Various Riddles 67
1. How do garbage men break up with their girlfriends?
Ans. They just dump 'em.
2. What do you call two bicycles welded together?
Ans. Siamese Schwinns.
3. What are gas station attendant's favorite shoes?
Ans. Pumps.
4. What do you call a nun who just passed her bar exam?
Ans. A Sister-In-Law.
5. Where is the best place to make ice cream?
Ans. In Sundae school.
6. What is black and white, black and white, black and white?
Ans. A zebra caught in a revolving door.
7. What are a plumber's favorite shoes?
Ans. Clogs.
8. What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Ans. Bacon and legs.
9. What do you call a frozen policeman?
Ans. A copsicle
10. What does a dancer usually drink?
Ans. Tap water
11. Why did the blonde name her puppies Timex and Rolex?
Ans. Because they were watch dogs.
12. What's a cops favorite Christmas song?
Ans. Police Navidad.
13. If a fire hydrant has H20 on the inside, what is on the outside?
Ans. K9P
14. Where do Egyptians go for back problems?
Ans. The Cairo-practor.
15. What happened to the Indian who drank too much tea?
Ans. He drowned in his teapea.
16. What were Tarzan's last words?
Ans. Who greased the viiiiiiiine?
17. What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
Ans. Translator.
18. What's invisible and smells like carrots?
Ans. Bunny farts!
19. How do you know you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
Ans. When the cake jumps out of the girl!
20. Why does the nurse carry around a red pen?
Ans. To draw blood.
21. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Ans. Because it was dead.
22. Why does the nurse carry around a red pen?
Ans. To draw blood.
23. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Ans. Because it was dead.
24. Why did the bee have sticky hair?
Ans. From using a honey comb.
25. What is green and jumps from bed to bed?
Ans. A prostitoad.
26. What kind of accident did the proctologist have?
Ans. He was rear-ended!
27. Why shouldn't you tell a secret around a clock?
Ans. Because time will tell.
28. What's another name for undercover cops?
Ans. Pigs-in-a-blanket.
29. What do you call a cow that won't give milk?
Ans. A milkdud.
30. What is a bee's favorite band?
Ans. The Bee Gees.
31. What was their #1 song?
Ans. "Stay in the Hive."
32. What is the clumsiest insect?
Ans. The Bumbling Bee.
33. What did the Bee say when he returned to the hive?
Ans. "Honey, I'm Home!"
34. How does the man on the moon get his hair cut?
Ans. Eclipse it.
35. Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party?
Ans. They gave him the cold shoulder.
36. Why did the boy scout get kicked out?
Ans. He was caught eating a brownie.
37. Why was the ghost arrested by the conservation officer?
Ans. Because it was haunting without a license.
38. What did the fish say when he hit a wall?
Ans. Dam.
39. What did one undertaker say to the other?
Ans. Pass me another cold one.
40. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile?
Ans. Get in the Batmobile Robin.
41. What do you call a buncha women hanging around prostitutes?
Ans. Support hos.
42. How do two psychiatrists greet each other?
Ans. You are fine, how am I?
43. What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
Ans. Outlaws are wanted.
44. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work?
Ans. He wanted to transcend dental medication.
45. What's Irish and comes out in the spring?
Ans. Paddy O'Furniture.
46. Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?
Ans. A carrot.
47. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Ans. Bacon and legs!
48. What does a bum call a dumpster?
Ans. Bed and Breakfast.
49. What do you get when you cross a centipede with a turkey?
Ans. Drumsticks for everybody!
50. What does a fish smoke?
Ans. Sea weed
51. What did the snail say when it caught a ride on the back of the turtle as it was crossing the road?
Ans. "WWWEEEEeeeeeeee"
52. What's yellow and goes up and down?
Ans. A banana in an elevator.
53. What do you call a prostitute's children?
Ans. Brothel Sprouts!
54. How does a pig get to the hospital?
Ans. In a hambulance.
55. What do Pirates from India call their flag?
Ans. The Jolly Raja
56. What's dangerous and swings from trees?
Ans. A monkey with a chainsaw.
57. What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow?
Ans. An animal that can milk itself.
58. What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence?
Ans. Time to buy a new fence
59. Why are robots never afraid?
Ans. Because they have nerves of steel.
60. How does a lion like his steak?
Ans. Medium roar.
61. What do frogs eat with their hamburgers?
Ans. French flies.
62. Why was the farmer hopping mad?
Ans. Because someone stepped on his corn.
63. How can you make God laugh?
Ans. Tell Him your plans for the future.
64. What is the difference between erotic and pyschotic?
Ans. Erotic is when you rub your lover's body with a feather. Pyschotic is when you use the whole chicken!
65. What is Buckwheat's Islamic name?
Ans. Kareem of Wheat.
66. Why did the chicken scientist cross the road?
Ans. To invent the other side.
67. Why did chicken Jim Morrison cross the road?
Ans. To break on through to the other side.
68. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
Ans. Is that you, Mama?
69. What did one plate say to the other plate?
Ans. Lunch is on me.
70. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Ans. Because seven ate nine.
71. Why did the man dip his money in water and put it in the freezer?
Ans. He wanted cold hard cash
72. Why do tigers live in the jungle?
Ans. They hate city traffic.
73. Why don't they play poker in the jungle?
Ans. Too many cheetahs.
74. What do you think of Flushing, NY?
Ans. I think it's a great idea.
75. How do you know when you're staying in an Alabama hotel?
Ans. When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at the desk says "go ahead."
76. What do you call 1,000 heavily armed lesbians?
Ans. Militia Etheridge
77. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Ans. Chickens hadn't evolved yet.
78. What does a houseboat become when it grows up?
Ans. A township.
79. Where do you find giant snails?
Ans. On the ends of giant's fingers.
80. What do you get when you cross a snake and a kangaroo?
Ans. A jump rope.
81. If all the women were taken out of circulation, what kind of nation would this be?
Ans. Stag-nation.
82. What do you call a Fairy that doesn't take baths?
Ans. Stinkerbell.
83. Why did Donald Duck go to college?
Ans. He wanted to be a wise quacker.
84. Why did the skeleton play the piano?
Ans. Because he didn't have any organs.
85. Why do elephant tusks stick out?
Ans. Because their parents can't afford braces.
86. Why did piglet look in the toilet?
Ans. He was looking for Pooh.
87. Why did the turkey cross the road?
Ans. It was the chicken's day off.
88. Why did the man destroy his piano?
Ans. He was looking for his keys.
89. Why don't elephants smoke?
Ans. They can't fit their butts in the ashtray.
90. What do you get when you cross a bear and a skunk?
Ans. Winnie the peeee-uuuu.
91. What vegetable do you get when King Kong walks through your garden?
Ans. Squash.
92. What do birds need when they are sick?
Ans. Tweetment.
93. What do you call a sheep with no legs?
Ans. A Ball of Wool.
94. What do potatoes wear to bed?
Ans. Their yammies.
95. What happened when the cow jumped over the barbed wire?
Ans. It was an udder catastrophe.
96. Why do hummingbirds hum?
Ans. Because they don't know the words.
97. Where does a blackbird go for a drink?
Ans. To a crow bar.
98. What did the chick say when it saw an orange in the nest?
Ans. Look at the orange mama laid.
99. Why do hens lay eggs?
Ans. If they dropped them, they'd break.
100. What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?
Ans. A walkie-talkie