Michelle got into the waiting limo that Danny had insisted she ride in from now on. He hadn't really even wanted her to come to the grave by herself but she had insisted. It was something she had to do. It had been too long. She needed to say goodbye to her brother. She was hoping it would help her remember something, anything about that night but all it did was confuse her more.
She told Jimmy she was ready to go home and he nodded his head acknowledging that he had heard her. Danny had gone to a meeting in Chicago with his mother and had promised to be back by tonight. She had hoped he would be home earlier but he had said he was really needed there and that he would make it up to her this evening.
She smiled when she thought about all of the wonderful, delicious ways that he would make it up to her. They had resumed their close marital relations and really the only thing that was still wrong with her was her inability to remember the events that had cost her brother his life and robbed her of almost a year of hers.
She thought about Christopher and Eric, her nephews. They had been born almost a year to the day apart and were the apple of their father's eye. Eric had given Abby quite a scare when he had been born with beta strep, a potentially lethal infection, but the doctors had been able to get it under control and soon Eric Shawn was able to go home and the Bauer family was complete.
Not anymore, Michelle thought and the tears began to flow again. The boys had to grow up without their dad and Abby had been talking about moving away from Springfield lately. If she did that, then Michelle would lose the only things she had left of her brother. She had loved Rick so much.
He had been already grown by the time she had come along in life. He had taken her under his wing and most of her fondest childhood memories were of Rick coming to get her and taking her for a walk, or to the park. He was her hero and she had put him on the highest of pedestals the way little sisters did their big brothers. She had even told everybody that when she grew up she was going to marry her brother.
Rick had been her champion and even though he had done some things that she hadn't agreed with, she had never stopped loving him. He had actually had her put in a mental institution because he feared so for her life when she announced that she was staying with Danny no matter what. He had almost lost his sister, his job and his wife over that act, but he had earnestly apologized and asked for forgiveness from both her and Danny and things had been put behind them. He had even been reinstated at the hospital. Rick had only been concerned about her being in the Santos family but she had assured him that Danny was doing everything in his power to become legitimate and he would never let anything happen to her.
She remembered eavesdropping on the conversation he had had with the heads of the other families and he had not backed down one bit from them. He had been totally serious and totally committed to making a new life for them. She was finally able to convince Rick that Danny wanted out of the business more than she did and everything was going to be fine.
It hadn't been fine though, had it?? she asked herself. Danny was still working at getting it completely legitamized a year later and her brother was gone. He still wouldn't let her go out by herself and he wanted to know where she was at all times and she usually had to have Jimmy with her if he wasn't able to be with her himself. She had tried to understand his feelings on this and she was sure it was just because he was so afraid for her safety. Why was he so afraid though? Did he know something he wasn't telling her?
Had the attack on them been a carjacking like Danny said or was there more? Why was he worried so much about her then? Surely a carjacker wouldn't attack the same person twice. He was probably just being overprotective. He had been known to do that every once in a while.
She noticed Jimmy checking his rearview mirror a lot. He watched her too. She would catch him looking at her through the mirror and then quickly avert his eyes when she caught his glance with her eyes. She got such an eerie feeling when he did that? Was he looking for somthing in particular when he did that, or was he just being cautious?
She couldn't ignore the feelings that she was being assaulted with. She would call Dr. Bradford when she got home and ask her if she could come and see her later this afternoon before Danny was due home. She needed to talk about some of the things that she had felt while at Rick's grave. The truth was, she would rather have Danny to talk to about all of this, but he always told her it was best for her to talk to someone who could help her. She wanted him to be the one she confided all of her feelings in but he said he was too close to her and she needed someone who could be objective. She had never understood what that meant. Why wouldn't he want to be the one to help her regain her memory. He had lost his wife for several months because of the attack. It didn't make sense for him to tell her to tell a total stranger all of her feelings about the attack.
He had been the one who had told her of the injuries she had sustained during the ambush. They had been severe but she had been extremely lucky. She knew she had been shot once in the head and twice in the chest area. The head injuries were actually the ones that healed the quickest except for her memory which they said she may never fully get back. The bullets that went into her chest had caused the most damage. One had knicked her aorta and she had been critical for several weeks. The other bullet had passed through and had exited out of her back. She saw the small scars each day to remind her that she had been in such an event, but that was all she had to go on.
Her head injury had healed pretty quickly since the bullet had not hit anything vital although she had had to have surgery to remove the fragments and their had been some swelling she had been told. Danny hadn't wanted her to know how severe her injuries had been and had tried to keep her from finding out but she went to the hospital and retrieved her records, which she had every right to do since she was a doctor.
She had a cardiothorasic surgeon working on her aorta and a neurosurgeon working on her brain at the same time. She had never told Danny that she knew all of this and she hadn't intended to keep it from him but he didn't like to talk about what had happened to her. He had just made it his mission to keep her safe now at all costs.
Soon, they arrived back home and Jimmy escorted her inside despite her assurances that she could walk into the house all by herself. She was going to talk to Danny about this tonight. This was getting to be a little too much. She was an adult and she could take care of herself, after all she wasn't in danger anymore.......was she???
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
'Hurry up Carmen" Danny shouted. "We have to catch this flight. It is the last one tonight and if I have to wait until morning to leave for home, there is going to be hell to pay" he said picking up his overnight bag and throwing it into the trunk of the cab.
Forget it, he thought to himself, she could just stay if she wanted, he was getting on that flight. He would wait 2 more minutes and then he was going to instruct his cabbie to head for the airport. She was not going to be the cause of him not seeing Michelle tonight. He hadn't wanted to come on this stupid trip with her to begin with but she said there was some trouble brewing up here and she needed him to stick by her to show the family unity.
He hated this, God he hated this. He had lied to Michelle about the business going straight. He wanted to make it legitimate but knew it would never happen. The Santos were fifth generation in this business and Danny had only had pipe dreams of being able to change that many years of family tradition. He was an idiot to think he could just step in and change things the way he had promised Michelle. He knew it was never going to happen and sooner or later he was going to have to tell her the truth but right now he subscribed to the thought that it would be later.
He had just finished talking to Jimmy and he felt somewhat relieved that she was home safely. He didn't like for her to go anywhere without him. She could still be a target.
He hated himself for keeping what he knew about that night from her but if he came clean and told her, he would lose her for sure. He would also lose her if she ever found out that they were not going legit. He had tried so hard to make it happen but the ambush a year ago had only been a reminder of what happened to people who tried to get out. He knew that, had known it back then but had been blinded by his love for Michelle and his desire to become the man that she wanted him to be. He wanted to be that man but it wasn't meant to happen, just like it wasn't meant for his papa to get out. He had finally gotten out though but only through his own execution. Is that the only way Danny was ever going to get out? It looked like it since they had already made an attempt on his life for even trying. Worse even was, now there was Michelle to consider also. If he tried to get out now, she would be attacked again and this time she might not survive. The attack had meant to kill and it was just the grace of God that she had lived. Her brother had not. It was not a warning by any sense of the imagination.
The ambush that night had been meant for him. It was retribution for his standing up to the families and announcing his intentions concerning the Santos future.
He had Michelle had plans with Rick and Abby to attend the theatre that night and both Michelle and Rick had been on duty at the hospital. Danny had send Dietz to pick them up at the hospital and he was to take them to the theatre where they would meet Danny and Abby who was to drive over in her own car. They never made it. Rick and Dietz had both been killed in the ambush but Danny knew that the attackers had thought that Danny would be in the car with Michelle and not Rick.
What would happen when Michelle remembered what had happened? Danny had tried to move heaven and earth to find out who the shooters had been but the code of silence was intact and he had not been able to find out anything from anyone and there was no way to find out who was behind it without putting themselves in danger again. He would never put Michelle in danger again and if staying in a life of organized crime in the Santos family was the only way he could keep her safe, then so be it.
He was having trouble sleeping again and Michelle had asked him about it the other night. How could he tell her that he was the reason her brother was gone? How could he live with the fact that she would leave him if she ever found out the truth? As much as he hated doing it and as much as he hated himself for keeping the truth from her, he would continue to hold this in. He couldn't let Michelle find out the truth. He couldn't let her know that he had never gotten to turn the business legitimate the way he had promised and he definately couldn't let her know that if she ever remembered the truth that she would be in danger again and it would be his fault. All of it had been his fault.
He had secretly prayed that she never got her memory back but knew that she needed to try, so he had arranged for her to begin seeing Dr. Bradford. Michelle kept him posted on her progress and he noted each detail of each visit.
He knew it wasn't right to be keeping any of this from her and to pray she never remembered but he knew what would happen if she ever remembered. Right now they were in the eye of the storm and if she ever found out, it would be a full force hurricane and he could lose everything that he had ever dreamed of. He cursed himself for the bastard he was and instructed the cabbie to leave without Carmen. He had enough to worry about right now.
***
"He hated this, God he hated this. He had lied to Michelle about the business going straight. He wanted to make it legitimate but knew it would never happen. The Santos were fifth generation in this business and Danny had only had pipe dreams of being able to change that many years of family tradition. He was an idiot to think he could just step in and change things the way he had promised Michelle. He knew it was never going to happen and sooner or later he was going to have to tell her the truth but right now he subscribed to the thought that it would be later."--