Michelle emerged from their bedroom, and, as she always did, took Danny�s breath away. Her long hair was left a curly, unkempt mass, the shorter layers escaping from the rest to fall across her face as she bent down to tie her shoes. She was wearing a pair of stone washed blue jeans and a navy blue, v-neck sweater, and Danny could hardly resist the urge to make love to her right then and there.

Michelle made her way into the kitchen, where she found Danny in a pair of blue jeans and a white tee-shirt, his black leather jacket draped over one of the kitchen chairs. Her heart skipped a beat, having not seen him dressed that way in some time. Although he looked incredibly sexy, she knew that this particular look was one he had left behind when he left his family�s legacy behind. But for what he was about to do today, he needed to return to his roots, and Michelle understood.

"High baby," Danny said, as he kissed Michelle�s forehead.

"Good morning," she replied, as she poured a mug full of hot coffee.

For a long time they sat together, enjoying their normal, morning ritual. They talked about normal things, remembered normal things, and generally made an attempt to create the most normal atmosphere that they could. But underneath it all was a nagging sense of urgency, an ever-present demon that threatened to change the dynamics of their lives forever.

At 7:45 a.m., Michelle was standing at the front door, preparing to leave for the hospital. Danny stood behind her, arms around her waist, chin lightly resting on the top of her head.

"You know, Michelle," he began, "I made you a promise, that no matter what, nothing would change the way we are together, and I meant it."

"I know you did Danny," Michelle said as she turned to face him. "And I promise you the same thing. We�ve been through so much to be together. We�ve forgiven each other so many times, and I promise you that whatever you find today won�t change the way I feel about you or the life we have together. How could it? We�ve already dealt with the worst."

"I love you, you know that?" Danny replied. "You�re my life. You�re the only thing that really matters to me."

"That goes for me, too," she said, as Danny helped her with her coat. "I�ll always love you, no matter what."

And with that, Michelle was out the door, and, for Danny, the journey had just begun.

He was rifling through Carmen�s desk drawers when he suddenly realized that anything she had to hide would certainly not be in her office. Surely something like that she�d keep in a more personal location. He carefully replaced everything that he�d moved, so that no one would be able to tell that he�d been there, and then headed up to her bedroom.

There was nothing in her closets except clothes and shoes, and so far he hadn�t been able to find any secret hiding places or safes in the room. He made his way to her dresser, and began opening the drawers, at first just looking, trying to get a sense of where Carmen might hide incriminating evidence. Except for one, all the drawers were neatly organized, with clothes folded, jewelry boxes stacked, and photo albums in chronological order. But there was one drawer that was not neat, as if it had been looked through not long ago. He carefully removed that drawer from the dresser and sat down in the floor with it.

He took out each item and examined it closely. There were silk scarves, embroidered handkerchiefs, and other accessories that should�ve been organized the way the other drawers had been. When the drawer was nearly empty, Danny saw a small envelope, taped to the bottom of the drawer. He carefully removed it and read the writing on the outside. It said that the envelope and contents were to be delivered to someone after Carmen�s death. He recognized the name of the person as someone he�d heard of, but other than that he knew nothing about the person to whom this envelope was addressed.

Danny was afraid to look inside the envelope, because a voice in his heart was telling him that this was the truth that he�d been searching for. This was what Mick had been holding over Carmen�s head. And although he had no idea how, he was sure that the empty hole in his heart that he�d carried his entire life was about to be explained to him.

My Love,

When I saw you today, my heart stopped. For years I�d wondered where you were and why you left. But today, all my questions were answered. I understood who you really are, and why you had to leave. And because of that, I feel I must tell you the truth about what you meant to me, and how you changed my life.

I know we weren�t soul mates. I knew that from the very beginning, although I wanted desperately to believe that we were. I knew that there was someone else that you loved, someone who wouldn�t allow you to love them the way you needed to. And somehow you understood that I was in the same situation with my husband. You knew how deeply I felt for him, and how I longed for love and passion with him. And you saw how much I needed the companionship that he had denied me. Our time together filled a void in my life, my heart. And though I�ve changed immensely since we were lovers, that time still fills that void, and I want you to know why.

I�m not proud of the woman I�ve become, and for a long time I blamed you. I blamed you because you left me with no warning, no explanation, and I was left to the loneliness of my life. But you weren�t to blame. The bitterness inside me was born long before you came along, and the truth is, that had it not been for you, I would�ve withered away a long time ago. I wouldn�t have been able to survive the remaining years of my marriage if I couldn�t draw upon the memories of what we shared. Yes, I loved my husband, more than I can explain, much the same way that you loved your ex-wife, but the way he withheld himself from me would�ve destroyed me, if you hadn�t given me the only true tenderness of my lifetime. I only hope that in some small way, I have given you the same sweet memories, and that perhaps those memories have carried you through the difficult times in your life.

The moments we shared, all those years ago, have lived on in my life, not only in my heart, but also in my son, Daniel. I know that when we ran into each other today we pretended not to know one another, but I saw the way you looked at Daniel, and I know that you know he�s yours. He was conceived in the truth and honesty of what we shared together, and he has given me so much joy - enough to fill my life when it was otherwise empty. I often feel like a hypocrite for keeping the truth about his paternity a secret, especially considering that what you and I shared is one of the few bright spots of my life, but I know that for your sake, as well as mine, no one can ever know what went on between us. You have a family and children who would not understand, and so do I, and for that reason, our time together must remain a secret that only we share. But please, know that I cherish you and what we shared together, what we created together. You saved me, dearest, you saved me.

Always,

Carmen

Danny would be stunned later. When he got back home he�d let the paralyzing sting of what he�d just read sink in. But for the moment, he put the envelope containing the letter and the photo in his jacket pocket, placed the drawer back into Carmen�s dresser, and raced out of that house of lies like a bat out of hell

****

Although the sunlight was streaking into Carmen�s hotel room, she was still asleep, angrily tossing and turning, plagued by nightmares of that night.

"It�s all your fault Mama, every bit of it," he yelled at her.

"Mick, please calm down," Carmen pleaded. "Let me help you. You�re bleeding."

The wound on the back of Mick�s head was a nasty one, and Carmen pretended that it was the cause of the nastiness that was spewing from his mouth. It was easier for her to believe that he wasn�t in his right mind, due to the injury, than it was for her to face the truth that what Mick was saying to her was what was inside his heart.

"You stay away from me," he said through clinched teeth. "You�ve done enough. You turned me into this thug. You made me this mean, vicious, pitiful excuse for a man, that no woman would ever want. You fixed it so that nobody would ever love me."

"That�s not true, Mick," Carmen pleaded. "I love you."

"I don�t understand where this is coming from Mick," Carmen sobbed, although that was a lie. She knew exactly where this bitterness came from.

"You don�t really love me, Mama," Mick said, as he became eerily quiet. "You love Danny. It�s always been about Daniel, hasn�t it?" 

Carmen was speechless. She could not think of a response.

"All his life, you�ve groomed him to fill Papa�s shoes, haven�t you? Never mind that I�m the oldest and that place is rightfully mine. And never mind that Danny isn�t even Papa�s child. He�s your little love child, the one you got knocked up with after getting cozy with that lover of yours. Never mind that I�m the only son Papa had. To hell with Mick, right? You just used me to do your dirty work. You used me to keep your hands clean."

"Mick, that�s not true," Carmen pleaded. But in her soul, she knew he was right.

"And why the hell would I even want to rise to Papa�s place? I�ve asked myself that question so many times. Why would I want to be like you, when it�s you who turned me into this person that I hate? You couldn�t just give us a normal life, could you? You couldn�t just raise us like regular kids, and let us grow up in a normal family. No, we had to fit into your plan, be molded just the way you wanted us to be. Daniel, the prince of the family, the smart one, the one who�d sit by your side. Pilar, the sweet, innocent daughter, who you protected through thick and thin, even sending her to another country in order to keep her away from this mess. And then there�s me.. Mick , the one who�ll do whatever needs to be done. The one who doesn�t mind a little blood now and then. Mick, the one with thick skin, the one who can take a beating from you and then come back for more."

"Mick, no," Carmen begged. "You don�t understand." 

"I understand plenty," Mick screamed, pointing his finger directly in Carmen�s face. "I understand that because of you I�m doomed to the path you chose for me. I can�t escape. There�s no possible way to escape, no matter how hard I try. Do you know how much I�d like to clean up my life, find a normal circle of friends, get up and go to work every day and be proud of what I do? Do you have any idea how much I�d like to have a girl look at me as something other than an ogar?"

"This is about that Bauer girl again, isn�t it," Carmen said.

"Mick, don�t you see, she�s no good for you. She doesn�t understand you."

"Of course she doesn�t understand me, and I�m thankful she doesn�t," Mick said sarcastically. "I don�t want anyone to understand me, because I don�t want to be me anymore." He was pacing the floor, back and forth, hands in his jacket pockets.

"You don�t mean that, Mick," Carmen snapped. "You should be proud of who you are."

Mick turned to face his mother. There was a coldness in his eyes that Carmen had never seen before. But the coldness turned to remorse as he began to speak about what had happened earlier that night.

"Proud of who I am?" Mick questioned mockingly. "Are you out of your mind? You want me to be proud of who I am? What I�ve become? Please, Mama, you can�t really be serious. Do you understand what I did tonight? I terrorized Michelle. For weeks I�ve followed her around, trying to come up with a way to approach her, and tonight I lost control. I wanted her so bad that I was going to rape her. Do you get that? I was going to force that girl to have sex with me!"

He was conveniently leaving out the fact that Drew had been there as well. He knew that if Carmen found out that it was Drew who had turned him into the police for dealing drugs, she would go after her, and for all his many faults, Mick had an attack of good will, and decided not to let Carmen hurt one more person than was necessary.

"I was so frustrated because Michelle wouldn�t even give me a second glance, that I was going to have her any way I could! And who�s fault is it that Michelle, and girls like her, want nothing to do with me? It�s yours, Mama! It�s your fault! I almost raped a girl tonight, and it�s your fault. And I�m sure that she�s going to police right now, telling them everything that happened."

"Don�t worry about the police," Carmen said, trying to soothe him. "I�ll take care of everything."

Mick looked at his mother bitterly, and said, "I don�t want you to fix it, Mama. I�m tired of the way you fix things. I don�t want this life anymore. But I know this is the only life I can have, so I�ll settle for no life at all." 

And with that statement, Mick pulled a pistol from his jacket pocket and aimed it directly at his heart.

"You taught me how to make sure that someone died Mama. You taught me where to point the gun. And now, you�re gonna see your efforts pay off.

As the gun fired, Carmen awoke with a jolt. She frantically looked around the room, reminding herself that she was in San Cristobel, and that what she�d just experienced was nothing but a terrible nightmare.