Various Riddles 70
1. Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
Ans. So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
2. Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
Ans. Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
3. Why are movie stars so cool?
Ans. Because they have many fans!
4. Did you hear the story about the peacock?
Ans. It's a beautiful tail!
5. Did you hear about the comedian owl?
Ans. He was a real hoot.
6. Why did the cat sit on the computer?
Ans, To keep an eye on the mouse.
7. Where do American cows come from?
Ans. Moo York.
8. What do you call a fish that can communicate in binary?
Ans. A Data Bass.
9. If a basketball team were chasing a baseball team, what time would it be?
Ans. Five after nine.
10. What do you get when you cross a centipede and a parrot?
Ans. A walkie talkie!
11. Why did the baker stop baking bread?
Ans. Because he wasn't making enough dough.
12. When do cannibals leave the table?
Ans. When everyone's eaten.
13. What's a King's favorite clothing?
Ans. A reign coat.
14. Did you hear about the guy that stayed up all night to see where the sun went?
Ans. It finally dawned on him.
15. What's a flea's favorite way to travel?
Ans. Itch-hiking.
16. Why is perfume so obedient?
Ans. Because it's scent everywhere it goes.
17. What happened when the wheel was invented?
Ans, It caused a revolution.
18. Why did the teacher carry birdseed?
Ans. For the parrot Teacher conference.
19. How to you organize a spacey party?
Ans. You planet.
20. What happens to frogs with too many parking tickets?
Ans. They get toad.
21. What rock group has four men who don't sing?
Ans. Mount Rushmore.
22. What is the loudest state?
Ans. ILLI-NOISE
23. What has four legs and only one foot?
Ans. A bed.
24. What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?
Ans. Yankee Poodle!
25. Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army?
Ans. He was a Yankee doodler!
26. What's the difference between chopping up a lawyer and chopping up an onion?
Ans. You cry when you chop up an onion!
27. What do you do when you are born with two navels?
Ans. Give one to the navel reserve.
28. What would happen if Satan lost his hair?
Ans. There would be hell toupee.
29. What did Sherlock Holmes tell his sidekick upon discovering a tree producing sour fruit?
Ans. A Lemon Tree, My Dear Watson.
30. What's a bee's favorite song?
Ans. Stinging in the Rain.
31. What do you get if you cross a turtle with a porcupine?
Ans. A slowpoke
32. When were King Arthur's army too tired to fight?
Ans. When they had lots of sleepless knights!
33. What did the computer do at lunchtime?
Ans. Had a byte!
34. Why did the pig go to the casino?
Ans. To play the slop machine!
35. How do you take a pig to hospital?
Ans. By Hambulance!
36. How is a cat drinking milk like a track star?
Ans. They both enjoy taking a few laps.
37. Why did the leper baseball pitcher retire?
Ans. He threw his arm out.
38. What do snakes put on their kitchen floors?
Ans. Rep-tiles.
39. Why was the broom late?
Ans. Because it overswept!
40. What did Ernie say to Burt when asked if he wanted ice cream?
Ans. Sure-Burt!
41. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Ans. Because he was feeling a little crummy!
42. What is unique about a goose?
Ans. It grows down as it grows up.
43. How do you cut a wave?
Ans. With a sea saw.
44. Why did the three little pigs leave home?
Ans. Their father was an awful boar.
45. Why don't mummies take vacations?
Ans. They're afraid they'll relax and unwind!
46. Why is taking Viagra like an attraction at Disneyland?
Ans. You have to wait an hour for a two minute ride!
47. Why did the magazine editor go see a shrink?
Ans. He had some issues.
48. Why did the casino's black-jack person go see a shrink?
Ans. He couldn't deal with it any more.
49. If you have it, you want to share it. If you share it, you don't have it. What is it?
Ans. A secret.
50. The more you have of it, the less you see. What is it?
Ans. Darkness
51. What gets whiter the dirtier that it gets?
Ans. A chalkboard
52. What happened in the middle of the twentieth century that will not happen again for 4,000 years?
Ans. The year 1961 can be read upside down and that won't happen again until 6009!
53. What has no beginning, end, or middle?
Ans. A doughnut.
54. What has to be broken before it can be used?
Ans. An egg.
55. What does no man want, yet no man wants to lose?
Ans. Work - Employment
56. How many bricks does it take to complete a building made of brick?
Ans. Only one, the last one.
57. What is everything to someone, and nothing to everyone else?
Ans. Your mind.
58. Big as a biscuit, deep as a cup, even a river can't fill it up. What is it?
Ans. A kitchen strainer.
59. What goes up and never comes down?
Ans. Your age.
60. What's the greatest worldwide use of cowhide?
Ans. To cover cows.
61. What's long and thin, covered in skin; red in parts, and put in tarts?
Ans. Rhubarb.
62. What has feet and legs, and nothing else?
Ans. Stockings
63. What is the moon worth?
Ans. $1, because it has 4 quarters.
64. What grows when it eats, but dies when it drinks?
Ans. A candle.
65. What stays where it is when it goes off?
Ans. An alarm clock
66. If a plane crashed on the border of England and Scotland, where would
they bury the survivors?
Ans. you don't bury survivors
67. What never gets any wetter, no matter how much it rains?
Ans. The sea!
68. Barbie & Ken arrive at a fancy restaurant in her pink Corvette. Who parks the car?
Ans. Valet of the Dolls.
69. What kind of book would a car write?
Ans. An Autobiography.
70. Why did the king go to the dentist?
Ans. To get his teeth crowned!
71. What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?
Ans. A headbanger!
72. Why don't chickens play sports?
Ans. Because they hit fowl balls.
73. What did the blanket say to the bed?
Ans. "Don't worry, I've got you covered!"
74. What happens when a cat eats a lemon?
Ans. It becomes a sourpuss.
75. What do you get when you cross a skunk with a boomerang?
Ans. A smell you can't get rid of!
76. What do you call the moisture generated when a couple from Arkansas has sex?
Ans. Relative Humidity!
77. How can you tell when your getting old?
Ans. You have to marinate your Jello.
78. What did the spider do on the computer?
Ans. Made a website.
79. What do stylish frogs wear?
Ans. Jumpsuits.
80. What bird is the best weightlifter?
Ans. The crane.
81. What sweets do geologists like?
Ans. Rock candy.
82. What do basketball players read in their spare time?
Ans. Tall tales.
83. Did you hear about the unique platypus?
Ans. He was unlike all the otters.
84. What did the Cardiologist diagnose his patient with after seeing a tortoise in his X-Ray.
Ans. A turtle eclipse of the heart.
85. What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
Ans. "I think I'm coming down with something."
86. What songs do the planets sing?
Ans. Neptunes.
87. What do you call a dead parrot?
Ans. A polygon!
88. How many people are there in Rio?
Ans. At least a Brazilian.
89. Why did they have a funeral for the frog?
Ans. Because he croaked.
90. Why did the ox lose his job on the farm?
Ans. Because he couldn't take a yoke.
91. What do birds need when they are sick?
Ans. A tweetment!
92. How do you make a tissue dance?
Ans. Put a little boogey in it!
93. Did you hear that someone broke into our local police station and stole the toilet?
Ans. Right now the cops have nothing to go on.
94. What does a bee use to brush its hair?
Ans. A honeycomb!
95. What kind of vegetable do you get when a giant walks through your garden?
Ans. A squash.
96. What tree is karate champion?
Ans. Spruce Lee.
97. How does a musician brush his teeth?
Ans. With a tuba toothpaste.
98. What is the easiest house to pick up?
Ans. A light house.
99. How do monkeys go down the stairs?
Ans. They slide down the banana-sters.
100. What did the policeman says to the two boys playing in the cemetary?
Ans. Quit that. You might be in grave danger.