(Write me for a CD at [email protected].)

Lesson One

Mr Brown is an Englishman
in London, in a big city.
Mr Fekete lives in Budapest,
which is also big and pretty.

Mr Fekete goes to London,
where he has something to do.
Mr Brown meets him at the airport,
and says, "How do you do."

The Browns like to have guests,
they are happy and friendly.
Mr Fekete gives them gifts:
salami and brandy.

In the morning Mr Brown goes to work,
but his wife stays all day at home.
Mrs Brown and Mr Fekete
are in the house alone.

Mrs Brown drinks the brandy,
and says to the guest, "I like you."
See the end of the story
next week, in Lesson Two.

Beautiful City

We have a beautiful city,
we have beautiful hills,
we have beautiful buildings
and beautiful other things.

Our city is Budapest,
in Europe we are the best.
The tourists are well-dressed -
and never mind the rest.

We have a beautiful city
we have a beautiful river.
Go up to the top of a hill,
and you won't see the litter.

Our city is Budapest,
in Europe we are the best.
The nicest sites are shown to the guest -
and never mind the rest.

Our leaders are wealthy,
our leaders are good.
I'm sure they would share their wealth
with us if they could.

Our city is Budapest,
in Europe we are the best.
OK, what I mean is the East -
and never mind the West.

The Time Machine

Once a guy made a time machine,
jumped in and said, "Go."
He wanted to see how people lived
a thousand years ago.

Now it was no longer a dream,
he did travel back in time,
He set the date on the dial,
and everything went just fine.

He landed in the year 1,000 -
in the middle of wars.
He got scared, looked at the machine,
but didn't know what it was.

What if someone jumped ahead
1,000 years? It could be done.
The time machine would get there,
but the Earth could be gone.

So, if you have a time machine,
think twice before you roam.
You can travel either way -
but you might not come home.

Junkyard Blues

(Listen to the melody.)

My car is a lemon.
My computer is junk.
My assets are garbage.
My life stinks like a skunk.
My food is leftover
(and you would consider it trash).
I don't qualify for a loan,
and I have less and less cash.
I am a total failure
in every regard.
But baby, you are a queen!
I mean,
in my junkyard.

To Make a Long Story Short

At school I was a bad boy,
the baddest of them all.
The principal called in my parents,
they were not happy at all.

They tried to teach me manners,
they tried to teach me reason.
To make a long story short,
I ended up in prison.

After I got out I met a girl.
She was nice but was a whore.
I started drinkin' and she left me,
and I just drank even more.

There was this guy whom I tried to kill,
he beat me up beyond repair.
To make a long story short,
I ended up in a wheelchair.

And I talked bad and swore a lot,
and of God I often made fun.
The minister came and said,"calm down,
your day will soon come,

don't enrage the only being
who could help you and treat you well."
To make a long story short,
I ended up in Hell.

To Make a Short Story Long

To make a long story short:
Jane, I'm in love. O Lord!
You know I always liked you,
and you liked me, too.

When I asked, you said, "all right."
It turned out to be the perfect night.
When we went to bed with nothing on,
you noticed I was already turned on.

And when we had oral sex,
I had a fantastic climax.
When we were back on the street,
I still had a faster heart beat.

I am not just one of those men.
When we parted, I said, "see you again."
Because this is love, you know.
And I'm not gonna let you go.

My feelings are so strong --
Let's make a short story long.
Don't let me just long, long.
Let's make our story long, long.

Here We Go Again

There was a little girl,
she lived over the sea,
but her family brought her
to my town, and she met me.

The two of us were done,
it was love at first sight.
A week later she was gone,
I cried day and night.

I had loved girls before,
I had lost all of them.
So I felt more and more
like "here we go again,
here we go again, my god,
here we go again."


A few years later -
already at college -,
I met another girl,
of the same image.

We started dating,
and ended up in bed.
But love was fading,
and finally it was dead.

Yes, this girl ran away,
ran away with other men,
and I said, "hey,
here we go again,
here we go again, I see,
here we go again."


A couple of years went by,
the first girl and I re-met.
She had another guy,
but still loved me, she said.

We had a nice rendezvous.
She said, "now that you're found,
I have a new interest in you.
How about a second round?"

I didn't give a quick answer,
I counted slowly to ten,
but I wanted to have her,
I said, "here we go again,
here we go again, my dear,
here we go again."


We got married, but the marriage
did not last very long.
We just could not manage
our differences, which were strong.

I divorced and remarried,
and I had other lovers,
my true feelings remained buried,
as I chose others and others.

I was damned to lose my head,
every now and then,
so it was often that I said,
"here we go again,
here we go again, o Lord,
here we go again."

Last E-mail

This is the last e-mail you will get.
To keep in touch we will have better ways.
I can't wait until we go to bed
and stay there, stay there for days.

This is the last e-mail you will get,
I can't wait until you open the door.
Can't wait until I have you back.
I can't wait, can't wait anymore.

This is the last e-mail you will get.
This was long enough to be alone.
I'll teach you a lesson you'll never forget:
there's no place, no place like home.

One Hug

When our guests had gone
I said, let's have some fun.
May I give you a hug?
She said, "A hug? All right,
but just one.
All right, but just one."

So I started hugging her




and fourty minutes later
she said, "This was a good one,
this was a good one."


When you lose your home,
you also lose a homeland.
You are everywhere at home,
but you can't invite any friend.

Your grocery store is the garbage bin,
your office is the street.
You live on ice, which is thin,
and you don't have anyone to meet.

You don't have a job, you don't have a place,
you don't have anything.
What would you say to the well-known question:
"What do you do for a living?"

Well, I try
not to die.
That's what I do for a living.
I try, I try
not to die,
and that's what I do for a living.

I'm still better off than a jackal.
He finds dead meat, but doesn't find bread.
Sometimes I find some food, but that's all,
and newspapers are my bed.

To ask people is no longer a bother,
and I do, from time to time.
Hi, how'ya doin', brother,
can you spare a dime?

I don't have a job, I don't have a place,
I don't have anything.
But my face is a happy face,
and the morning finds me grinning.

I try, I try
not to die,
that's what I do for a living.
I try, I try
not to die,
and that's all I can do for a living.

I Love You

I tell you you are not perfect,
you don't resemble a star.
Your measurements are not quite right,
from a beauty queen you are far.

But I love you, I love you
just the way you are.
I love you, I love you
just the way you are.

When a week ago I picked you up
in a bar, in a bar,
you drank too much and we made love
in the car, in the car.
You got ashamed but I love you
just the way you are.
I love you, I love you
just the way you are.

It would be nice to get together
before I die, before I die.
I want a marriage - and you are married,
but not to the right guy.
Still I love you, I love you
just the way you are.
I love you, I love you
just the way you are.


I must admit,
I can't stand it,
that you are so far away, Irene.
I don't know what this is,
but I miss your kisses
and I miss your food, Irene.

Irene, Irene,
I haven't seen,
I haven't seen you for so long.
Without any warning,
you left me in a morning,
you didn't even say, "so long."

I was your lover,
you've found another,
and now you are satisfied, Irene.
It's okay, I say,
have it your way,
have it with anyone, Irene.

Irene, Irene,
I miss you, darlin',
I am a total wreck.
I live alone,
but call me on the phone
before you wanna move back.

Don't Worry

She said I was likeable
but she had no energy.
To fool around was impossible,
so she would not fool with me.

She took care of her mother,
she took care of her cat.
She couldn't tolerate any other
being in her flat.


That's all right, baby,
that's all right.
I feel fine, baby,
day and night.
I will find, baby,
another nice lady.
Don't worry
about me,
that's all right.

She said I was a nice guy
from head to toe,
she wanted to say good-bye,
but just could not do so.

She said she would be
so sorry, so sorry,
but she did not want to love me
just out of sympathy.

(Refr.: That's all right, baby...)

Don't feel sorry, baby,
I let you go.
Never say "maybe,"
when you really mean "no."

We get hurts and sores,
life isn't always nice,
and our greatest hopes
just won't materialize.

(Refr.: That's all right, baby...)

Only on CNN

Turn off the world,
turn on the TV.
Pick any war
you want to see.
Yes, you can.
Only on CNN.

You are safe at home,
the reporters are on site.
you can see the smoke,
you can see the fight.
Yes, you can!
Only on CNN.

You can see a missile,
sitting in the silo.
The war is just about to start.
Be the first to know
what is to be hit and when.
Only on CNN.

Oh no, oh no.
I'd like to pretend,
This is only a show,
and it will soon end.
and there will be no war then --
only on CNN.
No real war again--
only on CNN.

When God Created The Woman

When God created the woman,
He must have been in a very good mood.
He took a rib from the man --
a spare part, which wasn't used.
The rib was thin like a bone,
He added fat -- and beauty was born,
and man had fun, as much as he could!
When God created the woman,
He must have been in a very good mood.

When God created the woman,
it must have been Creation's best.
There was joy in Heaven,
everybody admired the newest guest.
Because she had a double breast,
a nice behind, and all the rest
that was needed for womanhood.
When God created the woman,
He must have been in a very good mood.

Baby, think of this for a minute.
I'm so lucky that you are mine.
we have a nice body, and you're in it.
And see? All was God's design.
And that's why men -- young and old --
say "Hallelujah" and "Praise the Lord."
We think of Him with gratitude.
When God created the woman,
He must have been in a very good mood.

Feminist say it's not polite
to imply that women are only beauties.
I agree, most of them are bright,
but even the dumb ones have the goodies.
Most women are smart and neat,
some are bitchy, some are sweet.
But women make our world so good -
because when God created the woman,
He WAS in a very good mood!

I'd Like to Find Someone

I'd like to find someone
before I die,
who would tell me nice things,
but never a lie.
I would like to find
an honest person.
Is there one?
Of that I'm not not certain.

I want to find someone
who wants to find me.
It's not important
whether it's she or he.
Be it a good woman
or a good guy.
I'd like to find someone
before I die.

I'd like to find someone
who knows my heart,
who knows that I'm good --
if not very smart.
People say it's Jesus
and that He would care.
The thing is, I don't see Him

Blind Date

Someone is waiting for me,
somebody waiting.
I'm walking down the road,

Really, I should know more,
but it's too late.
This is gonna be, gonna be
a blind date.

It may be a lovely angel
or someone from Hell?
Is it a man or a woman?
I cannot tell.

What am I supposed to do --
rush or wait?
This is gonna be, gonna be
a blind date.

Someone is looking for me,
someone I've never met,
someone who knows my past
and my future yet.

I guess I should stop walking,
or should procrastinate.
But I could not fool my fate,
and this is a blind date.

Let Them Have A Chance

Don't kill a cow
with an unborn calf in the womb.

Don't kill a bird
with unhatched eggs in the nest.

Don't kill a poet
with unwritten words in the head.

Let them do
what they do best.


Let'em have a chance,
let'em have a chance
for a future you don't destroy.

Let'em have a chance,
let'em have a chance,
to enrich our life with joy.

Don't kill a tree,
which might give you shadow.

Don't kill a river
abounding in fish.

Don't kill a baby,
who might become your doctor.

Let them live
as they wish.


Somebody Cryin'

I hear a cry, somebody's cryin',
I hear a cry, somebody's hurt.
What shall I do to tell the victim
that this cry has been heard?

I hear, I hear somebody cryin',
I've called the cops, they should come soon.
No one is here, just the three of us.
And the woods. And the Moon.

It may be a child, may be a woman.
Someone is cryin' in despair.
What can I do? I can do nothin'
from my house, from my wheelchair.

Now the cry stops, the woods are silent,
I hope the victim will survive somehow.
Where are the cops? I hope they are comin',
they should be here by now.


My wife does not like
the poems I write.
She says they are too sad.
"Count your blessings instead."

All right. There are things that are good.
I have eyes. At the moment. Knock on wood.

I have a mouth -- but
I'd better keep it shut.

I have a brain - second rate,
but it has ideas to contemplate.

I have a nose to smell
things that already smell.

I have a good enough stomach,
but there are things I can't stomach.

I'm not addicted to nicotine,
stopped smoking at thirteen.

My attitude is positive.
I'm not H.I.V. positive.

I don't have cancer, not a bit -
at least I don't know of it.

My boss is perfect (he believes).
Plus, I have a relief when he leaves.

So my life is better than I thought.
I do have blessings. A lot.

And... I have a wife. She's never wrong.
But I'll sing about her in another song.

Letter to Dara

O Dara, little Dara-ling,
I'm writing this when you are not even two.
Your Irish Daddy and American Mommy
do for you everything they can do.

I cannot do for you anything
from Hungary, a continent away,
but I hope you'll fish this letter out
from the ocean of the Internet one day.

And little Dara, sweet Dara-ling,
by hearing my voice you will understand
that there's an old man who loves you, too,
and you can grab his virtual hand.

I loved your grandmother but we divorced,
and now I feel lonely, very lonely,
because I lost with this divorce
a lot of people, a whole family.

I lost her brothers, I lost her son,
I lost her daughter (who is your Mommy),
and I'm going to lose you, little Dara,
unless you find this letter and find me.

I hope I will be still around
when you find a nice guy to marry,
and I might be invited to your wedding
as your Hungarian ex-step-grand-daddy.

See also my poems and wisecracks.