Quench Me
Part 19-20
By Amy
As I get behind the wheel of my "big Mitsubishi", I notice that the clock says "3:30 p.m.". It’s Wednesday afternoon, and I’ve just finished my last final exam. It was in Bio-Chemistry, one of my favorite classes, but even still, I found it difficult to concentrate knowing that Danny was back in town. Several times I had to silently reprimand myself for letting my mind wander over to Spaulding Enterprises instead of focusing on the test in front of me. I don’t know what time his flight landed last night, but I woke up suddenly at 2:00 a.m., and somehow I knew that he was back. I felt his presence everywhere this morning - in the shower, at the coffee shop where I stopped to get a latte to go, even when I pulled into the parking lot at school. It was no different once I arrived in the classroom and started the test. His very essence has sought me out, and I’ve never been so glad to be done with a test in all my life.
I’m considering dropping by his office when I remember how distant he seemed the last time we talked. I still don’t know if it was his job, or something else - something more serious - that caused him to pull away from me. Could it be that he’s having second thoughts about the two of us? Was I too forward with him before he left? Have I taken the thrill out of "the chase"?
It dawns on me that it might be rather presumptuous of me to stop by unannounced, especially since I don’t really know what’s going on in his head. But suddenly, a voice inside me says, "What the hell? You’ve got to know where things stand."
"All right, Michelle," I say to myself, as I pull out of the parking lot. "Best case scenario… He’s so glad to see you that he takes you in his arms and kisses you and tells you that he missed you."
I smile at the mere thought of it.
"And," I continue talking to myself. "Worst case scenario… He asks you to leave."
I feel a sharp pain in my chest as I say the words, but I know that this cannot be put off. I have to go and see him. I have to get a feeling for what’s going on with him.
As I walk down the hallway toward his office, the butterflies in my stomach are so strong that they surprise even me. I peek into the outer office and notice that it’s empty. The nameplate on the desk reads "Helen Borders" and I realize that I’ve never even seen his secretary. I quietly wonder if she’s ever actually at her desk.
Making my way toward the door to his office, I can hear him muttering to himself and shuffling papers around. When I reach the door I see the same frustrated, engrossed businessman that I’ve seen in this office before. Again, I watch him silently for a brief moment, loving the way he’s so passionate about his work, and knowing he’s just as passionate about other things. Or at least he was.
I make my presence known to him by softly knocking on the door frame. He immediately looks up at me, as I say a tentative "Hi".
"Michelle," he says blandly. "What are you doing here?"
It’s worse than I thought. He’s distant and short, just like I feared. "I just finished my last test, and I thought I’d stop by and say ‘welcome home’. I didn’t mean to bother you," I answer in the most emotionless voice I can muster.
"Sorry," he replies. "I didn’t mean to snap at you. It’s been a lousy day, and I shouldn’t take it out on you."
Well, that’s an improvement, albeit a slight one. "Lousy?" I ask, still leaning against the door frame.
"Yeah, my flight from Atlanta was delayed, and I didn’t get back to Springfield until two in the morning."
I was right! I knew I "felt him" at two o’clock. I knew there was a reason that I woke up with such a jolt.
He continues. "Then, I had an early meeting with Phillip and a couple other board members. I’ve got another meeting in thirty minutes, and I’m having a ton of trouble finishing the report that I have to present."
"Well, I’ll leave and let you get back to work," I say. "I just wanted to tell you that I’m glad you’re back."
I turn to leave and he stops me. "How were the rest of your finals?"
I turn back around to face him. "They went pretty well. I’m just glad that they’re over."
"I’m sorry I don’t have time to talk," he says, still sitting behind his desk. "Can I call you tonight when I get home?"
"That would be fine, Danny," I answer, still sporting my "nonchalant" voice. "I’ll talk to you then."
As I walk out of the Spaulding building and across the parking lot to my car, I glance back up toward his office window. He’s not watching me, and my heart drops to the soles of my feet. "What did you expect, Michelle?" I ask myself. "After all, you didn’t invite him to look this time." My reasoning does nothing to fill the emptiness growing inside me. In my mind I know that this trip was hectic for him, and he was not only working - he was proving himself to Phillip. I know that he’s probably exhausted, but I wanted him to show just a little bit of enthusiasm. .
I find myself in the parking lot of the gym, before I even realize that I’m there. It occurs to me that I’ve begun using the gym and my kick-boxing class as an escape from reality. Whatever my reasons, I don’t really care. It’s good therapy, and it helps me blow off steam, and steam is definitely something I’ve got plenty of right now.
I grab my gym bag from the back seat and head into the women’s dressing room. When I’m changed and ready, I head to the kick-boxing class. I see Tanner standing there, women all over him, looking like he’s God’s gift to the world. How disgusting. So help me, if he asks me out again today, I’ll probably land one of those kick’s he’s taught me right where it will hurt him the worst.
"Even if there was no Danny Santos, I wouldn’t go out with him," I think to myself as Tanner winks at me from across the room. "Not in a million years."
__________________________
It’s almost 9:30 p.m. Rick is not working tonight, so I’ve been stirring around the house, keeping myself busy, so that he won’t see that something is wrong with me. I’ve cleaned the refrigerator. I’ve vacuumed every stitch of carpet and washed every dish in the house. When Rick asked me about my sudden cleaning bug, I told him that I’d spent so much time studying during the last couple of weeks that I needed some other sort of "outlet".
Thankfully, he hasn’t asked me if Danny’s back in town. I don’t know how I’d answer him if he did. "Yeah, he’s back in town, but he acts like I don’t exist anymore," is not a phrase that I want to say to my brother tonight.
I’m sitting in the floor of the kitchen, rearranging the pots and pans, when I hear the phone ring. "Can you get that Rick?" I yell toward the living room. If it’s Danny, I don’t want to seem over anxious, and besides, at this point, I kind of like the thought of him squirming on the other end of the phone while he talks to my brother.
I cease the noise I’m making with the pots and listen intently to my brother’s end of the conversation. "Danny… Yes, Michelle’s here… How was your trip?… When did you get back in town?… Let me take the phone to Michelle… I’m sure she’s very anxious to talk to you."
"Dammit Rick," I whisper to myself. "Why did you have to tell him that I’m ‘anxious’ to talk to him?"
He hands the phone to me and I give him a dirty look. He can tell that I’m displeased, and this amuses him even more.
"Danny," I say into the receiver.
"Hi Michelle," he says quietly. "How are you?"
I lie to him. "I’m great, actually. My finals are over, and I feel great."
"Good," he says. "I’m glad."
"So, did you get that report finished?" I ask.
"Yeah, it all worked out, and my meeting went fine."
"That’s good," I say, as I put a non-stick skillet back in the cabinet.
"What’s that noise?" he asks.
"Well, I’m sitting in the kitchen floor, rearranging the cabinets," I answer, giving him the same excuse I gave Rick. "I’ve studied so much, and now that it’s over, I just can’t be still."
He laughs softly, and for the first time I feel a small sense of hope.
"I’d like to see you sitting in the kitchen floor," he says jokingly.
I’m about to suggest that he come over when he interrupts my train of thought. "But, I’m afraid I have another early meeting. I have to meet with Phillip at seven o’clock in the morning, so I should probably stay home tonight."
"Whatever," I say. "I know you’re busy."
"What are you doing Friday?" he asks.
"I don’t know," I say. "Why?"
"Well, I’m taking the day off, and I’d like to have lunch with you."
"Why are you taking the day off?" I ask, trying in vain to sound totally disinterested in seeing him.
"I think I deserve it after the last week," he answers. "And Phillip agreed with me."
"O.K.," I reply. "Do you want me to meet you somewhere?"
"No," he says. "I’ll pick you up, if that’s all right."
"That’s fine. What time?"
"A little before noon," he says.
"Fine," I say.
"Michelle…" he says questioningly.
"What?"
"Is something wrong?"
"Why would you think something’s wrong?" I ask.
"Because you don’t seem like yourself," he says.
"Well, that makes two of us, doesn’t it?" I retort.
He sighs heavily into the phone. The fleeting second of silence seems like a lifetime. "I’m sorry I was so abrupt with you this afternoon. It wasn’t intentional, and I realized after you left that I probably upset you."
"You didn’t upset me, Danny. You just confused me."
"Well, I’m sorry about that," he says. "Despite the way I acted, I was glad to see you."
"You were?" I ask, hopeful once again.
"Of course," he says. "I’m afraid tomorrow will be another day from hell, which is why I’d like to see you on Friday, when I won’t have work to contend with."
I begin to let my guard down, just a little bit, as I say, "I’m looking forward to it."
"Me too," he answers. "And Michelle, I missed you."
"I missed you, Danny," I say, as I hang up the phone, my fears not totally put to rest, but certainly not as strong as they were.