Various Riddles 69
1. What did the fisherman say to the magician?
Ans. Take a cod, any cod.
2. Why don't you ever see chickens in the zoo?
Ans. Because they can't afford the admission.
3. Why can't you see the invisible man's mother and father?
Ans. They're trans-parents.
4. How does the universe hold up its pants?
Ans. With an asteroid belt.
5. Where should a baseball player never wear red?
Ans. In the bull pen.
6, Why did Frankie Avalon refuse to walk a tightrope in his�last beach movie?
Ans. He was afraid to work without Annette.
7. What happened when a dog sneaked into the flea circus?
Ans. He stole the whole show.
8. Where do you go to replace a lost chess piece?
Ans. A pawn shop.
9. What do you call a cow with only two right legs?
Ans. Lean Beef.
10. Why are robots never afraid?
Ans. They have nerves of steel.
11. What is plowed but never planted?
Ans. Snow.
12. Why can't anyone understand zippers?
Ans. They only talk in zip codes.
13. Where does the army get supplies?
Ans. The General Store.
14. Where can a burger get a good night's sleep?
Ans. On a bed of lettuce.
15. How is a cat drinking milk like a track star?
Ans. They both enjoy taking a few laps.
16. Why did the leper baseball pitcher retire?
Ans. He threw his arm out.
17. Why couldn't the sesame seed leave the gambling casino?
Ans. Because he was on a roll.
18. What did the cannibal order for take-out?
Ans. Pizza with everyone on it.
19. Who is the poorest guy in West Virginia?
Ans. The Tooth Fairy.
20. Why did the ref call a penalty during the Leper Hockeya�game?
Ans. Because there was a face off in the corner.
21. What do you call a sheep that does karate?
Ans. A lamb chop
22, Where do geologists go for good music?
Ans. To a rock concert!
23. What did the lettuce farmer use to fix the rip in his �pants?
Ans. A cabbage patch.
24. Why did the tree get lost in the woods?
Ans. It took the wrong root.
25. Why couldn't the orange cross the street?
Ans. It ran out of juice!
26. What do you get from a pampered cow?
Ans. Spoiled milk.
27. Why did the policeman go to the bathroom?
Ans. He needed to do his duty.
28. What did the necktie say to the hat?
Ans. You go on a head. I'll hang around for awhile.
29. What is a tree's favorite drink?
Ans. Root beer.
30. Where do fortunetellers dance?
Ans. At the crystal ball.
31. What has 4 legs but can't walk?
Ans. A table.
32. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Ans. Put the remote control between his toes.
33. What do you call a German with a bad attitude?
Ans. A sour crout.
34. Why was Elmo's report card all wet?
Ans. Because his grades were all below "C" level.
35. Why did the doughnut go to the dentist?
Ans. To get a chocolate filling.
36. Why did the deck of cards get in trouble?
Ans. The joker was wild.
37. How do they fry their eggs in Never-Never-Land?
Ans. With a Peter Pan.
38. How do you stop a rhino from charging?
Ans. Take away its credit card.
39. What do basketball players read in their spare time?
Ans. Tall tales.
40. What is black and white, black and white, black and��white?
Ans. A zebra caught in a revolving door.
41. What are a plumber's favorite shoes?
Ans. Clogs.
42. Why did the leper get in a car accident?
Ans. He left his foot on the gas.
43. What do elves learn in school?
Ans. The elf-abet.
44. What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
Ans. Plymouth rock.
45. How do you know when you're really ugly?
Ans. Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
46. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is�flying at half mast?
Ans. They're hiring.
47. Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?
Ans. She ran away from the ball.
48. If big elephants have big trunks, what do small�elephants have?
Ans. Suitcases.
49. Where can a rabbit get a great night's sleep?
Ans. On a bed of lettuce.
50. What part of the turkey is musical?
Ans. The drumstick.
51. What did the squirrel say to his girlfriend?
Ans. I'm nuts about you.
52. What is a cow's favorite holiday?
Ans. Moo year's day.
53. How can you tell if a calendar is popular?
Ans. It has a lot of dates.
54. Why did the elephant quit his job?
Ans. He was tired of working for peanuts.
55. Why can't the leopard hide?
Ans. Because he's always spotted.
56. What do you call a scared dinosaur?
Ans. A nervous Rex.
57. What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with�the Titanic?
Ans. Only half way.
58. Why can't a woman ask her brother for help?
Ans. Because he can't be a brother and assist her too.
59. What do potatoes wear to bed?
Ans. Their yammies.
60. How can you get four suits for a dollar?
Ans. Buy a deck of cards.
61. What do lawyers wear to court?
Ans. Lawsuits.
62. What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Ans. Boo-berries.
63. What did the invisible kid call his parents?
Ans. Transparents.
64. What did one potato chip say to the other?
Ans. Care to go for a dip.
65. Why do fish live in salt water?
Ans. Because pepper makes them sneeze.
66. If you peel my skin I won't cry, but you will.�What am I?
Ans. An onion!
67. What do you call a cat who eats lemons?
Ans. A sour puss!
68. What happened to the butcher?
Ans. He backed into a meat cutter and got a little behind in�his work.
69. What's the definition of Macho?
Ans. A guy jogging home from a vasectomy.
70. What has four legs and flies?
Ans. Two pairs of pants.
71. How do you start a book about ducks?
Ans. With an introducktion.
72. Where does Judge Dracula work?
Ans. Night Court.
73. If dogs go to obedience school, where do cats go?
Ans. Kittygarten.
74, What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
Ans. You are too young to smoke.
75. Why are there so many Johnson's in the phone book?
Ans. They all have phones.
76. How do you make sure that no one steals your bagel?
Ans. You put lox on it.
77. Where do flowers sleep?
Ans. In a flower bed.
78. Do you know what you call a cow wearing hay?
Ans. Cow-moflage.
79. Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
Ans. The heat was intense.
80. Why couldn't the sesame seed leave the gambling casino?
Ans. Because he was on a roll.
81. What did the mother skunk say to her teenage skunk?
Ans. Don't stink and drive.
82. What would happen if a dairy cow exploded?
Ans. Udder madness!
83, What do you call a cow spying on another cow?
Ans. A steak out.
84. What gets bigger the more you take from it?
Ans. A hole.
85. What do polar bears get when they sit on the snow for too long?
Ans. Polaroids.
86. What game do cows play at parties?
Ans. Mooosical Chairs.
87. What's a flea's favorite way to travel?
Ans. Itch-hiking.
88. Why couldn't the athlete listen to his music?
Ans. Because he broke the record!
89. Where should you put the officers in a military�orchestra?
Ans. In the brass section.
90. What do detectives do when they are scared?
Ans. They go undercover.
91. How can you communicate with a fish?
Ans. Drop the fish a line.
92. What has two legs but doesn't walk?
Ans. A pair of pants.
93. How did the farmer find his daughter?
Ans. Tract-or.
94. What did the piano say to the angry metronome?
Ans. Tempo Tempo Tempo.
95. What did the bee say to the flower?
Ans. What time do you open.
96. Why did the man take a ruler to bed?
Ans. He wanted to measure how long he slept.
97. How do you buy a thundercloud?
Ans. With a rain check.
98. What do you call a pony that can't whinny?
Ans. A little hoarse.
99. What did the hot dog say when he finished the race first?
Ans. I'm a wiener.
100. What sea animal can sing the best.
Ans. An Octave-pus.