Michelle knelt and laid the flowers she had brought to the cemetary on the gravesite. It had been nearly a year. She had not been able to attend the funeral for the events of that night had left her at Cedars fighting for her life. He had never even had a chance to fight for his. The bullet was a direct hit and he had died instantly.
She read the headstone and hung her head and cried. It read loving father and devoted husband. He was that and more. He shouldn't be lying in that grave. He had done nothing wrong. He had been innocent.
She cried thinking of the wife and two small children that would not have a husband and father now. She cried thinking of a wife without her husbands arms to embrace her and keep her safe from the world. She cried for the two boys who looked so much like their dad but would never get to know him. Would never play catch in the backyard. Would never go to the circus together. Would never get to call him dad again.
Life had played the cruelest of tricks on her this time. She had loved him so much, still loved him but he was gone. She had to accept that. It was so hard though. How could she live with the guilt. He had died trying to protect her. He had always been trying to protect her but she foolishly believed she could take care of herself.
She was still trying to peice everything together. Her memory had not fully returned after the events of that night. She remembered the gunshots and the blood. God, there was so much blood. She would never forget the blood. It haunted her every day.
Her hospital stay had been legnthy and her injuries severe but for some reason God had chosen to spare her and not.........
She would never understand a world that took the good and left the bad. She had been praying for her memory to return. If she could just remember all that had happened maybe she could put it behind her. Maybe she could figure out a way to keep on going living with the guilt. Noone else was there that night so it was up to her to unlock the mystery all by herself.
She stood up and brushed back the tears. Knowing the sequence of events was not going to bring him back though. Not now, not ever. He was gone, never to step foot on this earth again.
She remembered some things just before the ambush. She remembered Danny working to legitamize the business. She remembered the faked attempt on Carmens life and the bombing attempt in the church. Then it got fuzzy. There was something always there ready for her to reach out and grasp it into her remembrance but it would vanish as quickly as it had come. For one fleeting moment, she thought she had had the answer, then nothing.
She would continue her sessions with Dr. Bradford. She was the key to helping her remember. Maybe together they could discover the secrets that night held. She had to try. She had to do something so she could live with herself. She couldnt face those little faces knowing she was the reason their father was gone.
She dried the tears from her eyes and made him a promise. She would remember what happened and she would make sure those precious children knew what a wonderful father they had had and how much she had loved him.
The night of the ambush had changed her life forever. One life taken, one spared but left without recollection. She would remember, damn it she would.
She stood up and placed a kiss on her fingertips and brushed it against the headstone that bore his name. Frederick Bauer, 1964-1999.
Rick. I am so sorry. Please forgive me, she said and ran from the site that held the body of her beloved brother whom had only wanted to keep her from harm and who had died instead as a result of the world that he had been trying to protect her from.