Various Riddles 68
1. Have you heard of that disease that you get from kissing birds?
Ans. Chirpes. It's one of those canarial diseases. I hear it's untweetable.
2. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
Ans. A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
3. Why do elephants drink so much?
Ans. To try to forget.
4. What do you get when two giraffes collide?
Ans. A giraffic jam.
5. Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
Ans. To avoid the draft.
8. What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
Ans. Laughing stock.
9. What kind of snack do little monkeys have with their milk?
Ans. Chocolate chimp cookies.
10. What's a cat's favorite breakfast?
Ans. Mice Krispies.
11. What do whale's like to chew?
Ans. Blubber gum.
12. What's the best way to call a Tyrannosaurus Rex?
Ans. Long distance!
13. What does a Triceratops sit on?
Ans. It's Tricera-bottom!
14. What dinosaur would you find in a rodeo?
Ans. Bronco-saurus!
15. What dinosaur can't stay out in the rain?
Ans. Stegosaur-rust!
16. Why didn't Noah go fishing?
Ans. He only had two worms.
17. Why didn't they play cards on the ark?
Ans. Because Noah was sitting on the deck.
18. What dinosaur loves pancakes?
Ans. A tri-syrup-tops.
19. What notes do the tightrope-musician have to worry about?
Ans. C sharp or B flat.
20. What happened when the cow jumped over the barbed wire?
Ans. It was an udder catastrophe.
21. What's stranger than seeing a catfish?
Ans. Seeing a goldfish bowl.
22. Who was Tonto looking for in the bank?
Ans. The Loan Arranger
23. What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
Ans. "Satisfaction guaranteed or your mummy back"
24. What did the bartender ask Charles Dickens when he ordered a martini?
Ans. Olive or twist?
25. Why don't cheerleaders make good comedians?
Ans. Because they're good at kick lines, not punch lines.
26. Who was the greatest obstretician in the Bible?
Ans. Moses. He delivered all the children of Israel.
27. Who was the greatest male financier in the Bible?
Ans. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
28. What do you get when you stack Batman, Superman, and Spider-Man?
Ans. A superhero sandwich.
29. What did the wall say to the ceiling?
Ans. Meet you at the corner.
30. What was the spider doing on the computer?
Ans. Searching the web.
31. What is a frog's favorite drink?
Ans. Croak-a-cola.
32. Where do Crayola employees go for vacation?
Ans. The Grand Crayon-yon.
33. Where do you buy chess supplies?
Ans. At a pawn shop.
34. Why can't Cinderella play soccer?
Ans. Because she always runs away from the ball.
35. What's a golfer's favorite letter?
Ans. T.
36. What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
Ans. "I think I'm coming down with something."
37. What songs do the planets sing?
Ans. Neptunes.
38. What belongs to you but is used more by others?
Ans. Your Name.
39. What word if pronounced right is wrong but if pronounced wrong is right?
Ans. Wrong.
40. What are dogs clothes made out of?
Ans. Mutterial
41. Why did the soldier salute the tiger?
Ans. The tiger had more stripes.
42. Where is the best place to build a ghost house?
Ans. On a dead-end street.
43. What kind of cat don't you want to play games with?
Ans. A Cheetah.
44. What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?
Ans. Booties.
45. Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?
Ans. They have snowcaps.
46. What animals need oil?
Ans. Mice, they squeak.
47. Why does a blonde nurse carry around a red pen?
Ans. To draw blood.
48. What is once in a minute, twice in a moment, and never�in a thousand years?
Ans. The letter M!
49. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
Ans. Because they're always a little short.
50. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
Ans. He's Dublin over with laughter!
51. What's Irish and stays out all night?
Ans. Patty O'furniture!
52. What do you serve that you can't eat?
Ans. A tennis ball!
53. A man rode out of town on Sunday, he stayed a whole�night at a
hotel and rode back to town the next day�on Sunday, how is this possible?
Ans, His Horse was called Sunday!
54. Why do birds fly South?
Ans. Because it's too far to walk.
55. Why do hummingbirds hum?
Ans. Because they don't know the words.
57. Do you know why redneck murder mysteries are so hard to�solve?
Ans, The DNA is all the same and There are no dental records.
58. Why is it that the hearing of people who work on the�railroad is different from other's people hearing?
Ans. Because they have engine ears.
59. Did you hear about the deadly serpent with a lovely�singing voice?
Ans. It was a choral snake.
60. What did the mother buffalo say to her departing child?
Ans. Bison.
61. What do you call a dinosaur in cowboy boots?
Ans. Tyrannosaurus Tex
62. Do you know how to make an elephant fly?
Ans. Well, first you have to start with a 60 inch zipper...
63. What has four legs and only one foot?
Ans. A bed.
64. What did Sherlock Holmes tell his sidekick upon�discovering a tree
producing sour fruit?
Ans. A Lemon Tree, My Dear Watson.
65. If your mother was born in Iceland and your father was�born in Cuba, what does that make you?
Ans. An ice cube.
66. If you don't feel well, what do you probably have?
Ans. A pair of gloves on your hands.
67. Why did the dinosaur study so hard?
Ans. He wanted to become a thesaurus.
68. Why did Piglet look into the toilet?
Ans. Because he was looking for Pooh.
69. What do you call two bicycles welded together?
Ans. Siamese Schwinn's.
70. What are gas station attendant's favorite shoes?
Ans. Pumps.
71. What ten letter word starts with g-a-s?
Ans. Automobile.
72. What does Dracula take when he's sick?
Ans. Coffin drops!
73. Why did the baker hurl an insult at the bread dough?
Ans. To get a rise out of it.
74. Why did the boy put lipstick on before class started?
Ans. They were having a makeup exam.
75. What did the mama bird say to the baby bird when she�was tucking
the baby bird into bed?
Ans. Tweet tight.
76. Where is King Solomon's temple?
Ans. On the side of his head!
77. What do bananas learn in gymnastics?
Ans. The banana split.
78. What is the most slippery country in the world?
Ans. Greece.
79. What happened when the wheel was invented?
Ans. It caused a revolution.
80. What kind of dog can tell time?
Ans. A watchdog.
81. What do you call a fish that can communicate in binary?
Ans. A Data Bass.
82. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Ans. Breasts don't have eyes.
83. Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Ans. Mace will do that to you.
84. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Ans. Doughnuts.
85. How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the��F-word?
Ans. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell�*BINGO*!
86. Which day is stronger, Sunday or Monday?
Ans. Sunday. Monday is a weekday.
87. What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow?
Ans. An animal that can milk itself.
88. What did the mother ghost tell the baby ghost when he�ate too fast?
Ans. Stop goblin your food.
89. Why do fish avoid the computer?
Ans. So they don't get caught in the Internet.
90. What happened to the
mouse that fell off the shelf and�into a glass of Mountain Dew?
Ans. Nothing, it was a soft drink.
91. What vegetable is dangerous to have aboard ship?
Ans. A leek.
92. What did one worm say to the other
worm?
Ans. Where on earth have you been!
93. Why was the man wearing a hot pad on his head?
Ans. He had a head cold.
94. How does a rose ride a bike?
Ans. By pushing its petals.
95. What did the happy light bulb say to the sad light bulb?
Ans. Why don't you lighten up a bit?
96. What do you call a man wearing an alphabet suit?
Ans. A letter carrier.
97. Why did the dective carry a flashlight?
Ans. He wanted to shed some light on the case.
98. What runs around a baseball field but never moves?
Ans. The fence.
99. What do you call a snowman with sharp teeth?
Ans. Frostbite.
100. What did the traffic light say to the car?
Ans. Don't look, I'm changing.