The next morning, Philip persuaded Beth to bathe before they left. He was usually awake before the crack of dawn and today was no different. Beth awoke shortly after he and took the soap that Philip offered and made her way to the stream. Philip used that time to gather their provisions together and when she returned, they would be ready to begin their daily excursion.
He had crawled in the bedroll with her last night after she had pleaded with him not to leave her and there she lay in his embrace all night, partly for her but mostly for him.
He knew their time together was limited and that he would, God help him he would, find the strength to leave her once she was safely returned home, but he was beginning to selfishly entertain the thought of spending their next few, unexpected days together storing up memories for his bleak and empty future without her. He never realized just how lonely his life was until he was faced with the undertaking of seeing Beth again.
The feel of her in his embrace last night did dangerous things to him. He had lain awake most of the night, much to his chagrin. Consequently, he didn't get the necessary sleep that he needed to keep himself alert and ready for the perils that could await them on their journey.
He willed his thoughts back to their traveling plans and not on Beth who was still at the stream bathing. He looked over his shoulder to make sure she was all right and he saw her standing still in the water with her back to him. Was she feeling shy now, he wondered? Was she ashamed at what they had briefly shared in the stillness of the night?
He must forget what occurred last night and concentrate on the day's trip. He was still worried about the Commanches that had recently held Beth in their captivity. On some occasions, the Commanches changed their minds and tracked and chased the Ranger and his freed captive across the plains, much like the story Philip remembered from the Bible in which the leader of the Egyptian army chased the Hebrew slaves across the desert after letting them go free. Philip sure wouldn't mind having Moses's God on his side now, that is if he existed which Philip wasn't entirely convinced he did. Still, it sure would be nice to have a little extra protection while they were traveling across the plains.
Soon, he was rejoined by Beth who looked refreshed after finishing her bath. She seemed uncomfortable in his presence now which, he decided, would probably be for the best during the day when they traveled. He needed no extra distractions while they made their way towards Beth's home.
Beth's home. He couldn't stop the pain that attacked his heart when he remembered what his job was. He wasn't her husband anymore and they weren't in love anymore. He was simply a Ranger who was doing his job and when it was completed, he would ride away as he always did with the knowledge that another captive was free and another goal was accomplished.
He loaded up all of the rest of their meager camp and offered Beth a bandana to tie around her head. The midday sun could be deadly and since she didn't possess a hat, he offered her a bandana to wear around her head. They would dip it periodically in the water from the canteen and the bandana would also act as a cooling band for her forehead. After she made two unsuccessful attempts to tie the bandana around her head, he gently took it and tied it with quick, albeit unsteady, hands.
He retied the saddlebags and helped Beth up onto Scout. He kicked dirt over the place where the fire was still smoldering from the previous night, making sure it was completely out. He didn't want to leave any clues behind if the Commanches did indeed decide to track them down and reclaim their captive prize.
He mounted Scout in one sure motion and soon they were on their way. As it was the day before, they spent most of the day traveling in silence. Beth stayed up in the saddle while Philip leaned back as far as possible so that he could keep his body in check. He cursed his traitorous body for lusting after Beth so strongly. He was having trouble keeping his focus on his job which, he reminded himself for at least the tenth time that day, was to deliver her safely and soundly to Towers Saloon in Dodge City Kansas. But, at this particular moment, he was more interested in the feel of her soft body as it slumped against his in exhaustion. Twice, her drained body collapsed against his as they rode and his body was still reacting to the feel of hers as it leaned into his.
He had to admire her though. She did not complain about the situation she found herself in although he knew how hard it must have been for her to be in the company of those Indians. He made a mental note to ask her how she found herself in the Indian camp in the first place, although a nagging part of him told him he really didn't want to know, so he decided to just let it go.
They stopped briefly for lunch, which consisted of coffee and the same jerky that they ate for their supper the night before and also for breakfast that morning. She showed her displeasure at having the same jerky again by frowning when she saw him take it out of the bag and he quickly apologized and told her that would be all they would have unless they could kill a rabbit or catch a fish for their supper.
They were making good time, Philip noted as Scout was riding in full gallop across the flat land. He checked his compass to ensure they were heading in the right direction and when it began to get dark, he decided to set up camp again for the night.
He helped Beth down and grew concerned when she winced as she dismounted.
"What is wrong?" he asked. "Are you hurt?"
Beth lowered her eyes to the ground and nodded her head. Philip cupped her chin and brought her face up to meet his "What hurts?" he asked tenderly.
"My legs and my backside" she admitted and then smiled.
Philip smiled back. A person could get a mighty sore backside if they were not used to riding and he imagined that was the case with Beth right now. He had some salve that he kept in his saddlebags that she could rub on her backside that would help her with her soreness. He would offer it to her after they ate and got ready to bed down for the night.
Philip removed his bedroll and laid it down for her to rest on while he went to the stream and refilled his canteens. While he was at the stream, he would see if there were any fish cohabiting there that they could get for their supper. Beth thanked him for the bedroll and laid down on the soft roll and Philip smiled to himself and noted that soon she would be asleep.
Half an hour later, when he returned to their camp with two fish in his possession, he was not surprised in the least to find her already sleeping soundly. He decided to let her sleep while he started a fire and cooked the fish.
Soon, the crackling of the fish as it fried in the pan over the open fire infiltrated the silence that filled the air. Philip got the tin plate and cup that he carried with him and set in on the ground. Then, ever so gently, he shook Beth awake. She needed to eat to regain her strength and the salve needed to be applied to her sore muscles.
Beth sat up and took the cup from Philip and drank thirstily. He refilled her cup for her and put her fish on the only plate he had and handed it to her with a half-smile. She smiled back as she realized that they would not be having that Godawful jerky again for supper that night.
Philip felt her smile all the way down to the core of his soul. She had been through hell the last few days and here she was smiling a smile so bright it rivaled the sun, over the prospect of having an unseasoned, undressed fish for supper. She was amazing, How could he have forgotten for one minute how truly amazing she could be?
They made short work of their meal and Philip walked over to his bags and removed the salve to give to Beth. She took it and asked what it was for.
"It's for your sore backside" he said and she nodded her understanding. She smiled shyly and Philip realized that she was worried about how she was going to get the salve onto her backside. Should he offer to save her the embarrassment of asking for help ? Dare he put his body through the torture that he knew touching her again would bring?
She took the matter into her own hands by taking the salve from Philip and turning her back to him while lifting her skirt to apply the medicine. Philip heard her wince slightly as she applied it to her sore muscles and unable to help himself, came over to her to investigate.
He was horrified to see the blisters that were already forming on the insides of her thighs where they had rubbed against the saddle all day.
"Damn it Beth," he said barely below shouting level "Why didn't you tell me you were getting blisters? We could have stopped and tended to you. Why did you wait so long to tell me?"
"What good would it have done Philip?" she answered. " You are obviously in a big hurry to get me back home and out of your hair and I am not going to hinder you from being able to do that. I am a big girl and perfectly capable of taking care of myself since I have been doing it since were married" and she could tell by the change in his expression that her barb had hit it's mark. Being left alone all those weeks had taken it's toll on Beth and Philip knew that was what she was referring to. She wanted to hurt him for some reason and he was to find out that she was not finished.
"Believe me when I tell you Philip, that I have handled a lot worse than a few blisters on my bottom" she said sarcastically, rubbing the salve into her thighs. "They are nothing compared to being bound and gagged and dragged out of my home and sold to a band of Indians who wanted to either rape or maim me with fire" she said. "So, given the choice" she paused, "I think I will choose the blisters" she said and Beth was mortified by what she was revealing to him. What was she trying to do? Make him feel sorry for her? Pity and love were not the same thing and Beth Raines had indeed found that our the hard way when they were married.
Philip didn't know what to say. No matter how much Beth had suffered in that Indian camp and no matter how much he still loved her, he was going to take her home. The sooner the better, he thought, for both of them.
He finally offered to help her with the salve and was met with a polite refusal which angered him although he didn't know for the life of him why it did. He watched her with hurt eyes as she finished the application and then she slithered into the bedroll and closed her eyes.
He took the act for the dismissal it was and walked to the stream to wash off the grime on his body. He quickly went through his bathing routine and returned to their camp where he lay on his back again willing the sleep that had eluded him the night before to come.
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The next few days were spent in much the same fashion. They rode hard during the day, stopped only to eat and relieve themselves, and bedded down for the night at a site that was both secluded and near a stream.
He asked her about her blisters and each time he did, he was rewarded with the same curt answer that she was fine. For some reason, the subject of the blisters put Beth on the defensive and soon he just quit asking altogether.
They ate what they caught for supper and soon Beth started speaking more. Soon, they began to regain the camaraderie that they had had when they were married and Philip began to get frightened. Very frightened.
They were getting too familiar and there was noone to blame but himself. He should have pushed her away the first night when they began to make love although he knew it was more of a healing experience for them rather than a sexual act. He definitely shouldn't have made love to her that second night and the night after that and each night since they had been together. In hindsight, he should have kept his hands to himself altogether but Beth's body was so near perfect that he could never resist it and he was failing miserably at keeping this professional between them. He alone brought their familiarity back into the relationship and now he was paying for it.
He really had not intended to make love with her that second night but a nightmare had awakened her and she begged him to come and hold her and that was all that was needed. The next night unfolded exactly as the one before it and by the fourth night, he simply climbed in next to her without waiting to be asked.
And now the dreaded task of telling her that they would reach their destination today fell upon him. He calculated that they should reach Dodge City by mid afternoon. He needed to tell her that this was their last morning together but he couldn't form the words. He needed to tell her so much more but those words would not come either.
The last two days they bathed together and afterwards made love by the stream and even once while they were still in it. Everything felt so right when they were together except for the one detail of his work hovering between them. Why did it have to be such a major detail? A detail that was indeed large enough to make sure that they could never have a future together.
Philip closed his eyes and took a deep breath and prepared to tell Beth once she returned from the stream that by tonight she would be sleeping in her own bed. Alone. Without him.
He angrily rolled up the bedroll and threw it on the back of Scout who whinnied in protest. He quickly stroked her mane and calmed her. "It's okay Scout. We will be okay" he said trying to decide who he was trying to convince, his faithful horse or his faithless heart.
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Beth returned to their camp and was greeted by a solemn looking Philip. What could have happened in the last few minutes to make him have that look? They were growing so close the last few days, just like when they were married. They didn't speak much with words but at night, oh at night, they spoke volumes with their bodies.
She knew he felt something happening between them too. He was distant and aloof during the day when they were traveling, but at night, he was the Philip that he was knew when they were married. He held her tenderly and made love to her savagely each night as if he could not get enough of her and it was just as she remembered. In fact, it was so wonderful that it made her believe in herself again and she knew that when she returned to Dodge City that she would not be returning to the lifestyle that she was once so involved in. She would never lay with a man for money again.
She knew that the chance of her becoming with child was also something for them to consider. When she was "working" at Towers, she used a sponge that she soaked in vinegar to avoid the chance of a pregnancy, but out here in the wild, there was no such protection, so each encounter with Philip held the possibility of conceiving a baby.
A child with Philip had always been her dream and she was somewhat amazed to discover that it still was. Even if Philip held true to his promise of taking her home and then leaving her again, the possibility of having Philip's child would make her life worth living again. She would have a reason to go on and face the hopeless future she would have without Philip.
She was so afraid to hope though. Hoping only brought about heartache for Beth Raines. She had hoped that Philip loved her more than he being a Ranger and she had been wrong. She had hoped that she would have Philip's child when they were married, and again, she had been wrong. She had hoped that he has beginning to feel for her the same way she was feeling for him and she knew that she was wrong about that also.
Soon she would be going home. She wasn't sure when but she knew it was close. She could feel it. Was that what was bothering Philip? Did he know something about when they would reach Dodge City that he wasn't' telling her? She held her breath as she asked him what was wrong.
"We will make it to Dodge City today" he said while looking at the sunrise. He couldn't look at her while he spoke. He couldn't look at her angel face that he loved so much while he told her that in just a few short hours, their magical time would come to an end again.
"Oh" was all she could manage to say.
"Listen Beth" he began and she cut him off before he could finish his sentence.
"No, Philip, its okay, I understand. You have made it clear from the beginning that this was just another mission to you and that you would be taking me home. I don't expect you to come up with some pretty lies that you don't mean. We didn't mean anything at all to each other when we were married, if you lie to me now" she said and he nodded his head in agreement.
She was perilously close to tears and she turned her back to him and began to help him pack up their camp. She felt his eyes on her back but she would not turn around. She would not disgrace herself in front of him. She would lift her head high and then ride atop Scout with Philip the way she had the last few days. She would dismount when she reached Dodge City, thank him again for rescuing her and then return to her pitiful excuse for a life.
They rode that day in silence although the minute he joined her atop Scout he brought her close to him and he kept her there the entire time they rode. Normally, he needed to concentrate on their surroundings but today he seemed totally oblivious to them. An entire band of Commanches could come wailing across the prairie and Philip wouldn't have been aware of them.
He concentrated solely on holding Beth. He concentrated on the smell of her hair as it brushed against his nostril. He concentrated on the heat that emitted from her body as he held it to him and he concentrated on finding the courage to form the words that he would have to say once they reached their final destination. The simple words good-bye.
They stopped one last time to eat their meal of jerky and weak coffee and then they were back on the trail. Beth fell back into Philip's embrace immediately and stayed firmly in his clasp until she heard his swift intake of breath and realized that he saw what she had been dreading seeing.
Just along the horizon line, she saw the most wonderful and most horrific sight she had ever seen. Dodge City. Her home. Without Philip. And with that realization, Beth Raines finally allowed the tears to flow that had been threatening to come all day.
With each step closer to Dodge City, her sobs became louder and soon she realized that she was not crying alone. She could feel the wetness at the bottom of her neck and knew that Philip was releasing some tears of his own and that only served to make her cry harder.
Soon, the inevitable came and they reached the city where they would say their final good-byes.
Philip ignored the shocked looks of the towns people as he brought Beth to the entrance of the first floor of the Towers Saloon and dismounted. Several girls came out of their living quarters along with her mother Lillian and they squealed in delight over seeing Beth alive and well.
He held out his hand and helped her down. She untied the bandana around her head and handed it to Philip who clutched it in his grasp, brought it up to his nose inhaling her scent and then placed his hand over his heart.
"Well," Beth said. "Thank you for rescuing me".
"All in a day's work" he answered with his mouth while his heart longed to say something very different. He was fighting with every ounce of his being not to get down on his knee and beg her to come back with him. He was dangerously close to losing that fight.
"What will you do now?" she said.
"Ride back to Oklahoma and wait until I have another job to do" he answered distantly. He doubted he would ever go an another rescue mission again. It would forever remind him of his and Beth's time together and he would have a hard enough time closing his eyes each night without seeing her in his mind. He didn't need anything else reminding him of what he was about to give up for the second time in his life. He knew, oh God he knew.
"Yes," she said and turned her head towards Towers. Was that her home? Was this her home? Yes, No matter how much she wanted to be with Philip, she could not be the kind of wife he needed so Towers was where she belonged and this was where she would stay. She would pray nightly that their time together had produced a child and even if it didn't, she would have the memories of the last few nights with Philip to last for the rest of her life.
A crowd had formed and he could see that everyone knew of her abduction and was most curious to hear what had happened to her. Lillian stood at the doorway to the entrance of the girl's living quarters waiting to welcome Beth home. She didn't rush forward though once she saw Philip. She knew that Beth would want a few minutes with him alone.
Neither of them made an effort to move and Beth knew she would have to be the one to be strong and let him go. She reached up to place a tender kiss on his cheek and whispered in his ear "Good-bye Philip. Thank you again for saving me. I wont ever forget it." And then when she was sure that he couldn't hear her, she whispered. "It was supposed to be you and me"
He placed his finger on her chin and lifted her face up to meet his. He returned her kiss on the cheek and whispered into her ear, "I wont forget it either" and then he mounted Scout and watched her as she walked into Towers followed by a stream of curious onlookers and well-wishers. He kept Scout in place long after she thought he had gone and stared at the rapidly emptying street. No one seemed to be focusing on anything other than what had happened to Beth and the whole town was a buzz about it. In fact, so engrossed in the possibility of hearing Beth's tales were they, that they did not notice the lone, heartbroken man sitting atop his horse staring at the door that Beth had just entered.
He adjusted himself in the saddle, refitted his hat and muttered to noone in particular "It will always be you and me" and then pulled on Scout's reigns and rode off into a future filled with loneliness and despair, but one of his own choosing and if there was a God in heaven, maybe He would take pity on Philip and find a way for him to be reunited with his love. If there was a God........
The End