Promises

Parts 37-38

By Candy

It had been an hour with no word. Danny got up again for the tenth time in the past thirty minutes. He surveyed the room and saw Abby resting her head on Rick's shoulder. Drew, with her quivering lip, was talking to Jesse. Ray had called Carmen when Michelle was taken into surgery and she had immediately come to the hospital, never taking her eyes off of him. Bill sat off to the side…alone. Surely he was missing Pilar about now. Danny missed his little sister too. It was hard to think of her sitting in a jail cell, especially on Christmas. But Michelle wouldn't be here now if it weren't for her. Pilar was responsible, he had to remember that.
Danny paced back and forth, rubbing his stiff neck. He glanced down at his watch again…12:00. They had been in this hospital for eight hours already, but it had seemed like weeks to him. Time was just moving so slow. Why hadn't they heard anything?
He walked away from the waiting room and stood looking out the window at the end of the hallway. It was a crystal clear day…the kind of day Michelle loved…taking a walk in the park. And it was Christmas…Christmas. He thought back to his conversation with Abby the previous night. She said Christmas was a time for miracles. He prayed she was right.
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Danny turned when he heard a commotion coming from the waiting room. He hurried back hoping it was the doctor with news of Michelle. But when he drew closer he saw Ed had finally arrived. When Ed looked up, their eyes locked. He stepped back from the crowd and walked over to Danny.
"Hi," he whispered.
"I'm glad you're here," Danny stated. "Michelle really wanted you here."
"I promised her," he said. "How are you?"
"Been better," he mumbled.
"Rick told me what happened," Ed said.
Danny sighed, "So you heard how this is all my fault. I promised you I would take care of your daughter and I failed. If it weren't for me, she wouldn't be here right now. You have every right to hate me and so does Rick…"
"I don't hate you," Ed interrupted. "And neither does Rick."
"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Danny half laughed.
"Rick is just worried about his baby sister," Ed explained. "And I'm worried about my little girl."
"She's not his baby sister and she's not your little girl anymore," Danny sighed. "She's a grown woman and she's my wife."
"That's where your wrong," Ed said. "She may be a grown woman and she may be your wife, but she will always be my little girl and Rick's baby sister. I know Rick is overprotective of Michelle but I feel like that's my fault.. I left when Michelle was still so young and Rick had to raise her. So I guess in some ways, Rick is more of a father to her than I am. No matter what differences you and Rick or you and I have, the one thing that will not change is we all love Michelle and want what's best for Michelle. I know I've only been around you and Michelle for just a little while, but I know how much she loves you and I would never want to take that away from her."
"I appreciate you saying that," Danny nodded. "I love Michelle more than anything and I know how much she wants her family to accept me and I want that for her."
"I don't blame you for this," Ed said.
"How can you not?" Danny snapped. "Because I blame myself."
Before Ed could respond, Danny looked up and saw Dr. Sedwick. He jumped and raced to her side. "How is Michelle?"
"She's in recovery," Dr. Sedwick exhaled. "There was more bleeding than I anticipated. Michelle lost a lot of blood and she's very weak, but she's going to be fine."
"Thank God," Abby cried.
"What about the baby?" Danny's voice quivered as Carmen laid her hand on his arm.
"Danny," Dr. Sedwick's eyes turned sad.
"Just tell me," Danny pleaded. "Please."
"Dr. Freeman was standing by as soon as the baby was delivered," she explained. "She's really small, but Dr. Freeman is one of the best neonatal specialists in the country so she is in good hands. He's still with her now, but he will come talk to you as soon as he can."
"She?" Danny's voice finally broke. "I have a daughter."
"We're going to do everything we can for her," she said sympathetically. "I'll have a nurse let you know as soon as Michelle is moved back to her room."
Dr. Sedwick turned and walked down the hall. Danny stood motionless staring after her. He and Michelle had a baby girl. His daughter. Their daughter. He was someone's father. That sudden realization hit him like a ton of bricks and he suddenly felt sick. He needed air. Turning away from his mother, he bolted down the hall. He heard his mother and Ray calling after him, but he had to get out of there. He couldn't breathe. Much to his relief, he found a door that opened onto a balcony. He slung the door open and took a deep breath of the cold early afternoon air. He had to get a grip on himself. Michelle was going to need him more than ever now. And now, there was someone else who needed him.
He cursed silently when he heard the door open behind him. Why couldn't he just be alone right now?
"It's kind of a shock when you realize you're really a father, isn't it?"
Danny turned around and was surprised to see Rick standing there. He looked at him with a confused look on his face.
"I saw the expression on your face when Dr. Sedwick told you you had a daughter," he explained. "I felt the same way the day Jacob was born." Rick walked closer and stood next to Danny, his hands on the railing looking out over the city. "I had known for months I was going to be a father, but when he actually came into this world, I suddenly realized I had someone else to take care of now. There was someone who was going to rely on me totally. That scared me."
Danny cleared his throat, not knowing if his voice would allow him to talk. "But I don't even know if I'm going to get that chance."
"You will," Rick stated. "She's a Bauer…and a Santos."
Danny stood there, not believing that the same man who had been blaming him for everything a short while ago was now trying to comfort him.
"Michelle should be back in her room soon," Rick said, turning to leave.
"I'll be there in just a minute," Danny nodded.
Rick reached for the door, but before he could close it behind him, Danny called out, "Rick."
"Yeah," he said.
"Thank you," Danny said.
Rick nodded his head as he closed the door behind him.

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Danny sat beside Michelle watching her sleep. She was so pale…too pale. Dr. Sedwick kept reassuring him that she was going to be okay, but it didn't stop him from worrying about her. He would give anything to go back and change these past few months. He would have done things so differently, if he only had the chance. But it was too late now…
He was startled as the door opened and a man approached him.
"Mr. Santos?"
"Yes," Danny whispered standing up.
"I'm Dr. Freeman," he explained. "I wanted to talk to you about your daughter."
"Let's go outside," he said, looking back at Michelle. "I don't want to disturb her."
He followed Dr. Freeman into the hallway. "Mr. Santos…"
"Danny, please," he said.
"Okay, Danny, your daughter is in very critical condition," he began. "She's very small and her lungs are underdeveloped. We put her on a ventilator to help her breath."
"Is she going to make it?" he asked, afraid of the answer.
"We'll know more in the next 24 to 48 hours," Dr. Freeman replied.
"But what are her chances?" Danny demanded.
Dr. Freeman sighed, obviously not wanting to answer the question. "I don't like to give percentages on chances of survival. Danny, your daughter is very ill. We will do everything we can for her, but I can't make any promises. Like I said, we'll know more in the next day or two. I'll keep you posted."
"Thank you," Danny mumbled, watching him as he turned to leave.
Michelle would be awake soon and he didn't know how he was going to tell her about their baby. She would be determined to find out the truth and he didn't know if she was strong enough to handle that right now.
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After talking to Dr. Freeman, Danny passed along the information to everyone in the waiting room. He tried to convince them all to go home…especially with it being Christmas, but they all refused. They wanted to at least wait until Michelle was awake. He promised to let them know as soon as she was. He sat there again looking at her and for the millionth time that day thought about all the things he could have done to prevent this from happening to her. Somehow he had to put this guilt behind him. Michelle needed him and he wasn't going to let her down…not again.
His heavy eyes began to close and before he knew it, he had fallen asleep in the chair. It wasn't long before he felt someone's hand on his head. He looked up through blurry eyes and saw Michelle staring back at him. He picked her hand up and brought it to his lips as he placed a warm, gentle kiss to her cold fingers.
"Hey beautiful," he whispered.
She swallowed gingerly and licked her dry lips. "How's the baby?" He looked away not wanting to look her in the eyes, not knowing what to tell her. "Tell me," she demanded weakly."
"Sweetie, I want you to stay calm," he began.
"Just tell me, please," she pleaded with watery eyes.
"Dr. Freeman is a neonatal specialist and he's taking very good care of her," he explained. "He told me she's small, but she's holding her own."
"We have a little girl," she cried, unknowingly masking Danny's reaction.
"Yeah," he smiled. "We have a little girl."
"I want to see her," she claimed as she tried to sit up.
Danny quickly put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her back down. "Michelle you aren't going anywhere right now. You just had surgery and you're too weak."
"I just want to see my daughter," she grimaced as the tears came harder.
"I know," tears invading his eyes as well. "And you will…soon, I promise. But I want you to let me take care of you right now. You need to rest."
"Have you seen her?" she asked. When he shook his head no, her voice took on a sharper tone. "Why not?"
"I can't," his voice choked. "I don't think I can."
Her voice lost it's edge as quickly as it had appeared. "Please," she begged. "You have to. I want her to know one of us is there with her."
He hesitated, staring into her eyes, knowing she needed him to go, but also not wanting to leave her side. "Okay," he relented. "But will you please try to get some sleep?"
She nodded and he stood to leave. He leaned back down and kissed her softly. "I love you."
"I love you too."
"I'll be right back," he promised.
"Tell her I love her," Michelle whimpered.
He swallowed around the lump in his throat, "She already knows."
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Danny slowly made his way slowly down to the neonatal unit. He didn't want to do this…not without Michelle. He didn't know if he could get through this alone. As he pushed open the swinging door, he slowly made his way to the nurse's station to ask where to find his daughter.
"Can I help you?" an overly cheerful nurse asked.
"I'm looking for the Santos baby," he explained quietly.
She looked down at a chart in her hands. "Are you family?"
"I'm her father," he cleared his throat as his voice began to break.
"Oh," she smiled sympathetically. "She has a visitor right now. Dr. Freeman doesn't want more than one person in at a time. If you'll wait just a minute, I'll go tell the visitor that you are here."
She took off quickly down the hall before he could ask who was with his daughter. He paced slowly back and forth, waiting for the nurse to return. When he looked up, he saw his mother coming down the hall.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I just wanted to see her," she looked at him with tear filled eyes.
"You were in there with her?" he asked.
"Yes," she sniffed. "I hope that is okay. I knew you wanted to be with Michelle and I just felt like I needed to come down here and see her."
"No, it's okay," he nodded. "I'm glad you were here."
"She reminds me of you when you were a baby," she smiled. "She has the same dark hair."
"I don't know if I really want to go in there," he sighed. "Seeing her hooked up to machines…she's just a baby."
"You need to see her," Carmen stated. "She's your daughter, Danny."
"I know I need to," he whispered. "I just don't know if I can. Not without Michelle."
"I'll be here for you," Carmen smiled. "If you'll let me."
Danny looked into her pleading eyes. She was begging him to let her help him and no matter how much he wanted to push her away after everything she had done, he couldn't. He needed her more than ever right now and he knew she needed him too. He dropped his head and pulled her into his arms. She held onto to her baby boy as tight as she could.
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Danny sat down next to the incubator holding his daughter, not able to take his eyes off of her. She was so tiny, but she was so beautiful. He was overcome with a rush of love and protectiveness that he had only felt with one other person. He listened to the whirring of the ventilator and wanted more than anything to be able to hold her in his arms…to tell her how much he loved her. He leaned his head against the glass and began to whisper to his daughter.
"I'm your daddy," he began. "You're mommy will be here soon, but she wanted me to tell you how much she loves you. We both do. You're going to be out of here soon and we're going to take you home. You're going to have to forgive us though for not having your room ready. You surprised us by coming early. Sweetheart…you know your mommy and I need to come up with a name for you. We haven't really talked about it much because we didn't want to know if you were a boy or girl. I'm glad though, because now, seeing you, we're going to have to come up with the most beautiful name for you. But I don't think any name could ever do you justice." He paused, taking a deep breath, trying unsuccessfully to get his emotions under control. "I promise you with all my heart…I am going to take care of you…you and your mommy and you are going to have a wonderful life. All of us are. So you just keep hanging on and remember how much we love you."
He stood up quickly and made his way hastily out the door, not able to handle the emotions that were building up inside of him. Carmen was there waiting on him, but he couldn't talk to her right now.
"Please wait, Danny," she begged.
"I have to see Michelle," he said, walking toward the elevator.
He stepped off the elevator and walked down to Michelle's room. He paused before going in, taking several deep breaths, trying his best to hold back the emotions that were so overwhelming. He quickly wiped away his remaining tears and opened the door. He froze when he saw Michelle sitting up on the side of the bed and trying to stand.
"Michelle," he called out before he sprinted to her side. "What are you doing?"
She grimaced, trying to break free of his grip. "I am going to see my daughter."
"Sit down," he demanded. "I am not going to argue with you Michelle. You just had surgery. You're not going anywhere. Didn't we already talk about this?"
Reluctantly, her strength evaporated and she fell back down on the bed.
"Here lie back," he said as he gently held her. The knot in his stomach tightened when he saw her face full of pain. "Easy, baby, easy."
"I just want to hold her," she whimpered.
Danny pulled the covers up around her and brushed the tears off of her face. "Even if you went down there, you couldn't hold her. They have here in an incubator right now and we have to wait until she gets a little stronger."
"What does she look like?" she asked.
He smiled as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "You."
"Tell me what she looks like," she pleaded.
Danny tightened his hold on her hand. "She's beautiful. She has the cutest little nose and rosy cheeks. Her hair is dark, though. She'll be lucky if that's the only trait she gets from me."
Michelle tried to speak, but emotions were just too raw and hearing her husband talk about their daughter felt like someone was tearing her heart out. Danny's heart breaking, he gently picked her up and held her in his arms. She held onto him with the little strength she had.
"Please don't cry," he whispered.
"This is all my fault," she cried.
He pulled her back and glared into her eyes. "I don't ever want to hear you say that again."
"It's the truth," she demanded. "I never should have left the house. I never should have went to the lighthouse last night. I should have known it was a setup…I was so stupid."
"No," he snapped. "You did nothing wrong. You are not to blame for any of this. It's my crazy family. They have done nothing but hurt you since the day Mick walked into your life. You would have been better off if you had never met me or…"
"Please don't say that," she whispered. "I can't imagine my life without you, Danny. I will never regret the day I married you."
He forced a smile and kissed her feverish forehead. "You feel a little warm," he frowned. "Why don't you lie back and try to get some rest."
"Please don't leave me," she whispered. "Ever."
He shook his head. "I couldn't even if I tried."

Parts 39-40 The Conclusion

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