them to the local children's shelter. She had been surprised when Danny had agreed to the divorce only if she kept the house they had bought together. He had moved back in with his mother. There, in the house they had lived in as husband and wife, she was able to put Will to rest. She had even painted his room one Saturday, alone. She had cried the entire time but they were cleansing tears. It was that day that she had felt the call to change her specialty to pediatrics. She would work in an area where she could help babies like Will. It was Will himself that had given her that purpose.
She made herself travel back into the present. If she was going to get her dinner she had better get a move on. She walked out into the hall and waited for the elevator to come up to her floor. He stomach was grumbling for the treat she had been thinking about. Deciding the elevator would take too long to make it's acsent to this floor, she turned around and headed for the stairs instead.
*********************
Carmen Santos was not a happy woman. Sometimes her son's complete and total lack of sound judgment astounded her. He didnt get that from her side of the family, that was for sure. His feelings for the little imp Michelle had gotten him to fly off to the Dominican Repubic. She only hoped it was to supervise the divorce proceeding and that his heart wasn't overuling his head again.
Divorcing Danny was the only smart thing that Bauer girl had ever done. She knew Michelle had kept Santos as her last name but she would always be that Bauer girl to Carmen Santos.
What was her idiot son thinking? He had a prefectly acceptable, handpicked by his mother, bride waiting for him. She was everything Danny needed in a wife.
She had breeding, sophistication and poise. She understood the way the business worked and wouldnt harp on him trying to change and she certianly wouldnt go chasing after a career. Marrying Danny and having his children was her number one priority and the sooner the better. She needed to make sure the Santos name didnt end with Danny.
Federico had only had daughters, cousin Ray wouldnt be fathering any children in this lifetime and Mick was gone. Again, thanks to Michelle Bauer.
That made two Santos that Michelle Bauer had killed. She had killed her darling Mick and she had killed her grandson William, she had refused to call him Will. William was the continuation of the Santos line and Michelle Bauer had put her so called career before his well being.
Her career had been more important to her than Danny or William and that had ultimately let her caused her to lose them both.
She had to take action. If Danny had followed Michelle down to that squalid little country then anything could happen. She knew of the foolish love Danny had had for Michelle. She had felt that way about Danny's father, but in this case it would only be destructive again.
Amelia was what Danny needed. He hadn't been hard to convince of that at all. They had already jumped the gun on the wedding night so to speak, so she knew that they were compatable in that way at least. Danny would find out as she did that you could exist without the love of your life or your child, she had had to find out the hard way on that. She had to live without both.
She needed to nip this potential problem in the bud. She picked up the phone and made two plane reservations to the Dominican Republic. Amelia was going to be making a surprise visit to the Dominican Republic to make sure nothing got in the way of that divorce.
She picked up the phone and called Amelia and requested her presence for dinner. She hung up the phone with Amelia and then she summoned Ben.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Danny stepped off the elevator and headed down the hall. He located the room that matched the key and put it in the lock. He took a deep breath and turned it. Here it comes, he thought and stepped into the room.
Michelle was not in the living room. Was she in the bedroom? He went down the hall and looked in the empty bedroom. No, not there. He put his bag down and went to the bathroom to listen for running water. None, she was not taking a shower. Where was she??
He took inventory of the hotel room. One bedroom with one bed. Great. The living room had a nice couch though and he felt sure he could sleep on it comfortably. That was, if she didnt keep him out on his ear when she found him in her room.
She had to have stepped out while he was coming up in the elevator. Just his luck, now the inevitable would be postponed a little longer.
He needed to call Amelia. He didnt want to talk to her right now so he decided he would just order some room service instead. He was very hungry. He was hoping Michelle was in the hotel because he was going to try to bribe her with food to get her to let him stay.
It didnt look like it was going to happen that way though. He ordered his dinner and then went to look over some of the work he had brought with him to look over on the airplane. He hadnt even taken it out of the briefcase because his thoughts were consumed by her and Will.
He took out the contracts he had been working on. She would have to come back eventually, might as well get some work done in the meantime.
He tried to concentrate but couldnt. The words had no meaning and the numbers didnt interest him in the slightest. He kept thinking about Michelle and what this must be like for her. She had seen him about to marry someone else. Had that hurt her? Did she even suspect for one second that while he had been unemotionally repeating the vows the priest had been saying that in his mind he was remebering the day that they had pledged to love each other forever?
They had almost realized that they loved each other too late. The annullment had almost gone through. He had known he loved her but it had taken while for her to belive in him. The three years that had had together had been the happiest times of his life and it had culminated with the impending arrival of their first child.
Carmen had been dead set against him turning the business legitimate but he had finally won. It had cost him Michelle though. She had sensed his anxiety and his worry and he had tried to placate her and tell her that everything was alright but she knew the battle he was facing. He had finally come out on top though and Carmen could do nothing but stand back and watch.
If he had it all to do over agian, he would take Michelle and get as far away from Springfield as he could get. All the business success and his accomplishments, paled in comparison to how loving Michelle had felt.
When they had found out about becoming parents, they were overjoyed. Michelle had been convinced from the time they found out that it was a boy, but he had secretly harbored the hope that it was a little girl like her. She had been right again and he was filled with pride when she had decided to name him William Daniel after him and his father. She had already been calling him Will even before he was born.
He smiled in remmberance. Michelle would grab his hand and place it on her rapidly expanding stomach and say "Kick for daddy Will" or "Let daddy see how big youve grown Will". Michelle had been so beautiful while she had been carrying Will.
Those had been such happy times. It was really awful how something so good could go so wrong, so fast. A few months after their extreme joy had come extreme heartache.
He knew he would have other children. That was really the only reason he was marrying Amelia. He wanted children. He wanted heirs. He wanted Will.........
He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He took out the picture carefully tucked in the back behind his credit cards in its plastic protective cover. The picture that it hurt so much to look at but at the same time brought him such love and pride. It was a picture of Michelle holding Will the day they had brought him home from the hospital to die. He was in her arms wearing the christening gown that was a hundred times too big for him. He had a good shot of his little face and Michelle's face was in the picture and the way that she was looking down at thier son.......
As usual, he couldnt breathe when he looked at that picture. Michelle had one too and she also had one of him and Will. Danny had that picture also but is was in his special drawer along with a lock of Will's hair and his hospital bracelet.
Michelle had sent it to him after their divorce. It was her way of apologizing for suspecting that he hadn't loved Will enough he figured. She had never explained her actions so he had explained them for her.
Would he be able to love a child that he made with Amelia like he had Will? Will was the product of his and Michelle's special love and that was what made him so special. Was it fair to have children with her when he didnt love her. Was it fair to the child to bring him or her into the world not loving their mother?? He would be a good father but he wouldnt love their mother.
Man, oh man what a predicament. Why couldnt he just simply stop loving Michelle? Why did everything else in life seem like second best?
He put the contract back in his briefcase and looked at Will's picture one last time. "Daddy loves you buddy" he whispered and kissed the place on the picture where Will's face was. Knowing he shouldn't do it but was going to anyway, he placed a kiss on the part of the picture where Michelle's face was and that was how Michelle found him when she opened the door.
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