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BIG BANG BACKWARDS
by Harrison Bae Wein

There had been one like her before. It was a balb/c laboratory mouse subjected to a random mutagenesis. Like her, the mouse affected the gravitational waves around itself. Unlike her, it never learned to control its ability.

One evening a laboratory worker attempted to put a notch into its left ear. The mouse panicked, and the surrounding air rushed in with a loud pop to fill the vacuum where the lab worker’s hand had been, the hand having collapsed into a single point in space. The lab worker, seeing his missing left hand, fainted from the shock and never regained consciousness. He died from the massive loss of blood, and was found the next morning in a red congealed pool.

As for the mouse, dropped unceremoniously on the floor, she was never seen again, and no one ever knew what happened to her, much less what had happened to the dead laboratory worker with the missing left hand. In fact, the mouse had escaped into the basement of the building, where she promptly contracted a respiratory infection and died.

It is unclear what led to the genesis of the first human with such powers. It was likely a form of random mutagenesis as well. Her father smoked cigarettes and worked in a scientific supply company packing radioactive isotopes for laboratory use. Her mother similarly smoked, used artificial sweeteners, and ate packaged fruit pies. They lived beneath high voltage power lines in a development built on a toxic waste dump downwind of a pesticide manufacturing plant.

But whatever the reason, she started to realize that she was different from the other children by the time that she was five years old. The doctors had never been able to figure out the aberrations in the readings on the scale when she was weighed. She was in fine shape, and always had been, but the scale consistently read a considerably higher number than seemed reasonable when they looked at her.

At the age of five, an approaching snowball led her to the discovery that she could exert an influence on the speed of objects approaching her. Her parents quickly dismissed her fanciful claims, but by the age of six she was destined never to miss a ball thrown at her, never to miss a target, never to lose a jumping contest or any other athletic event. After seeing her parents' reaction, she told no one else her secret. Those who watched her could never understand how she did it; she simply didn’t seem to have the muscle mass to accomplish the things she did.

At the age of nine, she made a dog which was biting her completely disappear, and she realized that this was indeed a serious ability, one that she needed to learn to control more carefully. She taught herself to suppress her emotions. Fear and anger were promptly recognized and beaten down whenever they arose. She learned to comfort herself in her anger by reminding herself that her revenge would always be sweet and always be anonymous: children hung by their underpants on fence posts, embarrassing notes lifted from pockets and deposited on the desks of gossips and teachers, objects mysteriously hitting her enemies on the backs of their heads when no one was behind them.

Yet she was not malicious. She used her power only as a last resort. It never occurred to her to use her gift for the good of humanity, or to tell anyone about it so that it could be studied as one of the truly new abilities bestowed on the human race. She lived her life quietly, excelling at sports, hungrily studying her chemistry and her physics in an attempt to understand who she was.

She had a boyfriend in her senior year of high school. When they kissed for the first time, their embrace became more overwhelming than anything she had ever felt. They were drawing together, united as they were always meant to be. And then she realized that he was crying out into her mouth as their teeth clicked violently together. He was completely out of breath when she let him go. She tried to explain away the incident as an unfortunate side effect of her athleticism, but he never kissed her again, and they broke up soon afterward.

From then onward, she was very reserved in her relationships. During her first years of college, she had several dates, but she was always sure to keep her emotions in control. The young men found her distant and cold, and rarely asked for a second date.

But then she met someone, a senior who shared her interest in the physical sciences, who like her was fascinated by the world and how it worked and how all the mysterious forces around them came together. She decided that she could confide in him. She told him about her ability, and he thought her insane until she demonstrated for him. His mind was open, and he accepted what he saw. He kept her gift a secret, and they became lovers. She was timid at first, careful to regain her concentration when she felt herself losing control. She was never able to fully enjoy the physical pleasures, rather accepting them in small, measured doses.

As time passed, he gradually learned how to please her, and one night she was unable to hold herself back. She let herself climax and felt the contractions taking over her body, her head awash with rushing stars. It was like nothing she had ever experienced—a total release of inhibition, a release of control.

It all happened very quickly. Her boyfriend was drawn into her womb in an instant. The bed, then the room, the college, the town, the country, the continent, the earth itself—they all collapsed uncontrollably into her womb by the time she even realized what was happening.

The reaction was impossible to stop. She saw the solar system rushing toward her, its gases and dust collapsing into her. Asteroids, meteorites, planets, stars, galaxies—she watched as the entire universe collapsed around her. She wept at what she was doing and wondered how it could end as she absorbed more and more of existence.

Far at the edge of the universe, the Rajcryfeefrets were the last ones to go. What for her took an instant, lasted hundreds of years for the Rajcryfeefrets, who came into existence as a species only after the universe had been contracting for thousands of years. They had known this was coming for centuries and so had time to prepare as best they could. They watched from roofs and mountaintops as their sun was subsumed and their world became dark. They communicated telepathically with each other, sending out and receiving radio waves in a panicked jumble, squawking in terror as the moment that they had all known all their lives would come finally arrived, and they felt themselves crushed together into nothingness.

She barely knew what had happened until she opened her eyes and saw only black space. There was nothing around her now. She could still feel her body, full with the universe, but she could not see it, as light did not exist anymore.

She felt rumblings inside her. The pressure began to build. She tried to keep it inside, but she felt a painful tearing begin, and then suddenly she exploded.

She was everywhere, and she was nowhere. Hurled at the speed of light in every direction, she could see it all now, she was part of it all.

She had much time to think. It would be a long time until she had company again, she knew. She would have to rebuild slowly, piece by piece. She would need to start with the protons, the electrons, the neutrons. She would need to manipulate atoms to create molecules, then create larger compounds from those. She would need to make dust, rocks, planets, stars. She would need to make bacteria, plants, and people. She would make it all the way it was before, and then she would start from there. It would be the most difficult thing she had ever done.

But then, she had all the time in the universe.



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