Various Riddles 66
1. What do you call a pig that knows karate?
Ans. A pork chop!
2. How can you get four suits for a dollar?
Ans. Buy a deck of cards!
3. Why don't dogs make good dancers?
Ans. Because they have two left feet!
4. What did Mother broom say to Baby broom?
Ans. It's time to go to sweep.
5. What's teenier than a teeny weeny flea?
Ans. A flea's teeny weeny!
6. What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ans. Ground Beef!
7. What came after the stone age and the bronze age?
Ans. The sausage!
8. What did the computer do at lunchtime?
Ans. Had a byte!
9. Where does the one legged waitress work?
Ans. The IHOP.
10. What do cows do for entertainment?
Ans. They rent moovies!
11. David's father has three sons: Snap, Crackle and _____ ?
Ans. David.
12. A cowboy rode to an inn on Friday. He stayed two nights�and left on Friday. How could that be?
Ans. His horse was called Friday.
13. What has a mouth but doesn't eat, a bank with no money, a bed but doesn't sleep, and waves but has no hands?
Ans. A River.
14. What never gets any wetter, no matter how much it rains?
Ans. The sea!
15. On which side does a chicken have the most feathers?
Ans. The outside.
16. How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?
Ans. Your nose touches the ceiling.
17. What do you do when you have three balls on an elephant?
Ans. Walk him and pitch to the rhino!
18. What did the policeman say when a spider ran down his back?
Ans. "You're under a vest!"
19. Why do chicken coops have two doors?
Ans. Because if it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan.
20. What's the difference between an oral and a rectal�thermometer?
Ans. The taste!
21. Why did the leper crash his car?
Ans. He left his foot on the accelerator.
22. What does a skeleton get when he goes to a bar?
Ans. A beer and a mop.
23. If there were 4 potatoes in a room, which one would be�the prostitute?
Ans. The one that's labeled "IDAHO"!
24. What's the definition of an Impotent Loser?
Ans. A guy who can't even get his hopes up.
25. How can you tell if a woman's wearing pantyhose?
Ans. If her ankles swell when she farts.
26. How do you know when you're really a loser?
Ans. When a nymphomaniac says, "Let's just be friends."
27. What goes: vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
Ans. A blond at a flashing red light.
28. How do you get holy water?
Ans. Boil the hell out of it!
29. What do you get from a pampered cow?
Ans. Spoiled milk.
30. Where is baseball mentioned in the Bible?
Ans. In the big inning.
31. What did the chicken say after she laid a square egg?
Ans. Ouch!
32. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Ans. Anyone can roast beef.
33. What did they award the man that invented the door�knocker?
Ans. The No-bell Prize.
34. If you are American in the kitchen, what are you in�the bathroom?
Ans. European.
35. What do you call a man with a car on his head?
Ans. Jack.
36. Why is the Ringling Brothers Circus so mind boggling?
Ans. Because it's in tents!
37. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Ans. Great food, no atmosphere.
38. What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop, clop,�clop?
Ans. An Amish drive-by shooting.
39. Why don't anteaters get sick?
Ans. Because they're full of anty-bodies!
40. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Ans. Because he was feeling a little crummy.
41. What do you call a Dr. of Proctology in the U.S. Navy?
Ans. Rear Admiral.
42. What kind of car does a Proctologist drive?
Ans. A Brown Probe.
43. Why Do You Go to Bed?
Ans. Because the Bed Won't Come To You.
44. What color is a burp?
Ans. Burple!
45. How do you get a kleenex to dance?
Ans. Put a little boogey in it.
46. What did Delaware?
Ans. She wore a brand New Jersey!
47. What is a tree's favorite drink?
Ans. Root beer!
48. What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Ans. You can chop beef, but you can't pea soup!
49. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Ans. Because They Have Big Fingers!
50. Why does Snoop Dog need an umbrella?
Ans. Fo Drizzle.
51. What did the big chimney say to the small chimney?
Ans. You are too little to smoke.
52. How do you make a bandstand?
Ans. Take away their chairs!
53. What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
Ans. A Post Office!
54. Did you know deer nuggets are cheaper than chicken nuggets?
Ans. Chicken nuggets are $1.49, but deer nuggets are under�a BUCK...
55. What do they call Santa's helpers?
Ans. Subordinate Clauses
56. What do you call Santa Clause after he's fallen into a�fireplace?
Ans. Krisp Kringle
57. Who sings "Love Me Tender" and makes Christmas toys?
Ans. Santa's little Elvis.
58. Which of Santa's reindeer's needs to mind his manners�the most?
Ans. Rude'olph
59. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?
Ans. A cookie sheet.
60. Which reindeer has the cleanest antlers?
Ans. Comet.
61. What is the cow's holiday greeting?
Ans. Mooooory Christmas.
62. What does Santa like to eat?
Ans. A jolly roll.
63. Where do Santa's reindeer like to stop for lunch?
Ans. Deery Queen.
64. If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
Ans. Missile toe.
65. How does Santa Claus take pictures?
Ans. With his North Pole-aroid.
66. What do you call the fear of getting stuck while�sliding down a chimney?
Ans. Santa Claus-trophbia.
67. What do elves learn in school?
Ans. The Elf-abet!
68. Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
Ans. Because every buck is dear to him.
69. What did Tarzan sing at Christmas time?
Ans. Jungle Bells
70. How did the boy Snake greet the Girl Snake on their date?
Ans. With just a little hiss.
71. Why did the tire have a nervous breakdown?
Ans. It couldn't handle the pressure
72, What did the judge say when a skunk wandered into the courtroom?
Ans. Odor in the court!
73. Who takes longer to get ready for a trip-an elephant or a rooster?
Ans. The elephant. He has to pack a trunk while the rooster only takes his comb.
74. What is the difference between the sun and a loaf of bread?
Ans.One arises in the east, the other rises from the yeast.
75. Why did the teacher ties the student's shoelaces together?
Ans. So they could go on a class trip.
76. Where do books sleep?
Ans. Under their covers
77. Why did the police talk to the burrito?
Ans.So it would spill the beans.
78. Why do sailors break up with their girlfriends?
Ans. They drift apart.
79. What do Hawaiian cows wear?
Ans. Moo Moos.
80. What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their baby girl?
Ans. Patty.
81. What do they call pastors in Germany?
Ans. German Shepherds.
82. Why did the baker hurl an insult at the bread dough?
Ans. To get a rise out of it.
83. Why did the boy put lipstick on before class started?
Ans. They were having a makeup exam.
84. Why did the baker hurl an insult at the bread dough?
Ans. To get a rise out of it.
85. Why did the boy put lipstick on before class started?
Ans. They were having a makeup exam.
86. What do call an actor who beats up people?
Ans. Gary Abusive.
87. Did you hear about the trampoline acrobat who became a private eye detective?
Ans. She wasn't too good. She kept jumping to conclusions.
88. Would Little Miss Muffet share her curds?
Ans. No whey.
89. Why did the priest giggle?
Ans. Mass hysteria.
90. How can you tell if a wolf is blonde?
Ans. It's chewed off three legs....the remaining leg is still in the trap.
91. What kind of tea does a camel drink?
Ans. Camel-mile
92. Why aren't elephants allowed on beaches?
Ans. They can't keep their trunks up
93. What do you call a quiz given to a convicted criminal?
Ans. A con-test
94. What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
Ans. Boo boos
95. What did Yogi Bear say when he got scratched by a thorn?
Ans. Hey, a boo boo.
96. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Ans. To show the armadillo that it was possible.
97. Why did chicken Jim Morrison cross the road?
Ans. To break on through to the other side.
98. What do you call two bicycles welded together?
Ans. Siamese Schwinns.
99. What are gas station attendant's favorite shoes?
Ans. Pumps.
100. Why would someone in jail like to catch the measles?
Ans. So he could break out.