Rated NC-17
The next few weeks were filled with emotional ups and downs for Danny and Michelle. They grieved the loss of their baby almost constantly, and at the same time, established a new, very joyous relationship with Ray. They felt emotions that were completely opposite of one another, simultaneously.
When Danny and Michelle left the hospital, they weren�t exactly sure where to go. There was no way Danny was going to take his wife back to the Santos Estate, even though Carmen was behind bars, and bail had been denied. She was facing charges of kidnapping, falsifying legal documents, conspiracy, involuntary manslaughter, and murder, but that was little comfort to the two of them, who had suffered so much at her hands.
Danny rented a nice apartment for them, and told Michelle that when she was feeling up to it, they could begin looking for a home of their own. She was grateful that he�d taken care of things for the time being, because she really could not handle decision making of any kind, at that point.
When they walked into their apartment for the first time, Danny gave her a tour. The door opened into a nice size living room area, which Danny had furnished with a dark green leather love-seat, and two matching wingback chairs. The kitchen and dining room area was adjacent to the living room, and Michelle was glad to see that Danny had stocked the kitchen with plenty of staple food items. He�d also had a small breakfast table and two chairs delivered, and a bouquet of fresh flowers placed in the center. There were two bedrooms in the apartment, one of which Danny had furnished with a queen size sleigh bed, two night stands, and a chest of drawers. The second bedroom, at the end of the hall, had only a desk and a floor lamp in it.
"This could�ve been our nursery," Michelle said, as they walked in the door of the second bedroom.
"I know," Danny said. "I thought of that, too."
"In a way I�m glad that we were surprised by this pregnancy," Michelle said. "I don�t think I could�ve handled coming home and finding the evidence of all our planning."
Danny could think of no response, other than to hold his wife close. They sat in the floor of the second bedroom, and cried together for a long time. They had dealt with the initial loss of their baby while she was still in the hospital, but considering everything that happened afterwards, dealing with the long term fallout had been put off. Both Danny and Michelle knew that the feelings of loss and emptiness would not go away immediately, if ever, but that together they would deal with all the hurt, and allow the power of their love to guide them through it.
Michelle quickly resumed her pre-med studies at Springfield University. Danny was a bit concerned about her going back to school so quickly, but she told him that she needed something to focus on, some goals to set for herself. As much as he worried about her, he knew she was right. She could not just sit at home, in their apartment, and think, day in and day out, about the baby they�d never met, or even felt kick. Becoming a doctor was something she�d always wanted, long before Danny, or the baby, or the miscarriage, and he knew that her studies would bring her purpose and fulfillment.
Danny and Ray, though happy to finally know each other for who they really were, struggled to put the pieces of their brotherly relationship into place. Having related to one another as cousins all their life, and more recently as priest and parishioner, it was difficult to discover what being brothers truly meant. As Michelle started classes at the university, Danny and Ray made it a point to spend plenty of time together - meeting for lunch on a regular basis, playing tennis together, talking on the telephone. They learned how to confide in each other the way brothers do, to ask advice and take a little criticism, and Michelle watched with joy as her husband became a different person, thanks to Ray, the one person in the Santos family who�d always understood him.
One evening, not long before Thanksgiving, Ray was at Danny and Michelle�s for dinner. The three of them had spent a lot of time together that autumn, and Ray was instrumental in helping Danny and Michelle recover from the loss of their baby. So, it was no surprise to Michelle, that Danny wanted Ray to officiate at the memorial service for their baby.
"Michelle and I made a large donation to Cedars Hospital in memory of our baby," Danny began. "They used the money to create a special prayer chapel in the Neo-Natal unit. On the weekend of Thanksgiving, we�re going to hold a private memorial service there, and dedicate the chapel in honor and memory of our baby."
"I�m so glad the two of you have decided to have a memorial," Ray said. "I know it was just too hard at first, but I think you really need the closure that the service will provide."
"We really feel like these past months have been good for us," Michelle said. "We�ve grieved for our baby, and now we�re ready to acknowledge our loss. I think the memorial chapel will be a healthy way for us to always remember our little one."
"I couldn�t agree more," Ray said.
"Ray, there�s something Michelle and I want to ask you," Danny began. "You and I have always been close, and now we understand why. We�re finally brothers, the way it was always meant to be. So, it would really mean a lot to us, if you would perform the service for our baby."
Ray was clearly moved. Tears pooled in his eyes as he said, "I would be honored."
Danny looked at his brother and said, "You would�ve been this baby�s uncle."
There was silence for a moment, as the three of them let the truth of what Danny had just said sink in. It was Michelle who spoke next.
"Ray, Danny and I decided to give our baby a name," she began. "At first we thought we wouldn�t, because I miscarried so early in the pregnancy, and we had no idea if it was a boy or a girl. But the more we thought about it, the more we knew we had to name our baby. We want to remember our baby as a real person, and we want our family to remember that way as well."
"I�m glad to see that you�ve both adopted such a healthy outlook," Ray said, knowing how important it was for them to remember their baby, not just their loss.
Michelle looked at Danny, and he told her with his eyes that it was alright for her to tell Ray their baby�s name.
"We�re so happy that you�ll be performing the service for our baby, Corey Bauer Santos."
***
Danny stood alone in the study of the Santos house, a place he'd grown to loathe with every fiber of his being. The years he spent in this house had been a falsehood, manufactured by lies and manipulations. After today he'd never walk through these doors again, and he thanked God he'd never again have to see the inside of this place.
Though Pilar's relationship with Carmen would never be the same, she was her mother, and Pilar could not condemn her or completely shut her out. Danny understood this, but had nonetheless approached Pilar with his ideas. She agreed with him wholeheartedly that they should sell the estate and cease the family's business operations. This was the reason for his presence at the Santos house.
He glanced at his watch. It was almost 3:00 p.m. Everyone would be arriving soon. Michelle was in class at the university. She had no idea what he was doing. He would tell her everything that night, once they were at home alone, but for now it was better that she didn't know. She'd just worry.
He wanted this taken care of before their baby's memorial service. In just two days, they would dedicate the Neo-Natal prayer chapel, and he wanted that to be the start of the rest of their lives. He wanted every bad thing that had happened to them to be in the past, so that they could move forward with the new life they'd started together. He wanted their baby's memorial service to be the last reminder of this past year, and all the painful things they'd had to endure.
He heard commotion at the front door and knew that everyone had arrived. He sat down on the desktop, they way he always did when they were here, and watched silently as Bernard walked into the room, followed by representatives from the Lopez family, the Vasquez family, and the Martinelli family. All the major players in the Springfield organized crime syndicate were gathered in this room - this room that held so much hurt and deception for Danny. Looking at all of them today, and feeling the sickness deep in his gut, he wondered how he'd ever managed to stomach this business. No more, though. He knew he didn't have it in him to do this for the rest of his life, and today he was going to make sure of that.
The other families had all heard about Carmen's arrest. They were aware that she'd pretended for years to be Danny's mother, and when her husband found out the truth, she'd arranged his death. Criminals though they were, they had little respect for a woman who would do such things, and were glad that they would not have to do business with her anymore. They'd all been waiting for Danny to call them together for a meeting. Bernard had a strong suspicion of what Danny would say, and after talking with the other families, they agreed that if Bernard's suspicions were accurate, they would go along with Danny's wishes. The poor kid had been through enough.
When everyone was gathered and seated, Danny began speaking. "I'll get right to the point. I know you've all head the news about Carmen, and I'm sure you're wondering what will become of the Santos family business."
There were affirmative nods from everyone in the room, and Bernard gave Danny a comforting look. Danny's nerves calmed a bit.
"My mother and Dietz will both be spending a lot of years in the care of the state of Illinois, so that leaves only my sister and me to run the business."
He checked their faces, looking for any hint of discontent. Finding none, he continued.
"Naturally, my sister can't run this business, nor does she want to. She was shielded from the harsh realities of this life for years. She's been educated in philosophy and the arts, so obviously isn't capable of handling business and finances."
Bernard was still looking at Danny, and his eyes told Danny that everyone understood.
"As for me, I'm sure you're all aware that my wife and I lost a baby earlier this year. And I'm equally sure that you know the circumstances that caused the loss of our baby, and the revelation that Carmen is not my mother."
Everyone was shaking their heads in disbelief. Danny was not saying anything they didn't already know, but hearing it again, especially from his own mouth, made the truth even harder to swallow.
"I don't have the heart for this business. I never have, to tell you the truth. And after what my wife and I have just been through, all we want is a chance to start over. We want to live together, raise a family, and feel safe and secure."
All eyes were fixed on Danny, as he got to the point of what he wanted to say.
"I've known you and your families all my life. I have a deep respect for all of you. Others may find it hard to believe, but you are the ones who taught me about honor and responsibility. Don't think I've forgotten they way you all rallied around my family, especially Mick, Pilar and me, after my father was killed. You were the ones who showed me how to be a good man, when my father couldn't anymore. I want nothing else for all of you than for you and your families to be happy. I'm prepared today to divide all the Santos businesses and partnerships among you. I want you to have what I cannot take care of - what my father built."
It was quiet in the room. No one spoke, moved, or even breathed, and Danny's heart raced as he waited for their reaction. It was Bernard who broke the silence.
"Danny, before we came here today, the families and I had already met. We discussed what you and your new wife have been through. I had a feeling that you would call us here, to divide the Santos activities, and we've all decided that we will honor your wishes."
Relief swept over Danny like a tidal wave. The Santos corporations had been in limbo for months, while he and Michelle mourned the loss of their baby, and Pilar came to terms with the realities of her family. But the aching fear that the other families would not let him out, had nagged at him all along. Today, however, he witnessed the true meaning of camaraderie, and he knew that, no matter where he was or what he did for a living, the men in this room would protect him and honor him.
"I know you are all concerned about what knowledge I'll be taking with me, when I leave this life behind," Danny said. "Let me assure you that my immersion into this business was extremely limited since I returned home from college. That was my choice, not Carmen's. I wasn't ready to dive head-first into the business, and I knew that the less I knew, the better."
"Danny," Bernard said, "you don't have to do this."
Please, I want to. Let me finish," Danny said. "The things that I do know, I promise will remain as fleeting images in my mind. I will honor you the way you have honored me here today, and the way you've always honored my father. You have my word."
"Your word is all we need," Bernard said. "And we want you to understand that we aren't just doing this out of respect for your father, although that is part of it. We do this out of respect for you, and the fine man you've become."
Carmen sat alone in her jail cell. She was angry at Ben for refusing to represent her. That stupid imp of an attorney she'd ended up with was blowing it. First, she was denied bail, and now the judge was refusing a change of venue, insisting that she be tried for her supposed crimes in Springfield. She'd summoned Ben several times and he refused to see her, so she was surprised when the police officer told her that Mr. Warren was here to see her.
"Ben, I'm so glad you've come," she said. "I need you so much." She hated begging, but she did need him, and she'd do whatever she had to do.
"This isn't a social call, Carmen," Ben snapped.
"I guess I should be grateful for any visit from you," she said with remorse. Ben knew she was faking it.
"I came here to let you know that I've just given the district attorney my full cooperation. I know there's not a lot I can tell them about your husband's death or the nasty lie about Danny, but I did agree to help out any way I can."
"I can't believe you'd do this to me," Carmen spat. "After everything we've shared, meant to each other."
"You meant very little to me, Carmen," Ben said. "And you mean even less to me now, knowing what you did to Danny."
"Since when are you Danny's advocate?" Carmen asked.
"Since I found out that you kept the truth about his mother from him," Ben answered. "The same thing happened to me, and I've never gotten over it. I'll never get over it. My mother died before I got the chance to know her, and you robbed Danny of the chance to know his mother. I know from experience how painful that is, and you deserve what ever you get."
With that he turned and walked out of the jail, Carmen screaming at him all the way. He felt no sympathy for her, and he was sorry he ever got involved with her.
Danny made love to Michelle that night in a way he hadn't since they were in Reno. They'd made love many times since their baby's death, and it was always an escape for them. But this time was about healing, about letting go of the past. She'd been thrilled when he told her about his meeting with the other families, and as they planned the memorial service for Corey, the found comfort in each other's presence, and later in each other's arms. This night, their bedroom became a place of new beginnings.
It was the night before baby Corey's memorial service. Ray had just left Danny and Michelle's apartment, after making the final preparations for the service, leaving the two of them alone. It was late and they slowly made their way down the hall to the bedroom. They got ready for bed in silence, both of them mentally preparing for what they would do the following morning. Danny climbed into bed wearing a long pair of silk pajama bottoms, and watched Michelle pull an oversized blue cotton tee shirt from her drawer. Her body was naked underneath it, except for a pair of peach satin panties, and as she slid into bed beside him, he felt himself begin to ache for her.
He wanted to make love to her, needed to make love to her. Their love-making the night before had been so emotional, filled with such intensity. They had not simply escaped from the reality of their life, as had been the case so many times since their baby's death, but last night they had embrace their life, and all the heartache it entailed, making the statement that fate would not tear them apart, but rather draw them closer together. They had moved together like two people who knew each other more intimately than two human beings had ever known each other, and Danny was desperate for that same, sexual healing again this evening.
But he would not force the issue. He knew that it had been difficult for Michelle, as it was for him, going over the memorial service plans with Ray. He was sure that Michelle was not thinking about making love to him, and as much as he wanted her, he would never want to broach the subject when she was clearly upset.
"I'll be glad when tomorrow is over," Michelle said, as she nestled into his arms.
"Me too," Danny replied, as he tried to curb the desire he felt, feeling her body so close to his.
"Not that I dread it or anything," Michelle continued. "I'm just really ready to say our last goodbyes."
Danny sat up, staring straight ahead, "I know what you mean, Michelle. But part of me is scared to let go of this. Part of me wonders how we'll function once we don't have this pain right in front of us all the time."
"Why in the world would that scare you, Danny?" Michelle asked.
He looked down at his beautiful wife lying there on the pillow beside his. Her eyes giant pools of oblivion that he wanted to get lost in, but he knew he had to tell her why he was afraid.
"Michelle, when we lost our baby we went through so many emotions. There were times I thought it would break us apart, and times I thought it would bring us closer. And it has, brought us closer, I mean."
Danny swallowed hard, holding back the tears, and went on. "I'm afraid that the less we hurt for our baby, the less we'll feel for each other. The pain made us closer, and as the it begins to dull a little bit each day, will we get further apart? It's stupid, I know, but I can't help being a little bit scared."
Michelle had never really seen this side of Danny. Yes, she'd seen him angry, hurt, defeated, but never afraid, not like this. She was not offended by his admission, because she knew he didn't mean that she'd done anything to fuel his fears, but nevertheless, she wanted to comfort him, to reassure him.
She sat up, facing him in their bed, and took his hands in hers. She breathed deeply, and began speaking. "Danny, we've been through a terrible ordeal. Something no one should ever have to go through. It wasn't easy, to say the least. It was hard, and so damn painful. We've been through every possible range of emotions. There were times we needed each other, times we wanted to be left alone. There were times that I thought there was no way that you hurt as much as I did, and I know there were times when you believed that I couldn't understand your pain. So many times it was so easy and so tempting to lash out and hurt each other to try and get rid of the hurt inside our hearts. But that's the beauty of what we've just been through - that it didn't tear us apart. We fought our way to the other side, and here we are, still together, still loving each other, still working together, functioning as a couple, a family."
Tears were beginning to fall down Danny's cheeks, and Michelle gently wiped them away, as her own tears began to fall.
"I know that our relationship has never been normal," Michelle said. "Since the beginning, we've always had some kind of obstacle, something in our way, or something hurting us. So I can understand why you're afraid. But you have to know that I'm not going to walk away just because we don't have some crisis to share. I want you, Danny, and I love you, and that's why I'm going to be with you for the rest of my life."
He held her for a long moment, her face buried in his chest. When she looked up at him, he lowered his mouth to hers, intending to kiss her softly and gently. But to his surprise, her lips met his halfway, in a hungry, passionate manner. Her fingers weaved their way through is tousled curls, and his hands sweetly rested on her shoulders, thumbs tracing her collarbones.
"Michelle," he whispered raggedly, as he trailed kisses along her jaw, "I want you so much, but you don't have to do this."
Michelle's head shot up and she looked at him questioningly, and said, I know I don't have to do this. Why would you say something like that?"
Danny could tell she'd misunderstood what he said. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded," he said, his voice begging for her understanding. "I just wanted to be sure you knew that you don't have to do anything to reassure me. I believe everything you just said to me. I'd never want to guilt you into sex."
Michelle smiled back at Danny, realizing what he intended by his earlier remark. She was always astounded at the way he took such good care of her feelings.
"Danny," she said mischievously, "you're going to have to stop being scared, and just make love to me, because I want you so badly right now, that if you don't, I'll probably explode."
He decided it would be better not to question his wife anymore, so he quickly laid her back on the bed, and helped her do away with those peach satin panties. His pajama bottoms found a resting place on the floor beside her panties, and in a split second, her blue tee shirt joined them.
"Sometimes you think too much, Danny," Michelle giggled as she playfully kissed his chest.
Danny was a master at foreplay. He knew exactly where to touch her, kiss her, breathe on her, and the timing of his actions was always impeccable. He had turned arousing her into an art form, and tonight, their slow, sweet foreplay found them sitting face to face in the middle of their bed. Danny pressed hot kisses down the left side of her neck and shoulder. Michelle's right hand was behind Danny's neck, gently massaging it, and her left hand was behind her on the bed, supporting the weight of her body. She arched into him as his mouth reached her breast, and he tightened his arm around her waist, pulling her into him. The fingers of his other hand danced skillfully elsewhere on her body, and he could tell that she was ready.
He removed his mouth from her nipple and wrapped both arms around her body. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he pulled her so close to him that their chests melded into each other. Their eyes locked together, Michelle gently lowered herself onto him, and felt his body shiver slightly. He placed his hands on her hips, moving her slowly up and down. She dug her feet into the mattress, helping him with the movements that threatened to take them both over the edge. Their pleasure intensified, and Michelle threw her head back, moaning his name over and over again. His mouth again found her breasts, kissing softly at first, but as her moans grew louder and lower, he began gently sucking each nipple, even nibbling slightly as she pressed her body back into him.
Danny wrapped his right arm as far around the small of her back as he could, and brought his left hand to the front of her body, to the place he knew she longed to be touched. The look in her eyes as she leaned her head up told him that he was giving her exactly what she wanted and needed, and with a savageness that surprised even herself, she began moving her hips in a frenzied, desperate motion. He took her right nipple in his mouth again, as she arched her back in pleasure, and his hand continued the smooth, sweet assault of her most intimate place. She grabbed the sheets with her hands and he felt her begin to contract violently around him. He had reached the point of no return, as well, and finally let himself go over the edge. They tumbled into the throes of immense pleasure together, both of them amazed by what they werefeeling.
As many times as they had made love before, it had never been like this. Michelle was more assertive, and Danny worried less about being gentle, and more about taking what he wanted, what she was more than willing to give. There was no fear or uncertainty, only passion, desire, and above all, love - the kind of love that consumed them, in a way they never imagined before.
Afterward, as they lay next to each other, still naked, they were able to talk about baby Corey, for the first time, without focusing on the loss, but rather on the memory. Suddenly, Corey was not the baby that had been taken from them so brutally, but rather, the baby they were privileged to create and love, and they were more than ready to say just that at the memorial service the next morning.