Ideas Up for Grabs

Mothers-to-Daughters Genealogy

It is the tradition of genealogical research to write family history from the perspective of men. Part of this could be that it is much easier to follow the father's line than that of the mother's. But if you think of it, mothers usually pass on to children much more than fathers do. Not the name and property but a whole set of values, behavioral patterns, even the language (mother tongue), the songs, a lot of practical tricks, from family recipes to personal hygiene. In one word: mothers pass on the most fundamental elements of culture.

And mothers pass on to daughters more than they pass on to sons. There is a whole treasury of women's secrets about how to handle kitchen utensils, animals, food -- and men. (I'm not saying that all this is good and useful. Most of the bad habits and self-defeating strategies of women is passed on from generation to generation exactly the same way. But this is just the malfunctioning of an otherwise well functioning system.)

It would be only logical to follow this path and look for repetitive patterns, which makes up the soul of the family. Most father-to-son genealogical projects are futile, since they focus on things which look good on paper but in real life are hardly connected. Not to mention the fact that even the very concept of fatherhood is rather vague and difficult to prove. (In this area DNA checks are promising. But in cases they were actually used, they pointed to an unbelievably messy genetic situation.) We must assume that it happens even in the best families that it is not the father's hereditary material that the child carries on. And if this can happen once, it may happen more, which makes the whole focus pointless.

In my own family it can be clearly pointed out that the pattern of social timidity and an extreme degree of the sense of risk has been passed on from mother to daughter, and traces of it was manifest in sisters as well. On the other hand, the brothers were not that similar, and they also differed from their fathers. Of course, this social timidity did not show fully in the life of the sons, but the sense of risk, the cautious handling of money did. Certain elements of values were inherited through the mother's line.

It would make a lot of sense if the female-based family histories of a whole community (say, a village) would be written. It could show not only the transfer of physical features (such as hair color, height, weight, the shape of the body or the shape of noses, ears, mouths and lips) but also that of the skills, behavior, family sayings and truisms.

I should deal with the history of my own family (up from daughters to mothers and grandmothers), and I believe I might learn a thing or two from it. But this information could also be useful to others. And not only to women.

Everybody should write this book.

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